[Emma H]

Hi Catherin,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful message — and for following along with my YouTube videos and taking the Peaceful Dreams course! I’m so glad it’s been helpful!

From what you’ve described, it sounds like your little one is currently falling asleep during her bedtime feed, then continuing to sleep in your arms before being transferred to the crib. This can work for a while, but as you’ve started to notice, it can cause difficulty when transferring her to the crib — especially if she stirs during the process.

The reason this is happening has to do with something called sleep pressure — one of the two systems that help drive sleep. When she initially falls asleep (especially in your arms), that sleep pressure begins to dissipate. Then, if she stirs or wakes up when being placed in the crib, she’s not as tired as she was when she first drifted off, which makes it harder for her to fall back to sleep without significant help — even with the settling pyramid.

For the settling pyramid to work well, it’s most effective when used before she falls asleep — ideally while she’s still awake but calm.

Now, since it’s so hard to keep babies from falling asleep during feeds, I was wondering if you would be happy to move the feed to the start of the bedtime routine? So it might look like this:

• Change into pajamas
• Offer her full feed in a brighter, more stimulating room (like the living room). This will help her stay more alert during the feed.
• If you notice she’s slowing down or just sucking without swallowing, gently pause the feed to wake her a bit — you can change her position or even do a quick diaper change mid-feed if needed.
• Once the feed is finished, move into the bedroom.
• Put her in her sleeping bag (if you use one), close the blinds, dim the lights,
• Sing a lullaby while you hold her in your arms
• Then lay her in the crib while she’s still awake but calm, and apply the settling pyramid if she needs some support falling asleep.

By simply moving the feed to the beginning of the bedtime routine, you’ll help ensure that her sleep pressure is still high when she’s placed in the crib. This makes it easier for her to fall asleep independently and allows the settling pyramid to be more effective if you need to use it. It should also reduce the overall time it takes to settle her to sleep.

Note: At this age, the “Watch and Listen” step can sometimes be a bit frustrating for babies if you’re doing it in the room — they can see you, but you’re not actively helping, which can feel confusing or upsetting for them.

One option is to try doing this step just outside the room while watching her on the monitor. If she calls out but there are pauses in between, give her a few minutes — it can take up to 20 minutes for babies to fall asleep. But if she’s calling out continuously with no pauses, that’s her way of saying she needs your help. In that case, go in and move up or down the settling pyramid as needed, staying in the room to support her until she falls asleep.

Does this sound okay?
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Didier and Elisa,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful update — it’s wonderful to hear that she’s taking longer naps again! That’s a big win and definitely a step in the right direction.

How have the last few mornings gone with the early wake-ups? Have they continued, or have you noticed any changes?

I also wanted to check — is she still room-sharing with you? If so, is anyone in the room getting up or moving around between 4:30 and 5:30 AM (e.g., going to the toilet, checking the phone, etc.)? Sometimes even subtle noises or light changes can cause little ones to stir, and if they’re nearing the end of a sleep cycle, it can be just enough to wake them fully.

If that’s not the case — and no external noise or disruption is waking her — then it’s worth considering that her early wake-ups may be linked to her overall sleep needs. Typically, if a baby is still tired at 4:30 or 5:00 AM, a feed or some contact will help them settle back to sleep. But since she isn’t responding to either, and you’ve already experimented with adjusting both bedtime and nap quality, it’s possible that her first nap is reinforcing the early start to the day.

That said, based on what you’ve described, it really sounds like she’s genuinely well-rested and waking for the day. The fact that she wakes up alert, vocal, happy, and ready to play — and doesn’t settle back down even with a feed or contact — suggests that she may simply be approaching her total sleep need over a 24-hour period, especially since she already has the ability to fall asleep independently.

Would you be open to gently capping her daytime naps for the next week to see if it helps her sleep later in the morning? You could aim for a total of around 3.5 to 4 hours of daytime sleep, which is still very appropriate for her age but slightly less than she’s currently getting. A sample structure might look like this:

• Nap 1 – 1.5 hours max
• Nap 2 – 1.5 hours max
• Nap 3 (catnap) – 30 minutes max

While doing this, it can also help to gradually shift her overall wake-up time and nap timings to gently reset her circadian rhythm. Since you mentioned she becomes distressed if left for too long in the crib in the morning (which is totally understandable), here’s a very gentle approach you could try over the next few days:

When she wakes early (e.g., at 5:00 AM), keep the room dark and try to soothe her quietly in your arms if she’s upset. If she’s just vocalizing and happy, you can leave her in the crib for a few minutes. Wait 10 minutes before turning on the lights and starting the day — including feeding. This delayed start will help shift her internal clock gradually.

For example:

• Day 1–3: If she wakes at 5:00 AM, soothe or wait quietly in the dark until 5:10 AM, then turn on the lights, begin the day, and offer her first feed.
• Day 4–6: Stretch that delay to 5:20 AM, and so on — moving in 10-minute increments every 3 days.
• For all naps, try to shift their start times slightly later too — for instance, if the first nap was at 7:00 AM, aim for 7:10 AM on day one, then 7:20 AM by day four, etc.
• The key is to keep bedtime consistent — ideally around 7:30 – 8:00 PM — regardless of what time she woke that morning.

And one more note — if she naturally wakes later (closer to 6:00 AM or beyond), that’s great! You wouldn’t need to wake her at 5:10 just to stick to the plan. Let her sleep, and just continue with the day as usual while keeping the bedtime the same.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Ekaterina,

Tummy time typically doesn’t cause neck pain, but there are a few things to look out for that might be worth discussing with your little one’s doctor.

For example, if she consistently fusses when feeding on one side but not the other — say, she’s uncomfortable when you hold her in your right arm for bottle feeding, but perfectly fine in your left — this could be a sign of some tightness or discomfort. Similarly, if her head always tilts to one side, or you’re unable to gently turn her head in the opposite direction, that’s also something worth mentioning to her doctor.

And of course, if you have any general concerns that she may be in pain, it’s always best to check in with your healthcare provider, who can assess her in person.

At 19 days old, your little one is also right at the start of what’s known as the Period of PURPLE Crying. If her fussiness tends to peak in the afternoon or evening, but she’s generally calm during the rest of the day, this could be the reason. It’s a completely normal developmental phase — though understandably tiring — and it does pass with time.

There’s actually a dedicated lesson on this topic in the course, which you might find helpful if you haven’t already had a chance to watch it. It includes practical strategies to use during this fussy period to make things a little easier for both you and your baby.

As for settling her to sleep: if she’s not enjoying contact naps right now, you could try swaddling her and laying her down in the crib instead. To make the transition smoother, you can settle her to sleep in your arms first (in the position she currently prefers), and then gently transfer her to the crib. In the course, I go through what to look for in a swaddle if you are interested and haven’t had a chance to watch it yet.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

How have the last few days gone for you and your little one?

Has her sleep started to settle a little, or are things still feeling just as tough?

From what you described, it sounds like it’s been a really challenging few days — and understandably so. Changes in sleep, feeding, and wake windows can feel overwhelming, especially when everything was going quite smoothly before.

If her sleep hasn’t improved, there are a couple of common reasons this might be happening. Let’s go through them one by one so we can start narrowing down what might be going on.

1. Could it be the early 4-Month Sleep Regression?

Even though it’s called the “4-month” regression, it can actually start as early as 10 to 12 weeks. What’s happening is that your baby’s sleep is maturing — she’s moving from newborn-style sleep (where there are just two basic stages) into more adult-like sleep cycles with lighter and deeper phases.

This shift can look like:

• Short naps (only 30–50 minutes) because that’s one full sleep cycle

• Night wakes every 1.5 to 2 hours, often like clockwork, at the end of each cycle

• Struggling to go back to sleep, even with your help like patting or feeding

If this sounds like your little one — and her night wakes are happening at a regular time, like every 90 minutes or so — almost like clockwork – then it’s likely the 4 month sleep regression. And the way to get her back to having longer stretches of overnight sleep is by helping her learn how to fall asleep in the SNOO or crib.

2. Or Could It Be Discomfort/Illness?

There were a few things in your message that made me wonder if something else might also be going on:

• She’s falling asleep very quickly while feeding

• Her wake windows are very short — sometimes just 10 or 20 minutes before she’s showing tired signs again

• You’ve noticed more liquid stools (alright you are right this could also be due to the fact that she is feeding more regularly)

These signs can sometimes point to temporary discomfort like a mild virus, tummy upset, or something else. If discomfort is the cause, you’d usually see:

• Wakes that aren’t regular — not every 90 minutes, but more random or unpredictable

• Crying that seems more intense or distressed

• A baby who’s more unsettled or fussy overall — not just during sleep, but also when awake

So if her wake windows are unpredictable – especially overnight – then the change in sleep patterns might be due to discomfort or illness. And her sleep should return to normal once she is well again.

Emma

[Emma H]

HI Giedre,

That’s wonderful—even a few nights of her staying asleep at bedtime is real progress! 🎉

It will be interesting to see whether tightening her wake‑up, nap, and bedtime windows helps her string those good nights together more consistently.

About her waking an hour in: you’re right that many babies stir at the end of their first sleep cycle because they haven’t yet learned to link cycles on their own—especially if at bedtime they have fallen asleep somewhere other than the crib (eg. in your arms or while feeding).

Another culprit can be the timing of when you enter the room. If you go in while she’s in a light‑sleep phase or transitioning between cycles, you may unintentionally rouse her.

If you suspect this is happening, check the baby monitor before you enter:

– Still and quiet: She’s in deep sleep—safe to go in.

– Moving or murmuring: She’s in light sleep—wait a few minutes for her to return to deep sleep before entering.

Another possibility is that her actual bedtime isn’t quite aligned with her sleep needs yet.

Once you’ve tried the tighter wake‑up, nap, and bedtime windows, let’s see whether her evenings smooth out and that one‑hour wake‑up fades away.

Let me know how it goes!

Emma

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Emma H.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Emma H.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

That’s wonderful that Maxi is happily napping in the co‑sleeper!

Please let me know how the strict two‑hour wake window before bedtime goes—and whether it leads to a longer first sleep stretch.

You mentioned you’re using the settling pyramid after his 30–45 minute “bedtime nap” and then holding him chest‑to‑chest to walk, shush, and rock. That’s completely understandable—after a short sleep, his sleep pressure is lower, so he needs more support to drift back off. So if he prefers to be held against your chest instead of being in the cradle hold that is completely fine – at this point do what works to get him back to sleep.

Ultimately, though, the goal is for him to learn to fall asleep in the co‑sleeper at the start of the night. Just to confirm: at the start of your bedtime routine, are you laying him down awake in the co‑sleeper and then using the settling pyramid?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Kate,

I’m so glad to hear she’s healthy, growing well, and sleeping solidly through the night—those are all wonderful signs that she’s thriving, even if a little muscle tightness makes being held uncomfortable sometimes.

You’re spot on that when she’s alert after a feed, offering her some free floor time is a great idea. Placing her under a play gym gives her the room to stretch, kick, reach, and wiggle—all of which supports muscle development and helps release any stiffness. Her fussiness in your arms may simply be her way of asking for more space to move and explore.

Regarding the muscle tension your midwife noticed, someone you might consider taking your little one to is a paediatric physiotherapist (AKA paediatric physical therapist). They are the ideal specialist to assess and treat any tightness. They can show you gentle stretches and activities tailored to your baby’s needs.

Hopefully, your baby gets some relief soon.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Giedre,

Thanks so much for all the extra detail—this really helps me understand where you’re at!

It’s great that you’ve been able to continue with the settling pyramid and that she responds well to the shushing in view. From what you recorded, it seems like she’s falling asleep within 4–10 minutes of being laid in the crib, which is pretty good. Typically, it’s not unusual for babies to take up to 20 minutes to drift off.

I just wanted to check: when she fell asleep in those 4–10‑minute stretches, did she stay asleep for that first stretch, or did she wake 20–40 minutes later and need you to hold her again? If she stayed asleep, it does sound like the up‑and‑down at bedtime has settled a bit – is that right?

You mentioned you’re finding it hard to read her tired cues and feel you might be missing them. At this age, it really can be simpler to follow a clock‑based schedule.

I think tightening up her nap and bedtime windows could make bedtime more predictable and easier for her to settle.

It looks like she tends to have a 2–2½‑hour nap, so I was wondering if you’d be happy to try the following routine for the next week and then let me know how it goes:

• 6:30–7:00 am: Wake
• 11:00 am: Nap
• By 2:00 pm: Wake (if she hasn’t woken on her own)
• 8:00 pm: Start bedtime routine
• 8:30 pm: Lay her down in the crib

If she seems sleepy before 8:00 pm, feel free to begin the wind‑down at 7:30 pm and aim to have her in the crib by 8:00 pm instead.

Also, because it stays light until around 9:00 pm, would you be happy to close the blinds and dim the overhead lights or switch to lamps (and pause any screens) from about 6:30 pm? That darker environment will cue her brain to start releasing melatonin—a natural sleep hormone— and this will make it easier for her to so fall asleep at bedtime. We’ll only use this until we discover her ideal bedtime, then adjust accordingly.

If she settles more quickly and stays asleep with this consistent nap‑and‑bedtime schedule, we can gradually move her bedtime earlier.

Does that sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It’s definitely possible that the frequent wake-up around 30–45 minutes after bedtime is related to Maxi’s wake window before bed not being quite long enough just yet. Often, that first stretch of nighttime sleep can resemble a daytime nap if there isn’t quite enough sleep pressure built up.

I was wondering if you think Maxi could tolerate a 2-hour wake window before bedtime? It might be worth trying to see if it helps him stay asleep for longer during that first stretch of the night.

And just to clarify — you mentioned earlier that there’s been some progress with his daytime naps (which is fantastic!). Is Maxi now napping in the co-sleeper and settling with the help of the settling pyramid if needed? Or are some (or all) of his naps still happening on your chest?

And finally, have you been able to get any success settling him in the crib at bedtime using the pyramid method?

Looking forward to hearing more!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Rita,

That’s wonderful to hear that she dropped the pacifier so easily — that’s a big step!

To answer your question: the key to improving both her overnight sleep and daytime naps is helping her learn how to fall asleep independently in the crib. Once she has this skill, she’ll be much more likely to resettle herself when she briefly wakes between sleep cycles — especially overnight, if she isn’t hungry.

Right now, she still relies on movement to fall asleep, which is why she wakes fully when that movement stops.

The fastest way for her to build this skill is simply through regular practice. If you’re able to give her the chance to fall asleep in the crib for both naps and bedtime, that means she gets around five opportunities each day to practice — compared to just one if you’re only focusing on bedtime.

You also mentioned that reducing the movement in the pram has led to shorter naps. That makes complete sense — she’s still in the process of learning how to settle and stay asleep without movement. So when the pram stops and she wakes after one sleep cycle, she likely doesn’t have the tools just yet to link those cycles.

If you’re okay with her having shorter naps for now, I’d recommend leaning into it — get her up when she wakes and simply start the next wake window. You may find she takes more frequent, shorter naps (maybe up to five) until she learns to fall asleep and stay asleep on her own.

But if you’d prefer to maintain two longer naps, one approach is to give her a few minutes when she stirs — just to see if she’ll settle herself — and if not, try using the pram version of the settling pyramid to help her link cycles.

You also mentioned that bedtime has become a bit tricky with the settling pyramid. We might need to look at the timing of her last nap to ensure she’s building up enough sleep pressure to fall asleep more easily. If she’s not tired enough at bedtime, even the most consistent routine won’t work.

Let me know the timing of that last nap, and we can tweak from there if needed.

Emma

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Holly,

I am sorry it has been difficult for you the past few days. Hopefully, the information below will make life a little bit smoother and easier (and your wrists can get a break!).

First, in terms of the overnight wake-ups — since this isn’t something that’s happening every night, and given how hard it was for her to settle recently, you could absolutely offer her a feed if you’re comfortable with it. A quick feed in that moment might be the easiest way to help her settle back down. At this stage, it’s very unlikely to create a new habit if it’s just used occasionally when she’s really struggling. Sometimes, just giving her what she needs in that moment helps reset the spiral and gives you both some peace.

Now in terms of her getting upset during nap and bedtime — it’s completely understandable that this would feel heartbreaking, especially after all the effort and progress you’ve both made. What you’re seeing is very common at this age. As babies get older, they start to recognize the cues that sleep time is coming, and sometimes that brings resistance. It’s not personal — and it’s not a sign that she’s upset with you specifically — it’s just that she’s learned the pattern and is protesting the transition, not the person.

That said, a small tweak to the routine can often help. One idea is to do the diaper change and put the sleep sack on outside the bedroom, and then spend a few minutes helping her calm down before you walk into the room. For example, you could walk around the living room with her or do some soft bouncing, then transition into the bedroom just for the final part of the routine. This can help reduce the strong association between you walking into the room and it being time for sleep — which might be where the resistance is building.

If you try that for a few days and it doesn’t help, we may want to start tracking her actual wake window — the time from when she truly wakes from a nap to when she actually falls asleep. If her wake windows are lengthening again (which is really common around this stage), she might be protesting because she’s not quite tired enough yet when you’re starting the wind-down.

You’re absolutely not doing anything wrong, and she isn’t rejecting you. This is just a tough developmental moment, and we’ll figure it out together.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Ekaterina,

It’s reassuring to hear that your little one is not favouring one side, can turn her head independently, and is comfortable feeding on either side. Those are all really positive signs and suggest that neck discomfort or stiffness is unlikely to be the issue.

At this age, it can definitely feel challenging to fit in playtime because wake windows are so short — often just enough time for a feed, a quick diaper change, and then it’s time to wind down again. The fact that she enjoys looking at high-contrast cards is fantastic — it’s actually one of the most developmentally beneficial forms of play for this stage.

From what you’ve described, it sounds like she’s been generally unsettled throughout the day, and this has only started quite recently. Would you say she seems uncomfortable most of the time, or does she settle during feeds and when she’s sleeping?

While the Period of PURPLE Crying can be intense, it typically occurs for just a few hours a day (usually in the afternoon or evening), peaking between 6–8 weeks. If she’s unsettled throughout the entire day, or even while asleep, this may point to something more than just the normal crying phase — such as discomfort, or another underlying issue.

It’s also worth checking how things are going with feeding and tracking her weight gain. If feeds are difficult or she isn’t gaining as expected, those could be contributing factors as well.

If she seems unsettled much of the time — even when feeding or sleeping — I’d definitely recommend speaking with your doctor (once they’re back from leave) or your midwife in the meantime. They’ll be able to assess things in more detail and help rule out anything medical.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Wow, Holly — that’s amazing to hear! I hope you’re feeling a little more rested and energised today!

Keep going with the naps — I expect that they will take a bit longer to come together because your little one is learning a completely new way of falling asleep, and during the day, sleep pressure alone is doing all the work. At night, it’s easier for her because both her circadian rhythm and sleep pressure are working together to help her fall — and stay — asleep, even if she briefly wakes.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Holly,

If your little one is waking from a nap and then feeding — but potentially sneaking in another short nap while feeding — that could be throwing off her routine more than it seems. It’s often tricky to spot because babies will continue to suck even if they’re no longer actively swallowing. But if she’s dozing off mid-feed, it may be resetting her true wake window — not from the time she woke up from the nap, but from when she finishes that little post-nap doze.

If you think this might be happening, here’s something to try:

When she wakes from a nap, instead of feeding her right away (especially if she still seems a bit sleepy), get her up and let her play for a few minutes in a bright room. This helps her fully wake up. Then, offer the bottle. If she starts to get drowsy during the feed, or you notice she’s sucking without swallowing, pause for a moment — change her diaper or shift her position to help wake her a bit — and then continue with the feed. This can really help ensure she’s taking a fuller, more alert feed, which in turn supports better sleep and wake rhythms.

If she wakes up clearly hungry and wants to feed straight away, that’s totally fine too. Just try to do the feed in a well-lit room, and keep an eye out for signs of her getting drowsy. And if she is getting drowsy just pause the feed to wake her slightly before continuing the feed.

Does that make sense?

Let me know how the 3–4 AM feed goes — I hope it helps everyone get a little more rest!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Giedre!

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my earlier questions — I really appreciate it.

It’s great to hear that her morning wake-up time has remained consistent and that she continues to sleep well during naps — those are really encouraging signs.

I just have a few more follow-up questions (sorry!) as I’m trying to determine whether the best approach would be to shift her bedtime earlier or to explore a technique called bedtime fading, which can help little ones relearn how to fall asleep more easily at night. When you have time, could you please answer the questions below?

Nap Routine

• You mentioned her nap starts sometime between 11:00 AM and 12:00 PM. Is there a reason for this variation? Would you be able to offer the nap at a consistent time each day, like exactly 11:00 AM, or is the timing dependent on her wake windows?

• Who usually puts her down for naps and bedtime? Is it always you, or do you do naps and someone else handles bedtime?

Bedtime Routine Details

From what you shared, I’m guessing her bedtime routine might look something like this:

• Optional bath

• Diaper change

• Pajamas

• Walk into the bedroom

• Close the curtains

• Turn on lullaby (is this instead of a white noise machine? And do you keep the lullaby on all night?)

• Read a book

• Sing a lullaby while rocking her

• Put her down in the crib

Does that sound right?

Also, do you include a feed before bedtime? If so, where does that feed fit into the routine?

Bedtime Timing & Response

• What time do you start the bedtime routine?

• What time do you typically lay her down in the crib?

When you first place her in the crib:

• What does she do?

• What do you do in response?

For example, do you lay her down, leave the room, and then return if she starts crying, using the settling pyramid until you end up picking her up and rocking her to sleep? Or do you lay her down, she protests, and you then hold, rock, or feed her, repeating this process until she eventually falls asleep around 9:30 PM?

Sleep Associations & Resistance

• You mentioned she sometimes falls asleep on her own with some help. Could you describe what that “help” looks like?

• Is 9:30 PM her consistent fall-asleep time, or does it vary? If it varies are you able to record the time that she wakes up from her nap, as well as, the time she falls asleep and stays asleep for the next 3 – 4 nights to try and identify her natural bedtime and wake window?

• When she resists bedtime, do you feel she’s actually tired but unable to fall asleep, or more wired and not yet ready for sleep? (For example, if you held her immediately after the routine, would she fall asleep quickly — or remain wide-awake?)

1 Nap vs 2 Nap Schedule

• You mentioned she was previously on a 2-nap schedule and that it pushed bedtime to 10 PM or later. Would you say that dropping to one nap has made her generally happier and easier to settle overall, or are things still just as challenging?

Evening Environment & Sleep Space

• In the lead-up to bedtime (e.g. after dinner), is the house environment already winding down — dim lights, quiet play? Or are the lights still bright and maybe a screen or TV on in the background?

• What time does it typically get dark outside?

• Is her crib in your room or in her own room?

• Does she sleep in the same sleep space (same room, same crib) for both naps and bedtime?

Sleep Aids & Earlier Bedtime Attempts

• Just checking — she’s not using a pacifier, right? I remember she didn’t take to one when she was younger, but just wanted to confirm.

• Lastly, you mentioned you tried an earlier bedtime. Could you let me know what time you tried, and what happened when you did?

Thanks again for taking the time to answer these questions— I know it’s a lot, but your answers will really help me suggest the most effective next step for both of you.

Thanks,
Emma