[Emma H]

Hi Echeta,

Firstly, a huge congratulations on the safe arrival of your daughter Elizabeth!

It’s great to hear she’s gaining weight and doing well at her check-ups.

I know it might not feel like much of a win at 12am, but that consistent midnight to 4am stretch is actually a really good sign. It shows her circadian rhythm is starting to influence her sleep. What usually happens over the next few weeks is that stretch gets longer and her bedtime gradually creeps earlier on its own.

The daytime naps you’ve described are very normal at this age too. Waking after 30 minutes to an hour is exactly what we’d expect at 6.5 weeks.

Something else you might have noticed is that she becomes more unsettled in the late afternoon and evening. If that is happening, it’s likely to be the Period of PURPLE Crying and there’s a video on this in the course that might help you get through this challenging time.

You asked whether it’s too early for any of this to resonate with a 6 week old, and the answer is that some of it will. Here are the four things I’d focus on right now.

1. Pick a wake-up time and stick to it

If you’d like to encourage her bedtime to shift earlier, you could try waking her to start the day at 7 or 7.30am. If you’re happy with an 8am start, that’s fine too.

Whichever you choose, just keep it within a 30 minute window. So if you stay with 8am, 8.30am would be the latest you’d let her sleep to.

2. Set up her sleep environment

Cool, dark and quiet room can make a real difference.

3. Start adding a little play, then a nap routine

At the moment, she’s likely following a wake, feed, sleep pattern during the daytime. What should happen is she’ll start to stay awake after some feeds (not all of them).

When that happens, do a little bit of play with her. Then when she starts to get restless or unsettled, it’s very likely she’s tired, and that’s your cue to start a nap routine.

You mentioned she prefers to be rocked before going into the swaddle. Something you could try is:

1. Pop the swaddle on out in the living room
2. Rock her slowly on your way to the bedroom while singing a lullaby
3. Once you’re in the darkened room, sing another verse
4. If she’s calm, lay her in the crib and try the settling pyramid
5. If she gets upset, pick her up and rock her again, but then slow the rocking right down so she falls asleep without the movement

That last step is the important one. Slowing the rocking down means she isn’t relying on movement to fall asleep, which makes the move to the settling pyramid much easier when she’s ready.

4. Keep overnight wakes in the same order

When she wakes overnight, try to follow the steps from the video on handling overnight wakes: wake, unswaddle, feed, change her nappy if needed, swaddle, then feed to sleep.

If she’s no longer pooping overnight, you can simply do wake, feed, sleep instead, as long as you feel comfortable with that.

Overall though, what you’re describing sounds very typical for this age, and her sleep should keep improving over the coming weeks.

I hope this helps.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Fay,

Thank you for such a detailed message – it really helps me get a clear picture of what’s going on. And I just want to say, what you’re describing sounds exhausting, especially when your whole day has to be planned around her naps.

If you could email the .csv file through to emma@brightestbeginning.com, (my team will pass it on to me) that would be great. Seeing her actual pattern will help a lot.

About the catnaps

What you’re seeing with those consistent 30 minute wakes is her sleep maturing and starting to look more like an adult sleep cycle – which is exactly what happens around this age. So she’s now waking fully at the end of a sleep cycle, which during the day is roughly every 30 to 45 minutes, and she hasn’t yet developed the ability to link one cycle to the next.

You’ve already tried the first thing I’d normally suggest here, which is going in before she rouses and resettling her – and it’s not working for her. That’s really common! Even that small amount of sleep takes the edge off her sleep pressure, so she often isn’t tired enough to go back down.

So for now, I’d encourage you to embrace the catnaps. That means:

• Expecting 30 to 45 minutes per nap
• Accepting that she’ll need more naps across the day
• Shorter wake windows than she’d have after a longer nap
• Getting her up when she wakes after one cycle, and starting the next wake window

And I promise this won’t be forever! As we work on helping her fall asleep on her own, and as she reaches the developmental point where linking sleep cycles becomes possible – usually around 5 to 6 months, sometimes earlier – her naps will start to lengthen.

A few things I want to reassure you about

The dummy – it’s completely fine that she’s not taking to it. Some babies just don’t, and that’s okay! It doesn’t need to be part of the plan.

Feeding overnight – also completely fine. I’m not going to ask you to stop feeding her when she wakes. What we want to focus on is helping her learn to fall asleep in the cot with as little input from you as possible. Once she has that skill, those night wakings usually start to drop off on their own.

The swaddle – you’re right! Now that she’s trying to roll, she does need to come out of the swaddle for safety. If she rolls while swaddled, she can’t use her arms to reposition herself or move her face away from the mattress. To make the transition gentler, if she is not yet rolling over, just start with one arm out for a few days, then free the second arm once she’s adjusted to the first.

A few follow-up questions

Before I can put a plan together for you, I just need to fill in a few gaps:

1. During the day, are you following a wake, feed, play, sleep routine? Or has it turned into more of a wake, feed, play, feed-to-sleep routine because she’s finding it so hard to settle?
2. Can you step me through what her nap routine looks like, and how you’re getting her to sleep for her naps? Sorry if I missed that in your first email!
3. When she feeds during the day, is she taking a good full feed? You mentioned she gets distracted – have you tried feeding her in a quieter room with the lights lowered to see if she’ll take a bigger feed?
4. Overnight when she wakes, are you following wake, feed, sleep? And is the room staying completely dark – so no night light at all, even for feeds and nappy changes?
5. Is she sharing a bedroom with you? And if so, does anyone in the room snore?
6. In herself, would you say she’s generally happy, well and content? Or does she seem unhappy a lot of the time?
7. Is she now able to roll over? If she is, is it from tummy to back, or back to tummy or both?

Sorry for the additional questions.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Fay,

Thanks so much for answering all of those questions – it’s given me a much clearer picture of what’s going on.

What’s driving most of this

At the moment she is falling asleep with your help – bouncing and shushing for naps, feeding for bedtime. When she stirs at the end of a sleep cycle and the bouncing has stopped, or she is in the cot rather than on you, she wakes fully and calls out for those conditions to be recreated. It’s similar to falling asleep in your own bed and waking up on the couch. That’s why she wakes 5-10 minutes after being put down, and it’s also behind a lot of the overnight waking.

Based on what you’ve shared, I’ve got a few suggestions for you.

Car trips

If you’re heading out when her nap is due, I’d think about offering a dummy in the car if you haven’t already. It can make the car trip a little easier for everyone, and it may help her fall asleep.

Her nap routine

It sounds like you’re doing a lovely job calming her down beforehand by walking around the house and singing that lullaby.

The one thing I’d change is where you put her sleeping bag on. Taking her into your room and putting her in it there is actually quite rousing, which works against all that lovely calming you’ve just done.

So instead, I’d try this:

1. Put her sleeping bag on and offer the dummy out in the lounge room.
2. Then walk around the house with her while you sing You Are MY Sunshine.
3. While she’s still calm, head into the bedroom and sing “You Are My Sunshine” one more time while you rock her in your arms.
4. Then start to gradually reduce what you’re doing. So if you’re rocking or bouncing, slow it down so that eventually you’re standing or sitting still and just patting her. Then stop the patting her and continue shushing her. Then stop the shushing and stay completely still.
5. Once she’s calm and still in your arms, lay her in the cot (and try the settling pyramid).

Aim for calm and awake, not drowsy

You don’t necessarily want her drowsy when you put her down. When they’re drowsy they’re often already halfway asleep, and that removes some of the sleep pressure that helps them settle. So calm and awake is what you’re aiming for.

Putting her down now that she’s rolling

Lay her in the cot on her back, and then let her find the position she’s comfortable in. That might mean she rolls onto her tummy, and if that’s the case, just let her sleep in that position – patting her bottom instead of her tummy when using the settling pyramid. Something you can also consider is immediately starting to pat her bottom (so starting at the top of the pyramid) and see if that helps her remain calm.

If she does choose to sleep on her tummy you just need to ensure that her sleep space is safe – so no loose blankets, pillows, cot bumpers or fluffy toys in the cot.

What you might also notice is that once she’s on her tummy, her hands naturally come up towards her face and she starts sucking on them to soothe herself to sleep. From there, you can apply the settling pyramid if she needs a bit more help.

Reading her tired signs

As you’ve noticed, her wake windows will change depending on how long she’s slept:

• After a short nap, her wake window will be relatively short – often only 45 minutes to an hour.
• After a longer nap, she might stay awake for up to two hours.

So when she starts to protest, I’d change the environment first. Take her into another room and see if that settles her.

• If it does settle her, she was most likely bored rather than tired.
• If she keeps fussing, that’s your sign she’s tired and it’s time to start the nap routine.

Her bedtime routine and feeding

This one depends on what her nights are looking like at the moment.

If she’s still having a big chunk of sleep at the beginning of the night, it’s completely fine to keep feeding her to sleep.

But if she’s consistently waking every two to three hours, including after that first stretch, then I would separate the feed from the bedtime routine. Here’s how:

1. Feed her at the very beginning of the routine, out in the lounge room where it’s nice and bright.
2. Stop the feed when you notice her sucking and swallowing start to slow down.
3. Then take her into the bedroom, put her in her sleeping bag, and go through the rest of your bedtime routine.

Just on that second step – it is really tricky to tell when they’ve fallen asleep at the breast, because they’ll keep sucking even once they’re asleep. The thing to watch for is her swallowing. When she’s swallowing less frequently, that’s your indication she’s drifting off, and that’s when you’d stop the feed.

The reason behind all of this is that if she falls asleep on the feed, some of that sleep pressure gets used up. Which then means it’s harder to settle her in the cot using the settling pyramid.

Timing

Since she’s going to sleep at 7pm, I’d move that feed to 6:15pm.

I’d also make sure her last nap of the day finishes at 5:30pm at the latest. And if you find she’s protesting bedtime, bring that forward again so her last nap finishes by 5pm at the latest for a 7pm bedtime.

Overnight feeds

Definitely keep feeding her overnight when she wakes – so that 12-1am feed and the 4am feed.

I’d even think about feeding her again at 5am if she wakes then, because it might help her fall back to sleep. Unfortunately, 5am wake-ups are challenging to resettle from, because sleep pressure is low by that point and her circadian rhythm is starting to encourage her to wake up. So it’s worth a try.

And I wouldn’t be concerned about adding an extra feed at this stage. Once she can fall asleep by herself at bedtime, those overnight feeds tend to drop off on their own anyway.

Does that seem doable?
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Fay,

I personally haven’t used the Zed crib rocker. From what I read it sounds like it’s a small device that sits on the mattress and sends car-like vibrations through the mattress surface.

Although I haven’t used one, I have answered your questions below.

Will it help link sleep cycles?

Not really, and here’s why. Linking sleep cycles is a skill, not something a product can do for your baby. Around 5.5 to 6 months, babies become developmentally capable of connecting cycles, but they’ll only do it consistently if they’ve learned to fall asleep on their own. When they partially wake between cycles, they look for the same conditions they fell asleep in. If they can recreate those conditions themselves, they drift back off. If they can’t, they call out for you.

Vibration falls into the same category as rocking, patting or holding. It’s an external soothing tool that you control, not a skill your baby owns.

Would they need it on all the time?

That’s the risk, yes. It’s the same concern I have with the SNOO. If your baby falls asleep to vibration, that becomes their sleep association. The Zed fades out after about an hour, so when they surface between cycles later in the nap or overnight, the conditions have changed and they’re likely to wake fully. You’d then be left either going in to switch it back on, or running it all night and needing to wean them off it later.

I hope this helps.
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leone,

The sleep regression may be due to several factors. To help me figure out why the sleep regression is happening, can you please answer the questions below? Sorry in advance, as I know you would be very busy with 2 under 2 years!

1. When did your little one drop to 1 nap per day?
2. What time does he wake up in the morning? And is this time consistent?
3. How does he fall asleep for naps and bedtime?
4. Can you step me through what his nap and bedtime routine looks like?
5. It sounds like he typically goes down for his nap at 12pm. What time does he wake from this nap?
6. What time is bedtime?
7. What time is he typically falling asleep at night?
8. Is his bedroom cool, dark and quiet?
9. When you say he is going through a sleep regression, do you mean he is waking overnight, as well as having a late bedtime?
10. If he is waking overnight, how many times is he waking and how are you getting him to fall back to sleep for these wakes?
11. Is he sharing the bedroom with anyone?

Sorry for all the questions.
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Naomi,

Firstly, congratulations on the arrival of your little one! I really hope you’re enjoying motherhood.

It’s great to hear he’s growing well and that his weight and height are tracking nicely. And well done on picking up his lactose intolerance and addressing it so quickly – that’s fantastic!

Waking after one sleep cycle

At three months, it’s really not uncommon for babies to wake after one sleep cycle. The fact that you’re able to get him back to sleep after that first nap is quite impressive! This happens because sleep pressure is what drives naps – and once they’ve had some sleep, that pressure reduces, which makes it harder to settle back down.

So if getting him back to sleep is working well for you, that’s wonderful! My only suggestion is that if he wakes after one sleep cycle and you’ve tried for around 20 minutes without success, you can just move on to the next wake window.

The wake-feed-play-sleep routine

You don’t need to follow this strictly. The main purpose of the routine is to reduce the chance he’ll fall asleep while feeding – because if he stays awake through the feed, it gives you the opportunity to use the Settling Pyramid to teach him to fall asleep independently.

So it’s okay if you’re not following it to the letter. What I’d encourage instead is that for most naps, you separate the feed from falling asleep. If he does need a feed just before a nap, try doing it a little earlier in the nap routine so he doesn’t drift off while feeding. And if he does fall asleep – that’s okay too!

It sounds like for that first nap of the day, he feeds when he wakes, which then gives you an opportunity to use the Settling Pyramid to help him fall asleep. You’ll likely be able to do the same at bedtime.

Encouraging longer naps and overnight sleep

The key here is teaching him to fall asleep independently using the Settling Pyramid.

I know you’re currently using it to help him move from that first nap into the second one. That can be a little trickier, because sleep pressure is lower by then, which makes the Pyramid harder to use successfully.

You’ll have much more success using it for that first nap when you put him down. So you’d go through your nap routine, lay him down awake, and then let him fall asleep in the crib with the support he needs in that moment from the Settling Pyramid.

Once he learns to fall asleep independently, you should start to see:

• Overnight: The first stretch of sleep at the beginning of the night will gradually lengthen, and as a result, those overnight feeds will start to drop off.
• Daytime: Around the five-month mark (sometimes slightly earlier), babies who can self-settle start to consolidate their naps by linking sleep cycles. For this to happen, his room ideally needs to be dark – that way, if he stirs between cycles and is still tired, he won’t get distracted by things in the room and can simply drift back off into the next cycle, giving you a longer nap.

Bedtime

At three months, a late-night nap isn’t unusual, and honestly, a bedtime of 8:30 or 9:00 is actually pretty good for his age!

If you’d like, you can start moving bedtime slightly earlier – by about fifteen minutes at a time. Just keep in mind that if you bring bedtime forward, you’ll also need to start waking him a little earlier in the morning. Babies generally sleep 10 to 12 hours overnight, so expecting him to go down before 8 and sleep until 8am would mean over 12 hours in bed, which isn’t very realistic.

As a guide:

• An 8pm bedtime might mean he wakes around 8am.
• A 7pm bedtime would mean waking him around 7am at the latest.

Morning wake time

When he wakes at 8, I’d recommend offering a feed – just a smaller amount is fine. This helps to start the day at a consistent time.

Mouthing his hands

At three months, it’s really common for babies to start putting their hands in their mouths – simply because they can! As you’ve noticed, they find it tricky to hold toys at this age, but they can get their hands to their mouth.

It sounds like he has a bit of a head preference, turning towards one side and then chewing his right hand. It’s great that you’re rotating his head as much as you can – keep that up, along with offering teething toys and practising grasping.

At around four months, he’ll start to be able to hold toys a little more. The Oball is a fantastic toy to start with, as it’s easy for them to grasp and mouth – so if you don’t have one, it’d be a great one to add.

As he starts bringing his hands to the midline and playing with toys, the toy-mouthing may begin to replace the hand-mouthing. That said, if he finds sucking his hand soothing, it might be something he continues to do. Most children do outgrow it over time – and if he becomes a thumb-sucker, this usually resolves somewhere between two and four years of age.

I hope this helps,
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Fay,

It sounds like it’s been a rough few weeks – illness can really disrupt sleep.

Before I give you some strategies, could you please update me on the following:

1. Illness – Is she better now, or is she still unwell (still coughing)?
2. Her current day – Please let me know:
   • What time she wakes in the morning
   • What time each nap starts and how long it lasts
   • What time she’s falling asleep at night. I know bedtime has been tricky and she’s taking a while to settle – I’m after the time she actually falls asleep and then stays asleep for a stretch.
3. Rolling – Now that she’s rolling, has she started sleeping on her tummy?
4. Settling in your arms – Have you been able to slow down the movement so she falls asleep while you’re completely still?

Why her naps are longer on you

It’s quite common for bubs to sleep longer on us. When they stir between sleep cycles, we naturally bounce, rock or shush, which lulls them back to sleep.

The downside is that these naps usually aren’t as restful. Our movement and noise mean she has to work harder to block things out. It’s a bit like sleeping next to your partner – when they move or make a noise, you stir, and your sleep isn’t as deep as it would be on your own.

I’m not suggesting you stop contact napping, especially if you’re enjoying them. I just wanted to explain why her naps are longer on you than in the cot.

Speak soon,
Emma

[Emma H]

Yep, you can keep editing them I think.

[Emma H]

Hi Fay,

That is such good news! It sounds like she’s made some great gains over the past week.

Settling her now she’s out of the swaddle

It is a bit tricky when they’re no longer swaddled, as they do start to rub their face and can become a little active.

What you can do is, when you lay her down in the crib, place one hand over her hands so you gently pin her arms to her body – or hold them out to the side. There are a few ways to do this:

• Place one of your hands across both of hers, spreading your fingers so your thumb rests on one hand and your little finger on the other. Because she’s still so small, one hand will span her chest and hold both arms down.
• Or use one hand on her left side and the other on her right.
• Or hold her hands against her body with one hand and pat with your other hand.

The only trade-off is that if you’re using both of your hands to hold her arms, you won’t quite be able to pat at the same time.

The dummy

It’s great that she’s started to take it during the wind down and that it’s helping to soothe her.

To answer your question – under six months of age, sucking on a dummy is completely fine. What you might find is that she prefers to suck on her fingers, and that becomes her go-to way of learning to self-soothe.

The thing to be aware of is if she comes to rely on the dummy to fall asleep. If that’s the only way she knows how to get to sleep, then when it pops out and she wakes briefly between sleep cycles, she’ll need it back in to resettle. That’s what can lead to a pattern of waking every few hours overnight.

Given it is helping her soothe, here’s what you could do:

• Keep using it during the day. When you notice she’s getting a bit fussy, definitely pop it in – even if it’s during wake time.
• Use it in the nap and bedtime routines. As it’s getting closer to nap time, if she’s not sucking on it, pop it in then and complete your routine – the lullaby, walking her in your arms, the whole thing.
• Take it out just before she falls asleep. Once she’s in the crib and you’re applying the settling pyramid, slip your little finger into the corner of her mouth, past the dummy, and flick it out.

For some babies, they’ll then complete that final step and fall asleep without it. For other babies, it just wakes them up and you start the whole process again.

If that’s the case with your little one, have a think about what you’d like to do. You can either:

1. Continue to use the dummy in the lead-up only – so in the nap routine – and take it out when you’re settling her to sleep with the settling pyramid, or
2. Continue to use the dummy throughout the whole thing, including getting her to sleep, and not worry about it, if it means she’s not waking every few hours overnight.

The bedtime routine and that bedtime feed

It does sound like that final feed potentially isn’t working as well, in that she’s waking a few hours after it and then waking every two to three hours and needing resettling.

So I do think it’s a good idea to separate that feed out and move it to the beginning of the bedtime routine if possible, and then use the settling pyramid.

The main reason I’m thinking that is because when she’s feeding for 40 minutes to an hour, that’s a really long time to be feeding. What I’m wondering is whether she’s actually falling asleep during that feed, rather than feeding as such.

Her nap timings

I’d agree that it’s probably better to move her fourth nap earlier so that it actually finishes earlier. The easiest way to do this is by moving her wake-up time to 7am, this will mean that her first nap will always happen at 9am and all the other naps will shift to an earlier time.

Ideally, if she’s got a 6:45pm bedtime, you’d want her awake for 1.5 hours before bedtime – even 2 hours if she can manage it. So you’d want that last nap to really finish by 5pm at the latest.

Then once she’s up at 5:

• She might do a play first rather than you feeding her straight away
• Then you do the feed
• Then the rest of the routine

Keeping an eye on how she’s feeding

While she’s feeding, watch her swallowing. If it starts to slow down, that’s an indication she’s falling asleep.

If that happens and you feel like she hasn’t had enough to eat yet, what you can do is go and change her diaper at that point just to wake her back up, and then put her in her sleep suit. Once you’ve finished that, you’d feed her again. Then when you notice she’s swallowing less frequently, you’d stop that feed and complete the settling pyramid.

I’m not sure why she might be so grumpy, but I do think it’d be worth just trying those things and seeing if that helps.

Travel

Getting somewhere that’s five hours away can be a little challenging! It’s great that she likes the dummy now, because you could use that on the train just to help soothe her.

It really depends, but if she’s happy to suck that dummy and she’s falling asleep when she’s tired in the carrier on you, then it’s fine to do the travel during a nap time – so time it over a nap if you can.

I also think your idea of travelling at night time is a great one, because she can sleep in the car or on the train, and she’s going to be more likely to do so.

Once you get there

It would be fantastic if you keep that same sleep routine – the same nap routine and bedtime routine.

Try to keep the environment cool, dark and quiet for her too. Taking portable blackout blinds is often a great idea, along with a white noise machine, just so you can recreate that environment that’s conducive to sleep and make it easier for her to fall asleep somewhere different.

Also, just be aware that when you do go to a different environment, it’s not unusual for babies to take a day or two to settle back into their routine as they get used to it.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leone,

It’s so good to hear you’re all feeling better, and that he’s settling well at bedtime again!

About the language burst

If you’ve noticed he finds it harder to fall asleep when he’s going through a burst in his language skills, the two could definitely be linked. The good news is it usually settles down within a week or two. So just keep his bedtime routine nice and consistent, and he should get back on track.

If it keeps happening

Something that might help is jotting down a few things each day for a week or two:

• The time he wakes in the morning
• The time his nap starts
• The time he wakes from his nap
• The time he falls into a deep sleep at bedtime (so the point where you can lay him down and he keeps sleeping)

After a week or two you’ll be able to see how much total sleep he needs in 24 hours, and how the timing and length of his nap is affecting bedtime.

The other thing worth trying is helping him learn to fall asleep in his crib, rather than in your arms.

You’d still do his usual bedtime routine. But instead of holding him until he’s asleep, you’d lay him in the crib and use the settling pyramid to help him fall asleep. This can really help with those late bedtimes.

That said, if you’re happy with how things are at the moment, that’s completely okay too!

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leone,

I’m so sorry for the late reply, somehow I missed your message!

I’m also sorry to hear you’ve all been unwell. Hopefully everyone is on the mend now. Has his sleep started to settle back down?

If it hasn’t, it’s worth working out what’s driving it, because a regression can be caused by a few different things:

A sudden change – like a new sibling arriving, moving house, or a change in routine.

Illness or pain – with these, the overnight wakes tend to be unpredictable. So he might wake after 30 minutes, then 2 hours, then 1 hour.

A sleep association – these wakes are usually very predictable, almost like you could set a timer by them. So he might wake every 2 hours, or sleep for a solid 5 hours at the start of the night and then wake every 2 hours after that.

A scheduling mismatch – for example, his day nap ran long and pushed bedtime later.

Learning a new motor skill – like learning to walk.

From what you’ve described, it sounds like the sudden change or a scheduling mismatch are the most likely causes. It also sounds like he’s generally sleeping through the night (aside from the occasional wake), and it’s actually falling asleep that’s the challenge.

To help me work out which one it is, could I ask you a few things?

1. At 8:30pm, is he falling asleep and then waking on and off until 10pm, when he finally settles into a deeper sleep? Or is he awake and playing the whole time and simply not falling asleep until 10pm? If he’s falling asleep and then waking repeatedly, it points more towards a sleep association or a scheduling mismatch. If he’s not falling asleep at all until 10pm, it’s more likely to be scheduling.
2. Do the later bedtimes tend to happen on the days he’s had a longer nap?
3. Or do they happen on the days he’s woken up earlier than usual? Sometimes when they’re overtired, it can actually make it harder for them to fall asleep.

I’m also assuming his day looks something like this, but let me know if I’ve got it wrong:

• 7am – wakes up
• 12pm – nap
• 1 or 3pm – wakes from nap
• 8/8:30pm – bedtime

Sorry for all the extra questions! I just want to get a clearer picture, as my advice will change depending on what’s causing it.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Charlotte,

Thank you so much for answering all my questions!

From everything you’ve described, it does sound like he has a feed-to-sleep association, and that’s what’s causing the increased wakes overnight. There are a few things I’d love for you to try.

1. Shift his wake-up time (or his bedtime)

At the moment he’s going down around 6:45-7:00pm and waking anywhere from 7:30-8:00am. If he’s asleep by 7:00pm and waking at 8:00am, that’s over 13 hours in bed. Babies typically have 10-12 hours of sleep overnight, so I’m wondering if you could bring his wake-up time forward to somewhere between 6:30 and 7:00am. Babies do tend to be early risers! This would mean his first nap might land around 8:30-9:00am.

Now, if you’d prefer he sleeps in a bit later, that’s completely fine too – you’d just shift his bedtime later instead, so he’s not spending over 13 hours in bed. Either way, the goal is to aim for 10-12 hours of overnight sleep.

2. Move his feed earlier in the wake window

I know you’re finding it hard to follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine, and that makes total sense. If he’s feeding to sleep, then when he wakes from a nap he’s not necessarily hungry, because his last feed wasn’t that long ago.

What you could try instead is letting him play for 30 minutes after waking from a nap (I’m assuming he’s happy at that point because he’s not hungry), and then offer him a feed.

The reason this helps is that when a feed is part of the sleep routine, it’s very easy for them to drift off without you even noticing, because they keep sucking. Usually a baby will suck, swallow, suck, swallow – but as they get drowsy, they keep sucking while the swallowing slows right down. That’s your signal they’re falling asleep. By moving the feed earlier in the wake window, you reduce the chance he falls asleep while feeding, which means:

• When you use the settling pyramid later for that nap, it’s more likely to work, because he’ll be genuinely tired.
• You avoid reducing his sleep pressure. Sleep pressure is what drives daytime naps – it’s the thing that makes them sleep during the day. If he has even a really short nap while feeding, it takes the edge off that sleep pressure. What can then happen is he fights the nap, and you end up defaulting to feeding him to sleep because it’s soothing and gets him down.

A little tip for the feed itself: around four months, babies get very distracted by their environment – they just want to look at everything, and it can really interfere with feeding. So if he’s not feeding well out in the living room, try taking him somewhere a bit duller and slightly darker, with less going on. With fewer distractions, he’s often more likely to settle in and actually feed.

3. If he still needs a feed as part of the nap routine

If you find he simply won’t take a feed after that play time, and you do need to feed him as part of the nap routine, that’s okay – just try to do it at the start of the routine rather than the end.

Here’s how:

• Do the feed out in the living room (or another busy, bright room). The light and stimulation will help keep him awake and stop him from falling asleep while feeding.
• Watch his sucking and swallowing. As soon as the swallowing slows down, that’s your cue he’s getting sleepy – so stop the feed there.
• At that point you might sit him up and burp him to rouse him a little. If he hasn’t had enough, pop him back on to finish. If he’s had enough, end the feed there.
• Then head into his room and carry on with your usual routine – and after singing the lullaby lay him down in the crib awake and use the settling pyramid to help him fall asleep.

4. If the settling pyramid feels like too much in the moment

If you place him down awake and he gets upset, and you know he’s tired but you just don’t have the energy to keep going with the settling pyramid – that’s completely okay. Instead, you can settle him to sleep in your arms with rocking.

The idea here is that because he’s used to falling asleep on a feed, we swap the feed for rocking first, and then gradually fade the rocking out so he learns to fall asleep without movement. Once he’s comfortable with that, you can move on to the settling pyramid. Here’s how the rocking technique works:

• Sing your lullaby while rocking him slowly and rhythmically in your arms.
• Once the lullaby finishes, keep rocking and add in some patting.
• If he’s staying calm, slow the rocking down while you continue patting.
• Then stop the rocking, then gradually stop the patting, and just stand still – letting him fall asleep in your arms.
• Once he’s asleep, transfer him into the crib to continue sleeping.

Once he’s used to falling asleep this way, without movement, you can then progress to placing him in the crib wide awake and using the settling pyramid.

A note on timing and expectations

It sounds like you’re already having a fair bit of success with the settling pyramid, especially overnight – that’s fantastic! Generally, babies fall asleep more easily in the first half of the night, so the settling pyramid tends to work best then. As the night goes on, their sleep pressure drops and their circadian rhythm starts nudging them towards waking, so it can be trickier to use the pyramid at those points.

In terms of which naps to focus on: bedtime and that first nap of the day are usually the easiest times to use the settling pyramid or the rocking technique, so start there. If you’re up for it, try the second nap as well. That third nap of the day is often the hardest, so if you need to completely rock or feed him to sleep for that one, that’s absolutely fine.

Does this sound doable?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Charlotte,

Thanks so much for such a detailed message – it really helps to have all this context!

First off, I want to reassure you that his daytime routine sounds great! His wake windows, nap lengths, and the overall structure of his day are all really age-appropriate. There are a few small tweaks we can make, but you’ve laid such a solid foundation here.

Now, from what you’ve described, this does sound like a sleep association is at play. Here’s why:

His wake-ups are happening at very consistent times – so consistent that you could almost set a clock by them! And that’s actually a really helpful clue. If he were waking randomly at different times each night, that would point more towards something like pain or discomfort. But because he’s waking so predictably, right around the times he’d be moving between sleep cycles, it suggests he’s waking as one sleep cycle ends and then needing help to link into the next one. And the way he’s currently going back to sleep (with a latch or feed) tells us that feeding has likely become the way he knows how to fall back asleep.

So the frequent wake-ups aren’t because he can’t physically sleep through – it’s more that he hasn’t yet learnt how to link those sleep cycles together on his own, without the feed to help him.

Before I give you some specific strategies though, I just want to ask a few clarifying questions to make sure we’re on the right track:

• Naps: You mentioned that the first and second naps are around 1.5 hours – 2 hours in duration. To get that length of time asleep, are you laying him down in his crib for his naps and then he’s sleeping that whole stretch on his own? Or are you doing contact naps, where you’re carrying him for the whole nap? Or are you going in and resettle him part way through the naps?
• Falling asleep for naps and bedtime: Can you talk me through exactly how he falls asleep? You mentioned he’s mostly still awake when you put him down, which is great! But I’d love to know – when you feed him as part of the routine, are you sitting down, or standing and rocking him while he feeds? And if he doesn’t need a feed, how are you settling him? Or is a feed always a part of the sleep routine at some point?
• The pyramid method: And you mentioned it works well once he’s had enough milk – I just want to understand when the feed is happening in relation to putting him down.
• Overnight wakes: When he wakes, are you changing his nappy at all, or just keeping the room dark, offering a feed, and laying him back down?
• The 4-5am wake: You mentioned that a few times a week he seems wide awake and refuses to latch at this time. When this happens, roughly how long is he awake for? And does he eventually settle, or is he up for the day?
• Start of the night: Do you notice he sleeps a longer stretch at the very beginning of the night, and then the wakes become more frequent as the night goes on?

Once I have answers to these, I’ll be able to give you some really targeted strategies to help him start linking those sleep cycles on his own – which is exactly what we need for him to sleep through!

Emma

[Emma H]

Sounds great Catherin! Let me know how it goes!

[Emma H]

Hi Catherin,

Sorry to hear she’s been unwell lately – it’s great that she’s starting to feel better!

In regards to the early waking, here’s what I’d suggest:

When she wakes early, try to delay the start of her day if you can. So keep her in her room with the lights off, even if it’s just for 15 minutes. This helps reinforce that it’s still sleep time.

But if you find she keeps waking this early, it’s worth tracking her wake-ups over a week or so. If she’s consistently waking at the same early time, it might be a sign that you need to shift her official wake-up time to be slightly earlier to match what her body is doing.

I hope this helps!

Emma