[Emma H]

Hi Benjamin,

It’s great that you’ve got a great sleeping environment to help for your little one at home.

Unfortunately, getting them to sleep in busy environments can be really challenging and that’s the case for all babies, regardless of how good their sleep setup is at home. There’s just so much going on around them that it’s hard for them to settle down and drift off.

So it’s not that you’ve “accustomed” him to a perfectly dark, quiet environment. It’s more that these busier environments are genuinely difficult for all little ones to fall asleep in. What tends to happen is they need to be quite tired before they’ll nap on the go, and sometimes you need to move away from the stimulating environment to somewhere a bit quieter so they can actually fall asleep.

Letting him sleep in a dark, quiet environment at home is absolutely the right thing to do, so definitely keep that up! But here are a few things that can help make naps on the go a little easier:

• Replicate his nap routine as much as possible. Even when you’re out, go through the same steps you’d normally do before a nap. If he wears a sleeping bag, pop that on too.
• Try a pram with a bassinet attachment. Lying flat can make it much easier for little ones to fall asleep when you’re out and about.
• Baby wearing can also work really well. You can position their head to help block out visual stimulation, and shush gently near their ear to help mask the surrounding noise, you essentially become their white noise! You can also pair this with gentle bouncing in an up-and-down motion, which is really calming for little ones. You only need to do this until they fall asleep.

To give you more specific advice though, I just have a few questions:

1. How is your little one currently settling to sleep for naps and bedtime? Is he being fed to sleep, or are you using a different approach?
2. Do you have a nap routine that you’re already doing with him? If so, can you walk me through what that looks like?
3. When you’re out and about, where are you trying to get him to nap in a baby carrier, a pram where he could lie flat or in a pram where he was sitting up, or in your arms?
4. Do you have a preference for how you’d like him to nap when you’re out? Also, do you have a baby carrier or a pram where he can lie down?

Once I know a bit more, I can give you some more tailored strategies!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Santiago,

I’m so sorry for my delayed response! I somehow missed your post.

Before I provide some suggestions, I’ve got a few questions. You’ve given a lot of helpful information already, but there are a few more details I’d love to understand so I can give you the best advice.

1. Her general mood during the day. You mentioned she escalates to crying quite quickly. After a feed during the day, is she generally quite happy and it’s only when she gets tired that she gets a bit upset? Or do you find she’s always upset and just appears uncomfortable or generally unhappy?
2. The daytime routine. Your wife is feeding her every 1.5 hours during the day, so I’m guessing you haven’t quite been able to implement the wake, feed, play, sleep routine yet. Is it more like wake, feed, play, feed, sleep?
3. Self-soothing with her hands. Since she’s been bringing her hands to her mouth and you’ve stopped swaddling, have you noticed her starting to suck on her fingers to self-soothe?
4. Bedtime and wake time preferences. Her wake-up time is between 7:30 and 8:00, with bedtime around 9:00 to 10:00. Would you like bedtime to be a little earlier? And if so, would you be happy to move her wake-up time to an earlier slot as well?
5. The 40-minute waking. It sounds like she’s going to sleep around 9:00 and waking up 40 minutes later. Sometimes disturbances can cause these early-night wakings. Has anything happened around the 40-minute mark, either before or just after, that might have stirred her? For example, someone entering the room, or a loud noise from a room next door?
6. Her daytime naps. How long is she generally staying awake between naps? And is that first nap starting to happen at a consistent time?
7. How she’s actually falling asleep. You mentioned the settling pyramid has been helpful, which is great! But I wanted to clarify exactly how you’re getting her to sleep at the moment. Have you been able to implement the pyramid, or are you currently rocking her to sleep in your arms or is your wife feeding her to sleep and then laying her down?
8. Sleep Environment. Can you please describe her sleep environment? So for example, is the bedroom cool, dark (dark enough that you wouldn’t be able to read a book), and quiet? Is she sharing a room with you and your wife overnight sleeping in a crib, or is she co-sleeping or in her own room? During the day, is she napping in a crib, on you, or in the baby carrier?

About the pacifier

Around 5 to 6 months of age, the way to improve naps (by lengthening them) and improve overnight sleep is to develop your little one’s ability to fall asleep independently.

Sometimes the pacifier works really well because you can pop it in, they fall asleep, and they’re not bothered when it falls out. But for some babies, when the pacifier falls out during sleep, they wake up, which results in shorter naps and more frequent wakings overnight. It sounds like that might be what’s happening with your little one.

There are a few options we can look at for reducing her reliance on the pacifier to fall asleep. But first, I’d love to hear your answers to the questions above so I can get a clearer picture of what’s going on, particularly around how she’s being settled to sleep, and how we can tweak things if needed to help build that self-settling skill.

Looking forward to hearing back from you!

Emma

[Emma H]

HI Cherry,

Wow, 12 weeks already! Time really does fly!

Your approach to settling her for naps sounds really great. Doing your nap routine, putting her in the crib, placing your hand on her chest for a count of ten, then taking it away and moving away from her and letting her drift off by herself – is a bit like your own modified settling pyramid, and it’s definitely going in the right direction. Keep doing that!

The one thing to be wary of is if she’s really drowsy when you put her down, meaning she’s actually falling asleep in your arms before she even gets to the crib. But it doesn’t sound like that’s what’s happening. It sounds like she’s cooing and sucking her hands when you first lay her down, and then falling asleep, which tells me she’s fully awake when you put her down.

A consistent daytime schedule is fine at this age, if that works well for both of you.

Bedtime and overnight sleep

Moving bedtime forward was definitely the right move! It’s fantastic that she’s now doing a solid four to six hour stretch at the start of the night. What tends to happen is they have that long stretch early in the night and then wake more regularly later on, which is completely normal.

I wouldn’t recommend a dream feed at this stage, because we really want to encourage and protect that first long stretch of sleep she’s already doing so well.

It also makes sense that she’s waking a little earlier now. Previously, with a 10:30 pm bedtime, she was sleeping until around 8:00 am — that’s roughly 9.5 to 10 hours overnight. Now that bedtime has shifted earlier by about an hour, her wake-up time has naturally shifted earlier too. Unfortunately, for most babies, their natural wake-up time tends to fall between 6:00 and 7:00 am, they’re just early risers.

Since you’ve only just started shifting her bedtime forward, I’d give it a little more time before drawing any firm conclusions. If she consistently wakes at 6:00 am, that may simply be her preferred wake-up time. In that case, something like an 8:00 pm bedtime and a 6:00 am wake-up would give her around 10 hours overnight, which fits her pattern well.

Is she getting enough sleep overall?

The best gauge is how she seems when she’s awake. If she’s happy and content during the day and doing that nice long stretch overnight – only waking once for a feed and then sleeping through to wake-up time – that tells us she’s getting enough sleep for her needs right now. If you find she’s consistently irritable during the day, or staying awake for long stretches during the night, it might mean she needs a little more sleep, and we can look at options for that if needed.

I hope that helps!
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Benjamin,

It sounds like the stroller might be a great option for when you’re out and about, given that he’s already 9 kilos.

To get to the point where naps outside are a bit easier, it would be helpful to help him learn how to fall asleep on his own. I have outlined how you can work on this skill at home below.

For naps, what you’d want to move towards at this point is following a wake, feed, play, then sleep routine.

What tends to happen when you follow a wake, feed, play, feed, sleep routine is that they get used to falling asleep while feeding, or they might have a little micro nap during the feed. It’s really hard to tell when this happens because they’ll still suck, but the swallowing becomes less frequent and that’s a sign they’re falling asleep.

If they do fall asleep while feeding and you go to transfer them and they wake up, it’s then more of a struggle to get them back to sleep. This is because they’ve already had that micro nap, so their sleep pressure is lower, they’re not tired enough to fall asleep again. You end up having to work a lot harder for it, and the settling pyramid just won’t work very well in that situation.

At five months of age, he should be able to follow this wake, feed, play, sleep pattern.

It sounds like you have recently started to follow this pattern – as you’ve been following his tired cues, walking around with him in your arms without feeding him, shushing and rocking him until he falls asleep, and then putting him into the sleep sack and hoping for the best! That is a progression from feeding him to sleep, which is great.

But for the settling pyramid to work, and for your little one to start having longer naps during the day, we need to give him the opportunity to fall asleep in the cot.

The way to do this is by just tweaking your nap routine slightly. Here’s what I’d recommend:

1. When you see those tired cues, go into the bedroom and close the blinds
2. Turn on the white noise machine
3. Put his sleep sack on
4. Walk around the bedroom in the darker environment while you sing him a lullaby
5. When the lullaby finishes, if he’s calm, go straight to putting him down in the cot and use the settling pyramid

If that feels like too big of a jump, you could take a more gradual approach:

1. Stop walking around but continue shushing and rocking him in your arms
2. Then slowly stop rocking and just continue shushing
3. Then stop shushing, so he falls asleep in your arms without any movement or noise
4. Once he’s settled, transfer him into the cot

The thing with this gradual approach is that he’s still falling asleep in your arms. So there is a chance that when he wakes on the transfer, or when he wakes between sleep cycles (which is around the 30-minute mark), he’s going to wake up fully because you’re no longer there and he’s in a totally new environment. But this gradual approach can make it easier to transition to using the settling pyramid when you’re ready.

For overnight sleep, you’ve mentioned that he’s now waking every two hours and sometimes every hour. The reason behind this is most likely because he’s falling asleep while feeding. When he wakes between sleep cycles overnight – which generally lengthen and can be anywhere from 90 minutes to 2 hours – he’s calling out for your wife to feed him again to help him fall back to sleep.

To encourage longer stretches of overnight sleep, we also want to give him the opportunity to fall asleep in his cot independently.

Again, the way to do this is by tweaking the bedtime routine. Here’s what I’d suggest:

1. Feed him downstairs in a brightly lit room. If he starts to slow down his sucking or pauses, stop the feed, hold him upright, and maybe burp him – just to wake him back up a little – then finish the feed
2. Make sure he’s still awake after the feed
3. Give him a bath
4. Go into the bedroom, put on his sleep sack, close the blinds, and turn on the white noise machine
5. Walk around the room while you sing a lullaby
6. When the lullaby finishes, if he’s calm, go straight to using the settling pyramid or use the gradual approach I described above

To make this more successful, bedtime is generally the easier time to use the settling pyramid because you have the circadian rhythm and sleep pressure working together. But just to make sure that sleep pressure is nice and high, could you let me know:

• What time he wakes up in the morning, and whether that timing is consistent?
• What time he’s generally having his naps, and particularly what time his last nap finishes?
• What time bedtime is?

Once I have that information, I’ll be able to see if we need to tweak the routine slightly or extend that final wake window so that sleep pressure is high at the end of the day, making it easier for him to settle in the cot.

For sleeping outdoors, once he can independently fall asleep on his own, you can start using his nap routine before he needs to nap out and about. Then you’d lay him in the pram and use movement to help him fall asleep. I’d face the pram away from stimulation if possible, so rather than people walking past, he might be looking at a wall or some trees, but nothing too distracting like people or animals that could keep him awake. Then just rock the pram gently to help him drift off.

Does that make sense?
Emma

[Emma H]

No worries at all Leone. Let me know how you go and we can adjust/tweak as needed.

[Emma H]

Hi Leone,

It’s great to hear that he’s putting on weight!

It’s great that you’ve already got a consistent wake-up time for your little one. What you’re describing – where he sleeps a lot of the day – is pretty typical for a four-week-old. What you should notice is that he starts to have longer and longer periods of wakefulness after a feed during the day as he gets a bit older. This tends to emerge around six to eight weeks of age, so it’s great that you’re already noticing he’s starting to be more awake for about two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon!

The other thing you’re going to notice at this age is a ramping up of that fussy behaviour – the cluster feeding and unsettledness in the afternoons and evenings. This is the period of PURPLE crying, which is often referred to as colic. It typically starts to appear around two weeks, ramps up and peaks at six to eight weeks, and then starts to decrease. I do have a video on the period of PURPLE crying which you might find helpful – it covers some settling techniques you can use during this fussy time.

It’ll be interesting to see if the formula change affects his sleeping habits!

Also, I just wanted to check – during the day, after his feeds, when he’s having those awake periods, is he generally quite happy and content? Or do you feel like he’s quite irritable all the time?

And when he’s sleeping, is he constantly moving and grunting like he’s in pain? It’s completely normal for babies to move around and make noises during the REM stage of sleep, but there should also be periods where he’s nice and still in that deep stage of sleep.

I’m just trying to figure out if there’s something causing him discomfort – if he’s in pain, that could explain why he’s waking and needing to be held all night. Generally, when a baby is in pain, we see it in their behaviour – they never really seem content, even when they’re sleeping and in that deep stage of sleep.

To encourage him to have longer stretches of sleep overnight, I’ve just got a few suggestions which I’ve outlined below.

Encouraging His Circadian Rhythm

One of the first things I’d love to focus on is helping his circadian rhythm mature. Right now, his body doesn’t fully distinguish between day and night, which is why he’s sleeping so much during the day. Once that circadian rhythm kicks in, it promotes longer stretches of sleep overnight – which is exactly what we want! There are a few things you can do to help encourage this:

1. Keep that consistent wake-up time – which you’re already doing!
2. Maximise light exposure in the morning – Open the blinds or curtains throughout your house to let the natural light in. If possible, take him outside within the first half hour of waking up. Natural light is more effective than indoor light for helping set that internal body clock.
3. Make daytime feeds stimulating – Feed him in a noisy, bright room where your toddler is also around. The extra stimulation may help keep him awake for longer stretches during the day.

Daytime Feed and Sleep Routine
The other thing you can try is splitting his daytime feeds with a nappy change in between. This can help encourage fuller feeds during the day, but it also increases the likelihood that he’s staying awake for longer during those wake periods – which may help him sleep for longer stretches overnight.

Here’s a step-by-step approach you could try for his daytime feeds:

1. When he wakes, take him out of his sleeping bag.
2. Feed him.
3. When he is starting to get sleepy – so closing his eyes and not swallowing as frequently – stop the feed and change his nappy. This will potentially wake him back up.
4. Re-wrap him in his sleeping bag.
5. Feed him again.
6. If he falls asleep during that second half, that’s fine – just lay him back down.
7. If he stays awake, take off the sleeping bag and do some play time.

When He’s Showing Tired Signs

If he does stay awake following your feed and he starts to show you those tired cues – looking away, yawning, or rubbing his eyes – here’s what you can do:

1. Pop the pacifier in.
2. Put him in his sleeping bag.
3. Walk around the living space or go to his room while singing a lullaby.
4. If he falls asleep in your arms, lay him down and let him continue sleeping.
5. If he’s drowsy but not yet asleep, lay him down and try the settling pyramid.

When you’re implementing the settling pyramid, I would just do it for about 20 minutes. If he doesn’t fall asleep within that time, that’s completely fine – just get him up and settle him to sleep in your arms.

It’s great that you’ve figured out that tapping his bottom works better than his chest – just continue doing that!

Capping Daytime Naps

The other thing I’d think about doing is capping his daytime naps. I know this can be tricky at this age because sometimes when you try to wake them, they just don’t wake up! But it’s worth trying because it might mean he’s awake for longer periods during the day, which could reduce the likelihood of him staying awake for long stretches at night.

So, if he’s having a two hour nap, I recommend you go in and try and wake him up. Here’s how:

1. Try to time it so you go in when he’s in his REM stage of sleep – that’s when he’s moving around and making noises. He’ll be much easier to rouse at this point. If he’s in deep sleep (completely still), it’s going to be really hard to wake him.
2. Unwrap him and hold him upright.
3. Take him out into a brighter space – that might be enough to wake him.
4. If that doesn’t work, try a nappy change to wake him up a bit more.
5. Then feed him and continue with your usual routine.

If he just won’t wake up, that’s okay – for some bubs it just doesn’t work at this stage. But if we can get him awake more during the day, he’s going to be more likely to sleep for longer stretches at night.

Trying a Swaddle with Arms Down

I know you mentioned he doesn’t like swaddles with his arms up near his face. I do think it’d be worthwhile trialling a swaddle with his arms down by his side. Babies can tend to protest a little bit initially with this change, but I find they often sleep better with their arms down. This is because when their arms are up by their face, it tends to stimulate the sucking and rooting reflexes, which can rouse them more during sleep. And now that he has a pacifier, having his arms up near his face might lead to him accidentally knocking the pacifier out.

If you can borrow or buy a swaddle with the arms down, here are a few tips:

• Make sure it’s nice and snug – if the swaddle is slightly loose, they tend to wiggle their arms up, which can be irritating for them.
• If he does get fussy when you first put it on, just walk around with him in your arms, patting him with the pacifier in, to help him settle before you head to his room.
• Then do your usual routine – sing a lullaby in his room before laying him down.

I’d suggest trying this consistently for a few days and just seeing if you notice a difference.

Overnight Feeds

It sounds like you’re managing the overnight feeds really well in terms of keeping stimulation low!

One thing I’d consider trying is skipping the burping overnight. For some babies, the act of burping actually wakes them up more than it helps. So here’s what you could try:

1. When he wakes, feed him.
2. Once he falls asleep after the feed, just lay him straight back down without burping.
3. See if this helps him settle back to sleep more easily or sleep for longer stretches.

If skipping the burp doesn’t make him any fussier, then keep going without it. But if you notice he seems more unsettled, just go back to burping – no harm done!

Does that sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leone,

It sounds like sleep overnight is really challenging at the moment. Not sleeping between 1:30am – 5am isn’t something we would typically be expecting, and it must be exhausting for you.

Given that it’s a new behaviour, I just have a few questions to help me identify the possible cause and the right approach to take. I’m so sorry for asking so many questions – I’m sure it’s the last thing you want to do right now! But your answers will really help me get to the bottom of this. So when you have some time, can you please answer the questions below.

About his daytime sleep

1. Does your little one have a consistent wake up time (within the same 30 minute window)? If so, what time is it?
2. How many naps is he having per day, and how long are these naps? I’m particularly interested in the total amount of daytime sleep he is getting.
3. Is he napping in his crib for daytime naps? I’m assuming he might be, as you mentioned you’re trying the pyramid every chance you get.
4. Can you describe what his nap routine looks like, and how you are currently settling him to sleep for naps?

About his sleep environment and settling

5. Is the room he sleeps in cool, dark and quiet?
6. Are you swaddling him? If you are, are his arms up by his face or down by his side?
7. Does he use a pacifier?

About his daytime routine and general comfort

8. Are you mostly following the wake, feed, sleep routine during the day, or are you finding that he’s now following a wake, feed, play, sleep routine?
9. Are there times in the day when he is content? For example, after a feed, is he generally happy and content, or is he mostly upset and seems uncomfortable (grunting, squirming, moving around, appearing uncomfortable) even when sleeping? I’m just trying to work out if discomfort is what’s making it challenging for him to sleep after the 1:30am feed.

About bedtime

10. What time is he generally falling asleep at night?
11. Have you been able to start a bedtime routine? If you have, can you describe it to me?
12. How are you settling him to sleep at bedtime?
13. Does he currently stay asleep from bedtime until 1:30am (when he wakes for his first feed overnight)?

About the 1:30am feed

14. Is he still pooping overnight?
15. When he wakes at 1:30am, are you keeping the light low and following the wake, feed, sleep routine? Or if he is still pooping, is it wake, feed, nappy change, feed, sleep?
16. When he wakes at 1:30am, are you burping him after the feed?
17. You mentioned you’re sleeping with him in your arms from 1:30 – 5am. Are you:
    • sitting up and holding him upright against your chest, or
    • sitting up with him lying horizontally in your arms, or
    • holding him in your arms while you are both lying down in bed?

About feeding and growth

18. Is he formula fed or breastfed?
19. Is he gaining weight as expected?

Again, I am so sorry for all the questions.
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pav,

I think we need to work out how much total sleep Roh needs in 24 hours and then use that information to help identify the best schedule for him. Are you able to send me through a weeks worth of sleep information – so the time he wakes each morning, the time he starts his nap, the time he wakes from the nap, the time he falls asleep at bedtime and then how long he sleeps overnight? It would be similar to what you have sent me in the past.

Also, can you let me know what time you would like Roh to wake in the morning – something to consider is that a wake-up time between 6 – 7 am is very typical at this age. Unfortunately, kids are just early risers.

Can you also let me know what time you would ideally like Roh’s bedtime to be?

Also, just wondering when he wakes up at 5:30am are you able to keep the lights low and interaction minimal or is Roh ready to start the day?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leone,

Firstly, congrats on the arrival of your little one! Sounds like your house would be really busy with a one-year-old and a one-month-old.

About the long wake periods

Yes, it’s possible for your one-month-old to have a longer wake window, particularly in the afternoon and evening. What you’re describing – staying awake for 2+ hours, cluster feeding, and being really hard to settle – is very typical of something called the period of PURPLE crying.

There’s a whole video on this in the course, so if you haven’t watched it yet, that would be a great one to check out. But to give you a quick overview, the period of PURPLE crying is a fussy phase that tends to:

• Peak around 6–8 weeks of age
• Start to decrease after that

During this fussy time (usually in the afternoon or evening), babies often:

• Want to cluster feed
• Have really short naps while feeding
• Appear to be awake for a really long time
• Are really hard to soothe

Something else to consider

When parents tell me their little one is awake for hours at this age, what we can sometimes miss is the little naps they have while feeding. This is really tricky to pick up because while they’re feeding and sleeping, they actually continue to suck and occasionally swallow. The key difference is that the swallowing doesn’t happen as often. So although it might look like your little one isn’t sleeping, he might actually be getting some sleep in while feeding.

What you can do at this age

1. Keep a consistent wake-up time each morning – this helps with the maturation of his circadian rhythm.
2. Do a short sleep routine before naps and bedtime – just like you’re already doing.
3. Use the settling pyramid when he is genuinely tired after having some play time. So those times of the day that you are able to follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine.

When to start playtime

This is a great question! At this age, playtime fits naturally into his wake windows like this:

1. He wakes up
2. He has a feed
3. After the feed, he’s awake for a little while – this is when you do playtime. You can put him on the play mat or on your lap and interact with him.
4. When he starts to look off into the distance or show tired cues, that’s your signal to put him down for his next sleep.

Now, this won’t happen every single wake window. Sometimes he might just wake, have a feed, and fall asleep while feeding, and that’s completely fine. But over the coming weeks, you’ll start to see more and more wake windows where he wakes, feeds, has a little play, and then is ready for sleep.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

HI Catherin,

It’s great to hear that your little one’s sleep has started to become more consistent!

Given that she’s 18 months, here’s what I’d recommend:

Start by setting a consistent wake-up time

For the next few days, regardless of what time she goes to bed, wake her up at 7:30am.

What this does is help set her circadian rhythm so that her body starts to naturally wake at that time. And once her morning wake-up is consistent, her bedtime should gradually start to shift earlier too.

I’d give this a week and see how you go.

If that doesn’t shift things, look at her daytime nap

If waking her at 7:30am doesn’t bring bedtime earlier, then the most likely reason she’s not falling asleep at 7pm is that she’s simply not tired enough yet because of her daytime nap.

Now at 18 months, one nap a day is still completely normal, but you might want to chat to her daycare about two small adjustments:

1. Moving her nap an hour earlier, so it starts around 12pm
2. Capping it at an hour and a half, so she’s waking by 1:30pm

This would give her around a 6-hour wake window in the afternoon, which means she’s much more likely to feel genuinely tired by 7pm.

Does this sound okay?
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pav,

Poor Rohan! It sounds like it’s just one thing after another at the moment. Hopefully those molars come through soon and he’s a bit more comfortable.

Just to clarify what I mean when I say “12 for a nap” with Rohan, I’d actually lay him down a little before 12 so he’s asleep by 12.

For a 22-month-old, a typical day usually looks something like this:

• Wake: anywhere between 6 and 7am
• Nap down: around 12
• Wake from nap: anywhere from 1.30 to 2.30 some kids can even sleep until 3pm (these kids tend to have a later bedtime)
• Bedtime: around 6:30/7pm

So if they wake at 7 and are asleep for their nap by 12, that’s about a 5 hour first awake window. And if they wake from their nap around 2.30 and go to bed at 7/7.30, that’s roughly a 4.5–5 hour second awake window.

Hope that helps clarify things!

Emma

[Emma H]

No worries.

Let me know how you go! And we can tweak things as needed.

[Emma H]

Hi Santiago,

Thank you for sharing all those details! Here are my thoughts and suggestions:

Overnight sleep

The pattern you’ve described – a longer 3-4 hour stretch of sleep, followed by shorter stretches as the night goes on – is very typical for this age. Over time, that first stretch of sleep at the start of the night will gradually lengthen, which means she’ll wake less frequently overall. Since she’s already falling asleep without the pacifier at bedtime, I expect this will happen naturally for her with time.

Handling the 40-minute fussy wake

When she gets fussy after being awake only 40 minutes and changing the activity doesn’t help, that’s usually a tired signal. Rather than offering another feed, I’d suggest:

1. Pop the pacifier in and then change up the activity.
2. If she keeps fussing, move straight into your nap routine.

Why I’d hold off on the top-up feed

When babies feed at this point, they often fall asleep on the breast without you realising – they keep sucking but stop swallowing regularly. Even a very short “feed-sleep” reduces her sleep pressure, which is the main driver of falling asleep at this age. With less sleep pressure, she’ll fight the nap harder and the settling pyramid becomes much tougher to do.

Given she’s gaining weight well and has plenty of wet nappies, her short 7-8 minute feeds are likely enough – some babies are very efficient feeders. I’d encourage you to try a wake, feed, play, sleep rhythm during the day and see how she goes.

A note on hand-sucking

Around this age, babies start bringing their hands to midline and sucking on them – a lovely developmental milestone (and one I get excited about as an OT!). This can mean the pacifier falls out more often. You may need to reinsert it, or you might find she prefers her hands, in which case you can start fading the pacifier out.

The morning nap routine (for your happy to try)

1. Feed her at the usual wake time.
2. When she starts getting drowsy or stops actively feeding, change her nappy to wake her back up.
3. Offer her a top up feed her so she fills up properly.
4. Once she finishes the feed, it’s play time.
5. When she starts to get fussy (around the 40 minute mark), pop in the pacifier and change the activity.
6. If she keeps protesting, move to the nap routine.

Nap routine with gradual movement reduction

Since she’s been exclusively napping in the baby carrier until two weeks ago, she’s used to movement to fall asleep. We want to gently reduce that reliance:

1. Walk around the house briefly with the pacifier in to help her calm.
2. Once calm, go into the bedroom. Skip the nappy change unless she’s done a poo – it’s too stimulating and can wake her up.
3. Close the blinds, turn on white noise.
4. Sing a song while rocking her in your arms.
5. Once the song ends, gradually reduce the input in this order:
   • Slow the rocking while patting her bottom and shushing
   • Stop rocking completely, continue patting and shushing
   • Stop patting, continue shushing
6. Before she falls asleep (not drowsy – just calm), lay her in the crib.

Starting the settling pyramid from the top

If she gets unsettled as soon as you lay her down, start at the top of the pyramid rather than the bottom. Place one hand on the side of her chest and the other on her hip, gently rocking and shushing. As she calms:

1. Stop rocking, continue shushing.
2. Move your hands away, keep shushing in her line of sight.
3. Gradually move out of her line of sight so she falls asleep independently.

If the pyramid feels like too big a jump

Instead of laying her in the crib, just hold her in your arms in complete silence – no patting, shushing, or movement – and let her fall asleep. This helps her practice falling asleep without input from you, which makes the transition to the pyramid much easier later on.

A realistic expectation

You can try this for all naps, but you’ll likely have most success with the first nap of the day and bedtime. Afternoon naps tend to be the trickiest. At bedtime, it’s not unusual for babies this age to fall asleep on the breast – if that’s what’s happening for your wife, that’s completely fine.

Reducing pacifier reliance
If you do want to reduce your little one’s reliance on the pacifier something you can do is just before she falls asleep – whether in your arms or using the pyramid – slip your little finger into the corner of her mouth to break the seal and remove the pacifier. Some babies will drift off without it; others will wake and need the process restarted. If that happens with your little one, I’d focus first on getting her comfortable sleeping in the crib with the pacifier, and we can work on fading it out later.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Paven,

Your plan sounds good. From what you have said, it does sound like with the new wake window length at the end of the day, he seems to be generally happier and settling to sleep slightly quicker.
I would try and keep this pattern for a week and then review it, as it can take them a little while to adjust.

Keen to hear how it goes.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pav!

It’s great to hear from you again.

It sounds like Roh had a few rough weeks with illness, then the vaccine, and then that developmental leap on top.

Has the change in behaviour continued, or if it has started to settle down? Often, when illness and vaccines happen, their sleep can disrupt for a little while, but it tends to settle back down within a few days to a week.

If it hasn’t settled down, after looking through the record that you emailed me, I noticed these things:

– Rohan was taking a long time to fall asleep on the 26th, 28th, and 29th. What I’m wondering is whether this was a relatively new behaviour that started at this point in time? If it was, your notes indicate that Rohan started coughing on those days, which leans more toward the fact that he might have been getting sick or slightly unwell. That might have been the reason Roh was finding it challenging to fall asleep at bedtime. Do you think this might have been the case?

– It looks like it was on the 30th that you started to extend the final wake window. His mood on the 30th and the 31st was great, which makes sense. The amount of time it took him to fall asleep reduced on those days. Now, the tricky thing here is that if it is over tiredness, generally we don’t see it for a few days. But Roh got his vaccine on the first, and vaccines can disrupt a little one’s sleep because of some minimal pain they might have at the injection site and leaving them feeling a bit off. So it’s hard to determine if the pattern is because he is overtired.

– The other thing I noticed is that on the fourth, fifth, and sixth, you woke him at 7:00. Generally, when kids are getting enough sleep, they wake up by themselves. So, that could indicate he’s not quite getting the amount of sleep that he needs.

I’m wondering if you’d be willing to do a few things:

1. Have his daytime nap consistently happen around 12:00.
2. Consistently wake him at 2:00.
3. Keep the final wake window at 5.5 hours, so he’s in bed (where you’re laying him down in his bed) at 7:30.
4. Track the amount of time it takes for him to fall asleep.

By tightening up that schedule, it will ensure that bedtime becomes more consistent for him, which is ideally what we want. Generally, kids do better when bedtime is consistent rather than fluctuating all the time.

Would you be happy to give this a go for a week?

Emma