[Emma H]

Hi Diala,

Before I can give you some advice on how to shift her bedtime from 10pm to 8pm, I just have a few questions. I am sorry that there are so many. It will just help me understand what is happening and as a result what strategies will work. So when you have time can you please answer the questions below?

1. Does your little one have a consistent wake-up time? If so what time is it?
2. How many naps does she have?
3. What time does she go down for the nap and then wake up from those naps?
4. Can you describe where she sleeps (does she room share, co-sleep, is the room dark, cool and quiet?)
5. Have you been able to follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day?
6. Do you have a nap routine? If so can you describe what the routine is?
7. Do you have a bedtime routine and if so can you describe it?
8. How are you currently settling her to sleep?
9. Does she use a pacifier?

Sorry again for the questions.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Giedre,

I’m sorry to hear the last few weeks have been rough. From what you’ve described, it seems like switching to one nap might not have improved her sleep, and it may even be making things worse – she seems to be waking more overnight and fighting sleep just as much.

What do you think?

If you feel her sleep has gotten worse rather than better, would you consider trying a two-nap schedule again? I didn’t suggest this previously because you mentioned she stayed awake for about an hour during overnight wake-ups with two naps. However, since she’s now waking again for extended periods, this could indicate she’s not getting enough daytime sleep. It might be worthwhile to revisit the two-nap schedule to see if it helps.

Here’s a schedule you could try:

• 6:30/7:00 am – Wake up

• 9:00 am – Nap 1

• 10:00 am – Wake up

• 1:00 pm – Nap 2

• 2/2:30 pm – Wake up (2:30 at the latest)

• 7:30 pm – Bedtime

With this schedule, she will still wake up from that final nap at a similar time and therefore should have enough wake time before bedtime to fall asleep. But, if you feel like she needs more time awake before bedtime you could shift her bedtime to 8/8:30pm. But in saying that, I would be interested to see if a bedtime at 7:30pm actually makes it easier for her to fall asleep.

If you do go back to the two-nap schedule, you could slightly tweak your settling routine. After completing your usual nap or bedtime routine, lay her down and immediately begin patting and shushing to help her calm quickly. Once she settles, stop patting and continue shushing while still in her view. Then, gradually move out of her sight, allowing her to fall asleep independently. Starting at the top of the settling pyramid right away can help prevent her from becoming too upset, reducing the need to pick her up or continue patting and shushing her until she falls asleep.

Regarding your question about sleep sacks, getting a sack with legs could help prevent her from falling and becoming upset. Alternatively, if the temperature is comfortable enough, you might consider skipping the sleep sack altogether.

What do you think?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It’s great to hear that when Maxi is asleep his legs aren’t restless. This reassures me that once he learns how to fall asleep in the co-sleeper, he will be able to start sleeping for longer stretches.

Let me know how the tweaked routine and the modified version of the settling pyramid goes.

I really think this might be a better option for Maxi.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Rita,

It’s great that she is napping in the crib and she has started to connect nap cycles now.

As you have noticed the wake window for the first nap tends to be shorter than the rest. Typically, the wake windows can get longer as the day progresses. It sounds like the timing of her first nap is happening at the same time each day which is great too!

It’s fine to continue to follow her tired signs to identify when she is ready for a nap.

In regards to bedtime and overnight sleep, I just have a few questions.

• You mentioned that for naps you stand by the crib for 2 mins or until her movement and finger sucking slows down before laying her in the crib. Is she asleep when you lay her down in the crib or awake?
• Can you describe to me what her bedtime routine looks like and if she is feeding to sleep or asleep before you lay her in the crib?
• Is she room-sharing with you?
• If you are room sharing, what time do you or anyone else enter the bedroom at night?

Sorry for the questions again Rita.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Catherine,

Keep an eye on what time she naturally falls asleep at night—this will help you identify her true bedtime. Her bedtime might shift slightly depending on when her last nap ends, so tracking nap times can help as well. From what you’ve described, it sounds like her bedtime might be around 6:00–6:30 pm. Hopefully, this isn’t too tricky given her big brother’s bedtime is similar.

Helping her learn to fall asleep independently in her crib, both at bedtime and during naps, will support her in developing the skills to link sleep cycles and extend her naps. However, remember that naps typically become longer and more predictable around 5–6 months of age. She might continue taking shorter naps until then, but with practice, she might start extending them earlier.

In response to your question, “Does bedtime create a better environment for learning self-soothing techniques?” the short answer is yes—bedtime usually offers the best chance of success. This is because at bedtime, two factors work together: sleep pressure (the body’s natural urge to sleep) and the circadian rhythm (the body’s internal clock signalling it’s time to sleep). During naps, only sleep pressure is present. Additionally, bedtime typically occurs at a consistent time each day, whereas nap times can be less predictable, especially for babies under 6 months. These combined factors mean you’re more likely to have success with the settling pyramid at bedtime.

Hopefully, you’ve continued to have success the past few days.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Catherine,

It’s wonderful to hear you’re already seeing success settling your little one in the bassinet for her first two naps! It’s absolutely fine to keep patting her to sleep for now as she gets used to this new way of settling. When you’re ready, I’d suggest gradually reducing the patting: in a few days, try slowing the patting down and eventually stopping it altogether, leaving just your hand resting on her. After another few days, aim to remove your hand before she’s completely asleep. Of course, if she adapts quickly, feel free to move through these steps sooner.

At around 12.5 weeks, 45-minute naps are common. I understand this might seem shorter than the naps she had in the wrap, but that’s because babies often sleep longer in a wrap since our movements naturally soothe them back to sleep.

To help her stay awake during feeds after the second nap, consider giving her a few minutes of playtime immediately after waking, before feeding her. This ensures she’s fully awake for the feed. However, if she wakes very hungry and upset, definitely feed her right away. If she happens to fall asleep during feeding, just start counting her next wake window from when she wakes up after the feed.

If you feel ready, bedtime is also a great time to try settling her in the bassinet using the settling pyramid. If 6 pm is consistently her bedtime, then stick with this time. However, from your message, it sounds like 6 pm might not always be consistent—could you clarify this for me?

Lastly, you asked, “Will bassinet bed sleeping perhaps also improve her wakefulness?” Could you please clarify this question a bit more? I’m just not exactly sure what you’re asking.

Thanks

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leonor,

Thanks so much for the update. It does look like there have been some changes in her sleep patterns over the past week. And from the data you have provided it does look like her bedtime has shifted to 8 – 8:30pm

You made the right decision dropping that final nap on 26th May when she wasn’t settling by 6:00pm. Some days there simply isn’t enough time to fit in that last nap and still have a proper bedtime. When this happens, moving bedtime earlier is exactly what you should do. I’d suggest keeping track of how often you need to skip this nap – if it’s happening regularly, it might mean she’s ready to drop it completely and have an earlier bedtime.

The 30-40 minute wake-up after she first goes to sleep is a bit unusual, since usually that first stretch is the longest sleep of the night. These brief wake-ups often happen when babies haven’t been awake long enough before bedtime to build up enough sleep pressure. Essentially they’re tired enough to fall asleep, but not tired enough to stay asleep. So it is very possible that a longer wake window before bedtime could eliminate those 30 – 40 minute wake-ups.

Another potential cause for these 30-40 minute wake-ups could be external disturbances as she transitions between sleep cycles. Consider whether you or anyone else might be moving around the bedroom or using an adjacent bathroom around this time. If you do have to enter the room around this time, have a quick look at the baby monitor and make sure that she’s completely still before entering the room. If she isn’t moving it indicates she is in deep sleep and she’s unlikely to wake. If she is moving around or making sounds it suggests she’s transitioning between cycles or in REM sleep and more likely to be disturbed.

It’s great that she is sleeping for longer stretches overnight! It is still very likely that her sleep has matured, as sleep cycles in the day are short (between 30- 45 minutes) and sleep cycles overnight are longer (between 60 – 90 minutes).

The regular 7:00-7:30am wake-up time has definitely helped make her first nap more consistent. You’re right that when this first nap varies in length, it changes the timing of all her other naps. If you want to make the day more predictable, you could wake her after two hours of that first nap. I know you weren’t keen on this idea last week, but it would make her second nap much more predictable. Of course, if you’re happy with how things are now, that’s fine too.

As you have noticed wake windows do change depending on the length and quality of the previous nap. Given that she is finding it harder to fall asleep following a 1 1/2 wake window then you could go back to following her sleepy cues.

It sounds like she is becoming more aware of her surroundings and this is making it more challenging for her to fall asleep out and about. That is very normal for this age. But as you have noticed when she is tired enough she will eventually fall asleep when she is outside.

Since she’s waking when you move her from your arms onto the bed, the most effective solution is to help her fall asleep directly on the bed using the settling pyramid.

If you’re comfortable giving this a try, I recommend starting at bedtime because her circadian rhythm and sleep pressure naturally make it easier to fall asleep then. You can also try it during her first nap of the day, as babies generally settle more easily at this time. Just keep in mind, the first nap might be shorter initially, which is completely normal—it simply means you’ll need to adjust the timing of her subsequent naps slightly.

How do you feel about giving this a try?

Emma

• This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

Thanks so much for updating me on Maxi’s nap schedule!

I have a couple more questions:

• When Maxi is sleeping, do you notice if his legs seem restless, moving constantly?

• Have you found that the 2-hour wake window helps Maxi settle quicker at bedtime and reduces his waking 30 minutes after being placed in the co-sleeper?

If you haven’t noticed improvement, it likely means Maxi is waking between sleep cycles and calling out for you because he’s used to sleeping on your chest.

It’s fantastic you’re starting to settle him while standing still before transferring him to the co-sleeper.

You mentioned you haven’t yet been able to lay him in the co-sleeper and use the settle pyramid. What I’m wondering is if Maxi would tolerate it better if you modified it a little, so that as soon as you place him in the co-sleeper you immediately start at the top and then work your way down. So it would look like this:

• After singing the lullaby, gently place Maxi in the co-sleeper and immediately offer physical comfort and shushing. But instead of patting, gently rock him side-to-side while he’s lying down. You can see me demonstrate this at 11:13 in the video “Live Example: Helping Your Baby Fall Asleep.” I just think Maxi might prefer the rocking motion to the patting based on what you have said.

• When he calms down, gradually slow your rocking while continuing to shush.

• If he remains calm, stop rocking but keep shushing, staying in his line of sight.

• If he continues to stay calm, keep shushing but gradually move out of his sight.

If Maxi becomes upset when you stop rocking, just rock him to sleep while he’s lying down in the co-sleeper for the next 3 nights. Then once he gets familiar with this new way of settling to sleep, see if you can gradually slow down the rocking and just let him fall asleep with your hand on his chest. Then after a few nights of that, aim to remove your hand before he falls asleep. Then eventually move out of his line of sight before he falls asleep.

For this approach to work well, it’s essential Maxi doesn’t fall asleep during the final bedtime feed, though I know this can be challenging. Here are some tips to help:

• Keep the lights on in the room that you are feeding him in.
• Pay close attention to how often he is swallowing during that feed. If you notice that he is sucking but not swallowing every 3 – 4 sucks then that’s a sign that he is falling asleep or already asleep. If he has fallen asleep then it is going to be very hard to use the modified settling pyramid, as that sleep pressure would be lower (even if it was a very short nap). If he falls asleep while feeding just lay him down in the co-sleeper asleep. But if you catch him before he falls asleep, reposition him to wake him back up if you feel like he needs more milk. But if you feel like he doesn’t need more then stop the feed and finish the rest of the bedtime routine.

Another thing you can do to increase the chances of the modified settling pyramid working is tweaking his bedtime routine slightly, so that he continues to remain in that relaxed state after his final feed. So it would look like this:

• As he gets drowsy, keep the lights bright and play your Disney lullaby.
• Change his diaper, put on PJs and sleeping bag.
• Offer a final feed before bed—making sure he stays awake
• Walk into the bedroom, turn on the white-noise machine
• +/- Read one short book together. (if this wakes him up I would think about skipping the reading for now).
• Sing your lullaby while gently rocking him side to side.
• Lay him down in the crib and apply the modified settling pyramid.

Lastly, I just wanted to reassure you that if Maxi cries when placed in the co-sleeper but pauses between cries, he’s just saying ‘Hey this is new’. It can be tough to hear, but he’s okay, especially as you’re right there offering comfort. Just give him a few minutes to settle into this new way of falling asleep. However, if he is crying continuously without breaks, pick him up and comfort him immediately.

Does this sound doable?

Emma

[Emma H]

Wow Livia that is huge!

I am so excited for you both!

She would be so much happier now and it really sounds like she is doing so well with settling in the crib.

I hope the flight goes smoothly and you enjoy your family time!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Holly,

Firstly, I just want to say you’re doing an amazing job. I know it’s a lot to figure out, especially with all the suggestions I’m giving you – it can definitely feel overwhelming!

The good news is you’ve already made fantastic progress: you’ve managed to fade out rocking Zoey to sleep, she’s waking less frequently at the start of the night and overnight, and she’s less resistant to her crib. These are huge wins!

Regarding Zoey’s first nap of the day, something you might find helpful is noting down the exact time she falls asleep in your arms for a few days. If you notice she’s consistently falling asleep later than you expect, it could mean she needs a slightly longer wake window in the morning. If that’s the case, try putting her down for her first nap at this new, adjusted time and see if that helps her settle more easily.

Also, if offering a contact nap once or twice a day works well for both of you, it’s completely okay to keep doing that. Just continue practicing using the settling pyramid at bedtime and for that first nap to gradually build her independence.

In regards to bedtime, I hope you’re having more success with Zoey falling asleep while you’re out of the room. But if you’re not and you find that both of you are getting distressed, there’s another gentle option you could try. You mentioned Zoey fell asleep twice while you were lying on the floor, so you could adapt that idea. Here’s how it would work:

• Place a dining chair beside Zoey’s crib.
• Complete Zoey’s bedtime routine
• Lay her in her crib and immediately start patting her if she is upset and trying to stand up (if you can, sit on the chair while doing this)
• Once she is calm, stop patting her and continue shushing while you sit on the chair
• Gradually stop shushing so that she falls asleep with just the white noise on.
• Repeat this for the next 2 nights. leaving the chair where it is.
• If she is falling asleep while you’re sitting on the chair – move the chair slightly closer to the bedroom door and follow the same approach, moving down the settling pyramid while you sit on the chair.
• Repeat this for the next 2 nights. leaving the chair where it is.
• Then if she is managing this well, on night 7 move the chair slightly closer to the bedroom door and then repeat the usual routine. The aim is to move the chair every 2- 3 days so that eventually the chair and you are outside the bedroom.

If you feel like this approach might work better, I just want you to keep in mind it may take a few weeks to fully transition out of the room. Additionally, those early-morning wakes at around 2 am and 4 am might continue until Zoey can consistently fall asleep without your presence in the room.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It’s great that you’ve started reducing your movement when Maxi falls asleep in your arms at bedtime – this is a fantastic first step!

To help you have more success settling him to sleep in the crib (for both naps and bedtime), could you please update me on Maxi’s current sleep schedule? Specifically:

• What time does he typically wake up in the morning?

• When does he take his naps, and what time does he usually wake from these naps?

• What time is his bedtime currently?

It’s been just over a month since we last discussed Maxi’s nap timings, and since babies’ sleep needs change so rapidly during their first year, an update would really help.

I appreciate you providing these details again – I just want to make sure we’re setting you up for success!

Thanks so much,
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Livia,

Firstly, it’s so good to hear that Emilia’s reflux is settling down since you’ve eliminated dairy from your diet. It would be such a relief to finally know what is causing her the pain and discomfort.

It also looks like she is adjusting so well to the sleep training, with you already getting some naps in the crib! That’s huge!

It’s great that you read the other posts and started making Emilia’s wake-up time more consistent.

In regards to following a nap routine when she is going to nap in the stroller. This is how you can tweak it slightly so it works:

• Take her into the bedroom.
• Swaddle her and offer her pacifier.
• Then walk downstairs while you hold her in your arms
• Sing her the lullaby while you rock her in your arms (if you feel comfortable doing this)

• Lay her in the crib and settle her to sleep there, by putting your hand on her or just walking (often the movement is enough to lull them to sleep).
  

If you find it challenging to carry all the items plus Emilia while she is swaddled downstairs, then just swaddle her downstairs, pop the pacifier in and then sing the lullaby and lay her in the pram to settle her to sleep.

In regards to settling her to sleep when you are not at home, I recommend you just follow a mini routine. So it might be +/- swaddle, offer the pacifier, sing her a lullaby while you rock her in your arms and then settle her to sleep.

Regarding your trip tomorrow: When you wake her at 3:30 am, it’s likely she’ll easily go back to sleep, especially if you’re wearing her. For the rest of that travel day, I suggest just following her cues and feeding her whenever she’s hungry.

Since you’re only staying there for 1–2 weeks and there’s only a one-hour time difference, I recommend keeping her on her current schedule rather than adjusting her fully to the new time zone. For example, her usual wake-up time at home is between 8:00 and 8:30 am. After you move to the new time zone, she’ll naturally wake between 7:00 and 7:30 am local time (because that corresponds to her usual 8:00–8:30 am wake-up at home).

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leonor,

Unfortunately, the last nap of the day can be a little more challenging.

Something you could try is to mix up her routine slightly for this nap. So for example, you could complete most of the nap routine in the living room and then take her into the bedroom to sing the lullaby and settle her to sleep. Sometimes simply changing up the routine slightly can stop the protest.

The other thing I recommend you do is note down when her previous nap ends and when she actually falls asleep for that final nap. This might show you what her ideal wake window is just before that final nap.

Another reason she might be fighting that nap is because she is getting ready to drop it. Do you think that is the case? I know this might be a little hard to answer as we are currently trying to work out what her natural rhythm is.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It’s great that he loves playing on the floor and is happy to lie on his back while he is awake and playful!

Yep, you’re right implementing the feed before the nap would mean that he would follow a wake – eat – play – eat (30 minutes before the nap) for both daytime naps and before he goes to bed at night. I would just try this approach for a few days to see if it helps him nap for longer stretches. But it is really important that when you feed him the 30 minutes before nap time, he doesn’t fall asleep. If he does fall asleep while feeding, his sleep pressure will be lower at nap time and as a result he might protest more because he simply isn’t tired. It can be really tricky to notice when they are falling asleep while feeding, as they continue to suck. So if you notice that Maxi is sucking but not swallowing every few mouthfuls (so you can’t see or hear him swallow) then he is falling asleep or already asleep. So try to keep an eye on that.

I do think the key to getting him to nap for longer is helping him learn how to fall asleep on his own in the co-sleeper. I know you have been working hard on helping him learn this skill at bedtime. Have you continued to try using the settling pyramid for naps or are you settling him to sleep in your arms?

I just wanted to clarify something. When you do Maxi’s bedtime routine is he falling asleep before you lay him down in the co-sleeper and then try the settling pyramid? So is he falling asleep while you are feeding him or walking around the living room with him? Or do you do the routine below and he is awake when you lay him in the co-sleeper? So his bedtime routine looks like this:

• Between 6-7pm Maxi gives sleepy cues
• Dim all the living room lights
• Play the same Disney lullaby,
• Diaper change
• Pyjama on
• Sleep sack on in the living room
• Possibly read a book if he’s still awake or walk a little with him in the living room.
• Possibly one more breastfeed if he’s searching for the breast
• Then lay him in the co-sleeper awake and try the settling pyramid

Also, it’s so nice to hear that you are enjoying Play, Develop, Thrive.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

Thanks so much for updating me on how Maxi is going – I have been thinking of you all.

In regards to sleeping on his tummy – if he can get there naturally by himself then it is fine to let him sleep on his tummy. You just need to make sure the sleep environment is safe – so a firm, flat mattress with no loose blankets or loose toys etc.

If you feel that giving him a top-up feed 30 minutes before his nap might help him sleep for longer then it’s fine to give it a try and see if it does. Doing this shouldn’t have an impact on his bedtime. It’s just important to make sure that he doesn’t fall asleep while having that second feed. So feed him in a bright room and if you notice that he stops swallowing or he doesn’t swallow as often that’s a sign he is falling asleep. So pause the feed, reposition him to wake him up and then start the feed again if you feel he is still hungry.

The other option is to make sure he has a fuller feed for that first feed. One way you can do this is feed him, then when you notice that he is slowing down or not swallowing as often, pause the feed, potentially change his nappy to make him more alert and then top him up with another feed.

In regards to your question about if I have any other suggestions to help with getting Maxi comfortable with sleeping in the crib instead of on you – I am just going to think about this for a little more and get back to you tomorrow.

Something I was wondering is if he enjoys playing while lying on his back? Does he spend time during the day lying on the floor or another surface or is he in a carrier for most of the day?

Have a great weekend too!

Emma