[Emma H]

Hi Laura,

Before I give you some suggestions, I have a few questions. When you have time, could you please answer the questions below?

• Does your little one have a consistent wake-up time in the morning? If so, what time is it?
• Does your little one use a pacifier?
• What is your little one’s nap schedule and how long does she nap for?
• Can you step me through how you settle her to sleep for her naps – so what her nap routine is and then if you lay her down in the crib and she falls asleep on her own or if you use the settling pyramid?
• Can you also step me through the bedtime routine, including where you do each step in the house?
• What time is her bedtime?
• Have you been able to track what time she tends to fall asleep and stay asleep at nighttime – so for that first big stretch of sleep? If not, would you be happy to record the time she wakes up from her final nap of the day and the time that she falls asleep and stays asleep at bedtime for a few days? This will help us identify what her true bedtime or final wake window might be.
• Does she room share with you or anyone else? If she does, what time do those people enter the room to go to bed?
• Is there a bathroom or anything noisy in the room right next to the bedroom which might be causing her to wake up at the beginning of the night?
• Is her bedroom cool, dark (so dark you wouldn’t be able to see your hand if you held it in front of your face) and free of sudden loud noises?
• Have you been able to start following the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day?

Sorry again for all the questions!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Ginger,

Welcome, and huge congratulations on the arrival of your little one! It sounds like it might have been stressful at the beginning with NICU, but I hope things are more stable for you all now.

It’s great that you’ve already started a nap and bedtime routine and created the ideal sleep environment for your little one.

Before I give some advice, I just have a few questions:

Gas discomfort You mentioned she appears to have gas discomfort. I’m wanting to check whether after a feed she’s generally content, or if she has moments during the day where she seems comfortable and not in pain. Typically, babies might be a little uncomfortable at times or fussy, but following a feed they tend to be content and easy to settle to sleep (often called “milk drunk”). Is your little one like that, or would you say she always appears uncomfortable, squirming, or restless?

Swaddle In regards to the swaddle, are her arms up or down?

Falling asleep during feeds You mentioned she goes for long stretches before sleeping. Often what happens is babies fall asleep while eating (very normal at this age but also tricky to spot). When they’ve fallen asleep, they continue to suck but don’t swallow as often, so it can be really difficult to pick up on. Do you think this might be happening with your little one?

Also, when you feed her during the day, are you unswaddling her and changing her nappy mid-feed to keep her more alert and potentially have a fuller feed?

Wake windows Given that she’s 6 weeks, have you noticed that she is starting to stay awake after some feeds and therefore able to do the wake, feed, play, sleep routine?

Wake up time Does she have a consistent wake-up time? If so, would you be happy to let me know what time this is?

Settling method You mentioned you’re settling her to sleep in your arms. Just wanting to check, are you rocking her to sleep, or stopping the rocking so that she falls asleep while you’re standing still?

Sorry for the questions!
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Anaïs!

Welcome! It’s great that you’ve already been able to implement some of the strategies mentioned in the course. And thank you for providing so much detail!

I do have a few more questions and then I should be able to give you some suggestions to make the learning process a little less painful for you all. When you have time, can you please answer the questions below?

1. You mentioned he has a consistent wake-up time and bedtime. Can you let me know what time he wakes in the morning? I’m just trying to work out the possible timing of his first nap of the day.
2. Does he use a pacifier at all?
3. You mentioned when you’ve tried the settling pyramid, the best you can go down to is “hold, shush and sway lightly” to get him asleep. I just wanted to clarify – is he lying in the cot or bassinet when you’re holding, shushing and swaying him lightly, or are you holding him in your arms?
4. Is he wearing a sleep sack for daytime naps when you’re lying him in the bassinet or cot?
5. Are his arms out in the sleep sack or is it more of a swaddle?
6. Is the bassinet in his usual sleep space or in another room? If it’s in another room, is it cool, dark and quiet?

Sorry for all the questions!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Mario,

You’re absolutely right, you don’t need to bath your little one every day. Some babies actually benefit from less frequent bathing, particularly if they have skin conditions like eczema. So if you feel comfortable with this or it describes your little one, bathing every few days is perfectly fine.

Regardless of how often you decide to bath, you can choose what works best for your family. You could bath during the day outside of the bedtime routine, or include it at the beginning of your bedtime routine. If you include it in the bedtime routine, it might look like this:

• Bath
• PJs on
• Feed
• Walk into the bedroom
• Sleeping bag on
• Lights off and white noise machine on
• Lullaby
• Laying her down in the crib and using the settling pyramid to help her fall asleep

Does this make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

Being a new mum (or even 3 kids in!) can definitely feel isolating at times and overwhelming, so I am so glad you’ve found the forum helpful. Hopefully, it’s helping to make you feel a little less isolated.

Let me know how you go with breaking the association at night.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Ginger,

No worries about asking questions, I’m always happy to answer them and brainstorm better solutions for your little one. You’ll find the answers below.

Early wake-ups: If she wakes at 6:45am, since she’s only waking 15 minutes before your target time, I’d just get her up, take her out to the living room, turn on the lights, feed her and start your day. What you can do is keep an eye on her natural wake-up pattern over the next week or so. You might find that 7-7:30am is too late for her and she’d actually do better with a 6:30-7am wake-up time.

Full feeds: When you feed her and she appears done, then you play with her, if she starts shaking her head and appearing hungry again after she’s been awake for 45 minutes or more, she might actually be telling you she’s tired and needs a nap rather than another feed. She could also just be bored and needs a change of activity. In these situations, try changing up the activity first and see if she settles. If not, start her nap routine and settle her to sleep.

At her age it’s really common for babies to fall asleep while feeding for some feeds. If she does fall asleep, you can break the seal by gently sliding your little finger between her mouth and your nipple. If she starts to root or open her eyes, she’s awake and wants more. But if her eyes stay closed or heavy, try rocking her in your arms to help her drift back off.

If she falls asleep in your arms, try laying her down in the crib once she’s in deep sleep. You’ll know she’s in deep sleep because her body becomes completely still, her breathing slows down, and her eyes stop fluttering underneath her eyelids. When you lay her down, lower her so her legs touch the mattress first, then her bottom, then finally her head. Very slowly slide your hands out from behind her head and bottom. If she starts to stir, place your hand on her arms and legs to dampen those movements. For some babies, this approach helps them continue sleeping.

Settling pyramid timing: I just wanted to check if you’re referring to bedtime or both bedtime and naps? If she’s waking frequently when you lay her down at bedtime and doesn’t actually stay asleep until an hour or more later, this pattern could suggest her bedtime is too early. If that’s the case, for the next 4 days record the time she actually falls asleep and stays asleep at nighttime. This will help you identify her true bedtime.

If you’re referring to naps, it could suggest she isn’t tired enough yet. She might be tired enough to initially fall asleep but not stay asleep, which would indicate you might need to extend her wake windows.

In previous messages, you mentioned she’s starting to stay awake following feeds during the day. I was wondering if she’s still waking frequently when you lay her down for naps with gas pain? Since the feed is happening a while before nap time now, I’m hoping you might have noticed a change.

Gas and getting back on track: You mentioned she’s sometimes unsettled for an hour or more and then happy once she’s pooped. I just wanted to recheck – can you lay her on the ground under a play gym when she’s awake and fed, or do you have to hold her the whole time she’s awake and then to settle her to sleep? Is this pattern of her getting really bothered happening after every feed or just once a day (and if it’s once a day, what time does it happen)?

When she’s in pain from gas, do what you need to do to get through it. But if she had a full feed not long ago, I’d try to settle her in other ways than feeding. When babies feed, the gastro-colic reflex is triggered, which causes the colon to contract and move poop along to make room for more food. This could just trigger the discomfort all over again.

Once she’s settled and the discomfort has passed, look at the clock and determine where you are in your cycle. If she’s due for a nap, offer her a nap. If she just woke from a nap, start the next wake window following the wake, feed, play, sleep routine if possible.

For gas wake-ups during sleep, you can try the settling pyramid, but it might not work because the small amount of sleep she had has reduced some of the sleep pressure – she isn’t as tired anymore. You tend to get the most success with the settling pyramid if they haven’t accidentally fallen asleep or just woken from a short nap. If she starts to protest with the settling pyramid, you can climb it and pick her up, then try to rock her back to sleep in your arms (again trying to reduce the amount of rocking so she falls asleep while you’re standing still). If after 15 minutes of rocking she’s still awake, just start the next wake window.

Does this help clarify things?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

That’s fantastic news about the crib naps – well done! You’re doing an amazing job working through all of this.

At her age, it’s often easier to break the feeding to sleep routine at bedtime, as you have sleep pressure and the circadian rhythm working together to encourage her to fall asleep. So you could definitely just start with the bedtime routine first.

The fact that she’s only taking 2-3 minutes to fall asleep after a feed is actually really positive! It shows she’s developing some independent settling skills, even if she’s still quite drowsy.

The every 3 hours during the day sounds like a solid plan, and you’re absolutely right that as you reduce feeding at sleep times, her interest in daytime feeds should increase!

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Ginger,

Thanks so much for answering my additional questions.

It’s great that your little one has times during the day when she’s more content and milk drunk. If she was always unsettled and appeared to be in pain, I would have wanted you to discuss this with her paediatrician or doctor, but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case, which is wonderful.

In regards to improving her day naps and first stretch of sleep at bedtime, I have a few suggestions.

Wake her at the same time each morning

It sounds like she might be sleeping until 7am, so aim for a 30-minute wake-up window of 7-7:30am. A consistent wake-up time helps her circadian rhythm mature, which in turn makes bedtime more consistent. It also means her first nap will happen around the same time each day.

Offer a longer feed when she wakes

At the moment, it sounds like she’s having a feed when she wakes, then a short play, then showing hunger cues again, having another feed, falling asleep while feeding, and then stirring a lot when you put her down for a nap.

Instead, try combining those two feeds together at the start of her wake window. Here’s what this might look like:

• She wakes and you unwrap her and feed her
• When her sucking slows, pause the feed and change her nappy to wake her up a bit
• Burp her, then offer the feed again
• Pause again if her swallowing slows down

If she falls asleep while feeding, that’s completely fine and very much expected at this age! Just swaddle her and put her to bed.

But when she stays awake after the feed, offer her a short play and start her nap routine when she shows you tired cues (which, by the way, often look like hunger cues).

The reason for condensing the feeding to the beginning of the wake window is that it helps ensure you can settle her to sleep using the settling pyramid. At the moment, I think she’s falling asleep during the second feed, and when you lay her down some of the sleep pressure has worn off, so she’s not as tired anymore.

What you might notice is that you’re able to follow this routine for the first nap or maybe the second nap, but not all of them and this is very normal for this age. Babies often fall asleep while feeding and follow a wake-feed-sleep pattern for parts of the day.

Use the settling pyramid

When she stays awake after a feed and starts to get fussy, first try changing the activity. If she calms down, the fussing was just boredom. But if she doesn’t calm down, that’s a sign she’s tired and needs sleep, so start your nap routine.

After you’ve sung the lullaby, continue rocking her. If she remains calm, lay her down in the crib and use the settling pyramid to help her fall asleep.

If this feels like too big a step, you could use a more gradual approach where you continue to hold her until she falls asleep, but instead of rocking her until she’s asleep, you gradually stop the rocking so she falls asleep in your arms without movement. It might look like this:

• Complete your usual nap or bedtime routine
• Sing the song once while you rock her in your arms
• When the song finishes, start shushing
• Gradually slow down the rocking until you stop, while continuing to shush
• Gradually stop shushing so she falls asleep in your arms without noise or movement

By helping her learn to fall asleep without movement or noise, it’ll make it easier for her to transition to the settling pyramid when she’s ready.

Expect shorter naps

At this age, it’s very normal for naps to vary in length and be short at times. If she wakes when you transfer her into the crib, you can try to settle her back to sleep. But if she stays awake, it might be a sign that you need to start her next wake window (just expect it to be a little shorter). As she gets older, the naps should increase in length.

Period of PURPLE Crying

At 7 weeks, your little one may also be hitting the peak of the Period of PURPLE Crying. This fussy time often appears in the late afternoons and evenings and can be really confusing because babies appear tired and are hard to soothe. But something to keep in mind is that newborns can have very late bedtimes. During this fussy time, cluster feeding is common, as well as short naps.

I’m not sure if this is why your little one might be finding bedtimes challenging, but if it is, there’s a video in the course on the Period of PURPLE Crying which you might find helpful.

Do these suggestions seem possible?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Thais,

Hopefully, the long naps have stayed, as well as those later wake-ups.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Anaïs,

It’s so good to hear that he is already over his cold.

Also, it’s amazing that he is having 1 nap per day in the bassinet!

Hopefully, it keeps improving!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Anaïs,

Thank you so much for answering my questions – it really helps me get a clearer picture!

I’m so sorry to hear your little one has a mild cold. Hopefully it isn’t bothering him too much and he recovers quickly.

It sounds like you’re managing a lot at the moment. You’re right that there’s never a really perfect time, so continuing to persist is a great idea. That said, if he becomes very unwell with the cold, it’s okay to pause and wait until he’s feeling better. When they’re sick it can be more challenging to settle them lying down in the crib, especially if they’re blocked up and congested. I understand you might be hesitant to do this when you’ve already put in 4-5 consistent days, but you should be able to use most of the strategies I mention below to progress his sleeping skills – you just might not use the settling pyramid initially and instead go with the more gradual approach. Either way, it’s totally up to you.

Continue waking within a consistent window Keep waking your little one within a 30-45 minute window. If possible, try to narrow that down to 30 minutes.

Consider tweaking the bedtime routine You mentioned he gets very upset when you pop him in the sleeping bag. What you can consider doing is moving this earlier in the routine. So it might look like this:

• Bath time
• Put on pyjamas and nappy
• Put on sleeping bag
• Feed him either in the bedroom or lounge room with the lights on
• Turn off the lights
• Read a story (optional)
• Sing the song you use to rock to sleep once
• Then either use the settling pyramid or the more gradual approach (outlined below)

Putting him in the sleeping bag earlier might mean he protests less and doesn’t become more alert, which might be happening if he goes into the sleeping bag after a feed. Also, you’re right – there’s no point changing him into a swaddle at this point as you’d likely need to transition him out of it within a few weeks anyway.

Tweak the settling pyramid You mentioned that you start with the settling pyramid but quickly reach the top and then rock him in your arms until he falls asleep after lots of attempts. Instead of laying him down in the crib and starting at the bottom of the pyramid, he might respond better if you immediately start rocking him to the side while he’s lying in the crib. Place your hand on the side of his hip and gently rock him. This approach gives him the movement he seeks, and hopefully if he remains calm while lying in the crib, you could then gently stop the rocking and just continue shushing in view, then move out of sight if he remains calm and continue shushing (so you’re essentially moving back down the pyramid).

If this feels like too big a step, you could use a more gradual approach where you hold him until he falls asleep, but instead of rocking him in your arms until he’s asleep, you gradually stop the rocking so he falls asleep in your arms without movement. It might look like this:

• Complete your usual nap or bedtime routine
• Sing the song once while you rock him in your arms
• When the song finishes, start shushing
• Gradually slow down the rocking until you stop rocking him while you’re standing or sitting still, but continue shushing
• Gradually stop shushing so he falls asleep in your arms without noise or movement

By helping him learn to fall asleep without movement, it’ll make it easier for him to transition to the settling pyramid when he’s ready.

Keep him awake during the final feed When you’re feeding him just before bedtime, you’ll have more success with the settling pyramid if he stays awake during this feed. This can be tricky because babies often fall asleep while feeding and it can be hard to notice as they continue sucking while asleep. You can tell if he’s falling asleep if he doesn’t swallow as often. If he usually sucks 3 times then swallows, but this drops to 5 sucks then swallow, that’s a sign he’s falling asleep and you want to stop the feed. If he does fall asleep while feeding (even if it’s a short nap), his sleep pressure reduces – and this is the main driver for sleep at his age – so he might not be as tired at bedtime and protest more.

Try the settling pyramid for bedtime and the first nap As you’ve noticed, he finds it harder to fall asleep for naps as the day goes on. Generally, you’re more likely to have success with the settling pyramid for the first nap of the day and bedtime (at bedtime, sleep pressure and his circadian rhythm work together to encourage him to fall asleep). If you’re finding it stressful trying to use this approach for all naps, it’s fine to just use it for the first nap and bedtime.

Naps in the carrier If at any point you want him to have a nap in the carrier (perhaps the afternoon naps because he just won’t settle), complete the usual nap routine (ideally in his bedroom), but instead of laying him down in the crib, pop him in the carrier and help him settle to sleep there, trying to stop walking around or bouncing before he falls asleep. This way he’ll still get the opportunity to fall asleep without movement.

Change up the activity You mentioned it’s a bit challenging to know if he’s tired when he starts to grizzle. When he does start to grizzle, change up the activity or go outside and see if he stops. If he does stop, the grizzles were likely just him telling you he was bored and needed a change. But if he continues to grizzle when you make the change, that’s a sign he’s tired and it’s time for sleep.

Expect shorter day naps When he starts letting you settle him to sleep in the crib or you lay him down after he falls asleep, the length of time he stays asleep might be shorter than when he naps in your arms. When they nap in our arms, we tend to bounce, shush or pat when they start to stir between sleep cycles and essentially help them link sleep cycles. But when they’re asleep in the crib, they might briefly wake between sleep cycles and not yet be able to link them, so the nap is shorter. This is completely normal at this age, and what you might need to do is just offer more naps during the day to accommodate the shorter naps.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

I’m so glad you feel confident giving it a go. I really hope it helps break that association and gets her napping in her crib!

Let me know how she progresses.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Catherin,

Thank you so much for answering my questions.

From what you’ve described, it sounds like your little one has dropped down to one nap per day. This is a bit earlier than expected and can sometimes lead to sleep disturbances. However, as you mentioned the waking 30 minutes to an hour after bedtime has been occurring for months, I think these wakes might be due to her falling asleep in your arms while nursing and then waking briefly between sleep cycles, noticing she’s in a different spot, and waking up. I think once you settle her the second time she’s in deep sleep and stays asleep.

Something that could help reduce these wakes and help her drop the 4:30/5am feed is helping her learn how to fall asleep without a feed. The way you’d do this is at bedtime, shift the night-time feed to occur at the start of the bedtime routine – outside the bedroom in a brightly lit room. Then you’d do the rest of the routine and either apply the settling pyramid to help her fall asleep, or if that feels like too big a step, rock her in your arms (while singing a lullaby) and then gradually reduce the movement so she falls asleep in your arms while you or your husband is standing still.

It could look like this:

• Wash her hands and face
• Change her nappy
• Put on her pyjamas
• Feed her
• Walk into the bedroom and close the blinds, put on bedside light
• Put sleep sack on
• Turn on white noise machine
• Turn bedside light off
• Walk around the room singing her a lullaby (the same lullaby you usually sing when you feed her) while you pat and rock her in your arms
• When the song finishes, either lay her down in the cot and apply the settling pyramid, or gradually stop walking around and just continue patting and rocking her. Then stop rocking and just continue patting. Then stop patting and just hold her still in your arms until she falls asleep.

That said, if you’re happy with the current arrangement – as it does sound like she falls asleep well after that brief wake an hour past bedtime – you could move her into her own room now and see if this naturally drops off after the change, and that 4:30am/5am feed does too. Either way, I think it would be fine to move her into her own room now if you feel comfortable, and then work on these wakes afterwards.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

P.s: In regards to shoe recommendations in the video on YT on shoes I do have some brands listed in the description which might help. https://youtu.be/GjIpOKEnlNs

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

That’s great you feel comfortable giving these a go!

Something else I’d suggest: when you’re feeding her 10 minutes after she wakes, try to feed her in a quiet room with minimal distractions (with the lights on or curtains open). This will make it easier for her to focus on the feed rather than getting distracted by what’s going on around her. At this age, they can get very distracted!

Also, while she’s feeding, monitor how often she’s swallowing. If you notice her swallowing slows down and she’s starting to get tired, pause the feed and possibly change her nappy to wake her back up, then finish the feed.

These two things will increase the chances she’ll have a fuller feed (minimising the snacking will also help a lot).

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

No worries about the error post.