[Emma H]

Hi Cherry,

Firstly, a huge congratulations on the safe arrival of your little one! It sounds like you’re doing well.

Also, there’s no such thing as a silly question, as parenthood is such a steep learning curve.

I’ve answered your questions below, so feel free to ask any follow-ups if needed.

1. Settling Pyramid at 4 Weeks

At four weeks, it’s really common for babies to fall asleep during feeding because their wake windows are so short. This often means there isn’t really a window to use the Settling Pyramid. She’s simply not awake long enough after a feed for you to apply it.

Between six to eight weeks, you’ll likely notice that after a feed she starts to stay awake and have a little period of play. That’s when the Settling Pyramid becomes more useful. When you do start, think of it as practice rather than something that should work every time. You’re just introducing her to those steps so she can start experiencing them.

To set yourself up for success, I’d suggest focusing on the first nap of the day and bedtime initially. These are typically the two easiest times to see progress with the pyramid.

2. Different Settling Methods Between You and Your Husband

At this age, I wouldn’t be concerned about having different methods. You’re in survival mode, and that’s completely okay.

From around six to eight weeks, you can start focusing more on a consistent bedtime routine and using the Settling Pyramid, or gradually reducing the amount of movement your husband uses to settle her. But right now, feeding her to sleep is totally normal, and your husband doing whatever he needs to do to get her down is also completely fine.

3. Night Feeds: Duration and Amount

You do not need to keep her awake to “finish” a full feed at night. The fact that she is sleeping well, gaining weight, and generally doing well overnight tells you she isn’t going hungry. She is taking what she needs to satisfy her hunger and going back to sleep. That is perfectly fine.

4. Long Naps and Not Being Put Down

Those long naps are great, and no, you don’t need to wake her. Especially given she’s feeding well, in the 97th percentile, and sleeping well overnight. If she were having long awake periods during the night, we might look at capping naps, but since that’s not happening, leave them as they are.

Your approach of not letting her sleep past three hours is a good one. This just ensures she has enough time during the day to get plenty of feeds in, which can encourage longer stretches of sleep overnight.

Regarding the light sleeping and wanting to be held, here are a few things that can help:

• Start a sleep routine now. Even at this age, a simple, consistent pre-sleep routine will help her start to recognise what comes before sleep. It acts as a sleep cue, and when you do move to the Settling Pyramid later, it won’t feel like such a sudden change for her.
• Use a swaddle if you’re not already. This dampens the startle reflex and can help her stay settled when you place her in the crib, which also gives you a better opportunity to try the Settling Pyramid down the track.
• Gradually reduce movement when settling in arms. This one is particularly useful for your husband. When he’s rocking her with the dummy, he could sing a lullaby while rocking, and then once the lullaby finishes, slowly reduce the rocking so that by the time she drifts off, he’s standing completely still. This makes the eventual transition to the crib and to the Settling Pyramid much easier, because she’s not relying on movement to fall asleep.

I hope this makes sense.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Lizzie,

It’s great that she’s able to settle herself to sleep using the dummy!

Since she’s only 10 weeks old and the dummy isn’t disrupting her sleep, meaning she’s not waking every time it falls out, I wouldn’t worry about removing it right now.

The time to think about fading the dummy out is if it starts causing problems, like:

• She can’t fall asleep because it keeps falling out and you have to keep replacing it
• She’s waking frequently overnight because she’s lost it

For now, the best things to focus on are:

• Keeping a consistent wake-up time each morning
• Following her tired cues
• Having a consistent nap and bedtime routine – this acts as a signal that tells her it’s time to sleep

These habits will also make it much easier to transition away from the dummy later on, if and when you need to!

I hope that helps,
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

Thanks so much for answering all of my questions. Based on everything you’ve shared, I’ve put together a plan for you below.

Swaddle and Sucking Her Hands

You mentioned she falls asleep slower with one arm out but sleeps deeper when she does because she is sucking her hand. This tells me she’s starting to use her hands to self-soothe, which is exactly what we want.

You also mentioned that she seems to settle down more when she’s in the swaddle. Something you can do, if she’s not yet showing early signs of rolling (which is rolling onto a side or lifting her hips), is to swaddle her so that one arm is down, and then swaddle the hand that she likes to suck on up near her face. You’d still include it in the swaddle, but you just position it near her face, as this gives easy access to that hand and then she can suck on it. That might be something worth trying.

If she is starting to show early signs of rolling over, then you will need to get her out of that swaddle. You start by transitioning with one arm out first, and the arm that you would free first is the hand that she’s tending to suck on.

Adjust the Sleep Routine

Given that she is crying intensely regardless of when you put the swaddle on in the routine, but you mentioned that it actually helps her fall asleep quicker, I would think about actually putting the swaddle on earlier in the routine and just having a longer period of time before you enter the bedroom. You could try the following:

• Put the swaddle on in the living room or a bright, active area – not in the bedroom.
• After putting the swaddle on, walk around with her in your arms in the living room for a minute or two until she’s calm.
• Then start singing Twinkle Twinkle as you walk toward the bedroom.
• Continue singing as you walk into the bedroom and do one lap of the room.
• The goal is for her to be hearing the lullaby and feeling the comfort of your arms before she even enters the bedroom, so the transition feels smoother.

This helps prevent the bedroom from becoming a place she associates with distress.

Continue to Work on Falling Asleep Without Movement in Your Arms

Before attempting the settling pyramid again, she needs to consistently fall asleep in your arms without any movement.

When settling her in your arms, try to have her lying horizontal rather than upright, as this position is much closer to how she’ll be lying in the crib and will make the transfer easier. If she’s not tolerating lying horizontally while facing your body, try turning her so her body is facing away from you – similar to the side-lying position I demonstrate in the Period of Purple Crying video where I talk about Dr Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s. This can sometimes feel more comfortable for babies who resist the traditional cradle hold.

Practice this for every nap and bedtime for about 5–7 days, until she’s consistently falling asleep without motion. This is the bridge that will make the settling pyramid much easier.

When she does fall asleep in your arms, remember to adjust your arm position before you lay her down in the crib, as this can reduce the likelihood of her waking during the transfer. This small change can make a big difference. When you’re holding her, her head is probably resting in the crook of your elbow, with your other arm supporting under her body. Before you lower her into the crib, reposition like this:

1. Move the arm that’s under her body so that your hand is now supporting the back of her head.
2. Slide the arm that was under her head down so it’s now supporting the middle of her back.
3. Lower her into the crib legs first – so her legs touch the mattress, then her bottom, then her back, then her head.
4. Once she’s lying down, slowly slide each hand out to the side (rather than pulling them straight out from under her).
5. If she starts to stir. Immediately start patting her and shushing, and then walk your way back down the pyramid

Reintroduce the Settling Pyramid – Start with the First Nap and Bedtime Only

Once she’s consistently falling asleep without movement in your arms, try the settling pyramid for the first nap of the day and at bedtime only. These are the two easiest times for babies to settle because sleep pressure is working in your favour.

When you place her in the crib, rather than starting at the bottom of the pyramid (watch and listen), start higher up:

• Place your hands on her body and gently rock her side to side in the crib while shushing.
• As she starts to calm, gradually reduce the rocking and shushing, and begin descending the pyramid.

If she escalates to crying and you can’t settle her using the pyramid, pick her up and settle her in your arms (without movement).

For all other naps, continue settling her in your arms using Step 3.

Overnight Wakes and Feeds

You mentioned she’s now waking around five times a night, and from what you recorded, it looks like these wake-ups are happening roughly every 1.5 hours. Because the timing between wakes is so consistent – rather than a longer stretch at the start of the night followed by gradually shorter stretches – it suggests she’s waking between every sleep cycle. This is happening because she’s used to falling asleep in your arms, so when she briefly wakes between sleep cycles overnight, she needs that same help to fall back to sleep.

The way to reduce these overnight wakes is by helping her learn to fall asleep in the crib using the settling pyramid. The steps we’ve outlined above will gradually work toward this. What you’ll typically notice is that once a baby can fall asleep independently, the stretch between bedtime and the first feed gradually lengthens. That shift pushes all the other feeds to a later time, and they’ll then naturally start to drop off.

Consistent Wake-Up Time

Continue waking her within that 6:30–7:00am window every morning. This helps regulate her circadian rhythm and makes everything more predictable, nap times, bedtime, and overnight sleep.

Track Her Wake Windows

At 13 weeks, a wake window of around 1.5 hours is appropriate, but if she’s taking a long time to fall asleep, her wake windows may need extending slightly. Try 1 hour 45 minutes and see if she settles more easily. If she’s had a longer nap, you could stretch the wake window by an extra 15 minutes.

Does this sound doable?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Cherry,

First of all, you’re doing an amazing job, please don’t feel guilty!

At this age, babies don’t really follow a set schedule. That usually doesn’t happen until around six months. Right now, in the newborn phase, it’s much better for everyone if you just follow her lead, sleeping when she’s tired and feeding when she’s hungry.

If you haven’t already, have a look at the video where I talk about newborn cues and how to tell when your baby is tired. Every baby is different, and learning her unique signals will make things so much easier.

She’s putting on weight beautifully, she’s sleeping well, you’re doing a great job. You really don’t need to stick to a strict three-hour schedule for her wake windows.

Now, spending an hour feeding is quite a long time for a newborn, so here’s what I’m wondering, she might actually be falling asleep during the feed. This is really tricky to spot because babies will keep sucking even when they’re asleep. The thing to watch for is whether the swallowing slows right down or stops. Their eyes are usually closed anyway while feeding, so the best clue is that change in swallowing. If she is dozing off during feeds, her wake windows might not actually be as long as they seem.

Does that sound like it could be happening with your little one?

As for waking her for feeds during the day, since she’s gaining weight well, sleeping well, and I’m assuming her nappies are normal, you don’t need to stress about this. If she falls asleep after two hours of being awake and then naps for over two hours (meaning it’s been four hours since her last feed), I’d just let her go.

If you are worried, you could try waking her and see what happens. If she wakes up and has a good feed, great! But if she wakes up and doesn’t feed well, that’s just a sign it’s better to follow her lead and let her sleep.

The one thing I would suggest is capping that nap at around three hours. That way, she’ll still have enough time for more naps later in the day, so you won’t end up with a really long stretch of awake time before bedtime.

I hope that helps,

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

I just have a few more questions:

1. You mentioned you’re swaddling her. In the swaddle are her arms up by her head or down by her side?
2. I noticed popping her in the swaddle is the second last step,how would she go if you put her in the swaddle at the start of the routine.
3. When you rock her to sleep in your arms (so immediately after the sleep routine), does she fall asleep quickly (so under 5 minutes) or does it take a long time?

Sorry for asking more questions.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Olga,

At 8 weeks, it’s really common for babies to wake up, feed, and then fall asleep during the feed. When they wake again, they might want to eat straight away or have a little play and that’s completely normal.

What you’ll start to notice over the coming weeks is that your little one will begin staying awake after some feeds instead of dozing off. When that starts happening, you can begin following a wake–feed–play–sleep routine during those windows.

I hope that makes sense.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pav,

Last week, I was thinking the crankiness and occasional split nights might have been because Roh wasn’t getting quite enough sleep, especially since he was still needing to be woken from his naps rather than waking up on his own.

But given that his afternoon crankiness has settled down and the overnight wakes have improved, it sounds like what you’re doing with naps and bedtime is working really well! So there’s no need to start offering his nap at 11:30am.

As you mentioned, Roh does find sleep transitions a little challenging and tends to take a while to adjust, so this all makes sense.

If you’re happy to, I’d suggest just keeping up your usual routine for the next week and seeing if he continues to improve.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

It sounds like the past few days haven’t improved and she is waking move overnight.

Given that, I just have a few questions, which I would love for you to answer. I have listed them below:

• How old is your little one? From my calculations she might be 13 weeks?
• Was she born at full term or premature? If she was born premature how many weeks premature?
• Doe she have formula or breastmilk?
• Have you been able to follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day?
• Does she use a pacifier?
• Can you please describe to me what her nap and bedtime routine looks like?
• Can you also describe to me what her bedroom is like? Is it cool, dark (so dark you can’t read a book) and free from sudden loud noises?
• Also, you mentioned that she has started to wake more overnight – what does it look like overnight now?
• When she wakes overnight, does she fall asleep while feeding and you can transfer her straight into the crib or do you need to hold her.
• When you rock her to sleep for her naps, is she laying down in your arms or is she upright?
• Is she generally happy during the day when she is awake?

Sorry for all the questions!. I am just trying to work out why the settling pyramid isn’t working for your little one.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Pav,

Thanks for sending me Roh’s week. Looking at this, it seems like he started to wake up independently (in the morning) but he was crankier in the afternoons, and had a few overnight wakes. This makes me think he might need a bit more daytime sleep.

Here’s what I’d suggest trying for the next week:

Morning wake time: If he hasn’t woken by 7:00am, wake him then to keep things consistent.

Nap time: Move his nap to 11:30am (instead of 12:00pm), but still wake him at 2:00pm. Since he’s falling asleep within about 5 minutes, this gives him an extra 30 minutes of nap time.

Bedtime: Keep this the same – between 7:00 and 7:30pm.

By giving him that extra sleep during the day, we’re looking to see if it:

• Reduces how long he takes to fall asleep at bedtime
• Helps with the afternoon crankiness
• Cuts down on overnight wakes

Would you be happy to give this a go for a week and see how things look?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Olga,

Thanks so much for recording your little one’s day.

From what you’ve written, it looks like he had 6 naps:

• Nap 1 – 20 mins
• Nap 2 – 30 mins
• Nap 3 – 31 mins
• Nap 4 – 1 hour 20 mins
• Nap 5 – 1 hour
• Nap 6 – 2 hours 15 mins

This totals just under 6 hours of daytime sleep, which is quite a lot for a newborn and is likely why he’s so active and awake overnight.

What I’d suggest trying first:

Most of his naps are around 30 minutes to an hour, it’s really just Nap 6 (the one on you) that’s quite long. I’d start by capping that nap at 1 hour instead of letting it run to 2+ hours.

A couple of things to keep in mind:

1. It may not be enough. If he continues to be active and awake overnight after capping that nap, it could mean his total daytime sleep is still too high and we’d need to cap further.
2. His bedtime may need to shift earlier. With a shorter final nap, the gap before bedtime might be too long for him, so you may need to bring bedtime forward. This could also mean he starts waking a bit earlier in the morning.

Next step: Cap that final nap at 1 hour and see if there are any changes to his overnight activity. If not, let me know and we can look at adjusting things further.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

I am so sorry I seemed to have missed your reply.

Thanks so much for outlining what your little one’s day looks like.

Based on what you recorded, it looks like your little one is having around four naps a day, totalling just under four hours of daytime sleep, which is great for three months.

If you’re aiming for a bedtime around 7:00–7:30pm, it’s a good idea to cap that last nap so it finishes by around 5:30pm. This gives her enough awake time before bed to build up sleep pressure.

From the record, it looks like she’s staying awake for about an hour and a half between naps. If she’s had a longer nap, you could try extending that wake window by about 15 minutes. This can sometimes make it easier for her to settle for naps and may even help her nap for longer.

Overnight Feeds

At three months, it’s really common for babies to still wake overnight for feeds. Looking at the record, she was transferred into bed at 7:55pm and then woke at 11:20pm. Given her last feed was at 6:50pm, that’s nearly four and a half hours since she last ate.

I know she settled back to sleep without a feed at that point, but something to consider is offering a feed when she wakes at that 11:00–12:00 mark. The reason is that feeding her at this first wake-up can push that next feed later, so instead of waking at 1:00am, she might not wake until closer to 3:00am. That shift could then remove the need for that 5:10am feed altogether.

I know it might seem counterintuitive to add in a feed when the goal is fewer wake-ups, but at three months, that 5:00am wake is one of the hardest to resettle. Sleep pressure is low by then and her body clock is naturally encouraging her to wake up. By feeding her earlier in the night, you can shift those later feeds to a time when it’s easier for her to fall back to sleep, which often reduces the total number of overnight wakes. As she gets older, you’d then work on dropping that pre-midnight feed.

Sleep Routine & Settling

How have the last few days been going with the tweaks to the sleep routine and settling pyramid? Have you noticed any changes?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Laura,

Sorry, I’m a little confused about what you mean by “random wake windows,” so I just want to clarify, are her wake windows changing throughout the whole day, as in they’re decreasing across the board? Or are you referring specifically to that first wake window of the day starting to become shorter? Or is it the final wake window before bed that was three hours and is now reducing?

The easiest thing to do would be if you could just update me on what her full routine is currently looking like so I can get a clearer picture.

In terms of bedtime and waking 45 minutes later, there are a couple of possible reasons for this:

1. She’s not quite tired enough – she might have enough sleep pressure to fall asleep, but not enough to actually stay asleep.
2. Something is disturbing her – it’s worth thinking about what’s happening around the house at that time and whether something might be accidentally waking her up.
3. Rolling – I’m not quite sure how you’re settling her to sleep in the crib, whether that’s on her back or her tummy. But if she’s falling asleep on her back and then rolling onto her tummy during her sleep, that could be what’s causing her to wake 45 minutes later. If that is the case, something to consider is whether you start settling her to sleep on her tummy. A lot of babies actually find that once they can roll over, they prefer to sleep on their tummy. If you do decide to try this, you just want to make sure her sleep space is safe, meaning free from any loose items.

The easiest way to figure out whether it’s a tiredness issue is if you can tell me what her daytime routine looks like. Would that be okay?

Thanks,
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pav,

Offering him a slightly earlier nap on these days would be fine and letting him sleep for slightly longer as a result would be a good idea. Just based on your initial recording if he slept past 2:30pm he tended to fall asleep after 8pm. So I would just make sure you cap the nap at 2:30pm.

I would also be keen to see what this week looks like, as I am interested if Roh starts waking up independently from the majority of naps and mornings. If he is still needing to be woken then we might need to tweak the length of his naps to make them slightly longer. As generally if a bub is getting enough sleep they wake up on their own, so if he isn’t then it could suggest we need to give him the opportunity to have a longer nap.

Does this make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Lizzie,

It sounds like you’ve been trying a lot of different things, and I can hear it feels like it’s getting harder rather than easier. But I do want to point out, the fact that your little one can now fall asleep in your arms without movement is a huge step forward from where you started.

I have a few changes I’d recommend trying. I’ve broken them down below so they’re easier to work through.

1. Move the Nappy Change Earlier in Her Wake Window

Rather than changing her nappy as part of the nap or bedtime routine, try doing it earlier – ideally shortly after a feed or midway through her play time. Most babies, especially newborns, really dislike nappy changes, and if she’s already tired, it becomes one more thing she has to push through before sleep. That frustration can tip her over the edge before you’ve even started settling.

If her nappy is only slightly wet at nap time, that’s okay, with barrier cream on, it shouldn’t bother her. Of course, if she’s done a poo, you’ll still need to change it.

2. Start the Routine Outside the Bedroom

If she’s becoming distressed as soon as you begin the bedtime or nap routine in the bedroom, try starting parts of it in the living room to break that association. Here’s what that could look like:

• Put the swaddle on in the living room.
• Read the book out there too.
• Walk around the living room while patting her so she’s calm in your arms. You could also pop the dummy in at this point to help her settle.
• Once she’s calm, walk into the bedroom, turn off the lights, and sing the lullaby in the semi-dark.
• Then try laying her down in the crib and start the settling pyramid.

Sometimes just changing up the routine slightly is enough to reduce the distress they start to associate with certain environments.

3. Focus the Settling Pyramid on the First Nap and Bedtime

During the newborn phase, you’re most likely to get success with the settling pyramid at the first nap of the day and at bedtime. As the day goes on and sleep pressure shifts, the consecutive naps tend to get harder to settle. So if you can’t get there with every nap, that’s completely okay – just prioritise that first nap and bedtime, and keep giving her the opportunity to try.

4. Consider Introducing the Dummy Earlier in the Routine

I know you were keen to hold off on the dummy, but it’s very common during the newborn phase for babies to suck to sleep and using the dummy earlier in the routine might actually make it easier for her to transition from your arms into the crib.

Here’s one approach you could try:

• Offer the dummy from the beginning of the routine and let her use it while you work through the settling pyramid in the crib.
• Just before she falls asleep, try gently popping the dummy out – place your middle finger between the dummy and the corner of her mouth and ease it out.
• Some babies will do that final step of falling asleep on their own without it. Others will wake up more, and you’ll need to leave it in.

This gives you a way to get her used to settling in the crib first, whether the dummy stays in or comes out. If she does need it in, we can work on removing it later, the priority right now is just getting that crib settling established.

One Last Thing to Keep in Mind

With newborns, the window between tired and overtired is very short – they can escalate quickly. So if she tips into that overtired zone despite your best efforts, that’s normal. Ideally, you’d aim to start the routine a little earlier, but it’s not always possible to catch it in time, and that’s okay.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Annie,

No worries at all. I was hoping you were busy putting everything into practice! It’s great to hear you’ve made some progress. Regarding your questions, I have answered them below.

Early Morning Wake-Ups

Since he’s been waking around 6–6:30 and isn’t really interested in playing during that first wake window, I’d suggest trying to feed him when he wakes and get him back to sleep until 7:30.

I wouldn’t let him sleep past 7:30 though, because with a 7:30 bedtime, that would mean 12+ hours of overnight sleep and most babies only do around 10–12 hours. So try feeding him at that early wake, settling him back to sleep, and then waking him at 7:30 to start the day. See how that goes over the next few days.

Daytime Settling

It’s really common for babies to start protesting when they recognise the sleep routine. One thing that can help is mixing it up slightly. For example, put his swaddle on in the living room instead of the bedroom. Walk around and pat him until he’s calm, and then go into the bedroom to sing the lullaby. That small change can sometimes reduce the resistance.

I also wanted to ask, have you been able to put him down in the crib and settle him to sleep using the settling pyramid for naps yet, or is he falling asleep in your arms? And if he is, how have you gone, reducing the rocking so he’s falling asleep without movement?

If you are trying the settling pyramid and he’s protesting a lot, what you can do is do a more gradual approach. By that, I mean you would do your nap routine, sing that lullaby, rock him a few moments in your arms. Then, when he’s calm, you would place him in the crib but immediately you would start patting him or you could even place your hand on his chest or underneath his bottom and start rocking him to the side. Then you gradually stop that rocking movement, continuing to shush him and keep your hand on his bottom or his chest. Then, if he stays calm, remove your hand and just shush in sight and then out of sight. Sometimes, going from the top of the pyramid down as soon as you place him in the crib can make that transition a little bit easier.

Overnight Settling

It’s fantastic that you’ve cut down those overnight feeds. It makes complete sense that he settles easily after feeds in the first half of the night but is harder to resettle later on, that’s because babies are in deeper sleep earlier in the night and lighter sleep in the second half, which makes those later wake-ups trickier.

Does that make sense?

Emma