[Emma H]

Hi Catherine,

Keep an eye on what time she naturally falls asleep at night—this will help you identify her true bedtime. Her bedtime might shift slightly depending on when her last nap ends, so tracking nap times can help as well. From what you’ve described, it sounds like her bedtime might be around 6:00–6:30 pm. Hopefully, this isn’t too tricky given her big brother’s bedtime is similar.

Helping her learn to fall asleep independently in her crib, both at bedtime and during naps, will support her in developing the skills to link sleep cycles and extend her naps. However, remember that naps typically become longer and more predictable around 5–6 months of age. She might continue taking shorter naps until then, but with practice, she might start extending them earlier.

In response to your question, “Does bedtime create a better environment for learning self-soothing techniques?” the short answer is yes—bedtime usually offers the best chance of success. This is because at bedtime, two factors work together: sleep pressure (the body’s natural urge to sleep) and the circadian rhythm (the body’s internal clock signalling it’s time to sleep). During naps, only sleep pressure is present. Additionally, bedtime typically occurs at a consistent time each day, whereas nap times can be less predictable, especially for babies under 6 months. These combined factors mean you’re more likely to have success with the settling pyramid at bedtime.

Hopefully, you’ve continued to have success the past few days.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Catherine,

It’s wonderful to hear you’re already seeing success settling your little one in the bassinet for her first two naps! It’s absolutely fine to keep patting her to sleep for now as she gets used to this new way of settling. When you’re ready, I’d suggest gradually reducing the patting: in a few days, try slowing the patting down and eventually stopping it altogether, leaving just your hand resting on her. After another few days, aim to remove your hand before she’s completely asleep. Of course, if she adapts quickly, feel free to move through these steps sooner.

At around 12.5 weeks, 45-minute naps are common. I understand this might seem shorter than the naps she had in the wrap, but that’s because babies often sleep longer in a wrap since our movements naturally soothe them back to sleep.

To help her stay awake during feeds after the second nap, consider giving her a few minutes of playtime immediately after waking, before feeding her. This ensures she’s fully awake for the feed. However, if she wakes very hungry and upset, definitely feed her right away. If she happens to fall asleep during feeding, just start counting her next wake window from when she wakes up after the feed.

If you feel ready, bedtime is also a great time to try settling her in the bassinet using the settling pyramid. If 6 pm is consistently her bedtime, then stick with this time. However, from your message, it sounds like 6 pm might not always be consistent—could you clarify this for me?

Lastly, you asked, “Will bassinet bed sleeping perhaps also improve her wakefulness?” Could you please clarify this question a bit more? I’m just not exactly sure what you’re asking.

Thanks

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leonor,

Thanks so much for the update. It does look like there have been some changes in her sleep patterns over the past week. And from the data you have provided it does look like her bedtime has shifted to 8 – 8:30pm

You made the right decision dropping that final nap on 26th May when she wasn’t settling by 6:00pm. Some days there simply isn’t enough time to fit in that last nap and still have a proper bedtime. When this happens, moving bedtime earlier is exactly what you should do. I’d suggest keeping track of how often you need to skip this nap – if it’s happening regularly, it might mean she’s ready to drop it completely and have an earlier bedtime.

The 30-40 minute wake-up after she first goes to sleep is a bit unusual, since usually that first stretch is the longest sleep of the night. These brief wake-ups often happen when babies haven’t been awake long enough before bedtime to build up enough sleep pressure. Essentially they’re tired enough to fall asleep, but not tired enough to stay asleep. So it is very possible that a longer wake window before bedtime could eliminate those 30 – 40 minute wake-ups.

Another potential cause for these 30-40 minute wake-ups could be external disturbances as she transitions between sleep cycles. Consider whether you or anyone else might be moving around the bedroom or using an adjacent bathroom around this time. If you do have to enter the room around this time, have a quick look at the baby monitor and make sure that she’s completely still before entering the room. If she isn’t moving it indicates she is in deep sleep and she’s unlikely to wake. If she is moving around or making sounds it suggests she’s transitioning between cycles or in REM sleep and more likely to be disturbed.

It’s great that she is sleeping for longer stretches overnight! It is still very likely that her sleep has matured, as sleep cycles in the day are short (between 30- 45 minutes) and sleep cycles overnight are longer (between 60 – 90 minutes).

The regular 7:00-7:30am wake-up time has definitely helped make her first nap more consistent. You’re right that when this first nap varies in length, it changes the timing of all her other naps. If you want to make the day more predictable, you could wake her after two hours of that first nap. I know you weren’t keen on this idea last week, but it would make her second nap much more predictable. Of course, if you’re happy with how things are now, that’s fine too.

As you have noticed wake windows do change depending on the length and quality of the previous nap. Given that she is finding it harder to fall asleep following a 1 1/2 wake window then you could go back to following her sleepy cues.

It sounds like she is becoming more aware of her surroundings and this is making it more challenging for her to fall asleep out and about. That is very normal for this age. But as you have noticed when she is tired enough she will eventually fall asleep when she is outside.

Since she’s waking when you move her from your arms onto the bed, the most effective solution is to help her fall asleep directly on the bed using the settling pyramid.

If you’re comfortable giving this a try, I recommend starting at bedtime because her circadian rhythm and sleep pressure naturally make it easier to fall asleep then. You can also try it during her first nap of the day, as babies generally settle more easily at this time. Just keep in mind, the first nap might be shorter initially, which is completely normal—it simply means you’ll need to adjust the timing of her subsequent naps slightly.

How do you feel about giving this a try?

Emma

• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

Thanks so much for updating me on Maxi’s nap schedule!

I have a couple more questions:

• When Maxi is sleeping, do you notice if his legs seem restless, moving constantly?

• Have you found that the 2-hour wake window helps Maxi settle quicker at bedtime and reduces his waking 30 minutes after being placed in the co-sleeper?

If you haven’t noticed improvement, it likely means Maxi is waking between sleep cycles and calling out for you because he’s used to sleeping on your chest.

It’s fantastic you’re starting to settle him while standing still before transferring him to the co-sleeper.

You mentioned you haven’t yet been able to lay him in the co-sleeper and use the settle pyramid. What I’m wondering is if Maxi would tolerate it better if you modified it a little, so that as soon as you place him in the co-sleeper you immediately start at the top and then work your way down. So it would look like this:

• After singing the lullaby, gently place Maxi in the co-sleeper and immediately offer physical comfort and shushing. But instead of patting, gently rock him side-to-side while he’s lying down. You can see me demonstrate this at 11:13 in the video “Live Example: Helping Your Baby Fall Asleep.” I just think Maxi might prefer the rocking motion to the patting based on what you have said.

• When he calms down, gradually slow your rocking while continuing to shush.

• If he remains calm, stop rocking but keep shushing, staying in his line of sight.

• If he continues to stay calm, keep shushing but gradually move out of his sight.

If Maxi becomes upset when you stop rocking, just rock him to sleep while he’s lying down in the co-sleeper for the next 3 nights. Then once he gets familiar with this new way of settling to sleep, see if you can gradually slow down the rocking and just let him fall asleep with your hand on his chest. Then after a few nights of that, aim to remove your hand before he falls asleep. Then eventually move out of his line of sight before he falls asleep.

For this approach to work well, it’s essential Maxi doesn’t fall asleep during the final bedtime feed, though I know this can be challenging. Here are some tips to help:

• Keep the lights on in the room that you are feeding him in.
• Pay close attention to how often he is swallowing during that feed. If you notice that he is sucking but not swallowing every 3 – 4 sucks then that’s a sign that he is falling asleep or already asleep. If he has fallen asleep then it is going to be very hard to use the modified settling pyramid, as that sleep pressure would be lower (even if it was a very short nap). If he falls asleep while feeding just lay him down in the co-sleeper asleep. But if you catch him before he falls asleep, reposition him to wake him back up if you feel like he needs more milk. But if you feel like he doesn’t need more then stop the feed and finish the rest of the bedtime routine.

Another thing you can do to increase the chances of the modified settling pyramid working is tweaking his bedtime routine slightly, so that he continues to remain in that relaxed state after his final feed. So it would look like this:

• As he gets drowsy, keep the lights bright and play your Disney lullaby.
• Change his diaper, put on PJs and sleeping bag.
• Offer a final feed before bed—making sure he stays awake
• Walk into the bedroom, turn on the white-noise machine
• +/- Read one short book together. (if this wakes him up I would think about skipping the reading for now).
• Sing your lullaby while gently rocking him side to side.
• Lay him down in the crib and apply the modified settling pyramid.

Lastly, I just wanted to reassure you that if Maxi cries when placed in the co-sleeper but pauses between cries, he’s just saying ‘Hey this is new’. It can be tough to hear, but he’s okay, especially as you’re right there offering comfort. Just give him a few minutes to settle into this new way of falling asleep. However, if he is crying continuously without breaks, pick him up and comfort him immediately.

Does this sound doable?

Emma

[Emma H]

Wow Livia that is huge!

I am so excited for you both!

She would be so much happier now and it really sounds like she is doing so well with settling in the crib.

I hope the flight goes smoothly and you enjoy your family time!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Holly,

Firstly, I just want to say you’re doing an amazing job. I know it’s a lot to figure out, especially with all the suggestions I’m giving you – it can definitely feel overwhelming!

The good news is you’ve already made fantastic progress: you’ve managed to fade out rocking Zoey to sleep, she’s waking less frequently at the start of the night and overnight, and she’s less resistant to her crib. These are huge wins!

Regarding Zoey’s first nap of the day, something you might find helpful is noting down the exact time she falls asleep in your arms for a few days. If you notice she’s consistently falling asleep later than you expect, it could mean she needs a slightly longer wake window in the morning. If that’s the case, try putting her down for her first nap at this new, adjusted time and see if that helps her settle more easily.

Also, if offering a contact nap once or twice a day works well for both of you, it’s completely okay to keep doing that. Just continue practicing using the settling pyramid at bedtime and for that first nap to gradually build her independence.

In regards to bedtime, I hope you’re having more success with Zoey falling asleep while you’re out of the room. But if you’re not and you find that both of you are getting distressed, there’s another gentle option you could try. You mentioned Zoey fell asleep twice while you were lying on the floor, so you could adapt that idea. Here’s how it would work:

• Place a dining chair beside Zoey’s crib.
• Complete Zoey’s bedtime routine
• Lay her in her crib and immediately start patting her if she is upset and trying to stand up (if you can, sit on the chair while doing this)
• Once she is calm, stop patting her and continue shushing while you sit on the chair
• Gradually stop shushing so that she falls asleep with just the white noise on.
• Repeat this for the next 2 nights. leaving the chair where it is.
• If she is falling asleep while you’re sitting on the chair – move the chair slightly closer to the bedroom door and follow the same approach, moving down the settling pyramid while you sit on the chair.
• Repeat this for the next 2 nights. leaving the chair where it is.
• Then if she is managing this well, on night 7 move the chair slightly closer to the bedroom door and then repeat the usual routine. The aim is to move the chair every 2- 3 days so that eventually the chair and you are outside the bedroom.

If you feel like this approach might work better, I just want you to keep in mind it may take a few weeks to fully transition out of the room. Additionally, those early-morning wakes at around 2 am and 4 am might continue until Zoey can consistently fall asleep without your presence in the room.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It’s great that you’ve started reducing your movement when Maxi falls asleep in your arms at bedtime – this is a fantastic first step!

To help you have more success settling him to sleep in the crib (for both naps and bedtime), could you please update me on Maxi’s current sleep schedule? Specifically:

• What time does he typically wake up in the morning?

• When does he take his naps, and what time does he usually wake from these naps?

• What time is his bedtime currently?

It’s been just over a month since we last discussed Maxi’s nap timings, and since babies’ sleep needs change so rapidly during their first year, an update would really help.

I appreciate you providing these details again – I just want to make sure we’re setting you up for success!

Thanks so much,
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Livia,

Firstly, it’s so good to hear that Emilia’s reflux is settling down since you’ve eliminated dairy from your diet. It would be such a relief to finally know what is causing her the pain and discomfort.

It also looks like she is adjusting so well to the sleep training, with you already getting some naps in the crib! That’s huge!

It’s great that you read the other posts and started making Emilia’s wake-up time more consistent.

In regards to following a nap routine when she is going to nap in the stroller. This is how you can tweak it slightly so it works:

• Take her into the bedroom.
• Swaddle her and offer her pacifier.
• Then walk downstairs while you hold her in your arms
• Sing her the lullaby while you rock her in your arms (if you feel comfortable doing this)

• Lay her in the crib and settle her to sleep there, by putting your hand on her or just walking (often the movement is enough to lull them to sleep).
  

If you find it challenging to carry all the items plus Emilia while she is swaddled downstairs, then just swaddle her downstairs, pop the pacifier in and then sing the lullaby and lay her in the pram to settle her to sleep.

In regards to settling her to sleep when you are not at home, I recommend you just follow a mini routine. So it might be +/- swaddle, offer the pacifier, sing her a lullaby while you rock her in your arms and then settle her to sleep.

Regarding your trip tomorrow: When you wake her at 3:30 am, it’s likely she’ll easily go back to sleep, especially if you’re wearing her. For the rest of that travel day, I suggest just following her cues and feeding her whenever she’s hungry.

Since you’re only staying there for 1–2 weeks and there’s only a one-hour time difference, I recommend keeping her on her current schedule rather than adjusting her fully to the new time zone. For example, her usual wake-up time at home is between 8:00 and 8:30 am. After you move to the new time zone, she’ll naturally wake between 7:00 and 7:30 am local time (because that corresponds to her usual 8:00–8:30 am wake-up at home).

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leonor,

Unfortunately, the last nap of the day can be a little more challenging.

Something you could try is to mix up her routine slightly for this nap. So for example, you could complete most of the nap routine in the living room and then take her into the bedroom to sing the lullaby and settle her to sleep. Sometimes simply changing up the routine slightly can stop the protest.

The other thing I recommend you do is note down when her previous nap ends and when she actually falls asleep for that final nap. This might show you what her ideal wake window is just before that final nap.

Another reason she might be fighting that nap is because she is getting ready to drop it. Do you think that is the case? I know this might be a little hard to answer as we are currently trying to work out what her natural rhythm is.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It’s great that he loves playing on the floor and is happy to lie on his back while he is awake and playful!

Yep, you’re right implementing the feed before the nap would mean that he would follow a wake – eat – play – eat (30 minutes before the nap) for both daytime naps and before he goes to bed at night. I would just try this approach for a few days to see if it helps him nap for longer stretches. But it is really important that when you feed him the 30 minutes before nap time, he doesn’t fall asleep. If he does fall asleep while feeding, his sleep pressure will be lower at nap time and as a result he might protest more because he simply isn’t tired. It can be really tricky to notice when they are falling asleep while feeding, as they continue to suck. So if you notice that Maxi is sucking but not swallowing every few mouthfuls (so you can’t see or hear him swallow) then he is falling asleep or already asleep. So try to keep an eye on that.

I do think the key to getting him to nap for longer is helping him learn how to fall asleep on his own in the co-sleeper. I know you have been working hard on helping him learn this skill at bedtime. Have you continued to try using the settling pyramid for naps or are you settling him to sleep in your arms?

I just wanted to clarify something. When you do Maxi’s bedtime routine is he falling asleep before you lay him down in the co-sleeper and then try the settling pyramid? So is he falling asleep while you are feeding him or walking around the living room with him? Or do you do the routine below and he is awake when you lay him in the co-sleeper? So his bedtime routine looks like this:

• Between 6-7pm Maxi gives sleepy cues
• Dim all the living room lights
• Play the same Disney lullaby,
• Diaper change
• Pyjama on
• Sleep sack on in the living room
• Possibly read a book if he’s still awake or walk a little with him in the living room.
• Possibly one more breastfeed if he’s searching for the breast
• Then lay him in the co-sleeper awake and try the settling pyramid

Also, it’s so nice to hear that you are enjoying Play, Develop, Thrive.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

Thanks so much for updating me on how Maxi is going – I have been thinking of you all.

In regards to sleeping on his tummy – if he can get there naturally by himself then it is fine to let him sleep on his tummy. You just need to make sure the sleep environment is safe – so a firm, flat mattress with no loose blankets or loose toys etc.

If you feel that giving him a top-up feed 30 minutes before his nap might help him sleep for longer then it’s fine to give it a try and see if it does. Doing this shouldn’t have an impact on his bedtime. It’s just important to make sure that he doesn’t fall asleep while having that second feed. So feed him in a bright room and if you notice that he stops swallowing or he doesn’t swallow as often that’s a sign he is falling asleep. So pause the feed, reposition him to wake him up and then start the feed again if you feel he is still hungry.

The other option is to make sure he has a fuller feed for that first feed. One way you can do this is feed him, then when you notice that he is slowing down or not swallowing as often, pause the feed, potentially change his nappy to make him more alert and then top him up with another feed.

In regards to your question about if I have any other suggestions to help with getting Maxi comfortable with sleeping in the crib instead of on you – I am just going to think about this for a little more and get back to you tomorrow.

Something I was wondering is if he enjoys playing while lying on his back? Does he spend time during the day lying on the floor or another surface or is he in a carrier for most of the day?

Have a great weekend too!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Val,

I’m glad the plan sounds okay.

Please do let me know how it goes!

I really hope you have a lovely weekend!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Giedre,

It’s great to hear the suggestions helped a little.

It sounds like an 11:3am nap works better for your little one.

It also looks like she might have had a few rough nights at the end, but it looks like she is falling asleep consistently around 8:30pm now which is great.

I was just wondering when you say that you move back down the pyramid before she falls asleep, does this mean you move out of her line of sight, so that she falls asleep without you in view?

You also mentioned that she is waking more often overnight. It sounds like this might now be 4 times overnight instead of 2 – 3 times. Are you able to describe what overnight looks like:

• What are the timing of these wakes?
• What you do for each of these wakes (so how you settle her back to sleep – eg, patting, feeding ect),
• What time in the night do you move her into your bed?
• If she falls back to sleep easily or if she is staying awake for ages?

I hope you have a lovely weekend too!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Livia,

Thanks so much for answering all my questions!

You’re right that Emilia’s nap timing and length are still unpredictable – this is very normal for a 3-month-old.

However, it’s great to see that she’s managed to stay asleep in the crib after transferring from your arms, even napping up to an hour and a half at times. I was initially concerned that her reflux might disrupt her sleep when lying flat, but it sounds like she’s coping well, which is fantastic!

How did your appointment with the paediatric gastroenterologist go? Were they happy with how the medication is working? Have you noticed any changes since stopping dairy?

In regards to improving Emilia’s sleep, I have a few recommendations:

Tweak Her Wake-Up Time

You mentioned that Emilia doesn’t yet have a consistent wake-up time and you’re deciding between 7 and 8 am. At her age, babies typically wake up early, between 6 and 7 am, due to their natural sleep patterns. Over the next month, as Emilia’s circadian rhythm (her internal body clock) matures, you might find she naturally starts waking up earlier.

It’s also important to know that an earlier wake-up usually leads to an earlier bedtime. To help support Emilia’s developing circadian rhythm, you can start waking her consistently within a 30-minute time frame each morning.

• If you’re happy with her current bedtime, you might aim for her wake-up time to be between 8:00 and 8:30 am.

• If you’d prefer her bedtime to shift slightly earlier, try waking her between 7:30 and 8:00 am.

Make the First Nap More Consistent

To help make your days more predictable and gently encourage Emilia into a consistent nap routine, try scheduling her first nap around the same time each morning. This approach works best when her wake-up time is regular.

From what you’ve shared, it seems Emilia usually stays awake for about 1 hour and 15 minutes before needing her next nap, though sometimes a bit longer. To start creating this consistency, try putting her down for her first nap about 1 hour and 15 minutes after she wakes up.

For example, if she wakes at 7:30 am, aim to start her nap between 8:30 and 8:45 am. By doing this regularly, you’ll notice that the timing of this nap naturally becomes more predictable, usually falling within about a 30-minute window each day.

Swaddling

You mentioned that Emilia seemed to sleep better when you returned to using the traditional swaddle. Has this improvement continued? If so, I recommend continuing with the traditional swaddle for now while we focus on improving her naps.

However, please keep an eye out – if Emilia starts to roll or shows any signs that she’s learning to roll, you’ll need to stop using the swaddle immediately for safety reasons.

Follow a Nap Routine (Even for Carrier or Stroller Naps)

It would be great if you could introduce a nap routine (even if she is napping in the carrier) as these activities will become a sleep association, letting Emilia know that it’s time to go to sleep. The idea is that once she learns what these activities mean, when you do them before a nap and lay her down in the crib, the transition won’t be as jarring and it should make it easier for Emilia to adjust and then as a result easier for you to apply the settling pyramid to help her fall asleep. If you are happy to implement a nap routine, you just want to make sure it is a shorter version of the bedtime routine. So it might be something like this:

If Emilia naps in the crib:

• Take her into the bedroom.

• Swaddle her and offer her pacifier.

• Darken the room and turn on white noise.

• Gently rock her while singing the same familiar bedtime song.

• If she’s calm, lay her down awake in the crib and use the settling pyramid.

• If she’s unsettled or you’re not ready to try the settling pyramid, help her fall asleep in your arms, but aim for her to fall asleep without movement. Here’s how:

  1. After you finish singing, continue rocking her in your arms.

  2. Begin adding a gentle “shh” rhythm alongside the rocking.

  3. Gradually slow the rocking until you’re barely moving – just shushing.

  4. Finally, stop shushing and stand still and silent until she drifts off.

  By reducing the rocking, Emilia will learn to fall asleep while you’re standing still, which will make it much smoother to transition her into the crib and use the settling pyramid when she’s ready.

If Emilia naps in the stroller:

• Take her into the bedroom.

• Swaddle her and offer her pacifier.

• Darken the room and turn on white noise.

• Rock her gently and sing your usual bedtime song.

• Place her in the stroller and then begin your walk.

If Emilia naps in the carrier:

• Take her into the bedroom.

• Offer her pacifier (no swaddle needed).

• Darken the room and turn on white noise.

• Rock gently while singing your bedtime song.

• Place her in the carrier and begin your walk.
  If staying at home, settle her in the carrier but stop moving just before she falls asleep. This practice helps her learn to fall asleep without needing movement.

Bedtime Routine

Bedtime is usually the best time to use the settling pyramid because their circadian rhythm and sleep pressure are working together encouraging them to fall asleep. But since Emilia needs to be held upright after feeding – and often falls asleep during that time – it might make it slightly challenging to use the settling pyramid at bedtime. Simply because her sleep pressure will lower while she sleeps, so when you do lay her down in the crib at the end of the bedtime routine she may not feel quite as tired and could protest more. For that reason, you might have more success applying the settling pyramid to her naps, where there’s no feed immediately beforehand.

That said, you can still give the settling pyramid a go at bedtime – just work to keep her awake during and immediately after the feed. One simple trick is to nurse her in a more stimulating space (for example, the lounge instead of the bedroom). The extra sights and sounds may help counteract the naturally soothing effect of sucking, though it can still be challenging.

If using the settling pyramid is too challenging at this point, continue settling her to sleep in your arms. But try and stop the rocking before she falls asleep, so that she falls asleep while you are standing still.

Does any of this sound doable?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Holly,

How have the last few days gone?

Have you been able to stretch that final wake window at the end of the day slightly and have you noticed if it has eliminated those bedtime struggles?

Regarding the morning when you let her sleep until 7am – that really shouldn’t have thrown things off too much since it was still within that recommended 30-minute wake-up window. That said if she was consistently having that first nap at 8am (when she was waking consistently at 6am) then she might have been ready for a nap at 8am. But it sounds like her wake-up time is shifting a little from 6am to 6:30/6:45am, so she might just need a few days to adjust to this shift and as a result a slightly later first nap.

Does that make sense?

Emma