[Emma H]

Hi Daniela!

I can completely understand how exhausting and overwhelming this situation must feel for you and your husband.

From what you’ve described it sounds like your little one has learnt that he falls asleep with you present. This is perfectly understandable given the circumstances you’ve described, with all the travel and disrupted routines.

But there are definitely things that you can do to help him learn to fall asleep in the crib without you needing to be present, without using the cry it out method.

To help you achieve this I just have a few questions. So when you have time can you please answer the questions below?

1. What time does he typically wake in the morning, and does this stay fairly consistent within a 30-minute window?
2. Do you follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day?
3. Could you share the timing and general duration of his naps throughout the day?
4. Do you have a specific nap routine that you follow? If so, could you describe it?
5. Could you also describe your bedtime routine?
6. How do you settle him to sleep? You mentioned you have to stay in the room with him until he falls asleep. Does this mean you finish the nap routine, lay him down in the crib awake and then sit/stand beside the crib until he falls asleep?
7. Does he use a pacifier?
8. Is the room that he is sleeping in cool, dark (so you can’t read a book) and quiet?
9. At bedtime, does he start in the crib and then wake overnight, at which point you put him in bed with you? Or do you just go straight to co-sleeping?
10. Does he sleep on his tummy or back?
11. Does he have a consistent bedtime? If so what time is it?

Sorry for the questions! But they really will help me identify the best way to help your little one start sleeping in the crib.

Something you can do over the next few days (if you’re not already) is the make crib a less scary place, by letting him play in it with his favourite toys during the day – when it’s not nap time. Just keep these play sessions short – just a few minutes at first as we don’t want him to get upset. Something that might make it more exciting for him is having ‘crib only toys’ – so toys that he only gets to play with when he is in the crib. This novelty of ‘new’ toys will increase the chances that he will be happy to play in the crib. If though you find that letting him play while he is in the crib upsets him, then don’t worry about doing this just yet.

Again, sorry for all the questions.
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Kate,

It’s great to hear that your little one is more settled now.

It’s also great to hear that you have figured out a technique which works for her to get her to sleep easily.

Your approach of adding other associations in parallel is fantastic.

I was just wondering if you could provide me with a bit of up-date on what your little one is doing before I provide some suggestions on how you can gently shift the feed to sleep association.

1. Can you walk me through her nap routine now? It sounds like it might be:

• walk into her room
• sing her a song
• read her a book
• shush her
• lay her in the crib and hold the bottle while she feeds while you pat her

Is this correct?

2. When you say you have tried moving feeding time away from nap time, does that mean you tried to follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine? Or did you still offer a feed at nap time but you moved it to the start of the nap routine?

3. Does she have a consistent wake-up time? If so what time?
4. Does she have a consistent bedtime? If so what time?
5. How many naps is she having per day? And do these occur around the same time every day?
6. How long does she nap for?

Sorry for the questions again!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

It sounds like your little one has made some lovely gains with her sleep – with bedtime now at 10-11 pm rather than 12am.

It’s great that you have capped her daytime naps to 2 hours and kept her wake windows to a max of 2 hours.

On the days when your little one has a 3 hour nap it’s fine to let her sleep. Based on the nap schedule you wrote it looks like she might be having 5 -6 naps a day, so on the days when she has a 3 hour nap she might only need 3 – 4 naps that day.

If it becomes a regular pattern then we might need to look at her overall routine and see if this longer nap is having an impact on her night time sleep.

Regarding her wake up time, it would be great if you could keep that within the 30 minute window. I understand you’re concerned that she might not have slept enough overnight, but having a consistent wake up time, will help encourage her to sleep more overnight and help her bedtime become more consistent. Based on what you recorded it looks like a wake window of 8:30 – 9am would be okay.

If you would like to move her bedtime to an earlier time though, you might want to try an 8 – 8:30am wake window. Or even at 7:30 – 8am window if you can manage that.

It’s great that blocking that morning light has made it easier for her to fall back to sleep if she wakes during the early morning hours.

Also good to hear the swaddle is working well – by the way I didn’t realise it gets that hot in the UK! When I visited years ago in summer it didn’t get that hot at all.

At 3 months of age it’s really common for them to become distracted while feeding, particularly during the daytime. Something you can try to increase her daytime feeds is when she wakes from a nap, get her up and let her play for 10 minutes (if she isn’t too hungry) and then take her into a quiet room, partially close the door so the room is slightly darker and then feed her. As she has just woken up from a nap, she is unlikely to fall asleep while feeding and the slightly darken room, may help to make the room less distracting for her, encouraging her to have a longer feed.

In regards to her bedtime, it does take them time to adjust to the new bedtime – typically 2 – 3 days. But the other important factor to moving bedtime earlier is keeping her wake-up time consistent. So I do expect that when you start to keep her wake-up time consistent, it will be easier to shift bedtime to an earlier time.

Regarding dropping overnight feeds, I step you through how to do that in the 4 month regression video in the course. Have you had a chance to watch that one yet?

But, something else I wanted to mention is that since she is waking at consistent times overnight (so every 2 – 3 hours) then it suggests she is waking between sleep cycles and calling out for you to recreate what she needs to fall back to sleep. So the way to help her sleep for longer stretches of sleep overnight is helping her learn how to fall asleep independently. This will mean that when she briefly wakes between sleep cycles, she will have the skills to fall back to sleep on her own. And as a result, those overnight wakes will gradually drop off, without you needing to do much at all.

To help her learn how to fall asleep on her own I was wondering if you could provide me with an update on how she if falling asleep at bedtime and for naps? Are you able to tell me what her nap and bedtime routine looks like now and where the pacifier comes in?

Also, something you noticed is that when she wakes overnight and feeds, she falls to sleep while feeding and you’re able to lay her down and she continues to sleep for a few hours. This is perfectly fine and expected.

Sorry for the questions again!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Kate,

Thank you so much for answering my questions.

From what you have described it does sound like your little one might be needing the bottle to fall asleep. There are some things that you can do to gently move her away from this – but I do understand that during the middle of the heat wave, you might want to ensure she is having plenty of fluids – so it’s fine to do some of these suggestions when it cools down a bit.

Regardless of the temperature something that you can do is narrow down her wake time to a 30 minute window. You mentioned that it is currently sometime between 7 – 8 am. For the next few days would you be happy to write down the time that she wakes in the morning? This will help you identify if her wake-up time should be 7 – 7:30am or 7:30 – 8am.

The reason you want to keep that wake-up time within a 30-minute window, is it will help in the maturation of her circadian rhythm, help that first nap happen around the same time, encourage bedtime to occur at the same time and encourage her to have longer stretches of sleep overnight.

Something else I was wondering is if you would be happy to try tweaking her pre-sleep routine slightly so that she has the opportunity to fall asleep in the crib without the bottle? If you are happy to do this then generally, you’re more likely to have success with settling her in the crib for the first nap of the day or bedtime.

If you are happy to do this then I just have a few questions, as this will help me figure out a nap routine she might like:

– Does she like or tolerate being held and rocked in your arms when she is tired?

– Would she tolerate having a feed on your lap while you are in the bedroom?

– Do you have a bedtime routine that you do with her every night? Or is it the same as the nap routine you outlined?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Justin,

No worries at all about the delayed reply – I assumed you were trying out the suggestions.

It’s great that you have started using the swaddles. Do you find that when she is using a swaddle where her arms are up, she settles better? If you do think that might be the case it’s okay to give it a try and see if she sleeps better that way.

Given that she is around 7 weeks of age, it’s possible that she is hitting the peak for the Period of PURPLE Crying, so in regards to trying to settle her in the pram or on a mattress, you’re more likely to have success for the morning naps. So that might be something worth considering.

Something else you can start doing is waking her up at a consistent time in the morning – keeping it within the same 30 minute window. Now I know this might be hard, given that everyone is tired and if she is sleeping you probably want to continue sleeping too. But, having a consistent wake up time now, will help in the maturation of her circadian rhythm and help her bedtime become more consistent in time, as well as, encourage her to have longer stretches of sleep overnight.

It’s great that she has been able to fall asleep on her own in the bouncing sling bed. And I really don’t want to put a downer on this, but the sling bed things are something I recommend you’re cautious about. Generally, they’re not recommended here in Australia or in America, due to the potential risk that the bub’s head might fall forward onto their chest (due to the curve of the sling) and restrict air-flow. I am not sure if the recommendations in Denmark are different but just thought I would mention it.

Your approach of letting her fall asleep in your arms (I am assuming you’re rocking her to sleep) and then letting her slide down to the bed sounds like a good intermediate step. The main thing you want to do for daytime naps is try to separate the feed from the naps – that is only if she continues to stay awake following the feed. If she wakes from a nap and immediately falls back to sleep while feeding, then you would just let her continue to sleep.

I just wanted to check, are you continuing to hold her 24/7 ?

Also are you able to give me a bit of an update as to what her routine is and if she is mainly falling asleep while feeding? The last time we spoke she was falling asleep while feeding 90% of the time and 10% of the time you could rock her to sleep. Is this still the case?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Catherin,

It’s so good to hear that the recommendations seem to be working and that her schedule is becoming more predictable – well done!

To make it easier have answered your questions below.

1. Night Wakings and Feeding: It’s great that she is sleeping for 3-4 hours at the start of the night and 4- 6 hours after the first wake. The fact that she isn’t waking every 2 hours indicates that she isn’t waking between sleep cycles which is fantastic. I would just give it a try feeding her at the 12/1am (so when she wakes for the first time overnight) and see if that actually eliminates the second wake-up. Let me know how that goes. Something to keep in mind is that breastfeed bub’s can continue to need an overnight feed until 10 months of age. After this point, if she is still waking for a feed, we can do things to encourage her to drop it. Something else to keep in mind is that helping her learn how to fall asleep on her own will help in dropping these overnight feeds too.

2. Solid Foods and Night Wakes: Between 7 – 9 months of age it’s great if babies can have a few solid meals a day. These meals though are mainly about exposing them to a variety of textures and helping them develop their chewing skills. They are unlikely to eat enough food during these meals to have an impact on staying asleep overnight. This is a great free resource here in Canberra which was developed by a Dietician and Speech Pathologist on introducing solids to babies up until 1 year of age, which you might find helpful – https://www.canberrahealthservices.act.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0009/1939509/From-Milk-to-More-A4_Accessible_FA.pdf

3. Crying During Night Wakings: The fact that she wakes crying at night but not in the morning could indicate hunger or discomfort. So I would just try feeding her when she first wakes overnight and see if she then doesn’t wake for the second feed.

4. Daycare Transition: To ease the transition, if possible I recommend you talk to the daycare providers and tell them what her sleep cues are, when she typically naps and how you help her fall asleep. Then I would just ask if they can do this at the centre and if they can’t what they will do. Something else to keep in mind is that typically daycare naps are about half the time they nap at home, due to the busy environment. So when she starts daycare you may need to shift her bedtime earlier to accommodate this.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

You’re right transitioning from 4 – 3 naps is a process and some days there simply won’t be time to fit the 4 naps in and it’s okay to shift her bedtime earlier to accommodate this.

Hopefully, you get the green light soon!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Jacelyn,

It’s wonderful to hear that maintaining a consistent morning wake-up window has created more predictability in your day – that’s a fantastic step forward!

I’m also really glad to hear that transitioning your nap and bedtime routines to his bedroom has gone smoothly, and your adapted approach to settling him in the cot is showing positive results. Gradually reducing the patting over time sounds like a great plan.

Regarding your experiences with the different settling scenarios, did you try each method consistently for a few days? Typically, for a baby accustomed to being held and rocked to sleep, transitioning to settling in the cot can feel like a big adjustment. It’s quite common for babies to need several days to get comfortable with new sleep routines. If you did consistently try cot settling over a few days and found he remained calm but alert, it’s possible he just wasn’t tired enough yet. In that case, extending his wake windows – by 15 minutes at first – might have helped build up the sleep pressure he needed to fall asleep.

When it comes to how long you should try to settle him to sleep in the cot, I recommend limiting this to 20 minutes per sleep session, as it often takes babies up to this time to fall asleep. If he’s not asleep after 20 minutes, it’s perfectly okay to pick him up and settle him in your arms. If this consistently happens though, it might indicate he could benefit from slightly longer wake windows.

Regarding your concern about whether cot settling could lead to anxiety or difficulty settling at bedtime—this is very unlikely. Babies thrive on consistent, predictable routines like the one you’re implementing. Your attentive responses to his cues, providing comfort and support whenever needed, create a secure environment, helping him feel safe and calm.

Lastly, addressing your question about whether it’s better to lay your baby down drowsy or fully awake – this really depends on the bub. Some babies fall asleep and stay asleep when they are placed in the cot drowsy but awake, but most tend to wake soon after, needing their sleep associations (like rocking or patting) recreated. This brief waking can reduce sleep pressure, making resettling more challenging. Given that he’s waking up when you place him in the cot drowsy but awake, it would be great if you could place him fully awake in the cot and support him to settle there. I understand that might feel challenging right now, but your gentle, gradual approach will eventually make this achievable.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Györgyi,

Fantastic!

Let me know how you go!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It’s great that you have already started and it seems to be going okay.

Enjoy the trip! Hopefully, everything goes smoothly!

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

Once you get the green light, you can consider just starting with the mattress if you feel that she is more settled there. But you are right the movement of the SNOO might help initially, The only thing I would say, is that if you do start with the SNOO after she becomes comfortable sleeping in it, I recommend you turn off the rocking feature, as she might come to rely on the rocking to fall asleep.

Your understanding of the process is spot on – putting her down after 1.5 hours awake, using the settling pyramid for 20+ minutes, and then reverting to what works if she doesn’t settle to avoid overtiredness.

Regarding your question about bedtime, I’m not sure what you ended up doing, but moving bedtime earlier is what I would have recommended. It’s possible it could have led to an earlier wake -up time but there is also a chance that an earlier bedtime could have led to better sleep overnight.

What did you end up doing and how was the next morning?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Livia,

It does sound like you are getting some wins which is good to see and I am sure making you feel happier about ditching the pacifier.

Hopefully, things just keep improving!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

Wow, it sounds like you are having an amazing time travelling!

But more importantly, your little one has been a star – what a huge win with the daytime naps! You must be so excited that she is napping in the bassinet. And that she is now rolling over in both directions!

In regards to your questions I have answered them below:

1. Tummy Sleeping in the Heat: At 26.5°C, you’re already doing the right things- keeping her in a short-sleeved onesie, using a fan for air circulation, and avoiding the sleeping bag. As long as the room is well-ventilated and her sleep environment is safe (firm mattress, no loose bedding), tummy sleeping should be fine. Just continue to lay her in the bassinet on her back and then let her find her own sleeping position. As I mentioned earlier, it is really challenging to stop them rolling onto their tummy once they have learnt how to do it. Just monitor to see if she is overheating – you do this by placing your hand on her chest or back. Her skin shouldn’t feel sweaty or clammy. If it does she is too hot.

2. Wake, Feed, Play, Sleep Routine: Given that you’re settling her to sleep in the bassinet for naps, which I’m assuming means you aren’t feeding her to sleep, then feeding her on demand is fine. Once the temperatures cool down (maybe when you return home), you can gradually return to the wake, feed, play, sleep routine if it feels right for you both.

3. Holding Hands During Naps: Since her eczema has improved, you could start easing off holding her hands by gently reducing the amount of time you do it. For example, you might hold her hands until she’s calm but not fully asleep, then let go and see how she manages. This gradual approach can help her build confidence in self-settling.

Enjoy your time travelling and spending time with the family!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Livia,

It sounds like you’re navigating a really tough phase right now – ditching the pacifier can be really challenging for them. Although going cold turkey is hard initially, it’s often the quickest way to break the dependency. The crying and searching behaviours you’re seeing are completely normal as she adjusts. It’s heartbreaking, but by staying consistent, you’re helping her learn to self-soothe in other ways. During this adjustment period she will need more help from you (as you have noticed) to help her fall asleep, but it should settle down within the week. If it doesn’t then we may need to look at her nap routine and timing of her naps to see if they need tweaking.

Regarding your question about how much sleep 4 month babies need – typically they need about 12-15 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period, with 9-11 hours at night and the rest spread across 3-4 naps during the day. Her current sleep totals sound right on track! The naps being shorter (around 40 minutes) are common at this age. Longer naps will likely come as she gets older and learns to consolidate her sleep (this usually occurs around 5 – 6 months, as long as they can fall asleep on their own).

Also, yes, it’s possible for babies to cry in their sleep without being fully awake. This can happen during lighter sleep stages or due to discomfort, like her stuffed nose. If she’s not fully awake, you might try waiting a moment before intervening to see if she resettles on her own.

In regards to transitioning out of the swaddle – dropping the pacifier and transitioning her out of the swaddle would be a lot for her to manage. So if she isn’t yet rolling, continue to just have one arm free and then transition to both arms out when she has gotten used to falling asleep without the pacifier.

For feedback on the website and accessing the course, you can contact our support team by emailing support@brightestbeginning.com.

Lastly, hang in there – this phase is tough, but it will pass. You’re doing all the right things to support her through it!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Györgyi,

Thank you so much for answering my questions—I really appreciate your detailed responses!

From your description, it seems your little one might be wanting a feed every 90 minutes during the day, not necessarily due to hunger, but because that’s how he knows how to fall asleep.

As you mentioned, you’ve noticed that he slows down and relaxes during feeding, which often indicates he’s drifting off to sleep. Babies commonly continue to suck gently even when they’re asleep, making it tricky to notice the transition. Initially, you’ll notice frequent swallowing, but as they drift off, the sucking becomes slower and swallowing less frequent.

Because he is falling asleep while feeding, when you lay him down in the crib after the feed, he may wake back up and then need you to rock him back to sleep or he might just refuse to go back to sleep. As a result, you may feel like he never really naps during the day or only has one nap per day. When in fact, he is napping just not in the crib (as he is napping on you while feeding!).

If you would like him to nap more in the crib then it would be helpful to shift to the wake, feed, play, then sleep routine during the daytime. To do this, when he wakes from his nap you would offer him a feed and then when he starts to get fussy after being awake for 90 minutes (which is the general wake window for bubs his age) instead of feeding him to sleep, complete a nap routine and then settle him to sleep.

His nap routine could be a shorter version of his bedtime routine. So it might look like this:

• Walk into the bedroom
• Draws the blinds down making the bedroom dark
• Sing him a lullaby or a song while he is lying in your arms and you’re walking rocking him in your arms
• Then once you finish the song lay him down in the crib and apply the settling pyramid – climbing up and then back down as needed.

If you feel like this is too big a step, you can settle him to sleep in your arms but try to gradually reduce the amount of movement you are using, so that he falls asleep in your arms while you are standing still. So it would look like this:

• Once you have finished the song, continue rocking him in your arms and shushing
• Once he is calm stop rocking him and just continue shushing
• Then stop shushing so that he falls asleep while you’re standing still and in silence.

Stopping the rocking him before he falls asleep will help him learn to fall asleep without movement, which would then make it easier for him to adjust to the settling pyramid when you are both ready to try it.

The other thing I recommend is narrowing his wake-up time to a 30-minute window. Currently, it’s an hour window. So if you’re happy to can you record the time that he is waking up in the morning for the next week, that way we can work out what his ideal wake-up time is and then keep that within a 30-minute window.

It sounds like the bedtime routine is working well for you all at the moment which is great. If you do notice that he starts waking more often overnight or it becomes challenging to transfer him from nursing to the crib, then you might want to tweak his bedtime routine so that you do the feeding earlier in the routine and then use the settling pyramid to help him fall asleep. So the bedtime routine might look like this:

• Undress him and take off his diaper.
• Draw the blinds
• Bathe him
• Dress him
• Feed him in the living room with the lights on – as soon as you notice his sucking is slowing down and he isn’t swallowing every few sucks stop the feed (as he is falling asleep)
• Walk into the bedroom and sing him a lullaby or song
• Lay him in the crib and follow the settling pyramid.

Do these suggestions sound doable?

Emma