[Emma H]

Hi Györgyi,

It’s definitely possible that while he was teething, he started using feeding as a soothing method to help him fall asleep. Now that his tooth has appeared (and you’re right – it’s slightly earlier than usual, so it’s understandable you didn’t notice until it broke through!), he might still be relying on feeding to settle to sleep.

To help him nap longer in the crib and develop a consistent schedule, I just have a few questions. Whenever you have a moment, I’d greatly appreciate your answers (and apologies in advance for so many questions!):

1. Have you started waking him at a consistent time each morning? If so, what time?

2. Have you been able to follow the wake-feed-play-sleep routine during the day? Based on your message, it sounds like you might be doing a wake-feed-play-feed-sleep pattern-is that correct?

3. How many naps is he currently having, and approximately how long does each nap last?

4. You mentioned he falls asleep nursing or being rocked. Do you currently have a nap routine before feeding or rocking him to sleep?

5. Does he use a pacifier?

6. What time is his bedtime, and what time does he typically fall asleep and remain asleep for the night?

7. Could you please describe your current bedtime routine? We might use a shorter version of this for nap times.

8. Do you swaddle him for naps and overnight sleep? If yes, are his arms positioned up by his face or down by his sides?

Thanks so much!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Thu,

It’s so nice to hear that you found the course helpful. And more importantly, that you were able to help your little one start napping in the crib. It honestly sounds like your little one is doing well and having a lovely long stretch of sleep at the beginning of the night.

It also sounds like you are reading her tired cues well.

Regarding your question about feeding her to sleep occasionally. This shouldn’t cause issues in the future, as it sounds like she is also getting opportunities to self-settle in the crib at other times during the day. If the only way she knew how to fall asleep was by nursing, then there is the potential that she will start waking more regularly overnight, particularly from midnight on. But it sounds like this isn’t the case for your little one as you currently lay her down at bedtime and she stays asleep for 5 + hours.

In regards to bedtime, it’s always good to try and keep bedtime within the same 30 minute window. But what is more important is that her wake-up time stays consistent (so keep that within a 30 minute window) and you expose her to light, ideally sunlight when she wakes, as this will reset her circadian rhythm and help to make bedtime more consistent, as well as the timing of her naps.

As you have noticed though, the timing of her last nap of the day really can push bedtime back. The fluctuating bedtime really doesn’t sound like it impacts your little one’s sleep and it also sounds like it suits you. So it’s fine to just follow her lead if you’re happy with these bedtimes. Something to note is that bedtime at 8pm is really okay at this age too.

What I would expect is that when she drops to 2 naps a day (which typically happens between 6 – 9 months of age), it will be easier for your little one to consistently achieve a 7:15 – 7:30pm bedtime.

But, if you would like her bedtime to consistently occur between 7:15 – 7:30pm now then you will need to follow a more structured routine, so that she fits the 3 naps in but has enough wake time before bedtime at 7:15/7:30. So it might look like this:

• 6:30am – Wake
• 9am – Nap 1
• 11am – Wake from nap if still napping
• 1pm – Nap 2
• 2:30/3pm – wake from nap if still napping
• 4:30/5pm – Nap 3 (in carrier – 30 minute nap)
• 5/5:30pm – wake
• 7:15 – 7:30pm – Bedtime

But honestly, it sounds like you’re really happy with how her sleep is currently going and if you’re happy with the occasional later bedtime, then you can just continue to follow her cues.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Livia,

It does sound like you are getting some wins which is good to see and I am sure making you feel happier about ditching the pacifier.

Hopefully, things just keep improving!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

Wow, it sounds like you are having an amazing time travelling!

But more importantly, your little one has been a star – what a huge win with the daytime naps! You must be so excited that she is napping in the bassinet. And that she is now rolling over in both directions!

In regards to your questions I have answered them below:

1. Tummy Sleeping in the Heat: At 26.5°C, you’re already doing the right things- keeping her in a short-sleeved onesie, using a fan for air circulation, and avoiding the sleeping bag. As long as the room is well-ventilated and her sleep environment is safe (firm mattress, no loose bedding), tummy sleeping should be fine. Just continue to lay her in the bassinet on her back and then let her find her own sleeping position. As I mentioned earlier, it is really challenging to stop them rolling onto their tummy once they have learnt how to do it. Just monitor to see if she is overheating – you do this by placing your hand on her chest or back. Her skin shouldn’t feel sweaty or clammy. If it does she is too hot.

2. Wake, Feed, Play, Sleep Routine: Given that you’re settling her to sleep in the bassinet for naps, which I’m assuming means you aren’t feeding her to sleep, then feeding her on demand is fine. Once the temperatures cool down (maybe when you return home), you can gradually return to the wake, feed, play, sleep routine if it feels right for you both.

3. Holding Hands During Naps: Since her eczema has improved, you could start easing off holding her hands by gently reducing the amount of time you do it. For example, you might hold her hands until she’s calm but not fully asleep, then let go and see how she manages. This gradual approach can help her build confidence in self-settling.

Enjoy your time travelling and spending time with the family!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Livia,

It sounds like you’re navigating a really tough phase right now – ditching the pacifier can be really challenging for them. Although going cold turkey is hard initially, it’s often the quickest way to break the dependency. The crying and searching behaviours you’re seeing are completely normal as she adjusts. It’s heartbreaking, but by staying consistent, you’re helping her learn to self-soothe in other ways. During this adjustment period she will need more help from you (as you have noticed) to help her fall asleep, but it should settle down within the week. If it doesn’t then we may need to look at her nap routine and timing of her naps to see if they need tweaking.

Regarding your question about how much sleep 4 month babies need – typically they need about 12-15 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period, with 9-11 hours at night and the rest spread across 3-4 naps during the day. Her current sleep totals sound right on track! The naps being shorter (around 40 minutes) are common at this age. Longer naps will likely come as she gets older and learns to consolidate her sleep (this usually occurs around 5 – 6 months, as long as they can fall asleep on their own).

Also, yes, it’s possible for babies to cry in their sleep without being fully awake. This can happen during lighter sleep stages or due to discomfort, like her stuffed nose. If she’s not fully awake, you might try waiting a moment before intervening to see if she resettles on her own.

In regards to transitioning out of the swaddle – dropping the pacifier and transitioning her out of the swaddle would be a lot for her to manage. So if she isn’t yet rolling, continue to just have one arm free and then transition to both arms out when she has gotten used to falling asleep without the pacifier.

For feedback on the website and accessing the course, you can contact our support team by emailing support@brightestbeginning.com.

Lastly, hang in there – this phase is tough, but it will pass. You’re doing all the right things to support her through it!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Györgyi,

Thank you so much for answering my questions—I really appreciate your detailed responses!

From your description, it seems your little one might be wanting a feed every 90 minutes during the day, not necessarily due to hunger, but because that’s how he knows how to fall asleep.

As you mentioned, you’ve noticed that he slows down and relaxes during feeding, which often indicates he’s drifting off to sleep. Babies commonly continue to suck gently even when they’re asleep, making it tricky to notice the transition. Initially, you’ll notice frequent swallowing, but as they drift off, the sucking becomes slower and swallowing less frequent.

Because he is falling asleep while feeding, when you lay him down in the crib after the feed, he may wake back up and then need you to rock him back to sleep or he might just refuse to go back to sleep. As a result, you may feel like he never really naps during the day or only has one nap per day. When in fact, he is napping just not in the crib (as he is napping on you while feeding!).

If you would like him to nap more in the crib then it would be helpful to shift to the wake, feed, play, then sleep routine during the daytime. To do this, when he wakes from his nap you would offer him a feed and then when he starts to get fussy after being awake for 90 minutes (which is the general wake window for bubs his age) instead of feeding him to sleep, complete a nap routine and then settle him to sleep.

His nap routine could be a shorter version of his bedtime routine. So it might look like this:

• Walk into the bedroom
• Draws the blinds down making the bedroom dark
• Sing him a lullaby or a song while he is lying in your arms and you’re walking rocking him in your arms
• Then once you finish the song lay him down in the crib and apply the settling pyramid – climbing up and then back down as needed.

If you feel like this is too big a step, you can settle him to sleep in your arms but try to gradually reduce the amount of movement you are using, so that he falls asleep in your arms while you are standing still. So it would look like this:

• Once you have finished the song, continue rocking him in your arms and shushing
• Once he is calm stop rocking him and just continue shushing
• Then stop shushing so that he falls asleep while you’re standing still and in silence.

Stopping the rocking him before he falls asleep will help him learn to fall asleep without movement, which would then make it easier for him to adjust to the settling pyramid when you are both ready to try it.

The other thing I recommend is narrowing his wake-up time to a 30-minute window. Currently, it’s an hour window. So if you’re happy to can you record the time that he is waking up in the morning for the next week, that way we can work out what his ideal wake-up time is and then keep that within a 30-minute window.

It sounds like the bedtime routine is working well for you all at the moment which is great. If you do notice that he starts waking more often overnight or it becomes challenging to transfer him from nursing to the crib, then you might want to tweak his bedtime routine so that you do the feeding earlier in the routine and then use the settling pyramid to help him fall asleep. So the bedtime routine might look like this:

• Undress him and take off his diaper.
• Draw the blinds
• Bathe him
• Dress him
• Feed him in the living room with the lights on – as soon as you notice his sucking is slowing down and he isn’t swallowing every few sucks stop the feed (as he is falling asleep)
• Walk into the bedroom and sing him a lullaby or song
• Lay him in the crib and follow the settling pyramid.

Do these suggestions sound doable?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

I completely understand why you’re feeling unsure about if your little one is over or under tired. And honestly, I love the questions.

The reason I think she is not yet tired enough to fall asleep for naps is because when you see her tired signs (although they are very subtle) you have been taking her into the room and then needing to spend a long time settling her to sleep and use a lot of movement to get her there. You also mentioned that when you extended her wake windows slightly she was taking slightly less time. This all points to your little one not yet being tired enough to fall asleep. Plus at 4 months babies typically stay awake anywhere from 2 – 2 1/2 hours and she is generally having wake windows of less than 2 hours.

If you are concerned though, what you can do is as soon as you see her yawn or her unique tired cues, change up the activity to check if she is just bored. If she settles down then it indicates that she was bored but if she continues to yawn and fuss then she is tired.

If she is tired, take her into the bedroom and turn off the lights – making it dark enough that you can’t read a book. Then complete your nap routine and lay her in the SNOO keeping the room dark. In the past you mentioned that she disliked the dark room, but often if bub’s are overtired I find they need less stimulation to calm down and fall asleep (which is what we hope to achieve with a dark room). If she fusses with the dark room then just open the bedroom door slightly and see if that helps.

Then help her fall asleep – either using the settling pyramid or rocking her in your arms or feeding her if you feel like it has been too long – and once she has fallen asleep record the time that she actually fell asleep and how much effort you had to use. Continue doing this for a week. After a week look at what you have recorded to give you an idea of how long she is awake between naps – as this will give you an idea of how long she can tolerate being awake.

For the early wake-ups, because she currently relies on help to fall asleep, she’s likely waking between sleep cycles, needing your assistance to resettle. Unfortunately, when they wake between sleep cycles in the early morning hours they’re more challenging to settle back to sleep, as sleep pressure decreases in the early morning, and their circadian rhythm is telling them to wake up.

To help with early morning wake-ups:

• Keep the room dark and quiet, treating early wake-ups as night-time wakings, and continue trying to settle her back to sleep (most likely by offering her a feed).
• If she won’t resettle, try to remain quietly in the room until around 6 am, then start the day and slightly adjust her first nap time accordingly.

Ultimately, the way to eliminate these early morning wake ups is to help her learn to fall asleep independently. Once she can do this, when she wakes between sleep cycles she will just fall back to sleep rather than calling out to you to help her.

When it comes to teaching her to fall asleep on her own, I’d suggest trying for about 15-20 minutes, as it can take them that long to fall asleep. If she’s not settling, it’s okay to step in and help her fall asleep using rocking or feeding, as you’ve been doing.

Does this make sense?

Emma

• This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

I just wanted to say sorry – I planned on answering your questions today but I had to take my youngest to the emergency department due to difficulty breathing. I just wanted to let you know that I will answer your questions tomorrow.

Sorry again.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It sounds like you are using the 4 nap schedule as a guide and still following his lead regarding when he needs to nap and the length of his naps, which is great. It’s also okay for him to have a longer wake window before bedtime. Hopefully, you can get some more success with him settling to sleep, now that he is sleeping on his tummy for daytime naps.

Thank you for clarifying the different time zones. To help him adjust smoothly to the new time zone in the Netherlands, you have a couple of options:

Option 1: Shift His Circadian Rhythm by 2 Hours (Starting 2 Weeks Before Travel)

This gradual shift means that when you arrive in the Netherlands, he’ll wake at around 6:30 am instead of 4:30 am. Here’s the detailed schedule:

Day 1 & 2:

• Wake-Up: 15 mins later (6:45 am)

• Feeds & Naps: Shift by 15 mins. So on his current 4 nap schedule, his first nap would be at 8:15am.

• Bedtime: 15 mins later (6:45 pm)

Day 3 & 4:

• Wake-Up: Another 15 mins later (7:00 am)

• Feeds & Naps: Shift accordingly

• Bedtime: 7:00 pm

Continue this pattern every 2 days, shifting wake-up, naps, feeds, and bedtime 15 mins later each time, reaching an 8:30 am wake-up and 8:30 pm bedtime by Day 14.

Option 2: Shift His Circadian Rhythm by 1 Hour (Starting 1 Week Before Travel)

If shifting his schedule by 2 hours feels too challenging or it just wouldn’t fit with your current commitments, you could adjust by just 1 hour, then complete the remaining 1 hour once you arrive in the Netherlands:

Day 1 & 2:

• Wake-Up: 6:45 am

• Feeds & Naps: 15 mins later

• Bedtime: 6:45 pm

Day 3 & 4:

• Wake-Up: 7:00 am

• Feeds & Naps: Shift accordingly

• Bedtime: 7:00 pm

Continue shifting by 15 mins every 2 days, reaching a 7:30 am wake-up and 7:30 pm bedtime by the day before travel. Then, spend the first week in the Netherlands shifting his schedule an additional hour later to achieve a 6:30 am wake-up.

Additional Tips for Shifting His Body Clock:

• Use Light Strategically: Keep evenings bright and stimulating to delay sleepiness. In the mornings, keep the room dark until the adjusted wake-up time, even if he wakes earlier. Avoid turning on lights or engaging in stimulating activities before the target wake-up time.

• Be Consistent: Consistency in following the adjusted schedule is crucial, even if it initially feels challenging. Consistent patterns help his circadian rhythm adjust faster.

Does this make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

Thanks so much for answering my questions.

Based on what you have written it does sound like she is now waking between sleep cycles overnight and calling out as she needs your help to fall asleep. The fact that these wakes are consistently happening every 1 1/2 – 2 hours indicates this.

The way to reduce those wakes, is by helping her learn how to fall asleep on her own in the SNOO/crib.

I know that this is a little challenging at the moment so here are some strategies to make it possible.

1. Tweak her wake up time
One way that we can help to make bedtime consistent and overnight sleep more consolidated is by having a set wake up time, that is kept within a 30 minute window. When you do this her circadian rhythm gets ‘reset’ at the same time every morning and it also sets off a biological timer to release melatonin 12 – 14 hours later, which means she will be tired at bedtime. Also, as her circadian rhythm is still maturing, a consistent wake up time will help in this maturation. Based on what you have recorded it looks like her wake up time might be 6:30am. Are you happy to make her wake up time window 6:30 – 7am?

2. Wake Windows
Based on the recording, it really doesn’t look like she is currently tired when you are laying her down for her naps. At 4 months, bubs can tolerate anywhere from 2 – 21/2 hour wake windows. You mentioned you have recently started stretching her wake windows and it might be making it easier to settle her to sleep (in that she isn’t protesting as much), I was wondering if you would be happy to try for 2 hour wake windows the next week? If you find that she is still taking a long time to fall asleep you could try stretching it to 2 1/2 hours?

3. Test for Boredom
When she starts to yawn and fuss towards the end of her wake window, change up the activity (by giving her a new toy, putting her on her tummy instead of her back etc), or change the scenery (by taking her outside, into another room etc) and see if she stops fussing. If she does then that means she was just bored and not necessarily tired enough to fall asleep. If though, she continues to fuss then that is a sign that she is tired and it’s time to get her ready for a nap or bedtime.

4. Teach Her to Fall Asleep On Her Own
The key to reducing those wakes overnight is helping her learn how to fall asleep on her own. Bedtime is generally the best time to help her learn this skill, as you have her circadian rhythm and sleep pressure working together to help her fall asleep. Given this, would you be happy to try using the settling pyramid at bedtime? If you are her bedtime routine will need to be tweaked slightly, so that you start the routine with a feed rather than end with it. If you continue to end the routine with the feed she is very likely to fall asleep while feeding and therefore, you’re not going to be able to use the settling pyramid. Her new bedtime routine could look like this:

• Feed her in the living room keeping the lights on – so that she doesn’t fall asleep while feeding. If you notice that her sucking is slowing down and she isn’t swallowing as often that’s a sign that she is falling asleep, so stop the feed at this point if you haven’t already.
• Change her diaper
• Walk into her room and turn the light off or dim them or turn on a night lamp
• Sleep Sack
• White noise
• Book
• Song
• Lay her down in the SNOO and use the settling pyramid to help her fall asleep.

If this goes well or you want to give her the opportunity to practice this skill more often, you can also follow the bedtime routine (without the feed and the diaper change) for naps. If you feel like this is too much at the moment, you could just try it for the first nap of the day, as this is the nap bubs tend to find the easiest to fall asleep and then continue offering carrier naps the rest of the day.

5. Make the timing of her first nap consistent

If your little one has a 6:30 – 7am wake up time, it would be great to offer that first nap consistently around 9am. Once this nap time becomes consistent the second nap should fall into place too and then the third and so on.

6. Continue following the wake, feed, play, sleep routine
Continue to follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day as this will ensure you have a chance to apply the settling pyramid for naps when you feel ready.

Do these suggestions sound possible?
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

Thanks so much for answering my questions – it really helped.

To improve your little one’s sleep I have a few suggestions:

Cap her Daytime Naps

She is currently sleeping a lot during the day and not as much overnight. What I was wondering is if you would be happy to wake her up from her daytime naps after 2 hours. We just want to make sure she isn’t meeting most of her sleep requirements during the day.

Keep Wake Windows to a Max of 2 Hours

At this age, staying awake for more than 2 hours might be a little long for her, do you think you can try to make sure that she isn’t awake for more than 2 hours at a time during the day?

Have a consistent wake up time (which you keep in a 30 minute window)

Her circadian rhythm is still maturing, and one effective way to support this process is by having a consistent wake-up time (within a 30-minute window). A consistent wake-up time will help make her first nap predictable, which in turn makes subsequent naps more regular. Currently, she wakes between 6 and 8 am – would you be happy to track her wake-up times for a few days so we can narrow down a consistent morning window?

Temporary Black Out Blinds

Given that the sun rises quite early where you are, it’s likely that morning sunlight after the 4:30 am feed might be causing difficulty in resettling her. Would it be possible to try blocking that light and see if there is a difference? Something to keep in mind is that it tends to take 3 days for the body clock to adjust, so you might not notice a change for the first 3 days.

Continue using the swaddle

It’s great that you have found a way to make the swaddle work. I recommend you continue using it.

Continue following the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day.

This will give you the opportunity to try the settling pyramid which is how she is going to learn how to fall asleep on her own, which in turn will lead to longer stretches of sleep. It sounds like that she is starting to do this now – which is very exciting.

When you are feeding her during the day, try and make sure that she doesn’t fall asleep and have a sneaky nap. These naps are really hard to spot as they continue to suck when they are sleeping. The way you tell though, is their sucking slows down and instead of swallowing every few mouthfuls, they swallow less regularly. So when you’re feeding her, if you notice that her sucking slows down and she isn’t swallowing as often, pause the feed (maybe change her diaper to wake her back up) and then continue the feed.

Move Bedtime Earlier Gradually

To shift her bedtime earlier, you can adjust it by 15 minutes every second night. If you decide to implement this, it can be helpful to reduce overhead lighting and switch to lamps or red lights about an hour before bedtime. This encourages her brain to release melatonin, signaling that it’s nearly bedtime and helping her feel sleepy. It’s definitely worth trying this approach, but I’m also curious to see if bedtime naturally moves earlier as we start capping daytime naps.

Let me know how you feel about trying these steps and if you have any questions at all!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Jacelyn,

Thank you so much for answering my questions – it’s really helpful.

I’ve put together some suggestions below to help your little one sleep better in his crib and enjoy longer stretches of sleep overnight.

Narrow His Wake-Up Time to a 30-Minute Window

Would you feel comfortable aiming for a wake-up time between 7:00–7:30 AM each day? Keeping this consistent and exposing him to daylight first thing in the morning helps reset his circadian rhythm. It also encourages his body to naturally release melatonin roughly 12 hours later, making bedtime smoother and nighttime sleep deeper. This consistency can also help stabilize his nap schedule, particularly his first nap of the day.

Make the timing of his first nap consistent

At the moment his first nap appears to occur at different times. If you go with a 7/7:30am wake up then would you be happy to try settling him to sleep for his first nap at 9/9:30am? Once the timing of this nap becomes consistent what should happen is the timing of the second nap becomes more consistent. So for example his nap schedule might look like this:

• 7/7:30 – Wake
• 9/9:30 – Nap 1
• 10:30/11am – Wake from nap if he hasn’t woken up
• 12:30/1pm – Nap 2
• 2/2:30pm – Wake from nap if he hasn’t woken up
• 4/4:30 – Nap 3 (30 – 45 minute nap max).
• 4:30/5 – Wake from nap if he hasn’t woken up
• 7pm – Bedtime

Ensure he has a 2 hour wake window before bedtime

To encourage him to have a longer stretch of sleep at the beginning of the night, we want to make sure that he has enough wake time before bedtime to build up enough sleep pressure to be tired enough to fall asleep and stay asleep. At 6 months of age, they can usually tolerate staying awake for 2 – 3 hours. I noticed in your nap log that he sometimes nap until 5:25pm. If he went to bed at 7pm that night he would have only been awake for 1 1/2 hours which means he might have woken up earlier or more frequently that night. What I was wondering is if you would be willing to make sure that he is awake for 2 – 2 1/2 hours before bedtime? This means that if he has a consistent 7pm bedtime he should be woken from his third nap by 4:30/5pm. If he is tolerating that well, you could see if he would tolerate a 3 hour wake window which would mean he needs to be up from his final nap by 4pm.

About Daytime Feeding and Night Wakings

In regards to your question about upping his feed during the day and the impact that will have on his overnight wakes. I cannot say whether or not increasing his feeds during the day will result in him not waking as often overnight, as it really depends on the bub. But there is no harm in trying. He appears to be following his weight curve well, which is great. Something to keep in mind is that it is very normal for babies who are breast feed to wake at least once overnight for a feed. It looks like he might be waking 2 times overnight for a feed.

If you do want to see if you can encourage him to sleep for longer stretches, what I would recommend is trying to settle him back to sleep at the 10/11pm wake without the bottle – as we want to encourage a longer stretch of sleep at the beginning of the night – this is what tends to happen first and then the early morning wakes drop off. If he settles back to sleep without a feed at this time, then you know that he isn’t necessarily waking for a feed at this time, rather it’s a sleep association. But if he won’t settle to sleep at this time, then it is likely he is waking due to hunger and you should go ahead and feed him.

Teaching Independent Sleep Skills

What will help him gradually start to drop those feeds overnight and sleep for longer stretches is helping him learn how to fall asleep in the crib on his own. I know that this is something you’re interested in trying, and it’s great that you have already implemented the wake, feed, play, sleep routine, as that will make it easier for him to adjust.

To help him learn to fall asleep on his own, the quickest way is to give him lots of opportunities to practice this skill, which would mean trying the settling pyramid for every nap and at bedtime. But if you feel like this is too much at the moment, you could just try to use the settling pyramid at bedtime, as this is when you have the circadian rhythm and sleep pressure encouraging him to fall asleep. So if you’re happy to give this a go his new bedtime routine would look like this:

• Wipe him down
• Change him into pyjamas and sleep jacket
• Close the bedroom curtains
• Switch on the air purifier
• Then from here you have a two options
• • Stay in his bedroom and sing his nighttime song while you walk and pat him (and if he gets upset because it is too dark then see if leaving a lamp on in the bedroom or just dimming the lights helps) OR
  • Bring him to the living room and carry him while singing his nighttime song and then when he is calm walk into the bedroom and continue walking and patting in the bedroom
• Once the song is finished and he is calm, lay him down in the crib and use the settling Pyramid. If he rolls onto his stomach when you lay him in the crib, you could consider letting him sleep on his tummy if the sleep space is safe. You would just pat his bottom instead of his belly.

If you feel like this would be too big a step for him then you can use a modified version of the settling pyramid where you start at the top straight away and then work your way down. So it would look like this:

• After singing the song, place him in the crib and immediately offer physical comfort and shushing. But instead of patting, gently rock him side-to-side while he’s lying down. You can see me demonstrate this at 11:13 in the video “Live Example: Helping Your Baby Fall Asleep.”
• When he calms down, gradually slow your rocking while continuing to shush.
• If he remains calm, stop rocking but keep shushing, staying in his line of sight.
• If he continues to stay calm, keep shushing but gradually move out of his sight

If he becomes upset when you stop rocking, just rock him to sleep while he’s lying down in the crib for the next 3 nights. Then once he gets familiar with this new way of settling to sleep, see if you can gradually slow down the rocking and just let him fall asleep with your hand on his chest. Then after a few nights of that, aim to remove your hand before he falls asleep. Then eventually move out of his line of sight before he falls asleep.

If you feel that both these options are too much at the moment then you would tweak your current routine so that he gets used to falling asleep without movement or patting. Doing this will make it easier for him to transition to the settling pyramid when you are all ready. So his sleep routine would look like this:

• Wipe him down
• Change him into pyjamas and sleep jacket
• Close the bedroom curtains
• Switch on the air purifier
• Bring him to the living room and carry him while singing a nighttime song
• Pat him and walk him until he is calm
• Stop walking and just continue patting him
• Stop patting him and just hold him in your arms, so that he falls asleep without movement or the patting.
• Lay him in the cot in the bedroom.

Do any of these options sound possible?

Emma

Also just wanted to check, when he wakes during his nap, do you just go in and pop the pacifier back in or do you have to pick him up, pop the pacifier back in and walk him around to get him back to sleep?

• This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.
• This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Cindy,

The easiest way to try settling her in the crib for naps, would be when your husband has her in the morning and she is starting to stay awake following the feed – which I understand is very new. Instead of feeding her when she is starting to get tired, he could try the nap routine I mentioned in the previous message. If he has to settle her to sleep in his arms, then once she is asleep he could try to lower her into the bassinet – I know you mentioned that she seems to prefer the swaddle where her arms are up near her head – but she will be more likely to startle when he is lower her onto the bassinet if she is wearing one of these. So if you have a swaddle where her arms are down, I would see if she would tolerate that for this nap. When he is lowering her into the bassinet he should try to lower her so that her feet touch the mattress first, then her bottom and then her back, then finally her head. Laying her down like this will be less likely to trigger the startle reflex. Then when he has laid her down, he can try rocking her, by placing his hand on her bottom and moving her gently to the side or patting her until she settles.

Something to keep in mind is that if she does have a nap in the bassinet it is likely to be shorter than the naps she has in your arms.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It’s great you have been able to let him sleep on his tummy and he seems to prefer it.

It also sounds like sleeping on his tummy at the start of the night lengthened that first part of sleep that he has before waking and sleeping on your husband’s chest until 3am when you take over.

And it’s great to hear that his naps seem to be better on the 4 nap schedule. I was wondering if you could share this schedule with me, as the timing of his last nap might be having an impact on his bedtime, so it would be great to see it?

In regards to feeding him at 5am when his wake up is at 6:30am, I would just feed him. At this time in the morning, his sleep pressure would be low and his circadian rhythm would be starting to encourage him to wake up, so getting him to fall back to sleep at this time will be difficult without a feed. I would expect that once he learns how to fall asleep on his own, these night wakes will gradually decrease (usually the wakes at the beginning of the night are the first to disappear and then the early morning hour wakes).

Regarding your question about feeding him to sleep for naps – if it works then it is okay to do it. The only thing is that if you do feed him to sleep for naps, he might come to need that to fall asleep for all his naps and bedtime. The way we increase the length of the naps and length of time he spends in his co-sleeper overnight is by helping him learn how to fall asleep on his own. So that is the only potential impact it might have on his sleep.

In regards to travelling to the Netherlands, just wanted to clarify – when you say it’s 2 hours earlier does that mean his 6:30am wake will be 4:30am there or will it be 8:30am? Sorry, I always find the time conversion so confusing.

Thanks
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

No need to apologise at all. It’s great to hear that the problem just resolved itself on it’s own.

Based on that YouTube video of your daughter (who by the way is very cute) she just doesn’t look tired. I am wondering if you can update me on what her nap schedule is now? As we might need to make some tweaks to ensure she is tired at nap time. So can you let me know:
– What time she wakes in the morning and if this is consistent (so kept within the same 30 minute window)?

– What time she naps and how long she naps for?

– What time is bedtime and when she actually falls asleep and stays asleep at night?

– What time she is waking overnight and how long these night feeds typically last.

Can you also update me on:

– How you are helping her fall asleep at bedtime and what her bedtime routine is?

– It sounds like for naps you’re putting her in the carrier and then bouncing on an exercise ball (a lot) to get her to fall asleep. Is that right?
– Have you been able to start following the wake, feed, play, sleep routine now that she is older and staying awake following daytime feeds?

In regards to feeding her overnight – if feeding her back to sleep is the quickest way to get back to sleep, then I recommend you continue doing it for now. What should happen is once she learns how to fall asleep in the SNOO on her own, those overnight wakes will gradually start to drop off, as she will have the ability to link sleep cycles and continue sleeping.

Sorry for the questions again!

Emma