[Emma H]

Hi Anaïs!

Welcome! It’s great that you’ve already been able to implement some of the strategies mentioned in the course. And thank you for providing so much detail!

I do have a few more questions and then I should be able to give you some suggestions to make the learning process a little less painful for you all. When you have time, can you please answer the questions below?

1. You mentioned he has a consistent wake-up time and bedtime. Can you let me know what time he wakes in the morning? I’m just trying to work out the possible timing of his first nap of the day.
2. Does he use a pacifier at all?
3. You mentioned when you’ve tried the settling pyramid, the best you can go down to is “hold, shush and sway lightly” to get him asleep. I just wanted to clarify – is he lying in the cot or bassinet when you’re holding, shushing and swaying him lightly, or are you holding him in your arms?
4. Is he wearing a sleep sack for daytime naps when you’re lying him in the bassinet or cot?
5. Are his arms out in the sleep sack or is it more of a swaddle?
6. Is the bassinet in his usual sleep space or in another room? If it’s in another room, is it cool, dark and quiet?

Sorry for all the questions!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

It’s so great to hear you’ve found the courses helpful! I hope they’re making life as a new mum a little easier.

It sounds like your little ones sleep is improving and her overnight sleep is excellent for her age. I totally understand wanting to drop that 4:30/5am feed, though. Your husband getting up at this time could definitely be causing her to stir and wake. Do you leave the white noise on all night? If not, it might be worth leaving it on and seeing if this helps to mask the noises of your husband getting up in the morning and eliminates those 4:30/5am wakes.

Before I suggest some strategies to help get her napping in the crib more often, I have a few questions:

1. You mentioned feeding on demand during the day. Are you following wake, feed, play, feed, sleep? Or is it more wake, play, feed, sleep?
2. For her pre-nap routine (nappy change, sleep sack, book, darken room, white noise, feed, rock/hold to sleep) – are all these steps done in her bedroom? Specifically, are you feeding her in the darkened room?
3. After feeding her, do you stand up and walk around while rocking her in your arms, or are you sitting down when you rock or hold her to sleep?
4. Do you sing to her while you’re rocking or holding her to sleep?
5. When you say the room is darkened, is it dark enough that you wouldn’t be able to see your hand held in front of your face?

Sorry for all the questions!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Anaïs,

It’s so good to hear that he is already over his cold.

Also, it’s amazing that he is having 1 nap per day in the bassinet!

Hopefully, it keeps improving!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Anaïs,

Thank you so much for answering my questions – it really helps me get a clearer picture!

I’m so sorry to hear your little one has a mild cold. Hopefully it isn’t bothering him too much and he recovers quickly.

It sounds like you’re managing a lot at the moment. You’re right that there’s never a really perfect time, so continuing to persist is a great idea. That said, if he becomes very unwell with the cold, it’s okay to pause and wait until he’s feeling better. When they’re sick it can be more challenging to settle them lying down in the crib, especially if they’re blocked up and congested. I understand you might be hesitant to do this when you’ve already put in 4-5 consistent days, but you should be able to use most of the strategies I mention below to progress his sleeping skills – you just might not use the settling pyramid initially and instead go with the more gradual approach. Either way, it’s totally up to you.

Continue waking within a consistent window Keep waking your little one within a 30-45 minute window. If possible, try to narrow that down to 30 minutes.

Consider tweaking the bedtime routine You mentioned he gets very upset when you pop him in the sleeping bag. What you can consider doing is moving this earlier in the routine. So it might look like this:

• Bath time
• Put on pyjamas and nappy
• Put on sleeping bag
• Feed him either in the bedroom or lounge room with the lights on
• Turn off the lights
• Read a story (optional)
• Sing the song you use to rock to sleep once
• Then either use the settling pyramid or the more gradual approach (outlined below)

Putting him in the sleeping bag earlier might mean he protests less and doesn’t become more alert, which might be happening if he goes into the sleeping bag after a feed. Also, you’re right – there’s no point changing him into a swaddle at this point as you’d likely need to transition him out of it within a few weeks anyway.

Tweak the settling pyramid You mentioned that you start with the settling pyramid but quickly reach the top and then rock him in your arms until he falls asleep after lots of attempts. Instead of laying him down in the crib and starting at the bottom of the pyramid, he might respond better if you immediately start rocking him to the side while he’s lying in the crib. Place your hand on the side of his hip and gently rock him. This approach gives him the movement he seeks, and hopefully if he remains calm while lying in the crib, you could then gently stop the rocking and just continue shushing in view, then move out of sight if he remains calm and continue shushing (so you’re essentially moving back down the pyramid).

If this feels like too big a step, you could use a more gradual approach where you hold him until he falls asleep, but instead of rocking him in your arms until he’s asleep, you gradually stop the rocking so he falls asleep in your arms without movement. It might look like this:

• Complete your usual nap or bedtime routine
• Sing the song once while you rock him in your arms
• When the song finishes, start shushing
• Gradually slow down the rocking until you stop rocking him while you’re standing or sitting still, but continue shushing
• Gradually stop shushing so he falls asleep in your arms without noise or movement

By helping him learn to fall asleep without movement, it’ll make it easier for him to transition to the settling pyramid when he’s ready.

Keep him awake during the final feed When you’re feeding him just before bedtime, you’ll have more success with the settling pyramid if he stays awake during this feed. This can be tricky because babies often fall asleep while feeding and it can be hard to notice as they continue sucking while asleep. You can tell if he’s falling asleep if he doesn’t swallow as often. If he usually sucks 3 times then swallows, but this drops to 5 sucks then swallow, that’s a sign he’s falling asleep and you want to stop the feed. If he does fall asleep while feeding (even if it’s a short nap), his sleep pressure reduces – and this is the main driver for sleep at his age – so he might not be as tired at bedtime and protest more.

Try the settling pyramid for bedtime and the first nap As you’ve noticed, he finds it harder to fall asleep for naps as the day goes on. Generally, you’re more likely to have success with the settling pyramid for the first nap of the day and bedtime (at bedtime, sleep pressure and his circadian rhythm work together to encourage him to fall asleep). If you’re finding it stressful trying to use this approach for all naps, it’s fine to just use it for the first nap and bedtime.

Naps in the carrier If at any point you want him to have a nap in the carrier (perhaps the afternoon naps because he just won’t settle), complete the usual nap routine (ideally in his bedroom), but instead of laying him down in the crib, pop him in the carrier and help him settle to sleep there, trying to stop walking around or bouncing before he falls asleep. This way he’ll still get the opportunity to fall asleep without movement.

Change up the activity You mentioned it’s a bit challenging to know if he’s tired when he starts to grizzle. When he does start to grizzle, change up the activity or go outside and see if he stops. If he does stop, the grizzles were likely just him telling you he was bored and needed a change. But if he continues to grizzle when you make the change, that’s a sign he’s tired and it’s time for sleep.

Expect shorter day naps When he starts letting you settle him to sleep in the crib or you lay him down after he falls asleep, the length of time he stays asleep might be shorter than when he naps in your arms. When they nap in our arms, we tend to bounce, shush or pat when they start to stir between sleep cycles and essentially help them link sleep cycles. But when they’re asleep in the crib, they might briefly wake between sleep cycles and not yet be able to link them, so the nap is shorter. This is completely normal at this age, and what you might need to do is just offer more naps during the day to accommodate the shorter naps.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

I’m so glad you feel confident giving it a go. I really hope it helps break that association and gets her napping in her crib!

Let me know how she progresses.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Catherin,

Thank you so much for answering my questions.

From what you’ve described, it sounds like your little one has dropped down to one nap per day. This is a bit earlier than expected and can sometimes lead to sleep disturbances. However, as you mentioned the waking 30 minutes to an hour after bedtime has been occurring for months, I think these wakes might be due to her falling asleep in your arms while nursing and then waking briefly between sleep cycles, noticing she’s in a different spot, and waking up. I think once you settle her the second time she’s in deep sleep and stays asleep.

Something that could help reduce these wakes and help her drop the 4:30/5am feed is helping her learn how to fall asleep without a feed. The way you’d do this is at bedtime, shift the night-time feed to occur at the start of the bedtime routine – outside the bedroom in a brightly lit room. Then you’d do the rest of the routine and either apply the settling pyramid to help her fall asleep, or if that feels like too big a step, rock her in your arms (while singing a lullaby) and then gradually reduce the movement so she falls asleep in your arms while you or your husband is standing still.

It could look like this:

• Wash her hands and face
• Change her nappy
• Put on her pyjamas
• Feed her
• Walk into the bedroom and close the blinds, put on bedside light
• Put sleep sack on
• Turn on white noise machine
• Turn bedside light off
• Walk around the room singing her a lullaby (the same lullaby you usually sing when you feed her) while you pat and rock her in your arms
• When the song finishes, either lay her down in the cot and apply the settling pyramid, or gradually stop walking around and just continue patting and rocking her. Then stop rocking and just continue patting. Then stop patting and just hold her still in your arms until she falls asleep.

That said, if you’re happy with the current arrangement – as it does sound like she falls asleep well after that brief wake an hour past bedtime – you could move her into her own room now and see if this naturally drops off after the change, and that 4:30am/5am feed does too. Either way, I think it would be fine to move her into her own room now if you feel comfortable, and then work on these wakes afterwards.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

P.s: In regards to shoe recommendations in the video on YT on shoes I do have some brands listed in the description which might help. https://youtu.be/GjIpOKEnlNs

• This reply was modified 4 months ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

That’s great you feel comfortable giving these a go!

Something else I’d suggest: when you’re feeding her 10 minutes after she wakes, try to feed her in a quiet room with minimal distractions (with the lights on or curtains open). This will make it easier for her to focus on the feed rather than getting distracted by what’s going on around her. At this age, they can get very distracted!

Also, while she’s feeding, monitor how often she’s swallowing. If you notice her swallowing slows down and she’s starting to get tired, pause the feed and possibly change her nappy to wake her back up, then finish the feed.

These two things will increase the chances she’ll have a fuller feed (minimising the snacking will also help a lot).

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

No worries about the error post.

[Emma H]

Hi Pilar,

Thanks so much for answering my questions.

Regarding the 4/4:30am wake

In regards to the overnight wake at 4/4:30am I would say this is likely due to hunger.

At 5 months, it’s not uncommon for babies to wake 1-2 times overnight for feeds.

Something you could try: when she wakes for her first overnight feed, feed her as usual. Then, when she starts to fall asleep while feeding, pause the feed and change her nappy (this will wake her back up), then feed her again until she falls asleep. This might lead to her taking a bigger feed, which could mean she doesn’t wake at 4/4:30am. But if you do this and she continues to wake at that time, she likely needs two feeds overnight. With time, she’ll gradually drop these feeds.

Regarding her daytime naps

There are a few things you can do:

1. Continue keeping her wake-up time consistent – within the 30-minute window you mentioned.
2. Try following the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day. You mentioned you may be feeding her 3 times during a wake window. One possible reason she’s not hungry when she first wakes from a nap is because she’s having a feed just before she falls asleep. When babies feed every 30 minutes or so (rather than 2-3 hourly), they tend to snack rather than take fuller feeds. They also tend to seek the breast when they’re tired – not necessarily because they’re hungry, but because it’s how they know how to fall asleep.

Would you be happy to try the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day? To ensure she’s hungry when you offer the feed, you could let her wake up and then wait 10 minutes or so before feeding her.

3. Tweak her nap pre-sleep routine. Currently you’re feeding her to sleep. I understand the settling pyramid might be too big of a jump, so what you could do is change her nap routine to: nappy change, sleep sack, book, darken room, white noise, sing a lullaby while holding her and walking around the room. Once the lullaby finishes, slowly stop walking and continue rocking her in your arms and patting her bottom. Then gradually stop rocking and just continue patting. Then stop patting and just continue shushing so she falls asleep in your arms while you’re standing still – without movement.

If this feels like too big a step, you could continue offering a feed but I’d recommend shifting it to earlier in the routine: nappy change, sleep sack, feed, book, darken room, white noise, rock/hold to sleep. By feeding her at the beginning of the routine and keeping the room bright, you can ensure she doesn’t fall asleep while feeding.

This can be tricky to spot though, as babies continue to suck when they’re asleep. What you can do is notice how often she’s swallowing the milk – as they fall asleep, you’ll notice they don’t swallow as often. If the swallowing is slowing down, it’s a sign she’s falling asleep and it’s time to stop the feed. The difficulty is if she falls asleep while feeding, her sleep pressure is lower and she might fight the nap more as she isn’t as tired. This just makes it harder to settle her in the bassinet.

Before I give more suggestions, I just wanted to check in and see if these are things you feel you can try with your little one?

Emma

[Emma H]

Awesome. Let me know how it goes!

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

It sounds like Emily’s sleep is continuing to improve!

In regards to your question about what happens if she sleeps past 2:30pm – I’d recommend capping this nap after 2 hours, so the latest she’d sleep to is 3pm. If that happens, her third nap might shift to 5pm (finishing at 5:30pm) and bedtime would move to 8pm.

If 8pm feels too late, you have two options:

1. Keep the third nap but make it shorter (15-20 minutes) to protect an earlier bedtime
2. Skip the third nap altogether and bring bedtime forward to 6:30pm, gradually shifting it to 7pm as she adjusts to the longer wake window

I’d usually recommend option 2 once her first nap is also consistently longer. It’s really up to what you think Emily would cope best with!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Thais,

Thanks so much for sharing his schedule! Based on what you’ve described, it looks like he’s getting around 2.5 hours of daytime sleep and 10 hours overnight (assuming a 5am wake), which totals about 12.5 hours over 24 hours. This is on the lower end for his age.

I’m wondering if the pacifier might be interfering with his daytime naps. Sometimes babies who use a pacifier to fall asleep will wake when it falls out, cutting naps short. If he’s not getting enough daytime sleep, this can lead to overtiredness, which might explain those 5am wake-ups.

Since he’s already learnt to fall asleep independently at bedtime without the pacifier, would you be happy to try removing it for naps as well? You can absolutely still offer it during wake times when he’s fussy, and during those early morning wake-ups if it helps settle him. But for naps, it would be worth seeing if removing the pacifier (particularly for the first two naps) helps extend their length.

Generally, we’d expect those first two naps to be longer – anywhere from 1.5-2 hours each – with the third nap remaining a short 30-minute catnap.

Would you be happy to try this for a week and see if his naps lengthen? If they do start extending, here’s what to keep in mind:

• Start his day between 6-6:30am
• Offer the first nap at 8:30/9am and cap it at 1.5 hours
• Offer the second nap around 12:30/1pm and cap it at 1.5 hours
• Offer the third nap at 4/4:30pm
• Wake him by 4:30/5pm
• Bedtime at 7/7:30pm

Does this sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Thais,

It’s fantastic that your little one is now falling asleep independently at night – that’s a huge improvement!

Unfortunately, at 5 months it’s still really common for babies to wake 1-2 times overnight for a feed.

What tends to happen is once they learn to fall asleep independently, they start to drop the night feeds if they are no longer hungry – typically the initial stretch of sleep gradually gets longer before they wake for a feed. So you might find that the first feed he drops is the 1-2am one.

But this does take time, so I was just wondering how long he’s been independently falling asleep at bedtime?

In regards to the 5am wake-up, it’s always going to be challenging to get him to fall back to sleep at this time, as his sleep pressure would be low and his circadian rhythm is encouraging him to wake up. Given that he’s continuing to wake at this time, even with you keeping the room dark and stimulation low, it might suggest that he’s reaching his sleep needs and we need to tweak his sleep routine.

To work out if this is the case, are you able to let me know what his schedule looks like:

• What time does he wake in the morning?
• What time is his first nap and when does he wake from this?
• What time is his second nap and when does he wake from this?
• What time is his third nap and when does he wake from this?
• What time does he fall asleep at night?
• For his daytime naps, is he sleeping in his crib in his bedroom?

Sorry for the additional questions!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

It’s great that Emily’s first nap for the past two days has naturally started to lengthen! Has this continued?

Based on her current nap schedule, the only thing I would think about changing is the timing of the third nap so it happens around 4:30pm, and you wake her up by 5pm. The reason you’d wake her by 5pm is so that her bedtime becomes consistent and falls around 7:30/8pm.

The other thing that could encourage her to fall back to sleep when she wakes briefly between sleep cycles is making her bedroom dark. If the room is dark (so dark that you can’t read a book), then when she wakes briefly between sleep cycles and is still tired, she’ll look around the room but since there’s nothing interesting to gain her attention, she’ll fall back to sleep.

You mentioned you’re travelling at the moment, so this might be a little challenging. But there are temporary blackout blinds that you can buy that stick directly onto windows and peel off so you can reuse them, or you can use temporary blackout blinds that have suction caps which stick to windows. If you can’t access these, you could try blocking any light coming in around the window curtains using towels or blankets. I’ve also seen parents cut black plastic bin bags and stick these to the windows to block out the light (this can make the room a little hot though).

Also, I just wanted to mention that as she’s able to fall asleep on her own, and given that she’s 7 months of age, I would expect her to naturally start extending her first and second naps over the coming weeks – which it seems like she’s already doing! But this is generally a lot easier for bub’s to achieve if the environment they are in is conducive to sleep – so cool, dark and free from sudden loud noises.

I hope this helps!

Emma

• This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Catherin,

It’s so nice to hear that you find the way I present information easy to understand! I often feel like I go into too much detail and might bore parents, so it’s good to know the detail is helpful.

It does sound like you have a lot of things to consider. Your lactation consultant is right that doing too many things at once can be overwhelming for little ones. But in saying that, sometimes moving them into their own room can make it easier to drop those overnight feeds, as they’re less likely to wake and then fully stir from having someone in the room with them. It can also make it easier to have your husband go in and help settle her to sleep if you aren’t lying in the bed in the same room – sometimes babies can smell or even just sense you lying there.

But before we work out which one of your concerns to tackle first, I was just hoping you could update me on:

• What is your little one’s current bedtime routine?
• How do you settle her to sleep at bedtime? Do you feed her to sleep or lay her down awake in the crib?
• How often is she waking overnight for a feed? It sounds like she might be waking an hour after bedtime and then again in the early morning hours – is that correct?
• Is your little one’s bedtime consistent? So falling within the same 30-minute window?
• When your little one stirs an hour after bedtime, have either you or your husband just entered the bedroom to go to bed or used a bathroom which shares a wall with the bedroom? I’m just trying to work out if this wake-up is due to a disturbance.
• It sounds like you’re nursing her when she wakes overnight – does she take a bottle at all?

Sorry for all the questions!

Emma