[Emma H]

Hi Angela,

Firstly, it’s not too late, and you do not need to let her cry it out.

It sounds like her nights are going smoothly, which is great! And you’ve already created the ideal sleep environment.

Short naps can be extremely frustrating and tiring!

I just have a few questions, so when you have time can you answer the questions below?

1. Does she use a pacifier/dummy?

2. Are you still swaddling her or has she transitioned to a sleeping bag?

There are a few options you can try with your little one for daytime naps.

Option 1: Modify the Settling Pyramid to incorporate rocking

I am unsure if this would be helpful, but instead of patting her while lying in the crib, you can gently rock her side to side. So you would place one hand on her bottom and gently rock her. This option gives her the movement she may currently need to fall asleep.

Option 2: Work up to the Settling Pyramid

Instead of trying the settling pyramid, you could settle her to sleep in your arms but gradually reduce the rocking and the amount of hands-on strategies you’re using just before she falls asleep. Reducing the movement just before she falls asleep will help her learn to fall asleep without movement. This will make moving to the settling pyramid easier when she is ready.

So it looks like this.

Complete your nap/bedtime routine and finish by singing a lullaby or a song while you rock her in your arms. This song and routine will become her sleep cue and something you can use when you move to use the settling pyramid.

– When you finish the lullaby or song, continue rocking her while you pat her bottom and ‘shush’.

– If she remains calm, stop rocking her and just continue patting her bottom and shushing.

– If she remains calm, stop patting her and just continue shushing.

– If she remains calm, stop shushing and simply hold her quietly until she falls asleep.

– Then, place her in the crib.

Does this make sense?

Emma

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Elen,

From what you’ve recorded I think it might be worth shifting her nap time back. It seems like most of the time she isn’t having a nap and when she does fall asleep she is having a short nap. One possible reason for these short naps is that she has enough sleep pressure to fall asleep but not enough to stay asleep for a long nap. And then on the days she doesn’t nap, she just isn’t tired.

How do you feel about pushing her nap time to 12 pm?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Vivian,

Based on your descriptions in this and your previous posts, it seems like the bedtime issues, or “false starts,” diminish when his bedtime is later. This suggests that the current bedtime of 7pm might be a bit too early for him, leading to these issues because he’s simply not tired enough.

What do you think about moving all of his naps back 15 minutes for a few days? This small adjustment could help push his bedtime slightly later, which might resolve the bedtime false starts. However, if these false starts aren’t bothering you (as it sounds like you can settle him back to sleep pretty quickly) then you can leave his schedule as is.

As babies get older, you can start watching the clock to determine when they need a nap as they do start to fall into a more predictable schedule as they get closer to 6 months. So if you find that watching the clock works better for your little one then that’s totally ok.

I hope that helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Elisa,

It sounds like you’ve been doing a wonderful job establishing a bedtime routine for your little one. And from what you’ve written, it sounds like it has generally been going well – with your little one mostly going to sleep on her own after completing her bedtime routine without becoming upset or only crying for 5 – 10 minutes.

It might be helpful to hear that it’s quite normal for babies, even those who are usually good at settling, to have occasional nights where they struggle more. So the fact that she cried for 20 minutes before settling herself last night, although longer than usual, isn’t necessarily a sign that something is wrong with your approach.

As for the question about day naps and whether not training her to self-settle during the day could be affecting her night sleep: it’s possible. Consistency across all sleep periods can reinforce the self-settling skills you’re encouraging at night. You might consider gradually introducing similar settling techniques for her naps as you use at night to help create a consistent message about sleep.

Hang in there! You’re doing a great job!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Maddie,

I’m glad to hear the support has been useful for you.

It sounds like she’s doing really well with her naps, getting two sessions that last between 90 minutes to 2 hours each. That’s excellent!

I do have a few more questions when you have a moment to respond:

• What times does she typically wake up for feeds during the night?
• What’s her usual wake-up time in the morning?
• Are you feeding her to sleep for her naps, or are you following a wake, feed, play, sleep routine? How are you settling her to sleep if it’s the latter?
• Regarding your question about telling the difference between feeding to sleep out of habit and genuine hunger, are you asking about the overnight feeds or during daytime feeds?

Your idea to adjust the bedtime routine by keeping the bedroom lights on until after the feed, then turning them off and putting her in her sleeping bag, sounds like a great strategy. Let me know if that helps her stay awake during the last feed.

As for responding to her cries at night, you would listen to the pattern of her crying. If she cries out and then stops, then cries out (so there are pauses between the crying), then I recommend you leave her and see if she falls back asleep. But if you notice that she cries, and then the next cry is louder, and each cry gets progressively louder, and there are no pauses, then that means she needs something from you.

I hope that helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Elen,

I am just wondering if the 14 months is a typo? In your first post, it mentions that she was 15 months. Is she now 16 months old?

When she skips her nap, how does she seem? Is she still cheerful, or does she become tired and fussy as the day continues?

Also, when she doesn’t nap at 11 am, does she fall asleep later, perhaps during a car ride or in the pram if you’re out for a walk?

Based on what you’ve shared, it doesn’t sound like she’s overtired by 11 am. It seems more likely that she’s just not tired enough to sleep, especially if she’s content to play in her crib during naptime. Since she’s generally not upset when you leave her alone in a quiet, dark room, and she doesn’t fall asleep, it suggests she might not need to nap so early.

If it works for you, consider pushing her nap time back to around 12:15 or 12:30 pm (when she is placed in the crib to fall asleep). If you go with a nap time at 12:30 pm you could offer her lunch at 11:30 am am. Also, encouraging her to nap in the afternoon takes advantage of the natural afternoon dip in her circadian rhythm, which may help her fall asleep.

If she starts napping at this new time but begins to resist going to bed at her usual time, you might need to move her bedtime slightly later, perhaps to 7 or 7:30 pm.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Maddie,

It’s great to hear that your little one has settled into your new home so well. I hope you’re all enjoying the new space!

Regarding her waking up at 3 am and staying awake for a couple of hours, I have a few questions that can help us figure out what might be causing this:

• Is the 3 am wake-up the only time she wakes up during the night? Or does she wake up at other times, but just has a feed and falls back to sleep quickly?

• Where do you usually feed her during these night wake-ups? What’s the setting like—do you keep the lights on or off, and do you change her diaper?

• Could you also share what her daytime nap schedule looks like—both the times and the duration of the naps?

The primary concern with feeding to sleep is that the bub may develop a strong association between feeding and sleeping. This means they might struggle to fall asleep without being fed, making it difficult for them to self-soothe or fall asleep under other circumstances. This can sometimes result in the bub waking frequently overnight, especially in the latter half of the night, as they need to feed to fall back to sleep.

If you’re looking to phase out feeding her to sleep, you still want to offer her a final feed in her bedtime routine, but you just start the bedtime routine with the feed. For example, you could start her bedtime routine with a feed in a well-lit room to help keep her alert. Following the feed, you could change her diaper, get her into her pyjamas, put her in her sleeping bag, close the blinds, turn on some white noise, read her a book, sing a lullaby, and then lay her down in the crib. From there, you can use the settling pyramid to help her fall asleep.

To help her stay awake during the last feed you want to create a stimulating environment that encourages her to stay awake. You can do that by:

• Keeping the lights on in the room.
• Choosing a slightly noisier room for feeding.
• Avoid putting her in her sleeping bag until after the feed.
• Talk to others in the room (if there are people there) while you are feeding her.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Vivian!

Thumb sucking is usually not a problem for young children and doesn’t typically harm the thumb. Most kids naturally stop sucking their thumb between ages 2 and 4. However, the American Dental Association suggests starting to gently discourage thumb sucking after age 4 to prevent future dental issues, such as misaligned teeth or changes in the roof of the mouth that can occur when permanent teeth start coming in.

By around 7 months, babies can start to find comfort in a soft toy or a lovey. However, it’s best to avoid introducing any soft toys before 7 months due to the increased risk of SUDI (Sudden Unexpected Death in Infancy).

Pacifiers are perfectly fine to continue using after 6 months and can be particularly handy during car rides.

Regarding signs of tiredness, yawning is usually an indicator of tiredness. You could try changing his activity to see if he perks up. If he continues to seem fussy or needs more interaction to stay content, it’s likely he’s tired. Like many things with little ones, figuring out what works can be a bit of trial and error.

I hope this makes things a bit clearer!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Emma,

It’s great the diarrhoea has finally cleared up. I wonder if that might have been the cause of his sudden change in behaviour, as the timing lines up?

It also sounds like the overnight wakes are getting slightly better in that he is falling back to sleep after the feed and the time between the feeds seem to be getting slightly longer. On the 9th of April you mentioned he was waking every 1 -2 hours and now it’s every 2 -3 hours which is slightly better.

And it also sounds like maybe the day sleeps are getting a bit better in that you can lay him down in the co-sleeper for the nap?

Based on how often he wakes up during the night, it seems like two things might have happened. The first thing that happened was for some reason he started waking up between sleep cycles. This might have been due to some discomfort, possibly from the diarrhoea or pain at the vaccination site, or something else entirely. To soothe him back to sleep, you’ve naturally been feeding him, which might have led him to expect more feedings during these times. As a result, he could now be waking up more often because he expects to be fed.

Here’s what you can try to help reduce these frequent night wakings:

1. Identify when he is waking overnight due to hunger and when he is waking due to comfort.

Document each overnight feed for a few days to differentiate between hunger-driven and comfort-driven wakings. For breastfeeding, note the duration of each feed; for bottle feeding, record how much he drinks.

After collecting this information, review it to see which feeds were likely due to genuine hunger — indicated by longer breastfeeding times or higher amounts of milk consumed — and which were likely for comfort, shown by shorter feeds or less milk consumed.

2. Gradually Reduce Comfort Feeds

For the comfort feeds you want to gently reduce these comfort feeds. This involves decreasing the duration of breastfeeding or the volume of bottle-feeding slightly each night.

• For Breastfeeding: Begin by shortening each comfort feed by about 1 to 2 minutes every night. Continue reducing the feeds until the feedings last less than five minutes. Once they’re under 5 minutes, you can stop feeding and instead use the ‘Settling Pyramid’ strategy or step 3 to soothe him to sleep.

• For Bottle-Feeding: Reduce the volume given during comfort feeds by ½ to 1 ounce each night. Continue reducing the amount until it’s less than 2 ounces. At that point, switch from feeding to using the strategies from the ”Settling Pyramid’ or step 3 to soothe him to sleep.

3. For comfort-driven wakes, use other soothing strategies to help him fall asleep

If he wakes up during the night looking for comfort, and you cannot settle him to sleep using the settling pyramid you can try this gentler approach. Gently rock or bounce him in your arms and gradually reduce the amount of hands-on strategies you’re applying while he is in your arms. For example, when he is lying in your arms, rock him, as you gently pat his bottom and ‘shush’ him. Then, as he settles down, stop rocking him (so stand or sit still) and continue patting his bottom and shushing. If he remains calm, stop patting him and continue shushing. Then stop shushing so that he falls asleep in your arms while you’re standing still. Then, place him in the crib. Stopping the rocking and patting before he falls asleep helps him become comfortable with falling asleep without movement (so he is not reliant on movement to fall asleep). This will make it easier to move to using the pyramid technique when you’re both ready.

4. Try the settling pyramid if he will let you and you have the time and energy.

As he seems to be generally a bit more content and the diarrhoea has settled down, do you think he might be more receptive to laying down in the crib after you complete the nap or bedtime routine? If you do think so, try the settling pyramid again as this gives him a chance to practice falling asleep in the crib with your support which is a key component to getting him to sleep for longer stretches overnight. If you need to climb to the top of the pyramid and pick him up, check your energy levels. If you have the time and energy, you can settle him back down, and when he is calm, put him back in the crib and descend the pyramid following his cues. If you don’t have the energy or time, or he is too distressed, settle him to sleep in your arms, using the gentler steps I outlined in step 3.

5. Just try the first nap of the day

If you don’t have the energy or time to apply the settling pyramid for every nap, just use it for the first nap of the day. Babies tend to find it easier to fall asleep for this nap, so you’re more likely to have success.

6. Feed him in a sunny, distraction-free room for daytime feeds

It might be worth feeding him in a quieter room during the day to ensure he is having bigger feeds. This can sometimes help to reduce the need for overnight feeds.

7. Try lowering the room temperature

If you can, you could try lowering the room temperature in the bedroom to around 21 degrees and see if this helps improve his sleep. Babies tend to find it easier to sleep in a cooler room, plus their core body temperature needs to drop just before sleep (which is why having a bath as part of the bedtime routine can be so helpful). So lowering the temperature might help. If adjusting the temperature isn’t feasible, don’t worry too much about it.

There are also additional strategies in the course lesson titled “Managing the 4 Month Sleep Regression” which you might find helpful. So if you haven’t already, make sure you check that one out.

Also, the AAP and Red Nose Australia recommend you room-share (so the baby sleeps in your bedroom) until at least the first 6 months. So I do recommend they stay in your bedroom for the first 6 months. If you can set the crib up in your room then that would be great.

I hope that helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Vivian,

Given that he is waking after 1 sleep cycle but easily falls back to sleep and then stays asleep until morning I wouldn’t necessarily call it a false start. I really do think with time, this brief wake at the start of the night will just stop happening.

It’s also fantastic to hear that his naps are getting longer! If he wakes between sleep cycles but self-soothes back to sleep, it shows he’s starting to connect these cycles.

As for calculating a baby’s age, we typically use their birthdate as a marker. For example, if your baby was born on March 2nd, he would be considered 1 month old on April 2nd, 2 months old on May 2nd, and so on. This method is used because a month isn’t exactly four weeks—it’s closer to 4.3 weeks.

If you’re trying to figure out your baby’s age in weeks instead of months, you can multiply the number of months by 4.3. For instance:

• At 4 months, it’s approximately 17 weeks (because 4 times 4.3 equals about 17.2).
• At 5 months, it’s roughly 21.5 weeks (since 5 times 4.3 is 21.5).

However, as I said it’s generally simpler to track months based on the birth date. If your baby was born prematurely though, you would use the due date rather than the birth date to calculate their corrected age.

I hope that makes sense!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Elen,

Thank you for your responses.

If you want to share a photo, you could upload it to Google Drive or Dropbox and send me the link. Alternatively, typing out the details might be simpler.

Regarding your video monitor, you mentioned it has a light and makes noise in night mode. Could you possibly cover the light with some tape? Also, if the noise can’t be turned off, is there an option to switch it to white noise instead? If that is an option, you could try placing it a bit further from the crib, so it’s not too loud but you can still keep an eye on her.

Thanks
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Emma,

It sounds like you’ve had some tough nights recently. Waking up every two hours is definitely exhausting, but it’s encouraging to hear there’s a bit of improvement with less crying.

Since the disrupted sleep hasn’t been accompanied by teething signs like visible teeth buds and it is lasting more than a few days, it might not be teething causing the wake-ups.

How is he during his awake times? Is he generally content, or does he seem unsettled then too? Also, have there been any changes recently, such as starting solids or changes in his bowel movements?

If everything else is stable and he’s usually happy, it might just be that he’s gotten used to needing more comfort to fall and stay asleep. If that’s the case, then I have a few more questions before I can provide suggestions. So when you have some time, can you please answer the questions below?

1. Does he have a set wake-up time?

2. What times are his naps during the day? So what’s his general routine for the day?

3. How do you help him fall asleep during the day – so what’s the nap time routine and then how do you settle him to sleep?

4. Where does he sleep during the day? Is he in a bedroom and if so is the bedroom dark, cool and quiet?

5. What time does his final nap of the day end?

6. What time is bedtime now?

7. Has the bedtime routine changed? If so what is it now?

8. When he does fall asleep at night, does he still have a long stretch of sleep or does he wake every 2 hours?

9. What is overnight like? So what’s the general times of the overnight feeds and when you’re feeding where are you doing this and what’s the room like (eg. are the lights on, do you do it in the bedroom or lounge room etc).

10. Are you feeding each time he wakes overnight?

11. Does he use a pacifier?

Thanks!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Vivian,

I hope you had a great weekend. It’s great that your mother-in-law was able to help out. Hopefully, you got some time to rest during that visit.

Bedtime false starts are when your little one seems to fall asleep for the night but then wakes up soon after—kind of like mistaking bedtime for a quick nap. This can happen just a few minutes in or 30/35/40/45 minutes later. After waking, they’re usually up for a full wake window before they’re ready to sleep again.

There are a few reasons why bedtime false starts happen:

1. Bedtime might be too early: Babies under 3-4 months old often do better with a later bedtime. So, if you’re putting them down between 6-8 PM, they may initially fall asleep but then wake up soon after. This could lead to a repetitive cycle of soothing them back to sleep over and over until they finally settle into a deep sleep sometime between 8 PM and 11 PM. Alternatively, they might not settle down after that initial wake up and instead stay awake for another wake window before finally going to sleep later in the evening, between 8 PM and 11 PM.
2. They aren’t tired enough: If your baby hasn’t been up long enough before bedtime, they might have enough sleep pressure to fall asleep but not stay asleep.
3. They’re falling asleep while feeding: It’s common for babies to fall asleep during their last feed of the night because it’s so soothing. However, if they haven’t built up enough sleep pressure to stay asleep for long, they might wake up soon after.
4. They’re asleep before being placed in the crib: If your little one falls asleep with some help—like feeding, rocking, or bouncing—and then you move them to their crib, they might wake up surprised by the change. It’s similar to how you’d feel if you went to sleep with a pillow and woke up to find it gone—you’d probably wake up looking for it!

From what you have said, the likely reasons for your little one waking up after bedtime may be a mixture of 1 and 2. He has just hit four months so bedtimes can still vary and I also think the timing of his last nap of the day is starting to have an impact on his bedtime and his ability to stay asleep. When your mother-in-law helped out his bedtime was earlier than usual, at 6:30pm and so were his naps. I wonder if moving his naps earlier meant he had a longer time awake between that final nap of the day and his bedtime? But in general, he is still really young and I just think he needs a little more time.

Regarding your question on naptime and bedtime routines – No, they don’t necessarily have to be in the same order of activities. It’s perfectly fine if the routine varies slightly depending on who is putting the baby to sleep, as long as the overall environment and approach remain soothing and conducive to sleep.

However, some consistency in how these routines are carried out can be helpful for your baby. Babies and young children often thrive on predictability. So while the routines don’t have to match perfectly, maintaining a few core elements (like a specific lullaby, a cuddle, or dimming the lights) and ensuring that the last activity is calming and done in the bedroom can make the transition to sleep smoother, regardless of whether it’s naptime or bedtime.

Babies can learn to nap in a room that isn’t completely dark. But in saying that, a dark room (so dark that you can’t read a book) can make it easier for babies to fall asleep and then link sleep cycles when they’re developmentally ready to.

I hope that helps,

Emma

[Emma H]

Thanks Amanda!

[Emma H]

Hi Kostas!

Goodluck introducing solids! Hopefully, Helen loves it!

Emma