[Emma H]

Hi Milene,

It’s so lovely to see you here after our earlier email chats.

First, I just want to say how much I admire the care and dedication you and your boyfriend are showing for your little one. You’ve been through such a challenging start, but it’s incredible how you’ve kept advocating for her and have found the support you needed – especially around her feeding aversion. You’re doing an amazing job.

About bedtime

You asked what time is typical for a 4-month-old’s bedtime. Most babies this age settle into a bedtime somewhere between 7–8 pm, but the timing can be influenced by the last nap of the day. If that nap ends too close to bedtime, it can mean she isn’t quite tired enough to stay asleep, which may be why she initially settles but then wakes 30–40 minutes later.

To help me work out why bedtime has been tricky and to suggest the most helpful strategies for you all, I’d love to clarify a few details. I’m so sorry for all the questions, but your answers will give me a clearer picture of what’s going on so we can find gentle ways to improve her sleep (and yours!).

1. You mentioned she has reflux – have you been able to see a doctor about whether medication could help manage her symptoms?

2. It’s fantastic that she’s now napping in your bed – what a huge achievement! Based on what you’ve shared, does her current schedule look something like this?

   • Wake-up: 7/7:30 am

   • Nap 1: 9–9:30 am

   • Wake: 9:30/10 am

   • Nap 2: 11:30 am–12 pm

   • Wake: 1:30/2:30 pm

   • Nap 3: 3:30–4 pm

   • Wake: 4:30 pm

   • Bedtime: 7:30–8:30 pm

3. You mentioned she often wakes 30–40 minutes after falling asleep at bedtime. On the nights this happens, do you know what time she finally settles into a deeper sleep and stays asleep?

4. Overnight, does she usually wake:

   • Between 10 pm–12 am for her first feed

   • Again at 2–3 am or at 5 am? If she wakes at 5 am, as you have noticed it can be really hard to resettle her – this is because her sleep pressure is low and her circadian rhythm is starting to signal “wake-up time.”

5. It sounds like you’re following a wake–play–feed–play–sleep routine during the day to encourage her to feed when she’s truly hungry (given the aversion protocol). Are you able to keep the feed separate from her nap routine?

6. Based on what you have written, I am assuming her bedtime routine looks like this:

   • Nappy change

   • Go to bedroom, close curtains

   • White noise on

   • Sleeping bag on

   • Sing lullaby while rocking

   • Place her in the carrier for bedtime
     Before she goes into the carrier, does she have a final feed? If so, where does this fit into the routine? And when do you usually give her the pacifier?

7. For her naps, does the routine look the same except you lay her down in your bed and use the settling pyramid?

8. For naps, is she sleeping directly on your bed?

9. You mentioned that she used to fall asleep after she was placed on the bed awake but she’s now finding it harder. Was this change in settling related to naps, bedtime, or both?

10. With the pacifier, do you feel it’s becoming a sleep association that leads to her waking when it falls out (at the start of naps, at bedtime, and between sleep cycles)? From what you’ve described, it sounds like this might be a big factor.

11. Could you describe her sleep environment? Is the room cool, very dark (so dark you couldn’t read a book) and quiet?

Sorry for all the questions!

Emma

• This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Melanie,

Firstly, congratulations on the arrival of your little one! I hope you’re getting to soak up lots of those precious newborn cuddles.

It’s fantastic that you’ve already been able to follow the wake–feed–play–sleep rhythm during the day and the wake–feed–sleep rhythm overnight. That’s such a great start.

Where your little one should sleep during the day

This really comes down to what feels right for you and what fits into your day. It’s so important for your own mental health to get out and about – so naps in the pram or carrier are perfectly fine. And if you love those newborn snuggles while she sleeps on you, that’s absolutely okay too.

I understand your concern about being in the same room while she naps. You’re right – the AAP and Red Nose Australia recommend babies nap in the same room as you. But they also emphasize that the most important factor is safe sleep: placing your baby on a firm, flat surface with no loose items. Many families only have one crib or bassinet located in the bedroom, and in these situations, letting their baby nap there is still considered a safe choice. It really comes down to what you feel most comfortable with.

The main reason I recommend having her nap in her sleep space is that it gives you the opportunity to practice helping her settle using the settling pyramid. It also allows her to start learning the nap and bedtime routine, which will become positive sleep associations and make it easier for her to fall asleep over time. That said, you can still complete a nap routine and complete a modified version of the settling pyramid—even if she’s napping in the pram, carrier, on you, or on a blanket on the floor.

Napping in a dark room

At this stage, you don’t need to worry about dark rooms confusing her circadian rhythm. Her body isn’t yet mature enough to establish a strong day-night pattern. What helps her circadian rhythm develop is exposure to natural light when she first wakes in the morning.

The main benefit of a darker room is that it minimizes distractions, making it easier for her to settle and stay asleep—especially as she becomes more alert and aware of her surroundings (which typically happens around 3 months).

Does this make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Kate,

Thank you so much for the update on her sleep patterns – it sounds like you’ve made some really positive progress!

It’s great to see that her bedtime has shifted earlier and become much more consistent. It’s also encouraging that she’s getting a good long stretch at the start of the night – that’s exactly what we want to see. Over time, that stretch should continue to lengthen, and the overnight feeds will naturally start to drop off.

When it comes to helping her fall asleep in the crib without the bottle, there are a few approaches you can try depending on what feels manageable for you right now.

Option 1: Settling directly in the crib

The first option is to follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine. When it’s nap time, go through your usual nap routine, but I’m wondering if your little one might tolerate being held in a side-lying position (as I demonstrate in the Period of PURPLE Crying video with Dr. Karp’s 5 S’s), rather than in the tiger-in-the-tree hold. This position still allows her to look out but makes it easier to reposition your hands prior to laying her down in the crib, which would reduce the likelihood that she will wake up when you transfer her if she does fall asleep in your arms.

Here’s how it might look:

1. Carry her around the apartment in the side-lying position.

2. Walk into the bedroom and close the blinds.

3. Walk slowly around the bedroom while singing a lullaby, still holding her side-lying.

4. Once she’s calm, lay her down awake in the crib and begin patting and shushing straight away, moving up and down the settling pyramid as needed.

She may initially protest, but as you’ve noticed, transferring her after she’s fallen asleep in your arms is tricky – she often wakes up, and because she’s already had a light nap, her sleep pressure is lower, making it harder for her to settle again. Helping her fall asleep directly in the crib gives her the best chance to stay asleep for longer.

Option 2: Settling in your arms first, then transferring

If Option 1 feels like too big a step right now, you can settle her to sleep in your arms but adjust how you transfer her into the crib:

1. Carry her around the apartment in the side-lying position.

2. Walk into the bedroom, close the blinds, and sing a lullaby while walking slowly.

3. Once the lullaby finishes, stand still while gently swaying her in the side-lying position.

4. Gradually slow the swaying until she falls asleep while being held still.

5. Once she’s asleep, reposition her so she’s lying on her back in your arms. Wait until her breathing is slow and her body completely still – this is a sign she’s in deep sleep.

6. Transfer her to the crib by lowering her so her legs, then bottom, then back, and finally her head touch the mattress.

7. If needed, place your hands gently on her arms to keep them still and calm, then slowly remove your hands once she settles.

If she wakes during the transfer and doesn’t resettle with patting or shushing, you can pick her up and try again. If after about 20 minutes she still hasn’t settled, use the bottle as a last resort.

Other things to keep in mind

• Start small: While it’s ideal to give her as many opportunities as possible to practice falling asleep without the bottle, you could begin by focusing on the first nap of the day and bedtime. Babies often find these easier times to settle, while later naps can be trickier. For those, it’s okay to follow your usual routine for now.
• Rolling: You mentioned she’s rolling – does she roll fully onto her tummy? If so, would you consider letting her settle in the crib on her tummy if that’s her preferred position? Many babies start sleeping better once they’re comfortable sleeping this way.
• Wake windows: As she approaches 4 months, most babies can stay awake for 2–2.5 hours, and sometimes slightly longer before bedtime. If she’s fighting naps, gently stretching her wake windows may help.
• White noise: If you haven’t noticed much difference, it’s fine to stop using it. Some babies aren’t soothed by it. But if you are keen to try different types (or mask that creaky bed) then just make sure that you are using white noise which has a consistent sound. (like rain, radio static or heartbeat sounds) and avoid tracks with variable noises (like thunder or birds), as these can disturb her sleep.
• Pacifiers: Since she hasn’t taken to them and they can create another sleep association, I’d suggest not worrying about them. Many babies do fine without them.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

• This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by  Emma H.
• This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Kate,

I just wanted to let you know I have seen your reply, and I will have a reply for you in the next 10 hours. My daughter is sick at the moment and not letting me type 🤦‍♀️. But, I will have some kids free time tomorrow morning, so will be able to give you a plan then.
Sorry.
Emma

[Emma H]

No worries!

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

One thing I’d recommend trying first is using a diaper one size up for overnight. The larger size can hold more wee, which may help prevent her from soaking through.

If she still leaks through after trying this, the next step would be to change her diaper during her 2 am feed. You can follow a wake, feed, diaper, feed, sleep routine at this time. Changing her at 2 am is less likely to fully wake her, whereas changing her at the 5/6 am wake-up might make it harder for her to settle back to sleep.

Does that sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Kate,
Can you update me on what her nap and bedtime schedule looks like now – so the time that she wakes in the morning, the timing of all her naps, when she wakes from these naps and when bedtime is. I just want to check her wake windows and sleep overall, as these strategies should be working and sleep needs change so quickly with bubs.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Seyy,

Hopefully, the transition out of the swaddle is going a little smoother the second time around.

When it comes to improving bedtime and overnight sleep, I have a few suggestions for you. It might be best to wait and try these once she’s fully transitioned out of the swaddle, as this will set her up for more success.

Final Wake Window

To help her fall asleep and stay asleep at bedtime, it’s important that her final wake window is long enough for her to build up sufficient sleep pressure. If this window is too short, she may either fight bedtime or fall asleep only to wake again soon after because she wasn’t tired enough to stay asleep.

At 4 months, most babies can tolerate 2–2.5 hours of awake time, and sometimes even up to 3 hours before bedtime. So if her bedtime is 9 pm, aim for her last nap to finish by 6–6:30 pm to give her enough awake time before bed.

Track Her Bedtime Sleep Patterns

If she continues to wake multiple times after falling asleep at 9 pm – even when her last wake window is long enough – it might help to track what time she finally settles into a deep, longer stretch of sleep.

If you notice this consistently happens around 10:30 or 11 pm, it could suggest her natural bedtime is later than 9 pm right now. In that case, we may need to shift her wake-up time earlier to help bring her bedtime forward.

Tweak Her Bedtime Routine

To give you the chance to use the settling pyramid and help her learn to fall asleep in her crib independently (which will naturally reduce overnight waking), I recommend moving her feed slightly earlier in her bedtime routine. Here’s an example of how her routine could look:

1. Bath or massage

2. Diaper change and pajamas

3. Feed – stop the feed when her sucking slows, and she stops swallowing every few sucks (this often means she’s starting to drift off). If you think she hasn’t had enough, try gently waking her (changing her diaper again or shifting position can help) and offering the rest of the feed. The goal is to avoid her falling asleep at the breast/bottle, as this reduces sleep pressure and can make it harder for her to settle later.

   • Quick question: Do you still need to hold her upright after feeds, or has her reflux improved with the medication so you can skip this step?

4. Go into the bedroom and darken the room

5. Put on her sleeping bag

6. Sing a lullaby while gently rocking her in your arms

Once the lullaby ends:

• Lay her down in the crib awake and use the settling pyramid to help her drift off.

• If the pyramid feels too challenging right now, you can continue rocking her but start to slow the motion gradually. Then:

  • Transition to holding her still while patting and shushing

  • Gradually stop patting, then stop shushing

  • Allow her to fall asleep still and quiet in your arms before attempting to transfer

But given that she tends to wake when being transferred or laid down, trying the settling pyramid first may give her the best chance to learn how to settle in the crib.

Does this feel like a manageable next step for when she’s fully out of the swaddle?

Emma

• This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Kate,

I’m so glad to hear the heatwave has passed!

It’s also fantastic that her wake-up time is stabilizing around 7:30. That consistency will really help regulate her body clock, which is a solid foundation for improving her sleep overall.

Now, about the bottle – it’s completely understandable that she’s been seeking extra comfort after the stress of her vaccinations. But the fact that you’re already managing to get her to sleep without the bottle 1–2 times a day is such a positive sign – it shows she can fall asleep without it, even if it’s not consistent yet.

As for the settling pyramid, there isn’t a strict time limit for how long to try before switching strategies, but there are practical considerations. If she’s been awake beyond her maximum wake window and is very unsettled, it’s often better to prioritise getting her to sleep. At the same time, we want to avoid the bottle becoming her primary way of settling, as this can reinforce the habit.

To help her move away from relying on the bottle to fall asleep, I’d suggest giving her a few more days (to ensure she’s fully comfortable and not sore from the vaccinations), then starting to follow the wake–feed–play–sleep routine. When it’s time to settle her, you could try getting her to sleep in your arms without the bottle first. Once she’s more comfortable falling asleep this way, we can then focus on helping her learn to fall asleep without movement using the settling pyramid.

Does that sound like a good next step? If so, I can put together a more detailed plan for you to follow.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

Waking hourly must be absolutely exhausting – you must be so tired right now.

Since this is a new pattern, I think it might just be a coincidence for now. How did last night go?

You mentioned that you’re not feeding her between 7/8 pm and 12 am. From what you shared, it sounds like she may have gone to bed around 8 pm and then slept through until about 11–11:30 pm – is that right? If so, that’s a big improvement from before when she was waking at both 9 and 10 pm.

If she’s now sleeping until 11–11:30 pm, then waking again an hour later, but settling into a longer stretch after her 12/12:30 am feed, you might consider offering her a feed at that 11–11:30 pm waking for now. This could help her settle back to sleep more easily and potentially support a longer stretch again after that feed.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Jacelyn,

It sounds like you’re making some progress, which is good to see.

Let’s go through your questions one by one:

Shorter Nap Times:

It’s possible that slightly shorter naps during the day could help consolidate his nighttime sleep by increasing sleep pressure. However, another factor to consider is that on the day his first two naps were shorter, his third nap likely started and finished earlier. This may have created a longer wake window before bedtime, which could have contributed to the longer stretch of sleep at the start of the night. Do you recall what time he woke from that final nap on that day?

Something you could try is capping Naps 1 and 2 at around 45 minutes and allowing a longer third nap for a few days to see if this improves his overnight sleep. If it does – fantastic!

If you go ahead with this, keep an eye on the timing of his last nap, especially when he wakes from it. If the nap ends too close to bedtime, it could make it harder for him to settle at night.

Changing Cots at Night:

The increase in night wakings after moving to Level 3 could be related to the change in environment. Even small differences in surroundings can be enough to disrupt sleep for babies, who are highly sensitive to their sleep environment.

Another factor could be the natural shift in sleep patterns during the early morning hours. The first part of the night is dominated by deep sleep, making longer stretches more likely. In the early morning, lighter stages of sleep (REM and stage 2 NREM) dominate, making babies more prone to waking from noises (like snoring), rolling, pacifiers falling out, or simply noticing they’re in a different space from where they fell asleep.

From what you mentioned, it sounds like he wakes around 12 am, then sleeps until 3 am, and after that begins waking hourly. Is that right? Have you noticed that he wakes up less when he is sleeping in the cot on level 2?

To encourage him to sleep for longer stretches in the early hours of the morning there are a few things you can try:

• Sleep in the cot on level 2 overnight: If you or your partner snores, and your helper doesn’t, then it might be worth seeing if letting your little one sleep in cot 2 overnight reduces the overnight wakes (only if you’re happy to do this).
• Letting him sleep on his tummy: You mentioned that your little one often wakes when he rolls from his side onto his tummy, especially in the early morning hours. I’m wondering – has he learned to roll both ways (onto his tummy and back again)? If he has, would you consider settling him to sleep on his tummy if that’s the position he prefers? Once babies can roll independently, the recommendations shift slightly: you still place them in the crib on their back, but it’s safe to let them roll into the position they find most comfortable – even if that’s their tummy. Many babies at this stage start preferring tummy sleeping, and it often helps them settle more easily and sleep for longer stretches. If you decide to try this, just make sure the crib is clear of any loose items and the mattress is flat and covered only with a fitted sheet. When he wakes in the early morning because he’s rolled onto his tummy, you can help him resettle in that position. Use the settling pyramid, but instead of patting his chest, gently pat his bottom to soothe him. Once he becomes comfortable sleeping on his tummy, he’s more likely to stay asleep when he rolls over during the night.
• Offering a 3 am feed: Since his last feed is at 12 am and he isn’t waking again until 3 am, then starts waking hourly until morning, it’s possible he’s waking at 3 am because he’s hungry. Would you be open to offering him a feed at 3 am to see if this helps reduce those hourly wakes? I know you’re working towards reducing his overnight feeds, and that’s definitely achievable. What often happens is the first feed naturally shifts later, which then pushes back the timing of the second feed, and over time, the overnight feeds gradually drop off. If feeding him at 3 am doesn’t reduce the hourly wakes, it may suggest he’s waking due to a sleep association. In that case, helping him learn to fall asleep in the crib without the pacifier (if he’s still using it) could make a big difference.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

• This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

If you’re happy to, I recommend you continue using the paci to help her fall back to sleep when she wakes before 12am, for the next week. The other thing you can do is see if feeding her when she wakes between 2 – 3 am reduces the later, earlier morning wakes.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

No worries at all Jillian.

Enjoy the rest of your holidays!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Jillian,

I really hope you’re all soaking up some special moments with your little one, on your first family holiday!

Definitely don’t worry about starting these strategies until you get home – just enjoy your holiday.

To answer your questions:

How long does it take to get the first success with the settling pyramid?

This really depends on the baby – some get the hang of it within a few days, while others need a couple of weeks of consistent practice to have that first “aha” moment where they fall asleep in the crib on their own. Remember, success isn’t always all-or-nothing at first; even needing less support to settle is progress. Think of it like building a new skill – you’re helping her learn something completely new, and it’s normal for it to take time.

How long should I try before taking a break?

You’re absolutely right – trying to force sleep when she’s really resisting isn’t helpful for either of you. Here’s what I usually recommend:

• Give the settling pyramid about 20 minutes for each nap.

• If she’s still wide awake after 20 minutes and showing no signs of settling – but you feel she is tired – you can go ahead and settle her using your usual method.

• However, if you try your usual settling and she still takes a long time to fall asleep, or needs a lot of input from you, it might be a sign that she isn’t quite tired enough yet and needs a little more awake time.

To help figure this out, I’d suggest recording the time she actually falls asleep for each nap. This can give you a clearer picture of how long she really needs to be awake between naps, which can make future settling much easier.

Helping her link sleep cycles

At this stage, many babies still naturally wake after one sleep cycle (30–45 minutes), and that’s very normal. If she wakes from a short nap and seems cranky or still tired, you can try resettling her. For some bubs this works, but for most, they won’t fall back to sleep as their sleep pressure is lower, so they are not tired enough to fall asleep. So if after 10 – 15 minutes she hasn’t fallen back to sleep, I recommend you just embrace the short nap and start the next wake window.

In the catnapping video in the course, I go through both these options in more detail which you might find helpful.

Also, something else to keep in mind is that between 5 – 6 months of age, babies are developmentally capable of linking sleep cycles (and start having longer naps). But this is only if they know how to fall asleep on their own. So the key to helping her link sleep cycles is helping her learn how to fall asleep on her own.

Enjoy your holiday, and don’t put any pressure on yourself to work on these changes until you’re home and ready.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

It’s completely normal for babies to still wake overnight for feeds, and it’s really promising that your little one already knows how to fall asleep independently. That’s a huge skill and a great foundation. It’s also fantastic that you’re starting to work on reducing some of her overnight feeds.

One small tweak I’d suggest is to focus on reducing the feeds at the start of the night – specifically, any feeds that happen before midnight. The goal here is to encourage her to have a longer stretch of uninterrupted sleep in the first part of the night.

These early-night feeds are usually the easiest to drop because:

• Sleep pressure is highest at the beginning of the night

• Her circadian rhythm is promoting sleep, not wakefulness

• Deep sleep is dominant, making it easier to settle and stay asleep

In contrast, the early morning hours are trickier – sleep pressure is lower (because she’s already had several hours of sleep), her circadian rhythm starts to shift toward waking, and lighter sleep cycles are more common. This could be why she’s struggling to resettle at 2am.

Would you be open to trying one of the following approaches when she wakes before midnight?

• Try settling her using the settling pyramid, rather than feeding

• Or, if that feels too big a step, you could gradually shorten the feed instead

Also, just to clarify – does she usually go to bed around 7:20 pm, then wake about an hour later and not really settle into a longer stretch until 9 pm? If so, let me know, as that timing could offer a few more clues about what’s going on.

Emma