[Emma H]

Hi Meaghan,

Welcome! And congratulations on the arrival of your little one! I hope you’re getting lots of lovely cuddles!

From what you’ve described, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job observing your little one’s cues and creating a consistent nap routine!

At 4 weeks old, it’s completely normal for babies to rely on feeding as part of their settling process. As you’ve probably noticed, they frequently fall asleep while feeding because their wake windows are so short.

That said, I understand your concern about creating a feed-to-sleep association and wanting to encourage other ways for your baby to settle.

Here are a few suggestions to help you gradually reduce reliance on feeding for settling:

1. Follow the Wake, Feed, Play, Sleep Routine

At this age, the routine typically looks like: wake, feed, nappy change (this helps them wake up), finish the feed, and most often they fall asleep while feeding.

What you should start to see in the coming weeks is: he wakes from a nap, has a feed, nappy change, finishes the feed, has a little playtime, then sleep. When he starts staying awake after the feed, you can try settling him in the cot using the settling pyramid.

It sounds like he’s already starting to have some wake time following feeds – is that correct?

2. Adjust the Settling Pyramid Slightly

Your nap time routine sounds great, and it’s fantastic you’ve already started using the settling pyramid for some naps. It’s fine to rock him while lying in the crib instead of patting if that’s what he prefers at this stage.

It sounds like you might be offering him a feed after the 3rd attempt at getting him to settle. At this age this is completely fine – particularly before bedtime. But if you want to move away from this feed-to-sleep pattern, you could try settling him to sleep in your arms for some naps. So when you pick him up after the third attempt instead of offering him a feed, gently bounce up and down while patting his bottom. When he calms down, slow the bouncing and keep patting, then stop bouncing and just keep patting, then stop patting and hold him still as he falls asleep.

This approach helps him learn to fall asleep without a feed and without movement, making the transition to the settling pyramid easier later on.

3. Respond to Early Tired Cues

At this age, wake windows are very short. If you wait too long to settle him, he might become overtired, making it harder for him to fall asleep without a feed.

Watch for early tired cues like staring off, reduced movement, or subtle yawns, and start the nap routine as soon as you notice them.

4. Consider Using a Swaddle

You mentioned using a sleep bag – I’m assuming this has his arms free? If so, a swaddle (where his arms are down by his side) could make nap time easier. Just something to consider if you’re not already using one.

But, honestly, at 4 weeks, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job and he’s already sleeping very well! So, if you want to continue with your current routine and revisit these suggestions when he’s 6-8 weeks old, that’s completely fine too.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Györgyi!

It’s so nice to hear about the progress you’ve made – having him nap in his crib and follow a routine is a huge step forward. It sounds like you’ve worked so hard to get to this point, and I hope you’re feeling proud of what you’ve achieved so far!

I have answered your questions below.

1) Breastfeeding to Sleep and the Settling Pyramid

It’s great that you have been able to tweak the settling pyramid so it works for your little one. You mentioned that he’s napping for 10 minutes. The reason he might be continuing to have these short naps is because the sucking motion from feeding is what he needs to fall asleep.

Ideas to improve your success with the settling pyramid include:

• Reviewing his wake windows – At this age, babies can stay awake for 2-2½ hours at a time. If he’s having short wake windows, it might mean he’ll protest more at nap time because he isn’t tired enough to fall asleep. It might be worth stretching his wake window by 15 minutes initially to see if this makes it easier for him to fall asleep with the settling pyramid.
• Trying the settling pyramid for that first nap of the day and at bedtime – Given that his wake-up time is 7am, his first nap should fall around 9am.

It’s also worth noting that thumb-sucking is a brilliant self-soothing strategy, and it’s encouraging that he’s starting to use it! Over time, this skill will likely help him settle more independently.

2) Night Wakings

Two night wakings at 5 months old are very typical, especially if one or both are for feeding. It’s great that you’re already considering factors like hunger, temperature, and discomfort. Here are a few additional strategies to minimise unnecessary wakings:

• Ensure full feeds during the day – Offering full feeds during the day can help reduce the likelihood of hunger-driven wakings at night. If you’re breastfeeding, try feeding in a quiet, distraction-free environment to encourage him to take in as much as possible.
• Use the settling pyramid for non-hunger wakings – For wakings that don’t seem to be driven by hunger, you can use the settling pyramid to help him resettle without feeding. This might involve patting, shushing, or briefly picking him up and putting him back down once he’s calm.
• Consistent wake-up time – Waking him at 7am each day is brilliant for regulating his circadian rhythm and supporting more predictable sleep patterns. Sticking to this wake-up time, even after a rough night, will pay off in the long run.

3) Nighttime Pooping

Many babies naturally stop pooping at night as their digestive systems mature. Since you’ve already noticed a decrease in nighttime pooping, it’s likely that this will continue to improve with time. If you notice he has lots of bowel movements during the day and night and they continue to be runny when he starts solids, just mention it to your little one’s doctor.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

It’s great to hear the live demonstrations were helpful!

It sounds like your little one’s sleep is going really well.

You should start to notice your little one linking sleep cycles, so her naps will gradually get longer – which sounds like it’s already happening given some naps are now an hour!

Typically, we want the first two naps to become the longer ones, with shorter naps after that. As those naps lengthen, there won’t be enough time for the 4th nap and you’ll skip it. If that happens, you might need to move bedtime 30 minutes earlier so that final wake window isn’t too long. With time, as your little one gets comfortable staying awake longer, you can gradually move bedtime back.

If your little one is having 4 naps a day, it would look similar to your previous schedule:

• 7:00 AM: Feed & play
• 9:00 AM: Nap 1 (hopefully 1 hour)
• 10:00 AM: Feed & play
• 12:00 PM: Nap 2 (maybe 30 mins)
• 12:30 PM: Feed & play
• 2:30 PM: Nap 3 (maybe 30 mins)
• 3:00 PM: Feed & play
• 5:00 PM: Nap 4 (maybe 30 mins)
• 5:30 PM: Feed & play
• 7:00-7:30 PM: Bedtime routine and sleep

When she starts extending those naps more consistently and you can’t fit the 4th nap in, her schedule could look like this:

• 7:00 AM: Feed & play
• 9:00 AM: Nap 1 (possibly 1.5-2 hours)
• 11:00 AM: Feed & play
• 1:00 PM: Nap 2 (possibly 1.5-2 hours)
• 3:00 PM: Feed & play
• 5:00 PM: Nap 3 (30 minutes – a shorter catnap)
• 5:30 PM: Feed & play
• 7:00-7:30 PM: Bedtime routine and sleep

I hope that helps!
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Kate,

It’s so good to hear that she managed a 5-hour stretch the other night – hopefully that has continued.

Looking at her current nap schedule, I agree with you, it seems like you’re in that tricky transition phase where her total sleep needs are shifting, but she’s not quite ready to consolidate everything yet. That’s why the accidental fourth nap seems to work so well – it helps bridge the gap when her daytime sleep falls short. It’s completely normal for this stage to feel a bit unpredictable, and you’re absolutely right that things will naturally smooth out as she grows and her wake windows lengthen.

For now, here are a few ideas that might help:

1. First Wake Window: If she’s struggling with anything longer than 1.5 hours, stick with that for now. The app’s suggestion of 2 hours is more of a general guideline, but every baby is different. If she’s showing tired signs and settling well at 1.5 hours, that’s what matters most.

2. Accidental Fourth Nap: It’s great that you’re flexible enough to embrace these when they happen! While it’s hard to force them, you could experiment with offering a short stroller or contact nap during the last wake window on particularly rough days. Even 15–20 minutes can take the edge off overtiredness and make bedtime easier.

3. Bedtime Challenges: The “nap that turns into bedtime” feeling you described is so common when bedtime ends up too early. If she’s waking after that first sleep cycle, it might help to aim for a slightly later bedtime on those days, even if it means a shorter last wake window. This can help her body recognise the difference between a nap and nighttime sleep.

As her wake windows naturally extend and her naps consolidate, you’ll likely find that the need for a fourth nap fades on its own. In the meantime, celebrate those little victories (like the 5-hour stretch!) and know that you’re laying a great foundation for her sleep.

Emma

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Kate,

First of all, I just want to say – you’re doing such an incredible job, especially while running on so little sleep. Please don’t be hard on yourself about that “new low” moment – it happens to so many parents when exhaustion takes over, and the most important thing is your little one is fine. Sleep deprivation is tough, and it’s clear you’re putting so much thought and effort into helping your little one settle better. 💛

The fact that you’ve successfully moved away from the feed-to-sleep association is a huge win – well done! It’s not easy, and it’s a big step toward more independent sleep down the line.

It’s also fantastic that you’ve found a settling routine that’s working for both of you most of the time. The gentle rocking and lullaby approach sounds like a lovely compromise, and it’s great to hear your back is feeling better too.

With the nights, what you’re describing does make sense. Around this age, many babies start to transition from 4 naps to 3 naps. For some, dropping that 4th nap too early can actually cause extra night waking because their total daytime sleep is just a little too low. The fact that she slept better on the days when the 4th nap happened accidentally suggests it may not have been a coincidence. Sometimes that last little bit of daytime sleep helps prevent overtiredness, which in turn reduces frequent night waking.

Can you update me on what her nap schedule now looks like? So the timing of her naps and how long she is sleeping for.

A couple of things you could consider:

• Watch her total daytime sleep – Even if she’s officially on 3 naps, try to make sure she’s still getting enough overall. If naps are short one day, an early catnap (even just 20–30 minutes) can sometimes make a huge difference.

• Bedtime flexibility – If she skips that 4th nap and is really struggling, bringing bedtime a little earlier can help reduce overtiredness. On the flip side, if she has had that extra nap, a slightly later bedtime might actually work better.

• Early morning wakes – These are common at this stage. Sometimes adjusting the balance of naps/bedtime helps, but they can also settle down naturally as her wake windows stretch out and her sleep cycles mature.

You’re absolutely right that her ability to stay awake longer will keep progressing over the next few weeks, and that often helps smooth things out without you having to “force” naps she doesn’t want. For now, staying flexible and watching her cues (like you’re already doing so beautifully) is the best approach.

I hope that helps!
Emma

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Milène,

No worries at all. Hopefully, the advice is helping!

Also, thanks so much for emailing me the ebook!

Regarding your questions, I have answered them below.

1. Extending Wake Windows to 2.5 Hours: Do You Need to Cap Naps?

If you extend her wake windows to 2.5 hours, you may need to adjust her naps slightly to ensure her bedtime stays around 8:00-8:30 pm. But something to keep in mind is that first wake window can be shorted than the other wake windows, so if you find that she is settling to sleep easily for that first nap of the day then here’s what I’d suggest:

• First nap: You could cap this at 1 hour (9:15/9:30 – 10:30 am). This ensures she has enough awake time before her second nap.
• Second nap: Keep this as her longer nap, around 1.5 hours (12:45/1 – 2:30 pm). This is often the most restorative nap of the day.
• Third nap: Cap this at 30 minutes (5:00 – 5:30 pm) to maintain enough sleep pressure for bedtime.

Does that feel manageable?

2. Moving/Spinning in Bed Before Falling Asleep: Is She Not Tired Enough?

The behaviour you’re seeing – rolling, spinning, scratching, and making those sweet little sounds – is very typical for this age. Babies are often so excited about their new motor skills (like rolling) that they’ll “practise” them even when they’re tired!

That said, if she’s consistently taking 15-20 minutes to fall asleep or becoming upset, it may be a sign she’s not quite tired enough yet. It’ll be interesting to see if she continues to move around a lot at the start of nap time once you stretch her wake windows slightly.

In the meantime, here’s what you can do:

• Observe her cues – If she’s happy and playful, it’s okay to let her explore and move around for up to 20 minutes. This can actually be her way of winding down. Just make a note of when she actually falls asleep, as this gives you a good guide for her ideal wake window.
• Limit intervention – If she’s not upset, try to avoid stepping in too quickly. With time, she’ll get better at settling herself.
• When to step in – If it’s been around 20 minutes or she becomes upset, you can gently help her settle. Start with the least intervention possible (like a hand on her or some gentle shushing) and only pick her up if she’s truly distressed.

The pacifier can also play a role here, since it sometimes disrupts the settling process if it keeps falling out. If you know she’s genuinely tired (for example, she’d fall asleep quickly if you held her at the end of the nap routine), but she struggles to drift off in the co-sleeper because of the pacifier, you’ve got a few options:

1. Stay in the room and pop the pacifier back in as needed until she falls asleep. Since she doesn’t yet have the fine motor skills to replace it herself (that usually develops closer to 7 months), you’ll need to do this for now.
2. Use the pacifier as part of the nap routine but remove it just before laying her down, so she doesn’t rely on it to fall asleep.
3. Wean her off the pacifier for sleep altogether.

I know you’ve been hesitant to go down the weaning route, especially while you’re also working through the aversion protocol, so for now it’s absolutely fine to just stick with option 1 or 2.

3. How and When to Drop the Last Nap of the Day

Most babies drop the third nap between 6-9 months, but the timing varies. Here are some signs she might be ready to transition to 2 naps:

• Struggling to fall asleep for the third nap: If she consistently resists this nap or takes a very long time to settle, it might be time to drop it.
• Difficulty falling asleep at bedtime: If the third nap pushes bedtime too late or she’s not tired enough at bedtime, it’s another sign she may no longer need it.
• Waking earlier in the morning: If she starts waking earlier than usual, it could mean she’s getting too much daytime sleep.

When she’s ready, you can gradually extend her wake windows to 2.5-3 hours and shift to a 2-nap schedule. For now, though, it sounds like she still benefits from the third nap, so I’d keep her on this schedule.

Does this make sense?

Emma

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Emma H.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Emma H.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Leonor,

You must feel so relieved that her paediatrician isn’t concerned about her weight – that’s great news!

It’ll be really interesting to see whether following the routine for a few weeks has an impact on her overnight wakes.

Please do keep me posted on how things go, I’d love to hear.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

Gradually increasing her wake windows as the day goes on is a great approach.

It’ll be really interesting to see if she starts resisting nap time and bedtime less once you extend those wake windows a little. Sometimes even small changes make a big difference.

For those days when she only has a short 15-minute nap, if you can’t resettle her, I’d recommend starting the next wake window and just keeping a close eye on her tired signs. It’s very likely she won’t be able to stay awake for as long after such a short nap, so she may need to go back down a bit earlier – and that’s completely fine.

If the 15-minute naps start happening regularly, and she’s relying on the pacifier to fall asleep, that could be a sign it might be time to begin phasing the pacifier out.

Let me know how it goes.
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Quraish,

Thank you so much for the update – I really appreciate you taking the time to share how things are going.

I know it can feel discouraging when you’re trying everything and not yet seeing the progress you’d hoped for. Reflux and cramping can definitely make it so much harder for little ones to stay settled, so it makes complete sense that you’re running into challenges there.

It sounds like you’re doing an incredible job persevering through a tough stage. Please don’t lose heart – often these issues do gradually improve with time as your baby’s digestive system matures.

Keeping notes and sharing progress updates every few weeks is a wonderful idea, and I’m sure it will be so valuable for other parents who are facing similar challenges.

Hopefully, this week is the week where you see some positive changes!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia!

I’m so glad to hear the bigger diaper solved the overnight leaks!

And it’s completely normal that after a week of special events and naps on the go, your little one is finding it harder to self-soothe again. Babies are very adaptable, but they also notice changes to their routine. It’s great that you’re already helping her settle back into her usual sleep space.

About wake windows – you’re right that many 4.5 month olds can start stretching a little longer between naps. Some are still happy at 2 hours, while others do best closer to 2.25–2.5 hours. You know her best, so you could gently test adding just 10–15 minutes of awake time and watch how she responds. If she starts getting overtired (lots of fussing or harder to settle), you can always pull it back. One other thing to keep in mind is that wake windows aren’t all equal – the first one of the day is usually the shortest, and the last one before bedtime can often be the longest. So she may not need exactly 2.5 hours across every window.

Short naps at this age are also very common – 30–45 minutes is actually the length of a single baby sleep cycle. Linking those cycles is a skill that develops gradually, which is why many babies don’t take longer naps consistently until around 5–6 months. This usually happens more easily once they’re able to fall asleep on their own.

You’d mentioned before that she was self-settling at nap time, but it sounds like she may be relying more on the pacifier at the moment. Could you update me on how you’re currently settling her to sleep, including what her nap routine looks like? I’d also love to know what happens if the pacifier falls out as she’s drifting off, and whether she stirs or wakes during her nap if it comes out then. That will help me understand the full picture and guide you more clearly

Thanks
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Leonor,

When babies drop their overnight feeds on their own, it’s often because they no longer need those calories at night – they’re getting what they need during the day. I’d recommend checking in with her paediatrician to confirm they’re happy with her weight gain. If they have no concerns, it’s likely not a supply issue but simply that she’s satisfied from her daytime feeds.

You can also watch her cues: if she’s generally content after a feed, that’s a good sign she’s getting enough. If she stops feeding and is instantly upset or still seems hungry, that might point to a drop in supply.

Nursing to sleep:
In regards to nursing her to sleep, I agree – since she’s sleeping so well, you wouldn’t want to introduce nursing to sleep at nap time or bedtime. Instead, it might help to offer two feeds during the final wake window: once when she wakes from her third nap, and again at the very start of the bedtime routine (so she’s less likely to drift off while feeding). If she does wake overnight due to hunger, you can feed her then as well.

Waking her from naps:
If you need to wake her (especially from the last nap) and she doesn’t respond to light, talking, or gentle touch, try picking her up and holding her upright instead of lying in your arms. Talking to her in that position usually wakes babies more effectively.

Sample nap schedule (based on a 2-hour wake window):

• 7:00 am – Wake
• 9:00 am – Nap (1.5 hrs)
• 10:30 am – Wake
• 12:30 pm – Nap (1.5 hrs)
• 2:00 pm – Wake
• 4:30 pm – Nap (max 30 mins)
• 5:00 pm – Wake
• 7:00 pm – Bedtime

If you find she’s ready for longer wake times or her naps are shorter, let me know and I can tweak this for you.

Does this seem okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Milène,

It’s so good to hear she’s now starting the night in her co-sleeper – hopefully that’s giving you a little more rest or even just a moment to yourself!

It’s also great that she was falling asleep independently for about half of the time. Just to clarify, do you mean for naps? If so, and she’s recently started resisting naps over the past few days, keep an eye on whether this pattern continues for a full week. If it does – and she’s not sick or mastering a big new motor skill like rolling, crawling, or sitting – it could be a sign her wake windows need a small adjustment, perhaps from 2 hours 15 minutes to around 2.5 hours. To check, simply note how long she’s awake between naps over the week.

One thing to try is when you see her showing tired cues, change the activity or move to a different room. If that stops her fussing, she may have been bored rather than tired (a sign her wake window needs extending). If she keeps fussing, that’s your cue she’s genuinely ready for sleep.

Bedtime:

It’s fantastic you’ve found her ideal wake window before bedtime – 2.5 to 3 hours is very normal for this age – and that you’ve managed to bring bedtime earlier. If she’s very upset when you try the pyramid, it’s okay to pause and focus on fully calming her in your arms first. The pyramid works best when she’s calm or only mildly unsettled.

You might also extend the wind-down before starting bedtime. For example: dim lights or switch to lamps 30–60 minutes before bed to help signal to her brain that sleep is coming and boost melatonin production. You could also give the pacifier 10–15 minutes before bedtime as it’s soothing, then put on her sleeping bag and walk around with her for a few minutes before starting the routine in the bedroom.

Settling back to sleep:

If she wakes after one sleep cycle, popping the pacifier back in or patting her is fine. Just try to reduce the patting or rocking right before she drifts off, so she gradually learns to fall asleep without movement.

Falling asleep after feeds:

From what you’ve shared before, I know feeds aren’t part of the bedtime routine due to reflux, so I’m assuming this is about overnight feeds. In that case, I wouldn’t worry – falling asleep while feeding overnight is normal and even ideal. Also, needing to hold her for more than 15 minutes afterwards makes sense, as babies pass through lighter sleep stages before reaching deeper sleep. So if you find that this works, then continue doing it.

It would be amazing if you emailed me the feeding aversion book – that’s so kind!

Emma

• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Quraish and Helen,

I’m glad the plan sounds okay and the clarification on swaddling and the settling pyramid was helpful.

In terms of how many times to retry, as the settling pyramid is a responsive technique, there’s no strict number of times you need to try before deciding to settle your little one in your arms. It’s more about observing her cues and adjusting based on how she is responding. If she’s continuously crying without pauses, that’s a sign she needs more support, and you can move up the pyramid to provide that comfort.

If you get to the top of the pyramid and you have time and she is calm, you can try moving back down the pyramid. But if you don’t have time or she is too upset, it’s absolutely okay to settle her to sleep in your arms.

This doesn’t mean you’re giving up – it’s about meeting her where she’s at and trying again next time.

It’s completely normal for it to take multiple tries over several days (or even a week or two) before she starts getting more comfortable with the new routine. Each attempt is still valuable learning for her, even if it ends in contact sleep.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Jacelyn,

It’s great to hear that your little one has settled into a 2 nap routine and your days are a little more predictable. In regards to your questions I have answered them below.

Frequent Wakings Between 7-11pm

It’s interesting that this is happening during a time when sleep pressure is typically highest. A few potential contributors come to mind:

1. Overtiredness: Even though your son is now on a solid two-nap schedule, that 4-hour wake window before bedtime might still be a little long for him right now. When little ones are overtired, it can lead to more frequent or restless wakes in the first part of the night. If these extra wakes started around the time he dropped to two naps, it could be a sign that his final wake window is just stretching a bit too far.

   You could experiment with shortening that last window by 15–30 minutes to see if it helps. If it doesn’t make a difference – but he’s still falling asleep easily at bedtime – you could try reducing it by up to 45 minutes and see whether that leads to more settled sleep.

2. New Skills: At 7 months, many babies are busy mastering new motor skills like rolling, sitting, or even starting to crawl – and all that practice can sometimes disrupt sleep. Have you noticed if he’s been working on a new skill lately? If these frequent night wakings line up with him practicing rolling over (or another milestone), it’s likely just a temporary phase. Once he becomes confident and comfortable with the skill, his night wakings should naturally begin to settle down again.
3. Sleep Associations: Since he’s being carried to sleep and potentially still using a pacifier, he might be waking during light sleep cycles and needing those same conditions to fall back asleep. This is a common reason for frequent wakes.

To address this, I’d recommend focusing on helping him learn to fall asleep independently. This will take time and consistency, but it’s a key step toward longer, more consolidated sleep. I’ll touch on this more below.

Weaning Off Carrying to Sleep

I know it can feel daunting to break this habit, but it’s absolutely achievable with a gradual, consistent approach.

Now that he’s on a predictable nap schedule, it’s a great time to revisit the settling pyramid – either the full version or the modified one we talked about earlier. Having that routine in place will make it much easier for him to adapt.

One small tweak that can make a big difference at this age is doing the “watch and listen” step from outside his room, using the baby monitor. By this stage, some little ones can become frustrated if they see you in the room but you’re not actively helping them, which can lead to more protest. Giving him a little space can actually make it easier for him to settle himself.

Of course, if you notice his cries are continuous without pauses, that’s a signal he needs your help. In that case, go back into the room and move up and down the pyramid as needed until he falls asleep. Over time, this approach will help him build the skill (and confidence) to settle to sleep without being carried.

Helping Him Sleep in the Car

Car sleep can be tricky because it’s such a different environment from his usual sleep space. Here are a few tips to encourage rest during car journeys:

1. Plan Around His Sleep Schedule: Try to time car rides with his usual nap times so he’s naturally more inclined to sleep.
2. Create a Sleep-Friendly Environment: Use a sunshade to block out light, and play white noise or soft music to mimic his usual sleep cues.
3. Avoid Overstimulation: Keep the car environment calm and quiet, and avoid giving him toys or distractions if you want him to sleep.

If he doesn’t fall asleep in the car, try to offer a short nap as soon as you get home to prevent him from becoming overtired.

I hope this helps!
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Quraish and Helen,

Thank you so much for taking the time to give me such a detailed update – it’s incredibly helpful for understanding exactly what’s going on.

It actually makes a lot of sense that she naps for longer when she’s on you. Being upright helps keep the reflux more settled, and without even realising it, you’re probably giving her those little shushes, pats, or gentle movements that help her drift back off when she stirs.

On the topic of her falling asleep while feeding – at her age, and especially with those long feeds, it’s very normal and not something you need to worry about creating a long-term “association.” As she gets older, she’ll naturally start staying awake for longer after feeds, and you’ll be able to gradually help her learn to settle to sleep in the crib.

That said, there are a few things that might help improve her daytime naps:

1. Keep her morning wake-up time consistent
A consistent wake-up time helps set her body clock and makes nap times more predictable.

2. Retry the swaddle
Since she’s waking soon after you lay her down, this could be due to reflux, but it might also be the movement of going from your arms to the crib. A swaddle can help dampen that “free fall” feeling and make the transition smoother. If you’re open to it, try one where her arms are down by her sides instead of up by her face.

If you’d rather skip the swaddle, you could lower her into the crib feet first, then bottom, then back, and finally head. Once she’s down, place one hand gently on her arms and the other on her legs to stop them from moving. Wait until she’s completely still, then slowly remove your hands. This can help her stay asleep through the transition.

3. Tweak her nap routine

Right now, if she doesn’t fall asleep while feeding, you’re settling her in your arms with swinging, shushing, and tapping – which works well. But to make it easier to transition to the settling pyramid, you could gradually reduce the movement, tapping, and shushing so she eventually falls asleep in your arms without movement.

Her new nap routine might look like this:

• Take her to her room and draw the blinds.

• Turn on the sound machine.

• Swaddle her (if you’re willing to give this a go).

• Hold her in your arms and sing a lullaby or song (this becomes a sleep cue).

• When the song ends, swing her gently while shushing and tapping.

• Once calm, stop swinging (stand still) but continue shushing and tapping.

• Gradually stop tapping, then stop shushing, so she falls asleep in your arms while you’re standing still, with only the white noise in the background.

4. Timing of the Settling Pyramid

From what you’ve described, it sounds like you might be using the settling pyramid after you’ve already settled her to sleep in your arms, transitioned her into the crib, and then she wakes a few minutes later. It’s at that point you’re trying to use the pyramid and that’s likely why it hasn’t been as effective.

For the settling pyramid to work well, it needs to be used right from the start of helping her to sleep – when her sleep pressure is at its highest. If she has already dozed off in your arms and wakes after a short nap in the crib, that brief rest has reduced her sleep pressure, making it less likely she’ll settle back to sleep, even with the pyramid.

The goal is to begin the settling pyramid at the very start of the nap or bedtime routine, while she’s still awake, and continue using it until she falls asleep in her crib. This makes the most of her natural sleep drive, and over time she’ll recognise the steps as clear sleep cues.

If you’re happy to try this, the easiest times to start are bedtime and the first nap of the day.

For her first nap her nap time routine might look like this:

• Take her to her room and draw the blinds.

• Turn on the sound machine.

• Swaddle her (if you’re willing to give this a go).

• Hold her in your arms and sing a lullaby or song (her sleep cue).

• When the song ends, lay her in her crib and use the settling pyramid to help her fall asleep, moving up and down the steps as needed.

For bedtime her routine using the settling pyramid might look like this:

• Small feed.

• Bath and lotion massage.

• Get dressed.

• Finish the feed.

• Hold her upright, keeping her awake if possible to maintain sleep pressure (if she falls asleep, that’s fine just lay her in the crib).

• If awake, take her to her room, draw the blinds, turn on the sound machine, swaddle her, sing the lullaby, then place her in the crib and use the settling pyramid.

If she falls asleep and then wakes soon after, you can try to resettle her with the pyramid – but if she’s too distressed, pick her up and settle her in your arms, remembering to reduce movement, tapping, and shushing so she eventually falls asleep while you’re still and quiet.

Does this sound doable?

Emma

• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.