[Emma H]

Hi Erin,

It’s great to hear that you’ve been able to get your little one napping in his crib, and that you’ve picked up some helpful tips from the forum!

About the short naps

Short naps are really common at this age, anywhere around 30 minutes or less. This happens because, sometime between 3 to 5 months, your baby’s sleep matures and they start waking between sleep cycles.

They’ll usually sleep longer on you because when they start to stir, you naturally soothe them back to sleep by rocking or doing whatever helped them drift off in the first place. In the crib, they don’t have that, so they tend to wake up fully.

Short naps are absolutely fine! It just means he’ll need more naps throughout the day with shorter awake windows, which you’ve already noticed.

If you’d like to try extending his naps

Since he’s waking around the 30-minute mark, you could try going into his room at about the 20-minute mark, just before he’s likely to wake. Then, instead of picking him up, place your hand on his chest and gently rock him side to side in the crib. This mimics what you’d normally do in your arms and might help him drift into the next sleep cycle.

If it doesn’t work and he wakes up anyway, that’s okay, it just means the sleep pressure that helped him fall asleep in the first place has dropped, and he’s no longer tired enough to go back to sleep. In that case, just embrace the short nap and move on with your day.

The good news is that as he learns to self-settle, he’ll start linking those sleep cycles on his own. This typically happens somewhere between 5 to 6 months of age.

Another option to try

You could let the first nap (and maybe the second) happen in the crib, and then make the third nap a contact nap so he can get a longer stretch of sleep. This can help bridge that gap so he’s not getting too tired.

That said, if he’s doing okay with 4 to 5 short naps a day that add up to around 2 to 3 hours of total daytime sleep, then that’s totally fine!

About self-settling

Being able to fall asleep independently isn’t something we’d typically expect at this age. Some babies can do it, but that’s usually if they take a pacifier or they’re really chilled bubs.

Even babies who can self-settle for that first nap of the day often struggle with later naps, as the second, third, and fourth naps get progressively harder to settle them to sleep. So for your little one, it’s completely normal that he’s not there yet.

A few questions before I give you some next steps

To give you (and his daycare) the best recommendations, I just need to clarify a few things:

1. Morning wake time – I’m assuming from what you’ve said that he consistently wakes between 6:00 and 6:30am? Based on that, his first nap would fall around 7:30–8:00am.
2. Your nap routine – Can you walk me through exactly what this looks like? It sounds like you change his nappy, pop him in his sleep sack, turn the lights off, and put on white noise. Then what happens – are you rocking him in your arms while singing a lullaby, or walking around the dark room?
3. Your settling approach – You mentioned you’re using a modified settling pyramid. Can you describe what that actually looks like step by step? So how you settle him in your arms and at what point you transfer him into the crib?
4. Daytime routine – Are you following the wake-feed-play-sleep routine during the day?
5. Bedtime – You mentioned he’s not falling asleep in his crib at bedtime. Can you explain how you’re getting him to sleep at night? From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re co-sleeping, and it seems to be working well.
6. Daycare setup – Can you describe what his sleep environment looks like there? Specifically:
   • Is the room relatively dark?
   • Do they use white noise? Could you bring yours in?
   • Are they willing to do a short nap routine, like singing a lullaby before putting him down?
   • What are they actually doing when they put him down – does it sound like they’re placing him in the crib and leaving him to settle on his own?

Once I have a clearer picture of all of this, we should be able to figure out some practical steps for both you and his daycare.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Cherry,

Firstly, a huge congratulations on the safe arrival of your little one! It sounds like you’re doing well.

Also, there’s no such thing as a silly question, as parenthood is such a steep learning curve.

I’ve answered your questions below, so feel free to ask any follow-ups if needed.

1. Settling Pyramid at 4 Weeks

At four weeks, it’s really common for babies to fall asleep during feeding because their wake windows are so short. This often means there isn’t really a window to use the Settling Pyramid. She’s simply not awake long enough after a feed for you to apply it.

Between six to eight weeks, you’ll likely notice that after a feed she starts to stay awake and have a little period of play. That’s when the Settling Pyramid becomes more useful. When you do start, think of it as practice rather than something that should work every time. You’re just introducing her to those steps so she can start experiencing them.

To set yourself up for success, I’d suggest focusing on the first nap of the day and bedtime initially. These are typically the two easiest times to see progress with the pyramid.

2. Different Settling Methods Between You and Your Husband

At this age, I wouldn’t be concerned about having different methods. You’re in survival mode, and that’s completely okay.

From around six to eight weeks, you can start focusing more on a consistent bedtime routine and using the Settling Pyramid, or gradually reducing the amount of movement your husband uses to settle her. But right now, feeding her to sleep is totally normal, and your husband doing whatever he needs to do to get her down is also completely fine.

3. Night Feeds: Duration and Amount

You do not need to keep her awake to “finish” a full feed at night. The fact that she is sleeping well, gaining weight, and generally doing well overnight tells you she isn’t going hungry. She is taking what she needs to satisfy her hunger and going back to sleep. That is perfectly fine.

4. Long Naps and Not Being Put Down

Those long naps are great, and no, you don’t need to wake her. Especially given she’s feeding well, in the 97th percentile, and sleeping well overnight. If she were having long awake periods during the night, we might look at capping naps, but since that’s not happening, leave them as they are.

Your approach of not letting her sleep past three hours is a good one. This just ensures she has enough time during the day to get plenty of feeds in, which can encourage longer stretches of sleep overnight.

Regarding the light sleeping and wanting to be held, here are a few things that can help:

• Start a sleep routine now. Even at this age, a simple, consistent pre-sleep routine will help her start to recognise what comes before sleep. It acts as a sleep cue, and when you do move to the Settling Pyramid later, it won’t feel like such a sudden change for her.
• Use a swaddle if you’re not already. This dampens the startle reflex and can help her stay settled when you place her in the crib, which also gives you a better opportunity to try the Settling Pyramid down the track.
• Gradually reduce movement when settling in arms. This one is particularly useful for your husband. When he’s rocking her with the dummy, he could sing a lullaby while rocking, and then once the lullaby finishes, slowly reduce the rocking so that by the time she drifts off, he’s standing completely still. This makes the eventual transition to the crib and to the Settling Pyramid much easier, because she’s not relying on movement to fall asleep.

I hope this makes sense.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Erin,

Thanks so much for getting back to me with all of that detail!

It sounds like you’ve built a really solid foundation with a consistent wake-up time, a predictable nap routine, and he’s now able to settle to sleep in your arms without any movement. That’s great progress!

I understand that moving through the full settling pyramid isn’t practical right now, so here’s a modified version that might work well for you:

Modified Settling Pyramid

1. Complete your usual bedtime or nap routine
2. Sing his lullaby once while you rock and pat him in your arms
3. Gradually slow the rocking down until he is calm
4. Once he’s calm, lay him in the crib but instead of starting at the bottom of the pyramid, start at the patting stage and consider rocking him instead. To do this, place your hand on his chest and slowly rock him side to side with your hand.

If that helps him stay calm in the crib, you can then gradually work back down the pyramid:

• Slow the rocking or patting down
• Keep your hand still on his chest and add shushing while staying in view
• Remove your hand, continue shushing while in view
• Move out of sight and continue shushing

The goal is to help him learn to fall asleep in the crib while still feeling supported by your presence.

When to try it

• On the weekend, I’d start with the first nap of the day and bedtime – these tend to be the easiest wins
• During the week, bedtime is probably your best opportunity to practise

At childcare

It’s definitely worth asking if you can bring in his white noise machine. More importantly, once you’ve had a chance to try the modified approach above at home, share the steps with his carers so they can replicate it as closely as possible.

I know it can be tricky when there are other babies in the room, and childcare staff will often default to feeding to sleep simply because it works quickly. But if this approach is working well at home, it’s absolutely worth passing on – the more consistently he experiences the same settling routine, the faster he’ll learn the skill.

Does this sound okay?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

If that’s the case, then you might need to take it a little bit slower, the strategies should still work though, so let me know how you go in a week or two.
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

Sorry, I’m just a little confused. I thought you mentioned she was falling asleep without motion most of the time. Does that mean you’re now using motion every time to get her to sleep?

If so, still pop on her sleeping bag and do the walking around part while you’re outside of the bedroom, and then when she is calm going into the bedroom and sing the lullaby while you rock her in your arms.

Now, what you could try at this point is rocking and patting at the same time. Then gradually slow down the rocking, but keep the patting going – that may help her stay calm as you stop the rocking. Once she’s settled with just the patting, slowly reduce that too, so you’re eventually standing still and she’s falling asleep without any motion.

That might be a nice way to work through it!

[Emma H]

Hi Lizzie,

It’s great that she’s able to settle herself to sleep using the dummy!

Since she’s only 10 weeks old and the dummy isn’t disrupting her sleep, meaning she’s not waking every time it falls out, I wouldn’t worry about removing it right now.

The time to think about fading the dummy out is if it starts causing problems, like:

• She can’t fall asleep because it keeps falling out and you have to keep replacing it
• She’s waking frequently overnight because she’s lost it

For now, the best things to focus on are:

• Keeping a consistent wake-up time each morning
• Following her tired cues
• Having a consistent nap and bedtime routine – this acts as a signal that tells her it’s time to sleep

These habits will also make it much easier to transition away from the dummy later on, if and when you need to!

I hope that helps,
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

Thanks so much for answering all of my questions. Based on everything you’ve shared, I’ve put together a plan for you below.

Swaddle and Sucking Her Hands

You mentioned she falls asleep slower with one arm out but sleeps deeper when she does because she is sucking her hand. This tells me she’s starting to use her hands to self-soothe, which is exactly what we want.

You also mentioned that she seems to settle down more when she’s in the swaddle. Something you can do, if she’s not yet showing early signs of rolling (which is rolling onto a side or lifting her hips), is to swaddle her so that one arm is down, and then swaddle the hand that she likes to suck on up near her face. You’d still include it in the swaddle, but you just position it near her face, as this gives easy access to that hand and then she can suck on it. That might be something worth trying.

If she is starting to show early signs of rolling over, then you will need to get her out of that swaddle. You start by transitioning with one arm out first, and the arm that you would free first is the hand that she’s tending to suck on.

Adjust the Sleep Routine

Given that she is crying intensely regardless of when you put the swaddle on in the routine, but you mentioned that it actually helps her fall asleep quicker, I would think about actually putting the swaddle on earlier in the routine and just having a longer period of time before you enter the bedroom. You could try the following:

• Put the swaddle on in the living room or a bright, active area – not in the bedroom.
• After putting the swaddle on, walk around with her in your arms in the living room for a minute or two until she’s calm.
• Then start singing Twinkle Twinkle as you walk toward the bedroom.
• Continue singing as you walk into the bedroom and do one lap of the room.
• The goal is for her to be hearing the lullaby and feeling the comfort of your arms before she even enters the bedroom, so the transition feels smoother.

This helps prevent the bedroom from becoming a place she associates with distress.

Continue to Work on Falling Asleep Without Movement in Your Arms

Before attempting the settling pyramid again, she needs to consistently fall asleep in your arms without any movement.

When settling her in your arms, try to have her lying horizontal rather than upright, as this position is much closer to how she’ll be lying in the crib and will make the transfer easier. If she’s not tolerating lying horizontally while facing your body, try turning her so her body is facing away from you – similar to the side-lying position I demonstrate in the Period of Purple Crying video where I talk about Dr Harvey Karp’s 5 S’s. This can sometimes feel more comfortable for babies who resist the traditional cradle hold.

Practice this for every nap and bedtime for about 5–7 days, until she’s consistently falling asleep without motion. This is the bridge that will make the settling pyramid much easier.

When she does fall asleep in your arms, remember to adjust your arm position before you lay her down in the crib, as this can reduce the likelihood of her waking during the transfer. This small change can make a big difference. When you’re holding her, her head is probably resting in the crook of your elbow, with your other arm supporting under her body. Before you lower her into the crib, reposition like this:

1. Move the arm that’s under her body so that your hand is now supporting the back of her head.
2. Slide the arm that was under her head down so it’s now supporting the middle of her back.
3. Lower her into the crib legs first – so her legs touch the mattress, then her bottom, then her back, then her head.
4. Once she’s lying down, slowly slide each hand out to the side (rather than pulling them straight out from under her).
5. If she starts to stir. Immediately start patting her and shushing, and then walk your way back down the pyramid

Reintroduce the Settling Pyramid – Start with the First Nap and Bedtime Only

Once she’s consistently falling asleep without movement in your arms, try the settling pyramid for the first nap of the day and at bedtime only. These are the two easiest times for babies to settle because sleep pressure is working in your favour.

When you place her in the crib, rather than starting at the bottom of the pyramid (watch and listen), start higher up:

• Place your hands on her body and gently rock her side to side in the crib while shushing.
• As she starts to calm, gradually reduce the rocking and shushing, and begin descending the pyramid.

If she escalates to crying and you can’t settle her using the pyramid, pick her up and settle her in your arms (without movement).

For all other naps, continue settling her in your arms using Step 3.

Overnight Wakes and Feeds

You mentioned she’s now waking around five times a night, and from what you recorded, it looks like these wake-ups are happening roughly every 1.5 hours. Because the timing between wakes is so consistent – rather than a longer stretch at the start of the night followed by gradually shorter stretches – it suggests she’s waking between every sleep cycle. This is happening because she’s used to falling asleep in your arms, so when she briefly wakes between sleep cycles overnight, she needs that same help to fall back to sleep.

The way to reduce these overnight wakes is by helping her learn to fall asleep in the crib using the settling pyramid. The steps we’ve outlined above will gradually work toward this. What you’ll typically notice is that once a baby can fall asleep independently, the stretch between bedtime and the first feed gradually lengthens. That shift pushes all the other feeds to a later time, and they’ll then naturally start to drop off.

Consistent Wake-Up Time

Continue waking her within that 6:30–7:00am window every morning. This helps regulate her circadian rhythm and makes everything more predictable, nap times, bedtime, and overnight sleep.

Track Her Wake Windows

At 13 weeks, a wake window of around 1.5 hours is appropriate, but if she’s taking a long time to fall asleep, her wake windows may need extending slightly. Try 1 hour 45 minutes and see if she settles more easily. If she’s had a longer nap, you could stretch the wake window by an extra 15 minutes.

Does this sound doable?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Cherry,

First of all, you’re doing an amazing job, please don’t feel guilty!

At this age, babies don’t really follow a set schedule. That usually doesn’t happen until around six months. Right now, in the newborn phase, it’s much better for everyone if you just follow her lead, sleeping when she’s tired and feeding when she’s hungry.

If you haven’t already, have a look at the video where I talk about newborn cues and how to tell when your baby is tired. Every baby is different, and learning her unique signals will make things so much easier.

She’s putting on weight beautifully, she’s sleeping well, you’re doing a great job. You really don’t need to stick to a strict three-hour schedule for her wake windows.

Now, spending an hour feeding is quite a long time for a newborn, so here’s what I’m wondering, she might actually be falling asleep during the feed. This is really tricky to spot because babies will keep sucking even when they’re asleep. The thing to watch for is whether the swallowing slows right down or stops. Their eyes are usually closed anyway while feeding, so the best clue is that change in swallowing. If she is dozing off during feeds, her wake windows might not actually be as long as they seem.

Does that sound like it could be happening with your little one?

As for waking her for feeds during the day, since she’s gaining weight well, sleeping well, and I’m assuming her nappies are normal, you don’t need to stress about this. If she falls asleep after two hours of being awake and then naps for over two hours (meaning it’s been four hours since her last feed), I’d just let her go.

If you are worried, you could try waking her and see what happens. If she wakes up and has a good feed, great! But if she wakes up and doesn’t feed well, that’s just a sign it’s better to follow her lead and let her sleep.

The one thing I would suggest is capping that nap at around three hours. That way, she’ll still have enough time for more naps later in the day, so you won’t end up with a really long stretch of awake time before bedtime.

I hope that helps,

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

I just have a few more questions:

1. You mentioned you’re swaddling her. In the swaddle are her arms up by her head or down by her side?
2. I noticed popping her in the swaddle is the second last step,how would she go if you put her in the swaddle at the start of the routine.
3. When you rock her to sleep in your arms (so immediately after the sleep routine), does she fall asleep quickly (so under 5 minutes) or does it take a long time?

Sorry for asking more questions.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Olga,

At 8 weeks, it’s really common for babies to wake up, feed, and then fall asleep during the feed. When they wake again, they might want to eat straight away or have a little play and that’s completely normal.

What you’ll start to notice over the coming weeks is that your little one will begin staying awake after some feeds instead of dozing off. When that starts happening, you can begin following a wake–feed–play–sleep routine during those windows.

I hope that makes sense.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pav,

Last week, I was thinking the crankiness and occasional split nights might have been because Roh wasn’t getting quite enough sleep, especially since he was still needing to be woken from his naps rather than waking up on his own.

But given that his afternoon crankiness has settled down and the overnight wakes have improved, it sounds like what you’re doing with naps and bedtime is working really well! So there’s no need to start offering his nap at 11:30am.

As you mentioned, Roh does find sleep transitions a little challenging and tends to take a while to adjust, so this all makes sense.

If you’re happy to, I’d suggest just keeping up your usual routine for the next week and seeing if he continues to improve.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

It sounds like the past few days haven’t improved and she is waking move overnight.

Given that, I just have a few questions, which I would love for you to answer. I have listed them below:

• How old is your little one? From my calculations she might be 13 weeks?
• Was she born at full term or premature? If she was born premature how many weeks premature?
• Doe she have formula or breastmilk?
• Have you been able to follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day?
• Does she use a pacifier?
• Can you please describe to me what her nap and bedtime routine looks like?
• Can you also describe to me what her bedroom is like? Is it cool, dark (so dark you can’t read a book) and free from sudden loud noises?
• Also, you mentioned that she has started to wake more overnight – what does it look like overnight now?
• When she wakes overnight, does she fall asleep while feeding and you can transfer her straight into the crib or do you need to hold her.
• When you rock her to sleep for her naps, is she laying down in your arms or is she upright?
• Is she generally happy during the day when she is awake?

Sorry for all the questions!. I am just trying to work out why the settling pyramid isn’t working for your little one.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Pav,

Thanks for sending me Roh’s week. Looking at this, it seems like he started to wake up independently (in the morning) but he was crankier in the afternoons, and had a few overnight wakes. This makes me think he might need a bit more daytime sleep.

Here’s what I’d suggest trying for the next week:

Morning wake time: If he hasn’t woken by 7:00am, wake him then to keep things consistent.

Nap time: Move his nap to 11:30am (instead of 12:00pm), but still wake him at 2:00pm. Since he’s falling asleep within about 5 minutes, this gives him an extra 30 minutes of nap time.

Bedtime: Keep this the same – between 7:00 and 7:30pm.

By giving him that extra sleep during the day, we’re looking to see if it:

• Reduces how long he takes to fall asleep at bedtime
• Helps with the afternoon crankiness
• Cuts down on overnight wakes

Would you be happy to give this a go for a week and see how things look?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Olga,

Thanks so much for recording your little one’s day.

From what you’ve written, it looks like he had 6 naps:

• Nap 1 – 20 mins
• Nap 2 – 30 mins
• Nap 3 – 31 mins
• Nap 4 – 1 hour 20 mins
• Nap 5 – 1 hour
• Nap 6 – 2 hours 15 mins

This totals just under 6 hours of daytime sleep, which is quite a lot for a newborn and is likely why he’s so active and awake overnight.

What I’d suggest trying first:

Most of his naps are around 30 minutes to an hour, it’s really just Nap 6 (the one on you) that’s quite long. I’d start by capping that nap at 1 hour instead of letting it run to 2+ hours.

A couple of things to keep in mind:

1. It may not be enough. If he continues to be active and awake overnight after capping that nap, it could mean his total daytime sleep is still too high and we’d need to cap further.
2. His bedtime may need to shift earlier. With a shorter final nap, the gap before bedtime might be too long for him, so you may need to bring bedtime forward. This could also mean he starts waking a bit earlier in the morning.

Next step: Cap that final nap at 1 hour and see if there are any changes to his overnight activity. If not, let me know and we can look at adjusting things further.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Yanet,

I am so sorry I seemed to have missed your reply.

Thanks so much for outlining what your little one’s day looks like.

Based on what you recorded, it looks like your little one is having around four naps a day, totalling just under four hours of daytime sleep, which is great for three months.

If you’re aiming for a bedtime around 7:00–7:30pm, it’s a good idea to cap that last nap so it finishes by around 5:30pm. This gives her enough awake time before bed to build up sleep pressure.

From the record, it looks like she’s staying awake for about an hour and a half between naps. If she’s had a longer nap, you could try extending that wake window by about 15 minutes. This can sometimes make it easier for her to settle for naps and may even help her nap for longer.

Overnight Feeds

At three months, it’s really common for babies to still wake overnight for feeds. Looking at the record, she was transferred into bed at 7:55pm and then woke at 11:20pm. Given her last feed was at 6:50pm, that’s nearly four and a half hours since she last ate.

I know she settled back to sleep without a feed at that point, but something to consider is offering a feed when she wakes at that 11:00–12:00 mark. The reason is that feeding her at this first wake-up can push that next feed later, so instead of waking at 1:00am, she might not wake until closer to 3:00am. That shift could then remove the need for that 5:10am feed altogether.

I know it might seem counterintuitive to add in a feed when the goal is fewer wake-ups, but at three months, that 5:00am wake is one of the hardest to resettle. Sleep pressure is low by then and her body clock is naturally encouraging her to wake up. By feeding her earlier in the night, you can shift those later feeds to a time when it’s easier for her to fall back to sleep, which often reduces the total number of overnight wakes. As she gets older, you’d then work on dropping that pre-midnight feed.

Sleep Routine & Settling

How have the last few days been going with the tweaks to the sleep routine and settling pyramid? Have you noticed any changes?

Emma