[Jonathan Bertscher]

Thanks Emma once again for the thorough response. We really appreciate it.

So your advice to gradually reduce our involvement makes sense in theory. I think we struggle because she is very quick to escalate her crying when we stop the patting or singing but we will try be more persistent with this.

To answer your questions:

1. Does this mean Eva is settling easily, or are her naps becoming longer? – Yes to both! She is settling easily and her naps are becoming longer, although we do still get some half hour naps later in the day.

2. Yes, the daily schedule as you described is mostly correct, although sometimes the first morning nap is about 1 hour or 1.5 hour but then if this is the case she does seem to then have another longer nap for her next one. Her wake windows are also a bit longer lately – about 2 to 2.5 hours and then the last wake window is closer to 3 hours.

3. The nightime as you have detailed is also correct except for the last 2 weeks or so we decided to try not feed her when she would wake around 11pm and only allow a feed at the next wake up. We thought this might stop her from waking at 11pm but it seems to have had no effect. The last 2 nights for the 11pm wake up we have given up after about half hour of trying to get back down and just fed her. In this case and for the next feed (the one 3 hrs later) she is quite easy to put back down as I let her nurse for about 20 mins until it seems like she’s in quite a deep sleep and then I transfer her to the crib asleep. When I do this for the last feed around 4/5 it’s much harder to transfer her.

[Jonathan Bertscher]

Hi Emma,

Thanks for your reply. Really appreciate the help.

Eva’s bedtime has been 8:30pm for a while (although very recently we’ve been moving it to 8pm). We’ve been implementing the settling pyramid more persistently the last 10 days or so and her daytime naps are pretty good now but we’re still struggling with the nights. She tends to wake up about 2.5 hours after being put to sleep and it takes up to 1.5 hours until she’s properly asleep again. She will settle relatively quickly with the pyramid (10-20 minutes) but awakes 2-10 minutes later crying. We’ll then use the pyramid again and this repeats. It seems like she’s either not really asleep or in an incredibly light sleep because any tiny sound will make her stir and thrash about. After she finally goes to sleep properly (again, after up to 1.5 hours later), she will generally wake up again at something like 1:30 to feed and again at around 4/5pm for a feed. Lately it’s also been very difficult to get her back to sleep after the 4/5am feed and we end up contact napping. This pattern has been quite consistent over the last 10 days or so.

We have been seeing a great improvement in that we don’t need to rock her as much to sleep, we can get her to settle without picking her up, and she wakes up less frequently but now she tends to rely on our singing to her or parting her to fall asleep so I wonder if we’ve substituted one crutch for another?

Without rocking her to sleep, there’s also more crying in our arms or in the crib while we pat her, sometimes for a long time and it can get quite intense and sound distressed. Is that ok? In the past we’d have resorted to rocking her more vigorously or feeding her but have been restraining ourselves from that, given that she isn’t really hungry at this time.

[Jonathan Bertscher]

Thanks for the response.

Why do you think she wouldn’t be tired though after an overnight feed? Is it not unusual for a baby to have a full wake window during the night?

Yes we will try the settling pyramid and be more persistent with it for the other day naps and bedtime too.

Thanks again for all your input so far!

[Jonathan Bertscher]

Hi Emma,

Thanks for your detailed reply. Here are my answers to your questions:

You mentioned your husband is more successful at transferring your little one to bed after overnight feeds. Have you noticed anything different in his approach or the techniques he uses?

There are a few differences for example in the way he holds her – I tend to hold her more upright to really ensure to get all her burps out and also because at one point the more sideways she was the more she would try suckle my breast or get distracted by my breast. Other than that I think he may just be a bit calmer and slightly more patient in waiting to transfer her than I am. The other thing is I often call him to come do the transfer after I have been trying for about 2 hrs so it may just be that by that point she’s actually eventually tired enough to fall asleep properly. Last 2 nights he came in sooner to help transfer her and he also struggled a lot to get her down.

Regarding your bedtime routine (feed, nappy change, book, sleep sack, rocking, and lullabies), does he rock her to sleep after the lullaby? How do you usually help her fall asleep during the day and at bedtime?

Yes – he rocks her in his arms to sleep. Daytime is nap routine is nappy change, sleep sack, rocking + lullabies at the same time til she’s asleep in our arms but my husband does try the settling pyramid for the first morning nap usually successfully.

Does she use a pacifier?

No unfortunately we could never get her to accept a pacifier.

How many naps does she take during the day?

At the moment it’s about 3 or 4 depending on how long the naps have been.

Does she wake up at a consistent time each morning?

Yes, we try to ensure this. It’s usually around 7.30. At some point it was getting closer to 8.30 but lately it’s seems back to 7ish/7.30.

Do you follow a wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day?

Yes, although now that her wake windows can be longer the feeding time doesn’t always coincide with the waking time.

Is she breastfed or formula-fed? If breastfeeding, does she accept breastmilk from a bottle?

She is breastfed. My husband feeds her one bottle of expressed breast milk a day – usually the first morning feed.

What’s her general daily schedule like, including wake-up, nap times, and bedtime?

She usually wakes up around 7.30. I then try keep her stimulated and active with play mat and various activities til her wake window ends and or she’s showing tired signs – often her tired signs go straight to being moany and agitated. For a while her wake window seemed to be about 1.5 hrs although lately closer to 2 hrs. Then she has a nap. Fairly often the first nap is about 2 hrs long. After this I continue the wake, feed, play, nap routine as described earlier. I try to go outside at least once a day for a walk which luckily is much easier lately now that the weather is better and some post partum issues have healed up. The rest of the naps during the day are usually only about half an hour long and often will be in the carrier or pram but I do try to get at least one more nap in the crib. We struggle quite a bit with the last nap of the day so often the last wake window is a lot longer than we really try aim for – sometimes I can be up to 4 hours long. To avoid this I sometimes just resort to a contact nap where she is permanently latched on my boob.

Thanks again. Let me know if you have further questions.