[Emma H]

Hi Laura,

Your English is wonderful, so please don’t apologise!

It sounds like Lia had quite a tough start, but you’ve done an amazing job figuring out what was going on and getting her the support she needed. The improvements you’ve seen are fantastic, and it’s clear you’re doing everything right for her, even if sleep feels a bit chaotic right now.

Regarding her naps:

If Lia is now wanting a longer first nap, I’d absolutely let her have it! What we want to encourage is for Lia to start having two longer naps, so the first and second nap, and then a shorter third nap. The fact that she’s naturally falling into this pattern is fantastic.

With that longer first nap and potentially a longer second nap too, you might find she naturally drops to three naps a day instead of four, and that’s completely fine. If her first nap is around 1.5 hours and her second is similar, she may only need a short 30–45 minute third nap to get her through to bedtime.

If you’d like me to take a closer look, could you please outline her current nap times, when each nap starts, roughly when she wakes, and so on. That way I can see if anything needs tweaking. Sometimes frequent overnight waking can be linked to too much daytime sleep, so it’s worth checking.

Regarding wake time and her rolling:

It’s so exciting that Lia has mastered rolling onto her tummy! It’s really common for babies to get a bit frustrated at first once they learn to roll—they want to do everything at once, like rolling and moving, but their little bodies aren’t quite strong enough yet. The good news is, the more tummy time practice she gets, the stronger and more comfortable she’ll become, and that frustration will ease. So for now, give her plenty of opportunities to roll and play on her tummy, and when she starts getting upset, just pick her up and move on to something else.

I hope this helps!
Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Jessica!

I completely understand why this might feel a little confusing or even worrying, but honestly, what you’re describing sounds like a really positive thing!

Some babies, especially when they’re tired, actually find extra soothing a bit overstimulating. Instead of helping them relax, all that rocking and movement can make it harder for them to wind down. It sounds like your little one is one of those babies who, at sleep time, is basically saying, “Mum, I’m really tired, please lay me down!”

And the fact that she’s found her own way to settle, sucking her thumb and twirling her hair, is great! She’s developed her own self-soothing technique, which is a really great skill for her to have.

The key thing to remember is that she responds beautifully to your cuddles and comfort at other times of the day. That tells you everything you need to know. Your soothing absolutely works, and she feels loved and secure. It’s just that at sleep time, when she’s really tired, she prefers to be in her cosy bed rather than being rocked.

So try not to worry! You’re doing a fantastic job, and your little one is simply communicating what she needs.

So keep doing what you’re doing.

Short song, then into bed.

I hope that helps put your mind at ease!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Annie,

It’s fantastic that you’ve already started implementing some of the suggestions from the course and you’ve had some success. Going from only falling asleep in your arms to falling asleep in the cot with patting and shushing is a big step forward.

Based on what you’ve described, it sounds like your little one might be going through the 4-month regression. As you may remember from the course, this can happen anywhere from 3 to 5 months of age. It’s when their sleep patterns mature and they start cycling through 4 sleep stages instead of 2.

As a result of this change, you often see:

• More frequent night wakings
• Shorter naps – which explains why he used to do 1.5-2 hour contact naps but now consistently wakes after around 45 minutes and is difficult to resettle

The key to improving his night sleep, extending his naps, and encouraging a later morning wake time is helping him learn to settle to sleep independently which you’re already working towards, which is fantastic! To help you with this goal I just have a few questions:

Regarding wake times and schedules:

• You mentioned his wake windows are around an hour long. Have you noticed them starting to extend at all, or are they consistently 45 minutes to an hour?
• Outside of those early morning wakes, does he have a fairly consistent wake-up time?
• Are you following a wake-feed-play-sleep cycle during the day?
• Can you describe what your nap routine and bedtime routine look like?

Regarding night wakings:

• When he stirs overnight, can you walk me through what happens? Does he stir, then cry, then you go in? What do you do when you get there?
• Are you able to follow the wake, feed, sleep routine?
• What’s his sleep environment like – is it cool, dark, and quiet?

A note on wake times:

The tricky thing about achieving a 7-7:30am wake time is that with a bedtime between 6-7pm, you’d need him to sleep 12-13 hours overnight. That’s a lot to ask of a baby at this age! Most babies this age sleep somewhere between 10-12 hours overnight.

So if you’d like a 7am wake time, you’d ideally want bedtime to be no earlier than 7pm. Any earlier and it becomes quite difficult to achieve.

It’s also worth knowing that babies are naturally early risers – it’s just their biology! A wake time somewhere between 6-7am is very normal and may be a more realistic expectation for your little one.

A note on short naps:

If he is going through the 4-month regression, short naps of 30-45 minutes are completely normal at this age. This tends to continue until they’re able to consolidate naps, which generally happens around 5-6 months of age – once they know how to settle themselves to sleep.

Sorry for all the questions.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Laura,

Thanks for sending this through! Your little one’s routine looks pretty good.

One thing I noticed is that the amount of daytime sleep she’s getting might mean she doesn’t need as much sleep overnight. To help encourage her to drop a daytime nap (and therefore need more sleep at night), you could try extending that first wake window a bit to push the first nap back to around 9am. This would mean the first nap ends around 10:30am, which pushes all her other naps back too and might naturally result in her dropping one of them.

The other thing that will help improve both overnight and daytime sleep is helping her learn how to fall asleep independently. I know you’re currently in the thick of that 4-month regression, but if you’d like some guidance on this, just let me know:

Emma

[Emma H]

Hey Pav,

If you’re happy to continue with the current schedule for a week and just note down the time Rohan is falling asleep at bedtime, that would be great!

After a week, we can take a look at the pattern. If he’s consistently falling asleep around 7:45pm or a bit later, we can then shift the time you’re laying him down from 7:15pm to 7:30pm.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pav!

No worries at all about the questions – that’s what I’m here for!

Based on what you’ve described, it does sound like Rohan’s body clock is naturally set to fall asleep around 7:30pm, regardless of when you put him down. That hour of babbling and rolling around before sleep tells us he simply wasn’t tired enough yet at 6:45pm.

So yes, I would only bring bedtime earlier if he’s showing clear signs of tiredness in the late afternoon. If he’s happy and energetic like he was yesterday, then aim for his usual bedtime.

Regarding Rohan’s bedtime, I recommend you aim to have him in his cot by 7:15pm, with the goal of him falling asleep around 7:30pm. I expect that after a week of having a consistent wake-up time, set nap time, he will start to fall asleep closer to 7:30pm more consistently.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Annie,

Thanks so much for getting back to me with all those details. It really helps me get a clearer picture of what’s going on!

It sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job, and it’s great to hear that the bedtime routine is working well. Bedtime often clicks into place first because your little one has both sleep pressure and the circadian rhythm working together, so that’s a really positive sign!

I’ve got a few thoughts that might help things along:

Regarding the early morning wake ups

If he wakes at 5am, you feed him, and by the time he’s settled back to sleep it’s around 6am, here’s what I’d suggest: over the next week, track what time he naturally wakes up. This will help you identify his natural wake window, whether it tends to fall between 6 and 6:30am or 6:30 and 7am.

Once you know his pattern, you can adjust accordingly. So if his natural wake time is between 6:30 and 7am, and he falls back asleep at 6am after that early feed, you could let him sleep until 7am. But if his natural wake time is closer to 6 and 6:30am, I’d wake him around 6:30am rather than letting him sleep much longer past that.

The goal is to narrow down his wake up window to about half an hour rather than a full hour, as that consistency really helps regulate his body clock.

Regarding the feeds before naps

At 3.5 months, he doesn’t technically need two feeds within a wake window unless there’s a medical reason for it or you need to do it to maintain milk supply as well. But if that isn’t the case, and you’re open to it, you could try dropping that second feed before the nap and just doing one feed at the start of each wake window.

There are a couple of reasons this might help. First, when babies feed close to sleep time, even with separation, it can sometimes result in shorter naps because they’re not quite as tired. Second, spacing the feeds out a bit more means he’s more likely to be properly hungry and take a fuller feed each time, which can actually help reduce those overnight wake ups because he’s getting more of his calories during the day.

That said, if you’d prefer to keep the second feed, that’s absolutely fine too!

Regarding the settling pyramid during the day

It makes complete sense that it’s trickier during the day. Naps really are harder because you’re relying on sleep pressure alone without the help of the circadian rhythm.

I’d suggest focusing on using the settling pyramid for that first nap of the day, as this is usually the easiest one for babies to fall asleep for. For the later naps, if you’ve been trying for about 20 minutes and he’s not settling, or you’ve worked your way up the pyramid and you’re exhausted, it’s completely okay to settle him in your arms.

My only suggestion when you do settle him in your arms is to gradually reduce the movement and noise before he falls asleep. So you might start by rocking and patting, then stop the rocking but keep patting, then stop the patting and just hold him still, so he falls asleep while you’re completely still. This helps him learn to fall asleep without movement, which will make transitioning to the settling pyramid easier over time.

Regarding wake windows

Those wake windows of 90 to 120 minutes sound about right for his age. One thing to keep an eye on is how long it actually takes him to fall asleep. If you’re putting him down after 90 minutes and it’s taking 30 minutes to settle him, that suggests his wake window might actually be closer to 2 hours. Just track when he actually falls asleep over the next week and see if a pattern emerges. That will tell you what wake windows work best for him.

Regarding overnight feeds

Learning to fall asleep on his own in the crib is actually the key to him eventually dropping those overnight feeds. What typically happens is once babies learn that skill, they’ll naturally drop the earlier feeds first (11pm-12am), and then the later feeds gradually reduce too.

Since he’s breastfed, it’s completely normal for him to still need 2 to 3 feeds overnight at this age. I know he was previously only waking once a night, but I do think once he learns this skill, those feeds will just start dropping off.

One thing I’m wondering about is what happens after the feed. At the moment, you’re rocking him for 15 minutes until he’s in a deep sleep before putting him down. What would happen if you just put him down once he falls asleep at the breast, without the rocking?

Also, if you’re burping him after the feed, it might be worth trying to skip that step and see if it makes a difference. When you burp them, it can wake them up and then you have to settle them back to sleep again. So if you’re happy to give it a go, it could be one less thing that’s disrupting his sleep.

Does this sound doable?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pav,

Thanks so much for sending through the record you have kept for the last week. It was really helpful.

Looking at the pattern, when he wakes from his nap around 2pm, he tends to fall asleep closer to 7:30pm. But when he wakes later, especially closer to 3pm, bedtime naturally pushes later too.

I’ve also noticed the routine is quite variable at the moment, which is really common! It’s also not unusual for little ones to start protesting at bedtime as they get older and develop more awareness of their independence.

The good news is that even though he’s taking a while to fall asleep, you’ve mentioned he’s not distressed, he’s just hanging out in bed. This tells me he’s likely not quite tired enough to drift off yet, rather than being overtired.

Based on your records, it looks like he needs a wake window of around 5 to 5.5 hours before bed to be ready for sleep. It also looks like that his preferred wake-up time really is anywhere from 6:30 to 7:00 a.m.

What I’m wondering is if you’re willing to try the routine below, just to see if that helps improve bedtime? Basically I’m just tightening up the routine and seeing if that improves it.

1. Wake time: Aim for between 6:30 and 7am. If he’s still asleep at 7am, wake him.
2. Nap time: Aim for 12pm – 2pm nap. We want his nap to start at 12 p.m, so you might need to put him in his crib a few minutes before 12pm so that he falls asleep at 12pm. Generally, he falls asleep really quickly for this daytime nap, no matter what time it is, so let’s stick with 12 p.m. Then wake him up from his nap by 2 p.m at the latest. This means that he will have a two-hour nap, which seems to be what he needs right now.
3. Bedtime: Aim for him to be asleep by 7:30pm. So you might start his bedtime routine around 7pm and lay him in his crib at around 7:15pm to give him time to wind down and fall asleep.

Would you be happy to give this routine a try for a week?

Emma

[Emma H]

Fantastic. Looking forward to hearing how this week goes!

[Emma H]

Hi Ashlee,

Firstly, congratulations on the arrival of your little one!❤️

Thank you so much for all that detail. Before I answer your questions, I just wanted to touch on a few things and ask you some follow-up questions so I can give you the best advice.

Overtired vs Under-tired

A quick way to tell the difference: when a baby is overtired, they might be fussy, but once you take them into a dark room with limited stimulation, they usually settle and fall asleep. If you do the same thing and they just won’t sleep, they’re likely under-tired or fussy for another reason.

The Period of Purple Crying

You mentioned his bedtime has been getting a bit earlier, which is great! The fussiness you’re seeing in the late afternoon and evening could actually be related to the Period of Purple Crying, which typically peaks around 6–8 weeks (or 9–11 weeks for bubs born a bit early like yours). During this phase, babies often become unsettled in the late afternoon and evening and can be really hard to settle. I do cover this in the course, so if you haven’t watched that video yet, it might be worth a look!

Could There Be Some Discomfort?

You mentioned your little one is fussy and squirmy all night, both on you and on your husband. While you said he’s happy during the day, all that nighttime squirming does make me wonder if there could be some discomfort going on.

Here’s what we’d typically expect to see with a settled newborn:

• At night: They wake, have a feed, and then drift back to sleep fairly easily.
• During the day: They might wake a little fussy (because they’re hungry), have a feed, stay awake for a short time where they’re happy and content, and then go back to sleep.

If your little one is fussy during feeds or still unsettled after feeds, rather than settling once he’s been fed, that can sometimes indicate discomfort, and it would be worth mentioning to your paediatrician.

I’m not sure if this sounds like what you’re experiencing, but I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Also, I was just wondering if he’s following his own weight curve? If he is, that’s a good sign he’s getting enough milk. If not, that’s another thing to mention to your paediatrician.

A Few Quick Questions

To help me give you more tailored advice, could you answer these for me?

1. Is your little one using a pacifier?
2. Are you swaddling him? If so, what swaddle are you using? If not, have you tried it?
3. Are you following a wake-feed-play-sleep routine, or more of a wake-feed-play-feed-sleep routine (where you feed him to sleep for all naps)?
4. Can you walk me through your nap routine step by step?
5. Can you also walk me through the bedtime routine?
6. For naps, is he sleeping in the bassinet, or are you needing to hold him?
7. Can you describe his sleep environment? Is it cool, dark, and quiet?
8. Overnight, when he wakes, are you feeding him for every week or just every few hours?
9. When you do need to feed him overnight, are you following the wake-feed-sleep routine, or are you needing to change his diaper because he’s pooping overnight?

Once I have a clearer picture, I’ll be able to answer your questions properly!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Jessica,

Thanks for answering those questions!

Your bedtime and nap routines both sound great, and I’m glad to hear she didn’t get sick. This does make me think that stretching her wake windows is likely going to be the key here.

It sounds like she’s gotten into a pattern of waking more frequently overnight, but I think with a few adjustments, you should be able to encourage those longer stretches of sleep again.

Here’s what I’d suggest trying over the next week:

• Stretch her wake windows to 1.5 hours during the day. At 14 weeks, they can usually tolerate wake windows anywhere from 1.5 hours to 2 hours, so it might be worth just seeing how she goes with stretching her wake windows to 1.5 hours and seeing if there’s any improvements in her sleep overnight. If there’s not, then we might want to stretch her wake windows even further.
• Make that last wake window before bed slightly longer – around 1 hour and 45 minutes if you can. This can help build enough sleep pressure for a longer first stretch overnight.
• Keep her morning wake-up time consistent, within that 30-minute window (7:15–7:45am).
• Aim for that first nap to fall around 9am. Once that first nap becomes more consistent, the other naps tend to follow.
• For overnight wakes that aren’t genuine feeds, so where her eyes stay closed but she’s crying out continue to settle her back to sleep with shushing and patting. This helps her learn that those wake-ups aren’t for feeding, and over time, she’ll naturally start to drop them.

Would you be happy to give this a go for a week and see if, by the end of the week, you start noticing an improvement (fewer overnight interruptions and longer stretches of sleep)?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Catherin,

I completely understand your concerns about moving the nursing outside of the bedroom and worrying that your little one might still want to nurse. The great news is that she can already fall asleep without nursing at childcare, which shows she definitely has the skills to do it!

There are a few different approaches you could try:

Option 1: Continue as you are If none of these feel right for now, that’s okay too! You can keep going with what you’re doing and embrace those nights when she sleeps for longer stretches. The fact that she’s already had a few nights with longer sleep periods shows she will get there. Over time, you’ll likely notice she starts stringing together more of those good nights, and they’ll gradually become more consistent.

Option 2: Have your husband do the settling Your husband might find it easier to put her to bed using the gradual approach we discussed, since she won’t be expecting to nurse with him.

Option 3: Gradually reduce the sleep associations in the bedroom If you’d prefer to keep things in the bedroom, you can still use your usual routine but gradually reduce the nursing and movement, so that she falls asleep in your arms without movement and then when you’re ready you could move to using the settling pyramid. So it might look a little like this:

• Complete your usual bedtime routine and nurse her in the rocking chair, but stop the feed before she falls asleep
• Then continue rocking her in the chair while you sing a lullaby, and stop rocking when the lullaby finishes
• Then pat her while you are sitting in the rocking chair, then stop patting her so she falls asleep while you are still
• Then lay her down in the crib.

This gradual approach might feel more comfortable because you’re still using your familiar routine and rocking chair, you’re just stopping each step a little earlier. This helps her learn to fall asleep without movement or feeding.

Something else worth trying is giving her the opportunity to resettle on her own when she wakes during the first half of the night. Her childcare worker mentioned she can do this at childcare, so it’s worth giving her the chance to try at home too.

When she stirs, pause and wait before going in. Listen to what her crying sounds like:

• Cry, pause, cry, pause – This stop-start pattern usually means she’s in the process of settling herself back to sleep. Give her a few minutes to see if she drifts off.
• Crying that escalates and becomes continuous – This means she needs your help. Go in, pick her up, and rock her back to sleep in the rocking chair.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Jessica,

Thanks for answering those questions! I just have a few more follow-ups to help me get a clearer picture:

Bedtime routine:

• What does her bedtime routine look like?
• How do you settle her to sleep at bedtime?

Nap routine:

• You mentioned you do a nap routine and put her down when she’s drowsy. Can you tell me what that nap routine involves?
• When you say she’s “drowsy,” is she pretty much asleep, or is she more just staring off into the distance and looking tired?

A couple of other things:

• Did she get sick at all?
• How do you think she’d cope if we tried stretching her wake windows a bit?

Around 14 weeks, wake windows do start to increase, so I’m wondering if we can gradually stretch them out a little. You’re right that six naps a day is quite a lot, but it’s tricky to drop a nap without extending those wake windows first.

Once I know a bit more about her bedtime and nap routines, we should be able to figure out a plan!

Something to try in the meantime:

When she wakes overnight and starts to cry, instead of picking her up straight away (which can sometimes rouse her fully), try this:

1. Start by just shushing her without touching her
2. If that doesn’t settle her, try patting her gently while she’s still in the cot
3. If she escalates, then pick her up and soothe her back to sleep

You might find she settles back to sleep without needing to be picked up, which can help her learn to resettle more easily.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Catherin,

Thanks for answering all my questions! Based on what you’ve shared, I’ve got a few suggestions:

1. Room Temperature & What She’s Wearing

You mentioned her bedroom is significantly cooler than yours. A cooler room is generally better for sleep, but it does mean you might need to tweak what she’s wearing at bedtime to make sure she’s warm enough. Just something to keep in mind as you settle into the new space!

2. Understanding Why She’s Waking So Often

From what you’ve described, the frequent wake-ups are most likely due to a sleep association rather than the new bedroom itself. Here’s what I mean:

When babies are nursed to sleep, they fall asleep while feeding. Then, when they naturally wake between sleep cycles overnight (which happens at regular intervals for all of us!), they look for whatever helped them fall asleep in the first place. For your little one, that’s nursing.

Think of it like this: imagine you always fall asleep with a particular pillow. If someone took that pillow away while you were sleeping, you’d wake up and start looking for it. That’s essentially what’s happening with your daughter. She wakes between sleep cycles, realises she’s not nursing anymore, and calls out for you to help her get back to sleep.

The fact that her wake-ups are consistent and predictable is a strong sign that she’s waking between sleep cycles and seeking out that nursing association.

How to Gently Move Away from Nursing to Sleep

The goal here is to gradually teach her how to fall asleep without nursing, so that when she wakes between sleep cycles, she can resettle on her own.

First, find out what daycare does. Since they’re obviously not nursing her to sleep, it would be really helpful to touch base with them and find out what they’re using to help her fall asleep. This might give you some useful ideas!

Next, move the nursing outside the bedroom. You can absolutely keep nursing as part of your bedtime routine, but I’d suggest doing it in a brightly lit room rather than in her bedroom. This helps separate the feeding from the falling asleep part.

While she’s nursing, try to keep her awake. If her sucking slows down, it’s a sign she’s drifting off, which is something you want to avoid. If she falls asleep during the feed, it reduces her sleep pressure, which can actually make it harder for her to fall asleep when you put her in bed.

Then, move into her bedroom for the rest of the routine. Once nursing is done, go into her room, pop her sleeping bag on, read her books, and then stand up and sing a lullaby while rocking her gently in your arms. Once you finish singing the lullaby, you would then put her in the cot before she’s fully asleep and use the settling pyramid to help her drift off to sleep.

If that feels like too big a jump, you can take a more gradual approach:

• Instead of laying her down in the crib once that lullaby is finished, you would continue to hold her in your arms and just continue rocking her.
• Then, as she remains calm, you would stop the rocking and start patting her and shushing.
• Then you would stop patting and continue shushing.
• Then you would stop shushing, so she falls asleep without any movement.
• Once she’s mastered that, you can move to using the settling pyramid.

Why This Will Help with Night Wakings

Once your little one learns how to fall asleep on her own without movement, those night wakings will naturally decrease. She’ll know how to resettle herself, so she’s much less likely to fully wake between sleep cycles. And if she does wake, she’ll have the skills to get herself back to sleep without needing you to nurse her.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Pav,

When toddlers drop to one nap, the first wake window is typically shorter than the second. But in general, a wake window can be anywhere from 4 to 6 hours. So, typically shorter on the first wake window and then longer for the second wake window.

For example:

• Wake at 7:30am
• Nap at 12pm (4.5-hour wake window)
• Wake at 2pm (2-hour nap)
• Bedtime at 7pm (5-hour wake window)

At this age, it can take a little while to fall asleep. Typically, toddlers fall asleep within 20 minutes, but if Ro is taking around 30 minutes and is happy and content in the bedroom (not crying the whole time), then he could just need a little bit longer to wind down and then fall asleep, which is perfectly fine! But, if he’s in there for that 30 minutes and he’s crying all the time, then it means we need to tweak his schedule. Also, if he is consistently taking closer to 70 minutes to fall asleep, it indicates that we do need to tweak his schedule a little bit.

Here’s what I’d suggest:

For the next week, write down when he wakes from his nap and when he actually falls asleep at night (not when you put him to bed). The difference between these two times is his natural final wake window, and knowing this will help us figure out the best schedule for him.

I know you mentioned that a 4.5-hour wake window at the end of the day seemed to work well, but it sounds like this might have shifted slightly over the last few weeks if he’s now staying awake longer at bedtime.

A few questions that will help me figure out the best schedule:

1. If you didn’t cap his nap at 2 hours, would he sleep longer? And if so, how long would he naturally sleep for?
2. For the week that you record, can you tell me the times that he is actually falling asleep at night (not just when you put him to bed)?

Why I’d like you to track his sleep this week:

Once you’ve tracked his sleep for a few days (keeping wake-up time consistent at 7am), it will help me figure out the best schedule for him.

Here’s what I’m trying to work out:

If his ideal final wake window is 4.5 hours and we’re aiming for a bedtime around 7:45-8pm, he’d need to wake from his nap between 3-3:15pm. But if he’s only napping for 2 hours, that means we’d need to offer his nap at 1pm, which stretches that first wake window to 6 hours. That’s quite long for an 18-month-old!

So by tracking his sleep, I’m hoping we can:

1. Confirm his ideal final wake window – It might be slightly longer or shorter than 4.5 hours now.
2. Find out if he’d naturally sleep longer than 2 hours – If he would, we could offer his nap earlier than 1pm, which would shorten that long morning wake window and make the day more manageable for him.

Does that make sense?

Emma

• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  Emma H.