[Emma H]

Hi Kate,

It’s great to hear that your little one is more settled now.

It’s also great to hear that you have figured out a technique which works for her to get her to sleep easily.

Your approach of adding other associations in parallel is fantastic.

I was just wondering if you could provide me with a bit of up-date on what your little one is doing before I provide some suggestions on how you can gently shift the feed to sleep association.

1. Can you walk me through her nap routine now? It sounds like it might be:

• walk into her room
• sing her a song
• read her a book
• shush her
• lay her in the crib and hold the bottle while she feeds while you pat her

Is this correct?

2. When you say you have tried moving feeding time away from nap time, does that mean you tried to follow the wake, feed, play, sleep routine? Or did you still offer a feed at nap time but you moved it to the start of the nap routine?

3. Does she have a consistent wake-up time? If so what time?
4. Does she have a consistent bedtime? If so what time?
5. How many naps is she having per day? And do these occur around the same time every day?
6. How long does she nap for?

Sorry for the questions again!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Györgyi,

It’s definitely possible that while he was teething, he started using feeding as a soothing method to help him fall asleep. Now that his tooth has appeared (and you’re right – it’s slightly earlier than usual, so it’s understandable you didn’t notice until it broke through!), he might still be relying on feeding to settle to sleep.

To help him nap longer in the crib and develop a consistent schedule, I just have a few questions. Whenever you have a moment, I’d greatly appreciate your answers (and apologies in advance for so many questions!):

1. Have you started waking him at a consistent time each morning? If so, what time?

2. Have you been able to follow the wake-feed-play-sleep routine during the day? Based on your message, it sounds like you might be doing a wake-feed-play-feed-sleep pattern-is that correct?

3. How many naps is he currently having, and approximately how long does each nap last?

4. You mentioned he falls asleep nursing or being rocked. Do you currently have a nap routine before feeding or rocking him to sleep?

5. Does he use a pacifier?

6. What time is his bedtime, and what time does he typically fall asleep and remain asleep for the night?

7. Could you please describe your current bedtime routine? We might use a shorter version of this for nap times.

8. Do you swaddle him for naps and overnight sleep? If yes, are his arms positioned up by his face or down by his sides?

Thanks so much!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Catherin,

It’s so good to hear that the recommendations seem to be working and that her schedule is becoming more predictable – well done!

To make it easier have answered your questions below.

1. Night Wakings and Feeding: It’s great that she is sleeping for 3-4 hours at the start of the night and 4- 6 hours after the first wake. The fact that she isn’t waking every 2 hours indicates that she isn’t waking between sleep cycles which is fantastic. I would just give it a try feeding her at the 12/1am (so when she wakes for the first time overnight) and see if that actually eliminates the second wake-up. Let me know how that goes. Something to keep in mind is that breastfeed bub’s can continue to need an overnight feed until 10 months of age. After this point, if she is still waking for a feed, we can do things to encourage her to drop it. Something else to keep in mind is that helping her learn how to fall asleep on her own will help in dropping these overnight feeds too.

2. Solid Foods and Night Wakes: Between 7 – 9 months of age it’s great if babies can have a few solid meals a day. These meals though are mainly about exposing them to a variety of textures and helping them develop their chewing skills. They are unlikely to eat enough food during these meals to have an impact on staying asleep overnight. This is a great free resource here in Canberra which was developed by a Dietician and Speech Pathologist on introducing solids to babies up until 1 year of age, which you might find helpful – https://www.canberrahealthservices.act.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0009/1939509/From-Milk-to-More-A4_Accessible_FA.pdf

3. Crying During Night Wakings: The fact that she wakes crying at night but not in the morning could indicate hunger or discomfort. So I would just try feeding her when she first wakes overnight and see if she then doesn’t wake for the second feed.

4. Daycare Transition: To ease the transition, if possible I recommend you talk to the daycare providers and tell them what her sleep cues are, when she typically naps and how you help her fall asleep. Then I would just ask if they can do this at the centre and if they can’t what they will do. Something else to keep in mind is that typically daycare naps are about half the time they nap at home, due to the busy environment. So when she starts daycare you may need to shift her bedtime earlier to accommodate this.

I hope this helps!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

You’re right transitioning from 4 – 3 naps is a process and some days there simply won’t be time to fit the 4 naps in and it’s okay to shift her bedtime earlier to accommodate this.

Hopefully, you get the green light soon!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Jacelyn,

It’s wonderful to hear that maintaining a consistent morning wake-up window has created more predictability in your day – that’s a fantastic step forward!

I’m also really glad to hear that transitioning your nap and bedtime routines to his bedroom has gone smoothly, and your adapted approach to settling him in the cot is showing positive results. Gradually reducing the patting over time sounds like a great plan.

Regarding your experiences with the different settling scenarios, did you try each method consistently for a few days? Typically, for a baby accustomed to being held and rocked to sleep, transitioning to settling in the cot can feel like a big adjustment. It’s quite common for babies to need several days to get comfortable with new sleep routines. If you did consistently try cot settling over a few days and found he remained calm but alert, it’s possible he just wasn’t tired enough yet. In that case, extending his wake windows – by 15 minutes at first – might have helped build up the sleep pressure he needed to fall asleep.

When it comes to how long you should try to settle him to sleep in the cot, I recommend limiting this to 20 minutes per sleep session, as it often takes babies up to this time to fall asleep. If he’s not asleep after 20 minutes, it’s perfectly okay to pick him up and settle him in your arms. If this consistently happens though, it might indicate he could benefit from slightly longer wake windows.

Regarding your concern about whether cot settling could lead to anxiety or difficulty settling at bedtime—this is very unlikely. Babies thrive on consistent, predictable routines like the one you’re implementing. Your attentive responses to his cues, providing comfort and support whenever needed, create a secure environment, helping him feel safe and calm.

Lastly, addressing your question about whether it’s better to lay your baby down drowsy or fully awake – this really depends on the bub. Some babies fall asleep and stay asleep when they are placed in the cot drowsy but awake, but most tend to wake soon after, needing their sleep associations (like rocking or patting) recreated. This brief waking can reduce sleep pressure, making resettling more challenging. Given that he’s waking up when you place him in the cot drowsy but awake, it would be great if you could place him fully awake in the cot and support him to settle there. I understand that might feel challenging right now, but your gentle, gradual approach will eventually make this achievable.

Does that make sense?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Györgyi,

Fantastic!

Let me know how you go!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It’s great that you have already started and it seems to be going okay.

Enjoy the trip! Hopefully, everything goes smoothly!

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

Once you get the green light, you can consider just starting with the mattress if you feel that she is more settled there. But you are right the movement of the SNOO might help initially, The only thing I would say, is that if you do start with the SNOO after she becomes comfortable sleeping in it, I recommend you turn off the rocking feature, as she might come to rely on the rocking to fall asleep.

Your understanding of the process is spot on – putting her down after 1.5 hours awake, using the settling pyramid for 20+ minutes, and then reverting to what works if she doesn’t settle to avoid overtiredness.

Regarding your question about bedtime, I’m not sure what you ended up doing, but moving bedtime earlier is what I would have recommended. It’s possible it could have led to an earlier wake -up time but there is also a chance that an earlier bedtime could have led to better sleep overnight.

What did you end up doing and how was the next morning?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Livia,

It does sound like you are getting some wins which is good to see and I am sure making you feel happier about ditching the pacifier.

Hopefully, things just keep improving!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Julia,

Wow, it sounds like you are having an amazing time travelling!

But more importantly, your little one has been a star – what a huge win with the daytime naps! You must be so excited that she is napping in the bassinet. And that she is now rolling over in both directions!

In regards to your questions I have answered them below:

1. Tummy Sleeping in the Heat: At 26.5°C, you’re already doing the right things- keeping her in a short-sleeved onesie, using a fan for air circulation, and avoiding the sleeping bag. As long as the room is well-ventilated and her sleep environment is safe (firm mattress, no loose bedding), tummy sleeping should be fine. Just continue to lay her in the bassinet on her back and then let her find her own sleeping position. As I mentioned earlier, it is really challenging to stop them rolling onto their tummy once they have learnt how to do it. Just monitor to see if she is overheating – you do this by placing your hand on her chest or back. Her skin shouldn’t feel sweaty or clammy. If it does she is too hot.

2. Wake, Feed, Play, Sleep Routine: Given that you’re settling her to sleep in the bassinet for naps, which I’m assuming means you aren’t feeding her to sleep, then feeding her on demand is fine. Once the temperatures cool down (maybe when you return home), you can gradually return to the wake, feed, play, sleep routine if it feels right for you both.

3. Holding Hands During Naps: Since her eczema has improved, you could start easing off holding her hands by gently reducing the amount of time you do it. For example, you might hold her hands until she’s calm but not fully asleep, then let go and see how she manages. This gradual approach can help her build confidence in self-settling.

Enjoy your time travelling and spending time with the family!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Livia,

It sounds like you’re navigating a really tough phase right now – ditching the pacifier can be really challenging for them. Although going cold turkey is hard initially, it’s often the quickest way to break the dependency. The crying and searching behaviours you’re seeing are completely normal as she adjusts. It’s heartbreaking, but by staying consistent, you’re helping her learn to self-soothe in other ways. During this adjustment period she will need more help from you (as you have noticed) to help her fall asleep, but it should settle down within the week. If it doesn’t then we may need to look at her nap routine and timing of her naps to see if they need tweaking.

Regarding your question about how much sleep 4 month babies need – typically they need about 12-15 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period, with 9-11 hours at night and the rest spread across 3-4 naps during the day. Her current sleep totals sound right on track! The naps being shorter (around 40 minutes) are common at this age. Longer naps will likely come as she gets older and learns to consolidate her sleep (this usually occurs around 5 – 6 months, as long as they can fall asleep on their own).

Also, yes, it’s possible for babies to cry in their sleep without being fully awake. This can happen during lighter sleep stages or due to discomfort, like her stuffed nose. If she’s not fully awake, you might try waiting a moment before intervening to see if she resettles on her own.

In regards to transitioning out of the swaddle – dropping the pacifier and transitioning her out of the swaddle would be a lot for her to manage. So if she isn’t yet rolling, continue to just have one arm free and then transition to both arms out when she has gotten used to falling asleep without the pacifier.

For feedback on the website and accessing the course, you can contact our support team by emailing support@brightestbeginning.com.

Lastly, hang in there – this phase is tough, but it will pass. You’re doing all the right things to support her through it!

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Györgyi,

Thank you so much for answering my questions—I really appreciate your detailed responses!

From your description, it seems your little one might be wanting a feed every 90 minutes during the day, not necessarily due to hunger, but because that’s how he knows how to fall asleep.

As you mentioned, you’ve noticed that he slows down and relaxes during feeding, which often indicates he’s drifting off to sleep. Babies commonly continue to suck gently even when they’re asleep, making it tricky to notice the transition. Initially, you’ll notice frequent swallowing, but as they drift off, the sucking becomes slower and swallowing less frequent.

Because he is falling asleep while feeding, when you lay him down in the crib after the feed, he may wake back up and then need you to rock him back to sleep or he might just refuse to go back to sleep. As a result, you may feel like he never really naps during the day or only has one nap per day. When in fact, he is napping just not in the crib (as he is napping on you while feeding!).

If you would like him to nap more in the crib then it would be helpful to shift to the wake, feed, play, then sleep routine during the daytime. To do this, when he wakes from his nap you would offer him a feed and then when he starts to get fussy after being awake for 90 minutes (which is the general wake window for bubs his age) instead of feeding him to sleep, complete a nap routine and then settle him to sleep.

His nap routine could be a shorter version of his bedtime routine. So it might look like this:

• Walk into the bedroom
• Draws the blinds down making the bedroom dark
• Sing him a lullaby or a song while he is lying in your arms and you’re walking rocking him in your arms
• Then once you finish the song lay him down in the crib and apply the settling pyramid – climbing up and then back down as needed.

If you feel like this is too big a step, you can settle him to sleep in your arms but try to gradually reduce the amount of movement you are using, so that he falls asleep in your arms while you are standing still. So it would look like this:

• Once you have finished the song, continue rocking him in your arms and shushing
• Once he is calm stop rocking him and just continue shushing
• Then stop shushing so that he falls asleep while you’re standing still and in silence.

Stopping the rocking him before he falls asleep will help him learn to fall asleep without movement, which would then make it easier for him to adjust to the settling pyramid when you are both ready to try it.

The other thing I recommend is narrowing his wake-up time to a 30-minute window. Currently, it’s an hour window. So if you’re happy to can you record the time that he is waking up in the morning for the next week, that way we can work out what his ideal wake-up time is and then keep that within a 30-minute window.

It sounds like the bedtime routine is working well for you all at the moment which is great. If you do notice that he starts waking more often overnight or it becomes challenging to transfer him from nursing to the crib, then you might want to tweak his bedtime routine so that you do the feeding earlier in the routine and then use the settling pyramid to help him fall asleep. So the bedtime routine might look like this:

• Undress him and take off his diaper.
• Draw the blinds
• Bathe him
• Dress him
• Feed him in the living room with the lights on – as soon as you notice his sucking is slowing down and he isn’t swallowing every few sucks stop the feed (as he is falling asleep)
• Walk into the bedroom and sing him a lullaby or song
• Lay him in the crib and follow the settling pyramid.

Do these suggestions sound doable?

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

I completely understand why you’re feeling unsure about if your little one is over or under tired. And honestly, I love the questions.

The reason I think she is not yet tired enough to fall asleep for naps is because when you see her tired signs (although they are very subtle) you have been taking her into the room and then needing to spend a long time settling her to sleep and use a lot of movement to get her there. You also mentioned that when you extended her wake windows slightly she was taking slightly less time. This all points to your little one not yet being tired enough to fall asleep. Plus at 4 months babies typically stay awake anywhere from 2 – 2 1/2 hours and she is generally having wake windows of less than 2 hours.

If you are concerned though, what you can do is as soon as you see her yawn or her unique tired cues, change up the activity to check if she is just bored. If she settles down then it indicates that she was bored but if she continues to yawn and fuss then she is tired.

If she is tired, take her into the bedroom and turn off the lights – making it dark enough that you can’t read a book. Then complete your nap routine and lay her in the SNOO keeping the room dark. In the past you mentioned that she disliked the dark room, but often if bub’s are overtired I find they need less stimulation to calm down and fall asleep (which is what we hope to achieve with a dark room). If she fusses with the dark room then just open the bedroom door slightly and see if that helps.

Then help her fall asleep – either using the settling pyramid or rocking her in your arms or feeding her if you feel like it has been too long – and once she has fallen asleep record the time that she actually fell asleep and how much effort you had to use. Continue doing this for a week. After a week look at what you have recorded to give you an idea of how long she is awake between naps – as this will give you an idea of how long she can tolerate being awake.

For the early wake-ups, because she currently relies on help to fall asleep, she’s likely waking between sleep cycles, needing your assistance to resettle. Unfortunately, when they wake between sleep cycles in the early morning hours they’re more challenging to settle back to sleep, as sleep pressure decreases in the early morning, and their circadian rhythm is telling them to wake up.

To help with early morning wake-ups:

• Keep the room dark and quiet, treating early wake-ups as night-time wakings, and continue trying to settle her back to sleep (most likely by offering her a feed).
• If she won’t resettle, try to remain quietly in the room until around 6 am, then start the day and slightly adjust her first nap time accordingly.

Ultimately, the way to eliminate these early morning wake ups is to help her learn to fall asleep independently. Once she can do this, when she wakes between sleep cycles she will just fall back to sleep rather than calling out to you to help her.

When it comes to teaching her to fall asleep on her own, I’d suggest trying for about 15-20 minutes, as it can take them that long to fall asleep. If she’s not settling, it’s okay to step in and help her fall asleep using rocking or feeding, as you’ve been doing.

Does this make sense?

Emma

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Emma H.

[Emma H]

Hi Luise,

I just wanted to say sorry – I planned on answering your questions today but I had to take my youngest to the emergency department due to difficulty breathing. I just wanted to let you know that I will answer your questions tomorrow.

Sorry again.

Emma

[Emma H]

Hi Robin,

It sounds like you are using the 4 nap schedule as a guide and still following his lead regarding when he needs to nap and the length of his naps, which is great. It’s also okay for him to have a longer wake window before bedtime. Hopefully, you can get some more success with him settling to sleep, now that he is sleeping on his tummy for daytime naps.

Thank you for clarifying the different time zones. To help him adjust smoothly to the new time zone in the Netherlands, you have a couple of options:

Option 1: Shift His Circadian Rhythm by 2 Hours (Starting 2 Weeks Before Travel)

This gradual shift means that when you arrive in the Netherlands, he’ll wake at around 6:30 am instead of 4:30 am. Here’s the detailed schedule:

Day 1 & 2:

• Wake-Up: 15 mins later (6:45 am)

• Feeds & Naps: Shift by 15 mins. So on his current 4 nap schedule, his first nap would be at 8:15am.

• Bedtime: 15 mins later (6:45 pm)

Day 3 & 4:

• Wake-Up: Another 15 mins later (7:00 am)

• Feeds & Naps: Shift accordingly

• Bedtime: 7:00 pm

Continue this pattern every 2 days, shifting wake-up, naps, feeds, and bedtime 15 mins later each time, reaching an 8:30 am wake-up and 8:30 pm bedtime by Day 14.

Option 2: Shift His Circadian Rhythm by 1 Hour (Starting 1 Week Before Travel)

If shifting his schedule by 2 hours feels too challenging or it just wouldn’t fit with your current commitments, you could adjust by just 1 hour, then complete the remaining 1 hour once you arrive in the Netherlands:

Day 1 & 2:

• Wake-Up: 6:45 am

• Feeds & Naps: 15 mins later

• Bedtime: 6:45 pm

Day 3 & 4:

• Wake-Up: 7:00 am

• Feeds & Naps: Shift accordingly

• Bedtime: 7:00 pm

Continue shifting by 15 mins every 2 days, reaching a 7:30 am wake-up and 7:30 pm bedtime by the day before travel. Then, spend the first week in the Netherlands shifting his schedule an additional hour later to achieve a 6:30 am wake-up.

Additional Tips for Shifting His Body Clock:

• Use Light Strategically: Keep evenings bright and stimulating to delay sleepiness. In the mornings, keep the room dark until the adjusted wake-up time, even if he wakes earlier. Avoid turning on lights or engaging in stimulating activities before the target wake-up time.

• Be Consistent: Consistency in following the adjusted schedule is crucial, even if it initially feels challenging. Consistent patterns help his circadian rhythm adjust faster.

Does this make sense?

Emma