[Yana Zaulskaya]

Hello Emma ,

Thank you so much for your answer!

No, no – after his naps we usually have about 30, 40, or 50 minutes of good mood (depending on how long his previous nap was). During that time, he smiles, chatters with me, and lies down on his own – I move him when I see he’s tired of that spot. Sometimes, of course, he does wake up immediately unhappy or with tears. But after that period, he refuses to lie anywhere on his own and I have to hold him because he starts crying. Of course, he might also be upset and cry while being held.

He’s gaining weight very well, and the doctors praise us for his steady, normal growth since birth. I was told that when a mother’s breasts are very full, the baby always gets the upper, lighter milk. I try to pump a little bit before feeding if I feel my breast is overly full, so that he gets the richer milk faster. But maybe because of that, he sometimes gets hungry sooner than every two hours, and I end up topping him up, which disrupts our sleep–feed–play–sleep routine.

Regarding our apartment – we have a one-bedroom apartment, and my husband works in the living room, so on weekdays we do everything in the bedroom. He wakes up in his own bed; I take him to feed on the sofa, then put him on our bed, change his diaper, chat with him, and then lay him on a mat – all in the bedroom. And he’s cheerful there. When my husband doesn’t have meetings, we do go out to the living room, but those moments are quite brief compared to the rest of the day, and my baby really doesn’t like lying in his cocoon in the living room, so I end up walking around with him in my arms.

At the same time, it feels like I’m missing something in his body language or cry, but I just can’t figure out what exactly. Sometimes he cries so loudly, but then suddenly, within one second, he falls silent and immediately falls asleep.

What should I do then? There is rarely an opportunity to go to the living room to change his diaper, feed him, and dress him for sleep.

As for his bedtime – the time varies greatly because our daytime naps are very unstable. Sometimes he only sleeps 10 minutes during that last nap before nighttime sleep. When that nap falls around 4:30 pm and he sleeps, say, 10 or 20 minutes, I understand that if he falls asleep again at 6 or 6:30 pm, that will be his nighttime sleep (which does happen). If this isn’t ideal, please advise how I should arrange things so that he goes to sleep at roughly the same time each night. Also, what is the best and most appropriate bedtime for a baby between 3 and 6 months?

I’ve already seen your videos on sleepwear and have ordered the same one – I received it today and will give it a try. But how can I tell if he’s already starting to roll over or not? During the night, he slips down a lot in his crib, and I often find him sleeping sideways across it.

Thank you, Emma!

[Yana Zaulskaya]

Thank you so much Emma!!!

One more thing to add when he is crying before the sleep he usually moves his hands and legs like crazy, it seems like he is boxing or fighting with somebody , he beats me. When we are in the mall and I am carrying him he can easely and slowly fall asleep..

[Yana Zaulskaya]

Good afternoon, Emma!

Thank you very much for your response.

Perhaps I am not correctly or timely responding to my child’s signs of fatigue. For example, when he is in my arms while we walk around the mall and I talk with my husband, he can quietly fall asleep, as if he is not overstimulated at that moment and is ready to sleep without tears. By “overstimulated,” I mean the following:

At home, after waking up, I feed and change his diaper (as needed). Then I place him on a play mat with hanging toys, where he stays either alone or with me, and I also turn him onto his tummy. After that, I lay him on my bed and talk or play with him. Sometimes we start by playing on the bed and then move to the play mat. If he starts to fuss after these activities, I pick him up and walk around the apartment, talking to him and showing him things.

Here’s what happens: I notice the first signs of fatigue, even though he is still looking at me and smiling. I begin to put him to sleep, and he cries—it really seems like a protest. He can cry and cry, and then, after I switch him from one arm to the other for the fifth time, he falls asleep in a second. Another scenario: I see by the time that it’s almost time for sleep, and this time he is not fussing. I calmly wrap him in a blanket and lay him in the crib with white noise. He lies there calmly and smiling for about 20 minutes, then starts to get fussy. I try to soothe him, but it doesn’t work. I pick him up, and he starts crying. After three minutes of crying, he falls asleep. It’s as if he doesn’t like my method of rocking, or maybe I’m missing his cues, and he is always overstimulated and needs to let off steam. Could you suggest a relaxation technique before sleep? Or what actions to take before sleep, or how to behave? Or how to distribute activities during wakefulness?

For example, today we managed to go to sleep at night almost without tears. I was sure that an hour after the last daytime nap, he would already be tired and start to fuss. We prepared for sleep, turned off the lights, and I began to sing a lullaby and walk around. It took much longer than usual—about 40 minutes of walking and shushing—but he fell asleep without tears.

Another example of the first daytime nap: we woke up at 7:30 AM, feeding, diaper change, interaction with me, then the play mat, then walked around the apartment. I laid him on my bed again, saw that he started rubbing his eyes, and checked the wake time—it was 1 hour and 3 minutes. I began the sleep routine: closed the curtains, turned on white noise, took the sleep sack to put on him, and during the process of putting it on, he started crying. I picked him up; he cried for about 8 minutes, calmed down for about 3 minutes, then whimpered a bit, but it was clear he really wanted to sleep. After another 5 minutes, he was asleep. I stopped rocking, and after a couple of minutes, laid him in the crib. He opened his eyes a couple of times but fell asleep. He slept for 30 minutes. I really want to understand the reason for the crying and start using your system.

Also, I boasted to you that we sleep well at night, and now he has started waking up every 3–3.5 hours to eat. I immediately reviewed the video about the 4-month sleep regression, but the length of nighttime feedings is even longer than during the day—he really eats. So I don’t even know how to get back to the past and achieve the first long sleep again.

During the day, the number of feedings hasn’t decreased; he eats either every two hours, or lately, he might cry after an hour or 1.5 hours, and if I offer the breast, he starts eating vigorously. He is breastfed. I read somewhere that he should already be eating every three hours, but some sources say that feeding every two hours or more frequently is still normal. My baby is 14 weeks old.

I really want to hear your opinion about my situation. May be my way of thinking is completely wrong and you have any ideas what is going on.

Thank you Emma!

[Yana Zaulskaya]

Hello Emma,

Thank you so much for your reply! I’m truly grateful and very hopeful that things will improve!

I’ll do my best to answer your questions:

1. Yes, our daytime routine is exactly as you described. However, it never happens without tears. Also, during the day I notice that—in your videos—your daughter plays in several different areas, and you can see signs of tiredness as she merely whimpers. With my little one, he never lies down peacefully in various spots. After waking up, his first half hour can be very lively; sometimes he lies down calmly on his own, sometimes I stay close and interact with him, and other times he refuses to lie down at all so that I have to carry him—and even then he starts fussing.

2. I can’t give a definitive answer: sometimes his crying comes in bursts with pauses (this mostly refers to those wakeful periods when he doesn’t want to lie down on his own—in my arms, he sometimes cries and sometimes doesn’t, and changing my position can help him not to whimper). However, the crying before sleep is a continuous, relentless cry—he really gets worked up.

3. Yes, when I hold him upright, it seems he prefers that. Yet sometimes, when he cries so intensely—cries and cries—he might suddenly stop and close his eyes.

4. I started offering him a pacifier rather late, and he has used it very rarely. When he cries like that, he doesn’t take it at all. He also cries in his stroller and car seat, and even there he spits the pacifier out.

5. Yes, he usually takes about 5–6 naps that last around 15–20 minutes. For example, when I need to go somewhere, the only option is for him to fall asleep in my arms. I go while he’s sleeping; if I try to transfer him to the stroller, he might wake up immediately, and sometimes I can only manage an extra 5–7 minutes of sleep.

6. A week ago, we had a consistent wake–feed–play–sleep routine, but something happened and now it doesn’t get set right from the morning. For instance, yesterday he slept from about 8 PM until around 4 AM; I fed him and then he slept until 7 AM, and I fed him again when he woke. Then, about an hour later, he wouldn’t fall asleep—crying and clinging to my chest. I offered him some food, and he ate happily, after which I started putting him down. As a result, after that nap he didn’t want to eat, and the routine was disrupted.

Today, I fed him at 6:20 AM and held him for another 15 minutes because his sleep was very light, then laid him in his crib. He fully woke up around 7 AM and didn’t want to eat, so the routine was off from the start.

7. He usually wakes naturally around 7–7:30 AM—I don’t wake him up myself. I’ve noticed that while your daughter is gently awakened, he already has very restless sleep by about 5 AM; if he wakes up to eat around 6, it means he’ll have very little sleep afterward and will be up again around 7. If I take him in my arms after his morning feeding and sit with him on the sofa, he gets fussy and might sleep until 8 AM.

8. In the evening, he also cries. He may cry continuously for a while but then suddenly falls silent and immediately dozes off in my arms. Lately, his evening sleep routine has changed as well: sometimes he might fall asleep without feeding at night (since he cries so intensely, I offer him the breast, though he ends up crying even harder), and then after about half an hour, he wakes up crying; I breastfeed him and he goes back to sleep for the rest of the night. For example, yesterday he actively sought the breast amid his whimpering (he wasn’t crying too loudly), so I sat him down to feed and tried to keep him awake so he wouldn’t fall asleep on the breast, but he did. This used to never happen—he never fell asleep while feeding, and I always tried to avoid that.

Our evening routine remains the same: we go to the bedroom, I sit him down to feed (I try to do so before he starts crying too loudly), then I change his diaper, and afterward dress him in his Love to Dream swaddle. If he’s calm, I offer him another feeding, then turn off the light and start singing a lullaby. More often than not, however, at the moment of changing his diaper or dressing him, he starts crying, and then I have to walk with him again, softly saying “shhh” and patting his back—and if his crying becomes very intense, I even do squats to calm him down.

At night, he begins to fuss and toss around; I wait until he audibly asks for food, then I sit him on the sofa to feed him (if I’m not changing his diaper, I remain seated on the sofa for a little while after feeding, then stand for a bit without rocking or making noise) and then put him back in his crib (this process takes about 20–30 minutes). If I change his diaper, then after that I breastfeed him (or offer him food) and I have to either sit or even walk around a bit longer before putting him back in his crib (this process takes about an hour).

Additionally, please note that I exclusively breastfeed him, and this is an important part of our feeding routine.

Thank you very much for your work and your support. I look forward to hearing your advice.

Best regards,

Yana