[Julia]

Thanks Emma,

I think this year the summer that hit UK/Europe has been particularly hot! Our A/C is well worth it. It also serves as a background white noise.

I have now rewatched the 4 month regression video. Thanks for the tips there.

To answer your question:

To help her learn how to fall asleep on her own I was wondering if you could provide me with an update on how she if falling asleep at bedtime and for naps? Are you able to tell me what her nap and bedtime routine looks like now and where the pacifier comes in?

In the day time, I will do a routine for naps as such:

1) Swaddle

2) Close blinds if they’re open

3) Switch lights off

4) Sing lullaby

5) Shush and rock in arms for less than a minute until she is sleepy

6) Put down

Then I leave the room and close the door. Currently she typically sleeps fairly easily after less than a minute – 5 minutes max without any further intervention.

At bed time, my routine will include an extra feed, a white noise, and the rocking will be slightly more:

1) Feed

2) Swaddle

3) Close blinds if they’re open

4) Switch lights off

5) Play white noise music

6) Sing lullaby

7) Shush and rock in arms – likely a minute until she is sleepy

8) Put down

The bedtimes and sometimes her last evening nap take longer for her to settle, so typically I will:

1) Leave the room, close the door & wait for 5-10 minutes even if she is crying loudly. Occasionally, she self-settles. Often, she doesn’t, and when I re-enter, I will

2) Shush and pat in view, and if this isn’t enough,

3) Introduce the pacifier (which she sometimes does accept, most times does not)

I think because she’s often wailing at this stage I don’t go up the settling pyramid but instead go straight to patting her & shushing and shortly after, pacifier.

Once the pacifier is accepted, she doesn’t keep it in for long. Occasionally, when it naturally falls out, she goes to sleep right after. Sometimes she doesn’t and I keep reinserting it until she keeps it in to sleep.

If she doesn’t accept the pacifier, I will continue shushing and patting, but if she doesn’t settle, I will pick her up, restart the process.

I will try to keep to the timings that you have suggested to keep a consistent wake time and earlier bedtime. I have also used the sample schedule for 3-month-old that you suggested in your ‘General chat’ section and it has helped naturally prolong her sleep at night. Last night, she slept for 4 hours straight, woke up for a feed, then slept for another 4 hours. This is great progress, as she only woke once!

Update: I moved her bedtime earlier to 9pm from 9.30/10pm and she’s back to waking up every 3 hours, maybe she just needs to get used to the new schedule?

Thanks again,

Julia

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Julia.

[Julia]

Hi Emma,

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I have tried my best to implement them as follows.

Cap her Daytime Naps & Keep Wake Windows to a Max of 2 Hours

I have now capped her daytime naps to 2 hours and keep her wake windows to a max of 2 hours.

However, on some days, she has a long 3hr nap in the morning till about noon (eg 9.30am-12.30pm) as she has inconsistent bedtimes. I haven’t started to wake her up for this nap as I worry she hasn’t had her 10 hours of overnight sleep. Should I still cap this morning nap to 2 hours?

Her sleeping schedule now looks something like this:

8:30am – Wake

9:30am – 10:15am – Nap (45 minutes)

12pm – 12:10pm – Nap (10 minutes)

1pm – 1:50pm – Nap (50 minutes)

3pm – 3:45pm – Nap (45 minutes)

6pm – 6:40pm – Nap (40 minutes)

8pm – 8:15pm – Nap (15 minutes)

9:30pm – 11:30pm – Sleep (2 hours)

12:30am – 2:30am – Sleep (2 hours)

3:00am – 6:00am – Sleep (3 hours)

6:30am – 8:30am – Sleep (2 hours)

Have a consistent wake up time (which you keep in a 30 minute window)

Her wake up time is still unpredictable – but in the last few days I have tracked this and she woke up at 9.15am, 9.08am, 8.30am, 10.49am. Again, I worry that she hasn’t had her 10 hour sleep overnight (she wakes every 2-3 hours) so I haven’t woken her up at the same time every morning. Should I wake her anyway?

Temporary Black Out Blinds

I have black out blinds which do not completely cover the sunlight – but now I have closed them slightly more (as much as I can) and she seems to not have trouble going back to sleep if she does wake at sunrise.

Continue using the swaddle – this works well! I have now purchased an aircon as it is about 30C now in the UK!

Continue following the wake, feed, play, sleep routine during the day. This has been working well.

When you are feeding her during the day, try and make sure that she doesn’t fall asleep and have a sneaky nap. I find this really hard as I want to feed her as much as I can! She hasn’t gained much weight in the last week so I get paranoid about not feeding her enough. I will keep trying on this. Either she sneaks in a nap or she is also easily distracted while feeding, so she keeps unlatching and relatching on the breast and often is uninterested which makes it hard to feed her enough in the daytime. I worry that she is trying to feed more at night time as I noticed that she was very hungry when she woke at 11.30pm last night. Do you have any suggestions on how to increase daytime feeds so that she wakes less at night to feed?

Move Bedtime Earlier Gradually

I have implemented your suggestions and now she is sleeping at around 10-11pm. Last night she slept at around 9.30pm and woke at 11.30pm – perhaps I moved it too early too soon and it takes time to readjust to the new bedtime?

I have a few questions:

1) She wakes every 2-3 hours overnight. I tried to drop a feed but she wouldn’t settle and I thought that she was hungry. I will try to stop her from having a sneaky nap during breastfeeding in the day time. How else do I try to drop a feed and get her to sleep for longer stretches?

2) Using the settling pyramid, very occasionally baby takes the pacifier – after I wait 5 minutes of putting her down and she still cries (and shushing and patting doesn’t settle her). She sucks the pacifier to sleep sometimes, as when I remove the pacifier she cries again. Should I try to avoid letting her sleep with the pacifier on?

3) When baby wakes up overnight and I feed her, she often goes back to sleep while feeding and stays asleep when I put her back into the crib (until she wakes 2-3 hours later). Is this a good habit?

Thanks,

Julia

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Julia.

[Julia]

1. Does your little one have a consistent wake-up time, that occurs within the same 30-minute window? If so what time is it?

She does not have a consistent wake up time. Typically there is a wake up time between 6-8am but for example this morning, after waking at 4.40am and feeding, she could not sleep until 7am. I think partly the reason is because it is summer here and the sun has risen by then. We have black out curtains but they do not completely cover the sunlight.

2. When you swaddle her are her arms up by her head or down by her side?

Down by her side.

3. Is there the option to swaddle her on hot days in the UK – so maybe turn on an air conditioner?

We have a fan but no air conditioner. I found that she slept better with a swaddle so I have let her sleep without any clothes on swaddled instead.

Update: I’ve used a stronger fan now and it does help! Thanks for the advice!

4. When you say she doesn’t sleep for most of the day and night – do you notice if she is falling asleep while breastfeeding?

Yes I think sometimes she does sleep while breastfeeding. I used to breastfeed for longer and more frequently. Before, I didn’t keep track of her sleeping too much so I just let her “sleep when she wants” but obviously that was not right. Now I have learnt to make sleeping more active, ie I put her to sleep when we hit the 1.5-2 hour wake window mark but this can still be a struggle.

5. When she won’t sleep overnight – do you keep the lights off or dimmed and distractions minimal (so no tv on in the background)?

Yes I try to. We have a table lamp/bathroom light with doors nearly closed that I keep on until she falls asleep, but maybe I should just use a night light instead? There is no tv in the background. Nowadays she sleeps at around 12am, but we want to try and bring this earlier to 10/11pm. How do you advise we do this?

6. When she woke today at 4:40am and you fed her did you follow the wake, feed, sleep routine or are you still needing to change her diaper? Also during this feed did you keep the lights off/dimmed?

I followed the wake, feed, sleep routine but when she could not go back to sleep straight away I changed her diaper and fed her again. Now that it is summer time, at 5am the sun rises and this may be why it is harder for her to fall asleep again then. She normally sleeps during this feed and wakes up when I put her back down into the crib.

7. From what you recorded in regard to her naps it looked like this:

• 6:30am – Wake

• 8am – Nap (asleep for 4 hours and 45 minutes)

• 12:45pm – Wake

• 4:40pm – Nap (asleep for 3 hours)

• 7:45pm – Wake

• 9.05pm – Nap (asleep for 40 minutes)

• 9:45pm – Wake

• 12:30am – Bedtime

Do you feel like this represents a normal day? Or are the naps generally shorter than this?

The duration of naps is quite typical of the last few days but wake up time is now around 4am ish. We struggle to keep a long stretch overnight and she ends up napping more in the daytime. The longer daytime naps tend to be when we are out in the stroller or when she is on her front. Overnight she sleeps on her back and she does manage a 4-5 hour stretch.

8. How long do breastfeeds typically take during the day and where do you feed her?

Breastfeeds now take about 20-30 minutes, on average every 3-4 hours. Sometimes I feed to soothe her for a short period after her cries when I pick her up using the settling pyramid, so it becomes a wake-feed-play-struggle to sleep (cries)-feed-sleep cycle but I try to stop the feed when she is drifting off to sleep. Maybe she’s cried too much in the settling pyramid when I pick her up? I normally feed her in the living room unless it is an “overnight feed” before 8am where I feed her in the bedroom with less light.

Thanks for all the detailed questions. I would also like to mention that yesterday morning, I noticed that she was awake and calm in her crib on her back, before dozing off herself after about 20 minutes. She has started to learn how to self-settle too, where I see her awake between sleep cycles and drifting back to sleep on her back at times. It was wonderful to watch! I’m hoping this would be more consistent! Do you think a cot mobile will help? How do I get her to sleep longer at night time?

Thank you so much! I’m so happy to see some progress in her sleep.

Julia

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Julia.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Julia.

[Julia]

Thanks, this makes sense!

I’ve now managed to bring her bedtime to about 8-9pm, but she is back to waking every 2-3 hours, for example, it’s as follows last night:

5.20pm – Wakes from final nap

7.20pm – Bedtime (1hr sleep)

8.20pm – Wake + feed

9.00pm – Sleep (3hrs sleep)

12.00am – Wake + feed

12.10am – Sleep (2hrs sleep)

2.10am – Wake + feed

2.20am – Sleep (3hrs sleep)

5.20am – Wake + feed

5.40am – Sleep (1.5hrs sleep)

7.10am – Wake

This night time schedule is now quite typical and she wakes consistently at 2am and 5am ish each night. I find it exhausting waking up every 2-3 hours, and have read on reddit that it’s quite common so I’m finding some comfort in that. I’m hoping that others on the forum can tell me the same but I have read that at 3 months+, baby should be sleeping at least 5 hours stretches.

I am following the steps on the 4-month regression video. I am trying my best to wean the 2am feed. I am keeping to consistent wake times. I am trying to reduce the duration of feed for the 2am feed every night, but this is HARD, as I think baby knows and doesn’t settle easily when she doesn’t get as much as before. In the day, I keep her wake windows as long as possible (1.5hrs – 2hrs, never exceeding 2hrs, especially after the last nap).

I believe that if I continue what I am doing one day baby will wean a feed and eventually sleep through the night. I am writing here again to hopefully find some comfort. Wishing all other mums the same.

Julia