[Emily Silk]

Hi Emma,

Many thanks for your message, and no trouble re the questions – I have a few myself!

I changed my diet at the end of January. Feeds can take anything from 20-60 minutes now. His weight is tracking fine and following the curve of the 9th centile. We had him weighed yesterday and he was just under 5kg.

Yes he can fall asleep in my arms with a pacifier which is how I have been trying the pyramid but it takes a while to get there. He is hard to hold, arching his back and crying while I try. As soon as we put him in the crib he usually wakes up and cries. That being said, we have been persevering and occasionally he will sleep 25 minutes in the crib, but that’s the maximum. He is also waking when he realises the pacifier has fallen out of his mouth. No matter how hard we try to settle him in the crib he won’t fall back to sleep, yet as soon as I pick him up out of the crib he falls asleep in my arms within 1-2 minutes. Then if I try to put him back in, he wakes up and cries.

Our nap routine is to take him up to the bedroom, swaddle him, close the curtains, turn on the white noise machine, then I hold him and rock him while singing a lullaby before attempting to put him in the crib. Although I feed him after waking up and have every intention to play with him after, because feeding can take so long I don’t get a chance as his wake window has been depleted. When he’s falling asleep while feeding, and I notice the sucking isn’t really eating anymore, if I try to remove him to take him up for the nap, he cries straight away and all through the nap routine.

Bedtime routine is similar to the nap routine but I give him a massage with baby oil before swaddling. I would feed him at the start of the routine, but it can take a long time and he falls asleep. Then when I try to do the bedtime routine he’s crying because I’ve taken him off my breast. My partner has tried to help soothe him after this too but he just cries either until he goes back on the breast, or until I’ve rocked him in my arms which can take 20-60 minutes for him to settle and fall asleep.

He falls asleep in my arms then when I put him in the crib he stays asleep for 5 mins then wakes up. We have had no luck whatsoever with trying to put him in the crib while drowsy. As soon as we put him down, his eyes open wide and the crying starts again.

We currently swaddle him with his arms down. We did start off with his arms up as he does suck on his hands, but because he gets so distressed with arching his back, squirming etc, he kept managing to get his arms out completely so then he would just startle himself awake with the Moro reflex.

I have actually been working on this since my message and determined to keep him in the crib. Before he started off in the crib, then after the 25 mins had passed, he woke and he wouldn’t settle, I had him on the big bed with me. He slept for longer periods on the big bed before waking, approx 60 minutes, but when he woke up and realises he’s not attached to my breast, he would cry until he is. He then generally sucked for a small bit of food but it changed to comfort sucking quite quick. He seemed to have the longer feeds at around 1am, 4am, and 6am. Since my message I have been constantly trying to keep going with the pyramid instead. I haven’t had him on the big bed, I just keep getting up, settle him, put him back in the crib, and repeat. I am still having to get up every hour to get him back to sleep, and this can take longer now as he escalates to the top of the pyramid immediately so I worry he’s not getting as much sleep at night in total. I have continued to feed at 1am, 4am, and 6am .

He was waking up between 7.30-8am but in the last week we have had a couple of days of him waking between 6-6.30am for the longer feeds then not wanting to go back to sleep. So I just start the day earlier.

I try to watch for cues and how long he slept last nap to figure out how long we will be awake for so it varies. Sometimes it is as quick as 30 minutes, other times he can go 90 minutes.

When he falls asleep for a nap I try to use the crib every time and I keep trying with the pyramid. But usually if I have been trying for an hour I give up and hold him for his nap.

During the day he can typically go 2-3 hours between feeds. It depends if he has not actually eaten much because of continuing to fall asleep while feeding.

He doesn’t usually have breastmilk from the bottle because I rarely have time to express with his feeds taking so long and trying to get him to nap taking so long. But if he does have a bottle it only takes 5-10 minutes for him to finish it.

If I put him in my baby wrap he will nap for about 2 hours with a few wake ups in between, but other than that his naps have only ever lasted a max of 35 minutes. Sometimes I am lucky and can settle him back to sleep in my arms for another 25 minutes or so. He’s only sleeping 3-4 hours worth of naps and 6-7 hours in total at night, but I also don’t know how long he’s sleeping when he does fall asleep while eating.

When he’s awake he’s content and happy, enjoys his play mat and playtime with me. Only time he’s squirmy is when he needs to pass gas. He’s still a gassy baby but the doctor has told us there is nothing else that can be done and he will grow out of it. I hope that’s true!

When taking him out for a walk in the pram he seems to fight sleep and will only doze from time to time and wake easily. I walked for 90 minutes one day to see if he would drop off but still just dozing and waking at every bump in the pavement. In the car he seems so interested in the window that sleep doesn’t really happen there either. If it does, it’s the usual short nap.

If he falls asleep while eating should I still wake him up and do playtime even though he’s distressed and crying?

He will be 11 weeks old on Tuesday, should we be trying an earlier bedtime as he’s approaching 3 months?

When he wakes after the 25 minutes in the crib, how long do we wait to see if he settles himself before we start the pyramid? He seems to jump to crying so quickly.

Also, when he wakes after 25 minutes, how do you know if he still needs to sleep because he woke himself up or if you just shouldn’t bother trying and just go for the next wake window? If the latter, could this mean he ends up needing many more naps in the day?

I know he’s not sleeping enough which worries me and he is often overtired but I just don’t know what to do. It’s making the routines rushed and stressful. I’d love to be able to read him a book before bedtime but it feels impossible at the moment.

Huge thank you in advance again.

• This reply was modified 12 months ago by  Emily Silk.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emma H.

[Emily Silk]

Hi Emma,

Many thanks for your message!

His feeds take 20-30 minutes, is it possible to just have a naturally slow feeder?

We try to use the pyramid but it’s not working like it used to before all these changes/milestones. As soon as we put him in the crib he cries and his arms flail about. We try to pat and shush but he gets worked up so quick that we have to pick him up. We try to put him back down once calm but the same thing happens and it takes longer and longer to calm him. He’s so upset he heaves through tears. We are therefore having to let him fall asleep in our arms then put him in the crib. Which raises the challenges of him jolting awake when we do so. As mentioned before, the pyramid seems to stimulate him at night rather than soothe him so I’ve ended up having to feed him to sleep every hour from midnight. Is there any reason why the pyramid started to work and now doesn’t?

He has rolled onto his side during sleep so far. Noted re the tummy though, the crib is safe 😊 He liked to sleep on us on his tummy as a newborn so I look forward to seeing if this works when he rolls overnight!

As the pyramid isn’t currently working we have had to keep the pacifier and we try to take it out before he falls asleep. I guess we just have to continue like this for now?

The last couple of days we have been getting up at 8am, I am happy to shift this earlier if it helps the overall sleep indeed. If he is waking earlier, what time should he be going to sleep?

As his naps are still only 25 minutes (no matter how hard I try to save them) he is typically having 5 naps per day.

I go to sleep at the same time as him at nighttime because I’m so exhausted. So I’m usually still shushing as I get into bed and he doesn’t wake while I do, but does wake after 25 minutes. Could there be another reason why this is happening? After I get him to sleep again he sleeps for 2 hours. From that point it is impossible to get him to sleep long stretches and he wakes every hour again.

It feels like there’s been a lot of disruptions all at once and it’s hard to know what to address first. I really don’t want him to get used to feeding to sleep but I have no idea what else to do.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you again,

Emily

• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emily Silk.

[Emily Silk]

Hi Emma,

Many thanks for your message, answers to your questions are below.

He is fully recovered now, we saw the doctor again on Thursday who said she was happy with everything and no further medication needed.

We have continued with keeping awake during feeds, the pyramid, trying to take the pacifier out before falling asleep, swaddling in another room (we now have to swaddle with arms out as he is rolling).

Because he wakes every hour throughout the night, I honestly have no idea what his wake up time is. I feed him at 12.30am, 3.30am, 6am, sometimes 8am, and make sure we start the day at 9am.

Yes, we are following the wake, feed, play, sleep rhythm.

We really struggle with this one, he rarely shows sleepy cues at all and then goes from 0-100 into overtiredness. One day I tried seeing how long it took for him to get fussy with tiredness and he stayed awake for over 5 hours before fussing. When I try to put him down at 90-120 minute wake windows and he fights me to sleep I worry that he’s actually under tired. I persevere anyway and we get the usual 25 minute duration of naptime. I always use the pyramid, it seems to work (once he has calmed down from fighting us and crying) to get him to sleep for a nap and the first sleep of nighttime. But when I use the pyramid at the nighttime hourly wakes it seems to stimulate him to fuss more and ends up crying anyway so I have to hold him again. It’s then that it’s impossible to use the pyramid because as soon as I put him back in the crib he instantly wakes up again and cries. So the wakes during the night I end up holding him until he’s asleep then put him in the crib. Even this isn’t always successful either. He never seems drowsy at all, I rock him initially until I see his eyes starting to get heavy. Then I slow the rocking and stop moving so he falls asleep with no movement. Sometimes when I pick him up during nighttime he falls asleep instantly in my arms with no movement at all. When I have to hold him and can’t put him in the crib until deep sleep, it means he’s actually only in the crib for a short time. So I’m sleeping about 20 minutes every hour before having to get up to comfort him again. Occasionally we get a night where he sleeps for a couple of hours before needing comfort.

We have started phasing this out. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes he also pushes it out himself on purpose and isn’t bothered by not having it.

We keep being told that he’s going through the sleep regression but it’s so hard to know because he’s been such an awful sleeper since the beginning. He’s now sometimes only managing to sleep 10-15 minutes at night before waking and can’t get back to sleep himself. He wakes himself up during light sleep.

Not being able to swaddle him with arms in has been difficult too. As soon as we try to put him in the crib his arms jolt, even when doing so slowly, and this wakes him too. He also knocks the pacifier out of his mouth too early sometimes which means we have to start over. It’s taking hours to get him back to sleep now unless I feed him. But I really don’t want to enforce a bad habit.

I have noticed that when we put him to bed at nighttime, the first cycle is the same duration as a nap rather than an hour. I had tried stretching the evening wake window to 150 minutes to give more sleep pressure but we just have more crying and still an initial 25 minute sleep cycle.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you again!

Emily

• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emily Silk.
• This reply was modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago by  Emily Silk.

[Emily Silk]

Hi Emma,

Apologies for the delay, it’s been a bit of a nightmare! He was affected by his second dose of vaccines, then the clocks changed, and more recently unfortunately he was unwell and we were in hospital for 2 days. All is ok now but I feel like the disruption to the routine has had a big impact. Before all this we had used most of your suggestions and things seemed to be going well. I was even getting 2-3 hours of sleep in one go at night rather than waking every hour. We didn’t extend wake times because we already have to deal with him being overtired. But now we seem to be back where we were with him crying, arching his back, needing the pacifier again, and waking a lot. What’s worse though is that even at night he seems to be waking after 25-30 mins as if it was a nap cycle, and it’s now taking me over an hour to resettle him.

Luckily neither myself nor hubby snore. Hubby currently sleeps in the guest room as he has to work he needs to sleep.

We hadn’t yet tried bringing his bedtime forward, should we be doing that now?

When he was ill he slept more during the day, does this impact night sleep? Is there an amount the daytime sleep should be limited to?

We have noticed that the sucking on his fists seems to have developed into biting down quite hard on his hand. Could he be teething already? He’s 15 weeks old tomorrow.

He has started to be fussy during the day now too which I believe is because he needs more rest. His naps are still only 25 minutes long during the day, and I try to save them with the pyramid or by holding him but I rarely have any luck. I’m feeling at a bit of a loss as to what to do!

I’m struggling so much with night times too. I’m barely sleeping and can’t nap myself during the day because I have no one who can help look after him. Hubby works 3 jobs and our parents live in different countries. His bedtime is 9pm and after he has fought us for a while he would be asleep from 9.30/10pm. He feeds at 12.30am and then is impossible to get him back to sleep. It’s currently 4.20am and he hasn’t settled back to sleep since the 12.30am feed, even with another feed since then too. Even if I managed to get him back to sleep by 4.30am, this would mean that he only gets 6.5 hours sleep at night. Can this sort of thing become a habit? If (by some miracle) he sleeps longer during the day to make up for lack of night sleep, would this impact the next night?

Look forward to hearing from you 😊

Em

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Emily Silk.
• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Emily Silk.

[Emily Silk]

Hi Emma,

No trouble at all. Responses to your questions are below:

– Most nights yes, occasionally we manage to get waking every 2 hours.

– Bedtime is still between 9-9.30pm. Feeds vary really, sometimes he wants a feed by 11pm. If it’s not a cluster feeding night then yes the times are generally the same for actual feeds and not comfort feeds. Although recently they all seem to have shifted by 30 mins to 12.30am, 3.30am and 5.30am.

– I keep him swaddled. He hasn’t needed a nappy change overnight for quite a while so I’ve not wanted to wake him more than he is already by doing a change.

– I feed him until he falls asleep then transfer him to the crib when I think he is in a deep sleep. But as he wakes within 5 minutes I then get back up to rock him to sleep in my arms.

– As he usually escalates immediately to crying I pick him up, start shushing, and rock him until he falls back to sleep. Sometimes I don’t even need to do much, as soon as I pick him up and start shushing he falls asleep without a need for rocking.

– Nap times it is 25 minutes on the dot, he’s never napped beyond 25 minutes in his crib without needing to be resettled. At night it is 55-60 minutes. We think that’s his sleep cycles.

Thank you for your suggestions, we have started to give these a go.

Recently night times have been even harder, he won’t even resettle back in the crib after feeding now. This evening I fed him at 12.30am, it’s now 3.40am and I still haven’t been able to put him back in the crib (also with second feed at 2.45am).

He doesn’t seem to be able to master self soothing. We have been trying to use the settling pyramid for about 6 weeks now, is there perhaps something we are doing wrong as to how to implement it?

Also, with the white noise machine, should you keep it on all night? Or is that bad for their hearing?

Thank you again Emma 🙂

[Emily Silk]

Hi Emma,

I hope you are well.

I’m addition to my last message with responses to questions, he is now fully waking after night feeds. I haven’t changed the way I have been doing things and he usually falls asleep while feeding. I would then transfer him to the crib and he would sleep the usual hour. But now when I transfer him to the crib he wakes up instantly. I don’t turn on any lights to feed as we have a soft glow into the room from street lamps so I can see the outline of objects at night. Is there anything I can do to help this?

Thank you again!