[Elisabeth Bryan]

Hi Emma,

Thanks for the advice. Putting the dummy in earlier and leaving it in seems to be the trick at the moment – with the dummy, I can put her down awake and walk out of the room and she doesn’t need any more help to go to sleep. I just hope I’m not shooting myself in the foot as she is building such a strong association between the dummy and sleep. At the moment, it hasn’t impacted overnight sleep (she is only 10 weeks), so will come back to these tips at a later stage if/when the association is causing problems with her resettling. But for now, its been much more peaceful just embracing using it.

Knowing that she gets very upset without using the dummy – do you think its worth pursuing some naps without it? Or don’t bother just yet, as she is a bit young still for learning self-soothing?

[Elisabeth Bryan]

Hi Emma,

I’m still feeling like I’m having a lot of trouble implementing the pyramid (in fact, feels like it’s getting harder with worsening outcomes the older she is getting) so have a few more questions for you. My baby girl is now 2 months old (8.5 weeks).

I’ve committed to use the Pyramid for every nap and evening sleep, but 95% of the time it feels like we are only able to stay in the top two tiers – “shushing and patting” and “picking up”.

Despite my giving good amounts of time to trying the lower tiers (in the most recent nap just now, I was shushing and patting for at least 15 mins as she was almost settling, but would become very upset when I tried to ease off the patting) – I end up having to settle her to sleep in my arms almost every nap as she notices if I put her down before she’s fully asleep and then it’s very difficult calm her in the cot (she settles almost instantly in my arms without need for bouncing/swaying/patting – just being held).

She is typically is also unhappy from the moment I turn off the light, squirming and crying, so is difficult to settle enough in the first place to get her into the cot to start the Pyramid. For about 75% of naps I end up giving her the dummy after picking her up at least 4 times if she won’t settle on being put down, and she will often sleep from this. The whole settling process usually is still taking 15-30mins each time. Most naps are catnaps at the moment (about 45mins each) and sometimes wakes 10mins into the nap and needs more calming. When she wakes – I try to get her a few good minutes to get back to sleep herself, but vast majority of the time she can’t.

I have a few theories, and would like your thoughts:

– I might be waiting too long to start the bedtime routine. I don’t feel very confident in telling the difference between her early sleepy cues vs her bored/disengagement cues, and often don’t notice the early sleepy cues until she yawns (and even then, she can be known to perk up for a while with a new activity after a yawn). And then when I go upstairs for bed it seems like she jumps very quickly to late tired signs (crying, hiccuping and stiff movements) when I go to change her nappy.

– She is associating bedtime both with being upset and with being held to sleep.

– She is very strong and seems to be able to move her arms up to her face in all of the swaddle bags I have (ErgoPouch and Halo are the main ones), which appears to add to her being unsettled. I did borrow a Miracle Blanket from a friend, which was great for pinning her arms and she seemed more settled in that bag, but she’s been able to still shift her position enough in that to loosen the wrap (as it is not velcro’d or secured) and has ended up with loose fabric on her overnight, which is a SIDS risk so I’m not going to use that anymore. I am also concerned about SIDS risk from the Halo, as she can move the fabric up towards her mouth when she moves her hands, despite trying to swaddle very firmly.

I’d love to help her move away from needing to be settled in arms – so would love your thoughts on what I can tweak to keep working towards that!

Thanks,

Lizzie

• This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by  Elisabeth Bryan.
• This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by  Elisabeth Bryan.
• This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by  Elisabeth Bryan. Reason: More info

[Elisabeth Bryan]

Hi Emma,

Thanks for the prompt and detailed reply.

Swaddles: I am swaddling her – I have been using ErgoPouch brand swaddle bags, but I’ve found its very easy for her arms to creep up and so have to re-swaddle her every now and then. I have found some secondhand Halo swaddle bags so will those a try from tomorrow and experiment with keeping one hand up for self soothing.

Dummy: I will try to keep that as a last resort and have only been using it when I’ve been attempting the Pyramid for a while and she seems to still escalate when being held.

I just have one further question about sleep cues: How reliable is the yawn as a sleepy cue? I’m finding she might give a yawn at around the end of a wake window and use this as my cue to start bedtime, but then when I take her up to the bedroom she appears to have perked up a bit – making eye contact and interacting again and I start doubting if she’s tired enough for sleep. I’ve been then taking her into the bedroom and reading a few books until I see another yawn before starting the routine to put her down. Any thoughts on this?

Thanks again!

Lizzie