-
Hi Jill,
Thank you for answering my questions—it really helps to get a full picture of what’s going on.
It’s fantastic that your little one is settling himself to sleep at bedtime. Is this a recent milestone, or has he been doing this for a few weeks now?
I ask because typically, once a baby can fall asleep independently at bedtime (as you described, laying him in the crib awake and walking out), they start to link sleep cycles during the night, and those nighttime wakes begin to decrease.
If Independent Sleep is a New Skill
If this is a skill he’s only recently mastered, I’d recommend continuing to feed him when he wakes overnight (as you mentioned, this is the quickest and easiest way to get him back to sleep for both of you). Over time, those wakes should naturally decrease. You’ll likely see him start to have longer stretches of sleep at the beginning of the night when deep sleep is dominant, with the early morning feeds being the last to fade.
If He’s Been Falling Asleep Independently for a While
If he’s been settling himself at bedtime for a few weeks but is still waking frequently, it could indicate he’s waking because he is hungry (so he is now getting most of his milk needs during the night instead of the day). In this case, we need to work on gradually weaning him off night feeds while increasing his daytime intake.
Differentiating Hunger vs. Comfort Feeds
To gradually wean him off night feeds, we first need to figure out which feeds are driven by hunger and which are more about comfort. Here’s how you can do this:
Track his overnight feeds for three days and note how long he’s actively feeding during each wake-up. Active feeding means you can hear him swallowing every few sucks. Longer feeds usually indicate hunger, while shorter feeds suggest he’s feeding more for comfort.
Once you’ve identified the comfort feeds, you can start reducing their duration gradually. Cut back each comfort feed by 1–2 minutes each night. When these feeds are down to less than five minutes, you can stop feeding altogether and use the Settling Pyramid to help soothe him back to sleep instead.
Managing Comfort Feeds Strategically
Just a quick note about reducing comfort feeds and using the Settling Pyramid to soothe him back to sleep: If the idea of doing this all night feels overwhelming, you can start by focusing only on the first half of the night, from 7 p.m. to 12 a.m. During this time, reduce the comfort feeds and use the Settling Pyramid instead. For wake-ups in the second half of the night, you can continue feeding him as usual.
As I mentioned, the first half of the night is dominated by deep sleep, which will make it easier to settle him back to sleep without a feed. Once he starts having longer stretches of sleep at the beginning of the night, you can gradually work on reducing feeds during the second half.
Does that approach make sense?
Improving Daytime Feedings
To support reducing night feeds, we also want to ensure he’s having full feedings during the day. You mentioned he feeds 12 times a day when at home. If he’s awake from around 6:15/6:30 a.m. to 7 p.m., this could mean he’s feeding every hour. If I’ve misunderstood, I’m sorry, but if that’s the case, we might want to stretch the time between feeds.
At this age, babies typically feed every 3–4 hours. Do you think it’s possible to start spacing out his feeds during the day? Following a wake-feed-play-sleep routine could help with this. Since his naps are around 45 minutes and his wake windows are about 1:45–2 hours, this routine would naturally stretch the time between feeds.
If you need to feed him to sleep for some naps, could you try doing it with the lights on, like you do during bedtime? This will help maintain the distinction between sleep and feeding times.
Supporting Nap Sleep
It’s great that you’re trying the Settling Pyramid during the day—it’s a fantastic way to build familiarity so that when you use it overnight, he’ll be less resistant, as well as, give him the skills he needs to start linking sleep cycles during the day and lengthen those naps!
You mentioned he’s finding it hard to fall asleep for naps, and this might be because he’s not quite tired enough. Stretching his wake window by 15 minutes could help, so he’s staying awake for at least 2 hours between naps. How do you think he’d cope with that?
To help develop a nap schedule, it’s also helpful to keep the first nap at the same time each day. Once this becomes consistent, the timing of the second nap tends to follow naturally. Since he goes to childcare, could his first nap be around 8:30/9 a.m.?
Let me know your thoughts on these suggestions and if you have any questions.
Emma